Humorous Anouncements

[vrbarreto]

A While ago on a service that kept stopping in the middle of nowhere:

Driver: "Ladies and gentleman, sorry for the delay but the singalman has decided to allow everyman and his dog in front of us today"

A Long time ago out of Brighton:

"This train is being delayed due to a Llama on the Line"

Or even better once

"This train is being delayed due to a train on the line"

 

[Crossover]

Some great ones here!

I had one a while back that I never did post on that other thread - having travelled from York to Leeds via Castleford on a TPE, thus approaching Leeds from the "wrong side" and as a double set, we came to a halt on platform 16 with only about 4 or 5 carriages platformed. Guard very quickly came on the PA:

"We can't open the doors as the train isn't fully platformed. We are just waiting for the signaller to pull off and then we'll draw forward"

Have to wonder how many people would have had any clue what he said!

 

[Great_Western]

I think this now ubiquotus guard on Southern is rather hillarious https://youtu.be/9A4Xy3OWozA Its announcements like this which when done properly can actually help people should something bad happen because they're more likely to take notice.

 

[Pinza-C55]

I used to work with an Australian guard at Kings Cross and one time he was working a Hertford North train and, after doing his announcement , said "Sorry ladies and gents I've dropped a goolie, this is a Welwyn Garden City train !". Later followed by "I've dropped another goolie, it's Hertford North".

 

[Roast Veg]

"Please mind the gap between the timetable and reality"

 

[Signal Head]

This one from years ago. As there had been a derailment on the WCML Trent Valley section, everything was being diverted via Brum suburbs (Bushbury/Bescot /Aston/Stechford). It's not the fastest route anyway, and because of the amount of traffic, progress was slow, virtually signal to signal after Bescot, with some lengthy stops. During one such wait, the guard made the following announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I apologise again for the delays this morning. While we are waiting for the signal, if you look over to the right hand side, you will see Aston Villa's football ground. Many a famous team have come to grief here, and so, it would seem, have we."

 

[Master29]

GWR have a Canadian TM who told a group of girls who asked where he was from because of his accent. He said to them. " I know, I admit it. We gave you Justin Beiber"

 

[Spankthemonkey]

Heard recently "welcome on board ladies and gentlemen, you'll be please to hear we're not on strike today"

 

[adamello]

on a VTWC service last year, as I approach Euston the TM announced the usual "Thank you for travelling with Virgin today, If you were happy with your service, write in, my name is Mark. Incidentally if you aren't so satisfied please also write in, my name is Dave"

 

[Thebaz]

On the tube a few years back (can't remember which line - might have been D&C) I encountered a driver who at each stop gave a running commentary of the sightseeing that was possible in the area and directions thereof. Very entertaining!

 

[stut]

In a grumpy voice:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this train is currently stopped because the signal in front of me is red. I imagine we'll start going again when it turns green."

 

[Matt_pool]

That guard is quite a legend; the "Grumpy Old Man" as he calls himself. He sometimes talks about "the good news and the bad news", Blackpool winning being the good news and the fact he still hasn't won the lottery the bad. I'm sure he has or used to have a Facebook group dedicated to him with thousands of likes.

There's also a younger chap on the Northern Line who I haven't heard for a while with a Lancashire accent who is funny as well. A bit of light humour never did anyone any harm - brightens up a journey for sure.

That younger guy is probably the one who says something along the lines of "the next stop is, you guessed it, everyone's favourite station, iiiit's Moorfields".

Cue, dozens of commuters on the train who are getting off at Moorfields (it's where most of the offices in Liverpool city centre are) groaning to themselves, especially on a Monday morning! He cheered me up anyway.

Then there was the Northern conductor on a Pacer who said something like "welcome to this Northern Pendolino service to Liverpool Lime Street".

 

[jon0844]

Jubilee Line announcement two weeks ago:

'Ladies and gentlemen, the next station is Finchley Road. Sadly, there's no interchange with the Metropolitan line so we'll have a few more people joining us than usual. The exciting news is that you can change at Wembley Park instead. So, we have a few more stops to resolve our differences and maybe you'll choose to join me all the way to Stanmore. This is Finchley Road, where there is no interchange with the Metropolitan Line so you get to join me instead. We're now ready to depart, mind the doors. They do hurt, and I speak from experience.'

And at Wembley Park we had

'Ladies and gentlemen, it's that exciting time because we're now arriving at Wembley Park. The advice is to change for an Uxbridge service because all the services are going to Uxbridge. Passengers travelling to Watford are advised not to bother. I mean, um, change at Harrow on the Hill and wait two days...or hours, or maybe not so long for a connecting service. Me, well i'm going to Stanmore just like I do all day every day.'

He did continue on but sadly I was leaving the train at Wembley Park
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I've also had this on the delayed 0603 Newcastle-Liverpool one sunny July morning:

'Ladies and gentlemen, the good news is that you've joined us here at Durham. The bad news is that there's a signal failure and we're staying here.'

This guy perhaps?

https://youtu.be/mOfWYJbb4TI

https://youtu.be/0_eZMvCeHj8

 

[Segedunum]

Yeah that sounds like him.

Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk

 

[abn444]

I was on my way back from Bournemouth for a day out last summer and the guard announced the train I was on as the "sunburn express". He said something along the lines of: Welcome aboard this 18:59 sunburn express service to London Waterloo. We will be calling at: Brockenhurst, Southampton Central, Southampton Airport Parkway, Winchester, Woking and London Waterloo.

 

[GW43125]

Station announcer on the tube (I think Northern line-Embankment maybe?) at some point last year: "please stand clear of the doors, this train is READYYYYYYY TOOO RUUUMBLLLLLLLLLLLE!"

 

[M60lad]

Has anybody heard the annoucements that the guy in the shop on Virgin West Coast does, whenever he's working the shop he always does his annoucements in the form of a poem, think he's been doing a while now from what I can gather.