Humorous Anouncements

[Deafdoggie]

I do remember, many many years ago, back in the days of BR, an announcer using humour, which all the public loved, but when the press heard and wanted to interview him, they asked the BR press office where they could get hold of him, and they replied "try round the neck!" which created even more laughs.

On a recent delayed XC journey, the TM announced "I am very sorry for the delay, it really isn't my fault, so as I come down the train now, please be gentle with me!"

 

[keith1879]

I do remember, many many years ago, back in the days of BR, an announcer using humour, which all the public loved, but when the press heard and wanted to interview him, they asked the BR press office where they could get hold of him, and they replied "try round the neck!" which created even more laughs.

On a recent delayed XC journey, the TM announced "I am very sorry for the delay, it really isn't my fault, so as I come down the train now, please be gentle with me!"

That seems reasonable - probably because it doesn't risk antagonising anyone else.

 

[Stuart-h]

Was on a cross country between Birmingham new street and Leicester. the on board trolly attentend ant was layed back and keeping every ones sprits up and making every one giggle! Even if it was a packed service!

 

[furnessvale]

Some years ago a station announcer at Lancaster used to delight in announcing the Harwich boat train and list all the connections from Hoek through Germany, Poland and all the way to Moscow.

 

[321446]

I find that if it is possible to get a little bit of gentle humour into an announcement, it is a virtual guarantee that at least I've not been talking to myself. Either by those who like the humour and take the time to pass a compliment on. Even those that choose to do it by every Railway Staff's Friend - Twitter, which we do get passed on as feedback. Also those who don't like it, they comment and complain, at least they've proved they were listening. Always a nice change.

 

[greaterwest]

"Platform 4 for the 1623 Mystery Excursion to Bournemouth via Weymouth"...
Heard at Salisbury today
http://www.realtimetrains.co.uk/train/Q59724/2016/11/27

 

[Galvanize]

Not one I heard recently...but I spotted the person in question the other day which reminded me!

Train Manager on Virgin Trains who does full manual announcements (without using the Automated announcement system)...but in doing so, announces the stations using their historic names if they originally had suffixes!!

For example...
"This is the Virgin Pendolino service to London Euston, calling at Stockport Edgeley, Macclesfield Central, Stoke-on Trent and London Euston."
"Change here at Stoke-on-Trent for intermediate stations down the Trent Valley Line to Rugby Central...and also the North Staffordshire Line to Derby Midland."

 

[Mordac]

Not one I heard recently...but I spotted the person in question the other day which reminded me!

Train Manager on Virgin Trains who does full manual announcements (without using the Automated announcement system)...but in doing so, announces the stations using their historic names if they originally had suffixes!!

For example...
"This is the Virgin Pendolino service to London Euston, calling at Stockport Edgeley, Macclesfield Central, Stoke-on Trent and London Euston."
"Change here at Stoke-on-Trent for intermediate stations down the Trent Valley Line to Rugby Central...and also the North Staffordshire Line to Derby Midland."

Having commuted on the WCML last year, I wish they'd all do this... there's few things more annoying than listen to the TM repeat the automated announcement verbatim...

 

[Kite159]

"Platform 4 for the 1623 Mystery Excursion to Bournemouth via Weymouth"...
Heard at Salisbury today
http://www.realtimetrains.co.uk/train/Q59724/2016/11/27

What was that about anyhow (spotted a similar Bournemouth - Salisbury service earlier in the day?)

----


Galvanize, there was a guard on swt which did something similar with Andover Junction & Templecombe High, plus listing some of the various locations you can reach by changing at Basingstoke

 

[D1009]

Not one I heard recently...but I spotted the person in question the other day which reminded me!

Train Manager on Virgin Trains who does full manual announcements (without using the Automated announcement system)...but in doing so, announces the stations using their historic names if they originally had suffixes!!

For example...
"This is the Virgin Pendolino service to London Euston, calling at Stockport Edgeley, Macclesfield Central, Stoke-on Trent and London Euston."
"Change here at Stoke-on-Trent for intermediate stations down the Trent Valley Line to Rugby Central...and also the North Staffordshire Line to Derby Midland."

Pity about Rugby Central.

 

[Galvanize]

Having commuted on the WCML last year, I wish they'd all do this... there's few things more annoying than listen to the TM repeat the automated announcement verbatim...

Most of them don't seem to bother if they've got the automated system on...apart from one announcement at the beginning of the journey and one at the end and/or if the train gets delayed by out of course events!

Even heard one TM say the other day before we left Euston
"You can download our free BEAM App onto your mobile phone or tablet...you can watch your favourite films, or TV series while we cruise along! However I'd recommend you do your downloading while we're here at London Euston...signal can be a bit iffy in places...!"

Pity about Rugby Central.

He may have said Rugby Midland...can't remember for sure...but the other stations seemed correct!

 

[greaterwest]

What was that about anyhow (spotted a similar Bournemouth - Salisbury service earlier in the day?)

Yes, they're meat to be Christmas specials of some sort I believe. Apparently only doing this particular route today, I can't find anything unusual next Sunday.

 

[Welshman]

Once, on a Virgin Train southbound from Preston, where the train manager was also doing announcements manually rather than using the automated system, I heard him announce:-
"The next station is Wigan. Change here for Liverpool, Manchester" ... .etc, ect.

Then we approached Warrington. "The next station is Warrington....change here for"...[and then his memory failed him]....."err, all stations whereabouts"

 

[D1009]

On a recent delayed XC journey, the TM announced "I am very sorry for the delay, it really isn't my fault, so as I come down the train now, please be gentle with me!"

That sounds very professional to me.

 

[kevconnor]

One I noticed from rewatching the BBC program The Railways was a female northern condutor on a packed morning service into Leeds announcing loudly as she cames into the main carriage; "Hello, it's time for your morning hug."

 

[Busaholic]

I hear the railways of North Korea are famous for the humorous station announcements, mostly for the references to their beloved president. I also hear there is a correctional facility given over to imprisonment of railway staff. Every seven days there is a special Employee of the Week ceremony in which a selected ex-employee is shot by firing squad. Puts it all in perspective,eh?

 

[grumblingalong]

Every seven days there is a special Employee of the Week ceremony in which a selected ex-employee is shot by firing squad. Puts it all in perspective,eh?

In this country they put your face on a poster and display it all over the network. Not entirely sure which one is worse.

 

[syorksdeano]

I hear the railways of North Korea are famous for the humorous station announcements, mostly for the references to their beloved president. I also hear there is a correctional facility given over to imprisonment of railway staff. Every seven days there is a special Employee of the Week ceremony in which a selected ex-employee is shot by firing squad. Puts it all in perspective,eh?

Maybe an excuse London Midland could use for shortage of staff

 

[Tracked]

This morning's Leeds-Southampton service featured a list of places to change at Sheffield for, including "all stops to Downtown Barnsley", the same guy pronounces Derby as "Durr-by" too, always a laugh at that time of the morning

 

[Esurient]

I'm liking this thread! May have to steal a few and see if I can liven up some of the early bird morning commuters! Mind you, can barely get a 'good morning' back from them when doing ticket checks, never mind a giggle!

 

[HMS Ark Royal]

I'm liking this thread! May have to steal a few and see if I can liven up some of the early bird morning commuters! Mind you, can barely get a 'good morning' back from them when doing ticket checks, never mind a giggle!

Depending on where you guard, I may have encountered you once or twice. I always, and I mean always, greet the guard with a Good Morning, Good Afternoon or Good Evening as far as I can. If I am feeling exceptionally polite, I even address some of them as Sir or Ma'am

 

[MidnightFlyer]

Had an old Virgin XC guard way back when announce 'We are now arriving at Basingstoke, change here if you've never been depressed'. I don't mind it, even coming from a town frequently stereotyped in a similar fashion; it raises a smile and if anything and actually adds a touch of personality and warmth to the railways, in an age when it seems increasingly outlawed. I am staunchly proud of my hometown and defend it through thick and thin, but I genuinely can't imagine anything a train guard could say in an announcement that would send me in a huff, certainly to the point where i'd chase up the company for it.

 

[racklam]

It's been mentioned around the forum several times, but there's a SWT guard who does a quiz on his trains, as well as providing generally cheery announcements.

It's amazing how little things like that can brighten up a mundane commute.

 

[infobleep]

I know this has come up before but I want to out up somethings a jovial guard on my train just said. By the way I like his humor.

Apologies for the slight delay. This is due to the number of people getting off the train and the timetable not accounting for it!

I suspect the train I'm on will arrive at its destination on time for passengers but not so for the rail staff, who will probably be a couple of minutes late. No it's slowing down into Guildford and will be 2 minutes late. Still no major problem. Whilst he may have a point, there probably isn't much that can be done about it in the short term. He probably knows that, hence is announcement.

Other comments tonight have included:

Mind the step down because we don't provide ladders.

He has also been giving out information for other connecting train times and platforms and whether they are on time. So not only ia he humorous but he's providing useful information too.

 

[dcd]

On a recent trip to London where the train was crawling along, upon asking the conductor/guard why we were going so slowly the response was:

So we don't crash into the train in front.


No explanation as to why the train in front was so close that this was a possibility however.

 

[sjoh]

A number of years ago on an NXEA service to Newcastle, we had some sort of brake fault between Northallerton and Thirsk (it was the day Germany thrashed us 4-0 in the 3rd round play offs of the world cup), I remember one very irate man screaming at the guard about us having stopped for an hour and that he was already missing the football. Upon being asked why we'd stopped, the guard said something along the lines of:
"Well, as I've said, there's something wrong with the brakes and we're trying to work out what it is. Would you rather us stop here using the brakes, or stop later using the rear 4 carriages of the train in front?".

This was aside from the different bloke, who, an hour later (we'd moved all of 100 metres going through rotation tests) threatened to blow up coach C, and then abruptly tried to climb out of the window to walk back to Thirsk. He was dealt with swiftly by BTP at Darlington, after being restrained by a rather exasperated looking off duty copper.

Meanwhile, I had my laptop tethered to my phone and was streaming the football to a few interested parties sitting around me. The number of drinks I was bought on that train, it surprises me that I was able to get off and amble to my hotel when we eventually got to NCL.

 

[AJM580]

A friendly guard on the 68 hauled set with 68017 on it, announced the following.

"Please keep the aisles free of luggage.....and the front coach free of red pen, wibble and froth"

 

[causton]

"Please ignore the automatic announcements, the stopping pattern of this train is not A, B, C, D, E and F, it is just A, E and F, but it's the only way I can get the doors to open"

Class 700s excelling again

 

[Segedunum]

Jubilee Line announcement two weeks ago:

'Ladies and gentlemen, the next station is Finchley Road. Sadly, there's no interchange with the Metropolitan line so we'll have a few more people joining us than usual. The exciting news is that you can change at Wembley Park instead. So, we have a few more stops to resolve our differences and maybe you'll choose to join me all the way to Stanmore. This is Finchley Road, where there is no interchange with the Metropolitan Line so you get to join me instead. We're now ready to depart, mind the doors. They do hurt, and I speak from experience.'

And at Wembley Park we had

'Ladies and gentlemen, it's that exciting time because we're now arriving at Wembley Park. The advice is to change for an Uxbridge service because all the services are going to Uxbridge. Passengers travelling to Watford are advised not to bother. I mean, um, change at Harrow on the Hill and wait two days...or hours, or maybe not so long for a connecting service. Me, well i'm going to Stanmore just like I do all day every day.'

He did continue on but sadly I was leaving the train at Wembley Park
-----------

I've also had this on the delayed 0603 Newcastle-Liverpool one sunny July morning:

'Ladies and gentlemen, the good news is that you've joined us here at Durham. The bad news is that there's a signal failure and we're staying here.'

 

[infobleep]

For more, see this thread (to which posts were being made as recently as November):

http://www.railforums.co.uk/showthread.php?t=127164

Missed that one. My post really should have gone there.