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Humorous Anouncements

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Bletchleyite

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That's why I don't do humourous announcements, or I am surprised there hasn't been more negativity over doing them. You'd get some of the types on here grassing the driver or guard up for being 'unprofessional'

I have no objection to guards doing this, or drivers when at a station, but when driving on a DOO service drivers should be, er, driving, not running pub quizzes.

FWIW, one I remember was a Virgin West Coast guard on approach to Preston - "We are now arriving at Preston, you can change here for Colne, Ormskirk, Barrow in Furness....and Blackpool, though why you'd want to I have no idea".
 
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SeanG

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There is a Northern guard on Teesside that makes every announcement in rhyme. He is also humorous and jovial when checking tickets etc.
 

HMS Ark Royal

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On a circle line train when I was in London the other week...

"Ladies and Gentlemen, change here for the British Museum - and you are reminded that Ferrero Rocher is not an actual Egyptian King"
 

voyagerdude220

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I once had a VWC TM announce on a northbound Super Voyager service as we approached Crewe: "Ladies and Gentlemen, if you're interested, the next station stop will be Crewe. There again, even if you're not interested, the next station stop will still be Crewe!"

Also the same Train Manager said something along the lines of "Ladies and Gentlemen, if you look through the windows, you'll notice that we're now arriving at Warrington. Having said that if you're wanting to get off here, what are you doing sat looking through the windows? You better get moving towards the door!"
 

krus_aragon

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I once had a VWC TM announce on a northbound Super Voyager service as we approached Crewe: "Ladies and Gentlemen, if you're interested, the next station stop will be Crewe. There again, even if you're not interested, the next station stop will still be Crewe!"

Also the same Train Manager said something along the lines of "Ladies and Gentlemen, if you look through the windows, you'll notice that we're now arriving at Warrington. Having said that if you're wanting to get off here, what are you doing sat looking through the windows? You better get moving towards the door!"

I particularly like these.
 

chubs

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Is 'the ram' still about?

His announcements used to be all over youtube.
 

Skie

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On Virgin not long ago at Euston the Liverpool train was on the same island platform as a Glasgow train and the floodgates for both had opened simultaneously. Somehow people missed all of the signage and managed to get on the wrong trains, and the first destination announcement shortly before we left did shift a large number of people. But obviously not enough!

The TM had spent nearly the entire journey finding people who were heading to Glasgow and had got on the wrong train, and before we got to Crewe he walked the length of the train as his repeated announcements were obviously having no effect and this was the last chance for anyone to actually get to Glasgow that night.

Finally, approaching Lime Street: "Thanks for travelling with Virgin trains, we are now approaching our final destination: Glasgow Central" :lol:
 

ScottishIain

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There is a Northern guard on Teesside that makes every announcement in rhyme. He is also humorous and jovial when checking tickets etc.


I know the guard you mean, I was on one of his services a few weeks ago & my partner has had him a few times. Very nice guy!
 

trentside

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I know the guard you mean, I was on one of his services a few weeks ago & my partner has had him a few times. Very nice guy!

If it's the guy I think it is, I was once on his Whitby service when we were restricted to 20mph for most of the way due to the heat. He kept walking through pointing out interesting sights on the way and checking people were ok.

Really nice bloke, and every time I've been up that way I seem to end up on his train!
 

Galvanize

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Is 'the ram' still about?

His announcements used to be all over youtube.
He is still around.

If anyone remembers the American woman from the BBC Railway series (who was a revenue inspector at Euston, then Dispatcher), she's now a Euston based Train Manager.

Although the automated announcements somewhat diminish TM's announcements on VT these days, the post-departure announcement with all the bells and whistles (calling points, arrival times, safety and security information, no smoking, ticket checks etc) made by her are "interesting" because they are made in American English! So Coach A becomes Car A, toilets become "Lavatories" and so on and so fourth.

"Both myself and your driver are highly skilled professional staff, we take your safety very seriously, but in return, we ask that you have a glance at the safety posters displayed in the vestibule areas on this train."

"I appreciate you've already had your tickets checked before you joined the train, but for passengers in First Class, I need to do one more ticket check to make sure you've got the correct tickets for this seating area."
 

ScottishIain

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If it's the guy I think it is, I was once on his Whitby service when we were restricted to 20mph for most of the way due to the heat. He kept walking through pointing out interesting sights on the way and checking people were ok.



Really nice bloke, and every time I've been up that way I seem to end up on his train!


He's an older guy, pretty sure his name is Graham / Graeme IIRC.
 

Crossover

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I think I have had one of the "infamous" XC TM's a while back (be in toned down) - "we are now approaching the charismatic station we know as Cheltenham Spa"
 

SeanG

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If it's the guy I think it is, I was once on his Whitby service when we were restricted to 20mph for most of the way due to the heat. He kept walking through pointing out interesting sights on the way and checking people were ok.

Really nice bloke, and every time I've been up that way I seem to end up on his train!

I once had a similar experience on the S&C in snow in 2012/13 IIRC
Quite deep drifts so we were crawling along but beautiful scenery and light loadings led to the guard becoming tour guide
 

HMS Ark Royal

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Just remembered another - from my first ever Northern Weekend Ranger ticket

I was sat on a pacer waiting to leave Manchester Picc for Sheffield and it was 40 late leaving. At one point the guard came on and said "ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that four fully qualified drivers are on this train. The bad news is that two of them are out of hours, one works for another company and the forth is a freight driver"
 

Jonfun

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I think I have had one of the "infamous" XC TM's a while back (be in toned down) - "we are now approaching the charismatic station we know as Cheltenham Spa"

"Thank you for travelling with CrossCountry, where the wheels of friendship are forever turning." :)
 

Crossover

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"Thank you for travelling with CrossCountry, where the wheels of friendship are forever turning." :)

That would probably be the one (though that didn't get mentioned!)

Another I had on an XC was on the lines of it being busy and to move down the carriages to the empty seats...'remember, a stranger is just a friend you've not met yet'
 

craigybagel

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I'm trying to decide whether or not I should confess there's a strong possibility I'm one of the guards mentioned on this thread :oops: :lol:
 

redbutton

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I've been on a Southern service where the driver was doing a quiz over the PA system.

Certainly made a short-formed AM peak metro service (10 minutes late after a cancelled preceding service) a *lot* more pleasant.

That's the same guy from the video.

Yes, these are DOO services. I think he's been lucky not to have had an incident yet.
 

driver_m

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Is 'the ram' still about?

His announcements used to be all over youtube.

Yes 'the Raam of maaaanchezzta' is still about and stopping at 'stark on trennnnt'

An absolute character on the railway, have no doubt about that!!!

My favourite announcement was from one of northern's guards who reminded us that we were travelling on a '1984 classic'. I don't need to elaborate on the type of unit and the truthfulness of the message! Made me laugh anyway.
 

dalesrail

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Has anybody on here ever encountered the self styled 'Grumpy Old Man', a Merseyrail guard based at Southport?

His announcements are the stuff of legend. There was once a Facebook page dedicated to some of his best, but that seems to have disappeared now.
 

Parallel

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Had a humorous announcement the other day on a service from Pwllheli... On approaching Dovey Junction the guard was giving information saying that the set would terminate at Machynlleth and then would call at Aberystwyth only, so everyone for stations towards Birmingham should change at Machynlleth, unless they had heavy luggage in which they should change at Dovey Junction. He then went on to say "Those of you travelling onwards towards Birmingham, unfortunately I will be joining you on this service as far as Shrewsbury..." Got a few laughs. :lol:

Previously I have heard "Cheers, Beers and Britney Spears" from a guard when he's checked tickets on FGW.
 
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prod_pep

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Has anybody on here ever encountered the self styled 'Grumpy Old Man', a Merseyrail guard based at Southport?

His announcements are the stuff of legend. There was once a Facebook page dedicated to some of his best, but that seems to have disappeared now.

Yes, mentioned him in post 27, Dalesrail. Wouldn't be the same without him.
 

Trainfan344

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Had a good XC guard on the way back to Stoke from Birmingham after the SVR Diesel Gala announcing it as the take me home express and giving the stations a wonderful description. Made me laugh at the end of a long day!
 
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