Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[AM9]

You should tell the rail industry whenever we have disruption from rain that is well within the bounds of climatology, or when the tracks buckle in heat that happens at least once every year in SE England.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 30 Sep 2023 ==


That is a good one. Yesterday I was caught up in traffic congestion on the M6 around Preston heading from the Lakes to Salford (due to an accident very close to the M61 junction). Normally when passing a incoming sliproad I will create a generous gap in front of me to allow zip-merging. It baffles me as to why firstly other drivers don't, and secondly why drivers trying to enter from the sliproad ignore the gap in front of me and try to squeeze into a non-existant gap right at the end of the sliproad, as though joining the queue 50 meters further ahead gains so much more.

Equally irritating is when a gap has been created, it is promptly filled by a driver in the second lane preventing the joining driver from using it, (unless there is another exit coming up soon, why would they want to do that?).

 

[Peter Mugridge]

Any driver who thinks it is a good idea to drive along a motorway sliproad and join a free flowing motorway at 40 mph should have their car crushed, with them inside it!

If they are driving like that, this is the likely outcome sooner or later in any case...

 

[xotGD]

What about the Fox & Goose?

I don't think that flocks of geese are employed to hunt foxes so I am OK with that one!

 

[43096]

Any driver who thinks it is a good idea to drive along a motorway sliproad and join a free flowing motorway at 40 mph should have their car crushed, with them inside it!

The biggest issues are on the sliproads from service areas, which are almost always too short and make it difficult to get up to line speed; even worse if you happen to be following a truck.

 

[dangie]

It's to do with safety, their's a chance the batsman might not see the ball (even the white ball) being bowled at them through the rain, with the size of a cricket ball & how hard they are, fast bowlers hit 90 mph plus with their deliveries, even medium pacers get 70 to 80 mph, the last thing batsmen want is not being able too see the ball being bowled at them.

An outdoor sport played in the British Isles but can’t be played in the rain is stupid. If it’s dangerous in the rain change the rules and/or equipment to make it safe.

 

[Mcr Warrior]

An outdoor sport played in the British Isles but can’t be played in the rain is stupid. If it’s dangerous in the rain change the rules and/or equipment to make it safe.

To be fair, there are other traditional summer sports played on grass that don't work too well when it's raining, for example lawn tennis, bowls & croquet, to name a few.

 

[Drogba11CFC]

Zoe Ball

Jeremy Vine

 

[Sun Chariot]

To be fair, there are other traditional summer sports played on grass that don't work too well when it's raining, for example lawn tennis, bowls & croquet, to name a few.

Cheese rolling.
Grass sledding.
Aunt Sally (throwing a wooden stick at a wooden skittle/dolly mounted on a post; played in Oxfordshire pub gardens - ergo, near parked cars and breakable windows!)

 

[Purple Train]

Aunt Sally (throwing a wooden stick at a wooden skittle/dolly mounted on a post; played in Oxfordshire pub gardens - ergo, near parked cars and breakable windows!)

There's a similar game I can't remember the name of where you have a grid of skittles and stand a few paces away with a short wooden club. You throw the club and see how many skittles you can knock down. There's also a complicated scoring system that I can't quite remember - I think it's kind of similar to The Price is Right in that you have a number you can't go over, and each skittle is numbered, but if you knock down only one skittle you score only one point, irrespective of number.

Not a game you want played anywhere near a window, especially when the contestants get excited. The skittles fly a long, long way!

(So does the club, if one of the contestants is of a certain disposition!)

 

[Sun Chariot]

There's a similar game I can't remember the name of where you have a grid of skittles and stand a few paces away with a short wooden club.
Not a game you want played anywhere near a window, especially when the contestants get excited. The skittles fly a long, long way!
(So does the club, if one of the contestants is of a certain disposition!)

I love how Brutish culture invents so many games which mix people, wood projectiles, alcohol and nearby breakable objects!

 

[Purple Train]

I love how Brutish culture invents so many games which mix people, wood projectiles, alcohol and nearby breakable objects!

No alcohol was involved when I played it - it was at a church picnic, no less

 

[Mcr Warrior]

How about advertising flyers for heritage railways (or other visitor attractions) that purport to show timetable details, but actually have neither these, nor indeed any fare or admission cost information?

 

[Calthrop]

How about advertising flyers for heritage railways (or other visitor attractions) that purport to show timetable details, but actually have neither these, nor indeed any fare or admission cost information?

At first glance, I thought that you were suggesting this, as a fun trick to play on the "punters". ("It's me, not you" -- anything that can be misunderstood, I'm liable to misunderstand.)

 

[Gloster]

Overdramatic notices for routine matters. This was prompted by a notice on a glass-fronted freezer in my local supermarket saying ‘We are a freezer Down.’ It gives the impression of American TV dramas and that sirens should be going, lights flashing, people dashing around shouting, ‘Freezer Down! Freezer Down! Call a para-electrician!’ Just say it is out of use, which should be obvious as it is empty.

 

[Busaholic]

Overdramatic notices for routine matters. This was prompted by a notice on a glass-fronted freezer in my local supermarket saying ‘We are a freezer Down.’ It gives the impression of American TV dramas and that sirens should be going, lights flashing, people dashing around shouting, ‘Freezer Down! Freezer Down! Call a para-electrician!’ Just say it is out of use, which should be obvious as it is empty.

They should call it 'breaking news', which kills two birds with one stone.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

I love how Brutish culture invents so many games which mix people, wood projectiles, alcohol and nearby breakable objects!

Freudian typo?

 

[Sun Chariot]

Freudian typo?

Yep!

 

[Thirteen]

Whenever people online suggest people like say Mick Lynch or Carol Vorderman for Prime Minister when neither would likely to be able to become even elected for as a party leader but also just because you're good at one job doesn't mean you'd make a good PM.

 

[al78]

The biggest issues are on the sliproads from service areas, which are almost always too short and make it difficult to get up to line speed; even worse if you happen to be following a truck.

This did happen to me last week, exiting on a slip road from a service station and immediately got behind an HGV who joined the motorway at 30 mph. I have some sympathy there but I have been stuck behind car drivers who accelerate to 40 mph and then continue along the second half of the slip road at that speed, as if there is a bomb in their car that will detonate if it goes over 40 mph (many people in SE England drive like this on NSL main roads as well). It would be ideal if slip roads had two lanes so trundlebunnies like this can be overtaken and those of us who understand what slip roads are for can join the motorway at the speed of the traffic we need to merge with.

I know there are a handful of junctions on the motorway network that are very compact for one reason or another and have short slip roads (there is one on the M6 near Stoke from memory), but even here, put it in a low gear and put your foot down, you should be able to get to 50 mph by the time you reach the motorway at a minimum.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 2 Oct 2023 ==

An outdoor sport played in the British Isles but can’t be played in the rain is stupid. If it’s dangerous in the rain change the rules and/or equipment to make it safe.

I think the same about the railways and buckling tracks in 30C air temperatures which happen virtually every year across much of SE England. If the infrastructure cannot cope with climatology, I question whether it is adequate.

 

[Pinza-C55]

Whenever people online suggest people like say Mick Lynch or Carol Vorderman for Prime Minister when neither would likely to be able to become even elected for as a party leader but also just because you're good at one job doesn't mean you'd make a good PM.

I think Carol Vorderman is good at lots of things.

 

[birchesgreen]

Whenever people online suggest people like say Mick Lynch or Carol Vorderman for Prime Minister when neither would likely to be able to become even elected for as a party leader but also just because you're good at one job doesn't mean you'd make a good PM.

Well that would be a step up from most PMs.

 

[dgl]

I think Carol Vorderman is good at lots of things.

And you'd hope she'd be good at the figures, though didn't realise that you can't simply ask for more money and get it!

 

[Gloster]

E-Mails that try to make you believe that a company or its staff are really fired up and enthusiastic about something utterly mundane. I have just had one telling me that my insurers have changed their name: it starts, “We’re really excited to share with you that X is now called Y.” If you are really excited by that, you really need to get a life.

 

[dgl]

The old "new and improved", the reality being that the only improved bit is their profit margins!

 

[Strat-tastic]

The word 'excited'.
It's a buzzword at my company and just grates...
#cynic

 

[Sun Chariot]

E-Mails that try to make you believe that a company or its staff are really fired up and enthusiastic about something utterly mundane. I have just had one telling me that my insurers have changed their name: it starts, “We’re really excited to share with you that X is now called Y.” If you are really excited by that, you really need to get a life.

The insurers must have taken a cue from all those similarly-crafted LinkedIn posts....

 

[birchesgreen]

The word 'excited'.
It's a buzzword at my company and just grates...
#cynic

We had similar at one of my earlier places of employment: "vibrant". Marketing kept going on about us being vibrant, or something we were doing was vibrant. I once asked the head of marketing what that meant and got a hilariously blank look in reply.

 

[Merle Haggard]

We had similar at one of my earlier places of employment: "vibrant". Marketing kept going on about us being vibrant, or something we were doing was vibrant. I once asked the head of marketing what that meant and got a hilariously blank look in reply.

Remember in my railway career (??) the management was always talking about making the operation 'viable'.
Exasperated, one of my colleagues finally said 'What do you mean, 'viable'? I've got a cat. It's viable but it certainly isn't profitable!'

 

[Peter C]

Those reversing announcements on lorries and large vans (viz -- "Stand clear - vehicle reversing" repeated at least fifty times, punctuated with beeps). I'm going to start a petition to get David Niven or John Gielgud to make new announcements. They'd be much better and I think that'd be a good use of AI.

-Peter

 

[GusB]

Those reversing announcements on lorries and large vans (viz -- "Stand clear - vehicle reversing" repeated at least fifty times, punctuated with beeps). I'm going to start a petition to get David Niven or John Gielgud to make new announcements. They'd be much better and I think that'd be a good use of AI.

-Peter

How about asking Brian Blessed to do it? It'd only have to be said once!