Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Sun Chariot]

How about asking Brian Blessed to do it? It'd only have to be said once!

Love it!
And Larry Grayson's voice, reminding hauliers to keep their trailer secure: "Oooh, shut that door!"

 

[dangie]

How about asking Brian Blessed to do it? It'd only have to be said once!

Or Ozzie Osbourne…… ‘ Get out the f……kin’ way……’

 

[Peter C]

How about asking Brian Blessed to do it? It'd only have to be said once!

Yes! In fact you could just have one speaker in the centre of a city which plays that announcement any time any vehicle anywhere starts reversing - keep people on their toes..

-Peter

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Or Ozzie Osbourne…… ‘ Get out the f……kin’ way……’

Or Janis Joplin... "Move Over!"

This is getting a little silly now.

 

[Gloster]

People who ask a vague question and then get stroppy if you try to help by asking for details.

Man: “Where’s the nearest bus stop?”
Me: “Where are you going?”
Man: “Just f…g tell me where the nearest bus stop is.”
Me: “Well, if you are going to…(*)”
Man (to his pal as they walked off): “F…g idiots round here can’t answer a f…g simple question.”

* - I was going to say that if you are going to one town the stop is 50 yards one way, but if you are going to the other it is 200 the other way.

Of course he might have been a bus stop fetishist desperate to get to one for a fix or somebody trying to jump on the first means of escape. But he was probably just a rude idiot.

 

[Calthrop]

Indeed -- a way in which quite a number of people characteristically behave, in matters of verbal communication -- often not getting into outright aggressiveness / foul language; but still, trying to insist that everything be in the simplest and most direct terms, and refusing to listen to anything which they perceive as not thus. Life is often, just not that simple...

 

[dgl]

People who ask a vague question and then get stroppy if you try to help by asking for details.

Man: “Where’s the nearest bus stop?”
Me: “Where are you going?”
Man: “Just f…g tell me where the nearest bus stop is.”
Me: “Well, if you are going to…(*)”
Man (to his pal as they walked off): “F…g idiots round here can’t answer a f…g simple question.”

* - I was going to say that if you are going to one town the stop is 50 yards one way, but if you are going to the other it is 200 the other way.

Of course he might have been a bus stop fetishist desperate to get to one for a fix or somebody trying to jump on the first means of escape. But he was probably just a rude idiot.

Related, At work I will always ask for someone's van number if they ask me where a certain area is as for some areas the direction can be different depending on the van number, helps I know the park very well!
Luckily no one has complained about that yet.

 

[dangie]

My local Nationwide Building Society branch has gone from opening Monday to Friday plus Saturday mornings down to just two days and no Saturday morning. Go into the branch on those open days and there’s a queue out of the door.

Received an email off Nationwide this morning:
Hello
We’re changing how we look.
As a valued customer of Nationwide, we wanted to let you know personally that we are making changes to he way we look, including modernising our logo.

Never mind changing the bloody logo, just keep the branches open

 

[Busaholic]

My local Nationwide Building Society branch has gone from opening Monday to Friday plus Saturday mornings down to just two days and no Saturday morning. Go into the branch on those open days and there’s a queue out of the door.

Received an email off Nationwide this morning:
Hello
We’re changing how we look.
As a valued customer of Nationwide, we wanted to let you know personally that we are making changes to he way we look, including modernising our logo.

Never mind changing the bloody logo, just keep the branches open

Join the queue!

My branch did this back in the Summer, only variation being that they're open for three days during the week. I didn't get an email, but then I don't do bank/building society transactions online.

 

[dangie]

Couple of weeks ago I received a letter not addressed to me. It had my street name & house number but a different town and postcode. I wrote on the envelope ‘Delivered to incorrect address’ and reposted it.

This morning the exact same letter was again posted through my letterbox……..

 

[daveo]

Currently using deliveries a lot due to recent surgery. My delivery instructions on each order include "ground floor." (it's a flat/apartment).
When I answer the buzzer I always repeat "ground floor" but in almost 40% of cases I hear footfall going up the stairs. Are Deli*** employing people who are not only illiterate but also deaf?

 

[Chrysalis]

Neighbours DIYing before 9 on the weekends. Occasionally, sure, but several times a month? Frequently woken up by banging sounds from our neighbour early mornings. It is legal but is it considerate? They've been DIYing since they moved in a year ago, I'm pretty sure they've already fixed everything up as much you can, and they're just redoing it all for fun... I'm sort of picturing their walls being full of drill holes with no purpose other than the entertainment it gave them when drilling. (:

 

[Lucan]

My electricity company, OVO, are sending me bills with the kWh usage given to three decimal places, which is equivalent to about one second's use of a washing machine. How do they get it to three decimal places? I give a reading on-line nominally on the 21st each month in whole units, but the bill says it is based on an estimate which is actually within a unit or two of my reading, with the three decimal places. I think they are extrapolating it to noon or midnight or something, not that they know the exact moment I took the reading anyway. They say they have made bills easier to understand, but this nonsense is beyond me. I guess their phone help lines must be inundated with people asking "Why? Just why?".

 

[jfollows]

My electricity company, OVO, are sending me bills with the kWh usage given to three decimal places, which is equivalent to about one second's use of a washing machine. How do they get it to three decimal places? I give a reading on-line nominally on the 21st each month in whole units, but the bill says it is based on an estimate which is actually within a unit or two of my reading, with the three decimal places. I think they are extrapolating it to noon or midnight or something, not that they know the exact moment I took the reading anyway. They say they have made bills easier to understand, but this nonsense is beyond me. I guess their phone help lines must be inundated with people asking "Why? Just why?".

They're suffering from mad calculatoritis in which they compute things and don't think about the appropriate number of decimal places, I was told off for this when I was 15 at school. Of course, today it's mad computeritis because fewer people use calculators than used to be the case.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Currently using deliveries a lot due to recent surgery. My delivery instructions on each order include "ground floor." (it's a flat/apartment).
When I answer the buzzer I always repeat "ground floor" but in almost 40% of cases I hear footfall going up the stairs. Are Deli*** employing people who are not only illiterate but also deaf?

I have a similar issue- my flat is the highest number in the building, but my flat and one other are in an annexe off the ground floor. When someone enters they'll see flat 1 up a few stairs, and flat 2 up a few more- so obviously logic would suggest that the highest number is on the top floor. I always tell delivery people that I'm through the (unmarked) door on the right as they come in, and they always ignore the instruction. I've taken to not buzzing them in, and just meeting them at the door- but that only works if the front door to the building has been locked, and several of my fellow residents are allergic to getting their keys out on the pavement so they leave the main door on the latch. This means we occasionally get local youths p***ing about in the stairwell and homeless people sleeping in the hallways or store cupboards!

To be honest I'm not sure of they're stupid, unfamiliar with British floor numbering convention, or simply overworked by their "gig economy" situation. It's probably a combination of all three.

 

[Peter Mugridge]

Couple of weeks ago I received a letter not addressed to me. It had my street name & house number but a different town and postcode. I wrote on the envelope ‘Delivered to incorrect address’ and reposted it.

This morning the exact same letter was again posted through my letterbox……..

You need to obliterate the faint coloured marks that look like a small two row bar code to avoid a letter coming back like this; they're the indications the system prints on the envelope which the automatic sorting machinery reads at the delivery office end.

 

[Drogba11CFC]

WSL games being moved to Saturdays for no reason.

 

[Techniquest]

People who leave vegetation in their garden grow so out of control that it blocks the pavement

 

[OhNoAPacer]

You are watching a film or TV show. One of the characters is said to be a skilled chess player.
Cut to view of the board.
The EXPLETIVE board is invariably positioned incorrectly, the rightmost square nearest the player should be white.
I am not a skilled chess player, far from it, but at least I know how to set up the board correctly.

 

[Ostrich]

Football club raffles. They say they'll draw the winning ticket at halftime - but then a wall of silence.
No I haven't forgotten. I've still got the ticket in my pocket. And this season, rampant inflation, they've gone up from £1 to £2 each ....

 

[61653 HTAFC]

You are watching a film or TV show. One of the characters is said to be a skilled chess player.
Cut to view of the board.
The EXPLETIVE board is invariably positioned incorrectly, the rightmost square nearest the player should be white.
I am not a skilled chess player, far from it, but at least I know how to set up the board correctly.

This reminds me of Nigel Blackwell's (of Half Man Half Biscuit) rant about darts being played in the pub on soap operas!

 

[Merle Haggard]

This reminds me of Nigel Blackwell's (of Half Man Half Biscuit) rant about darts being played in the pub on soap operas!

One of the oddities about soap operas is that there's never any televisions in the room sets (or pubs).
And, unlike real life, they never, ever talk about what was on T.V. the previous night. Always thought it would be more authentic if someone in East Enders slagged off the plot in last night's Coronation Street....

 

[AM9]

One of the oddities about soap operas is that there's never any televisions in the room sets (or pubs).
And, unlike real life, they never, ever talk about what was on T.V. the previous night. Always thought it would be more authentic if someone in East Enders slagged off the plot in last night's Coronation Street....

But most of the soaps are recorded up to 6 weeks before transmission so unless there was some serious spying, how would they know what to criticise?.

 

[Merle Haggard]

But most of the soaps are recorded up to 6 weeks before transmission so unless there was some serious spying, how would they know what to criticise?.

That's probably the real reason - commenting about anything on T.V. (news, entertainment) even broadly would be fraught with possible unfortunate eventualities. And the delay also meant that Seth was trudging about in the snow in midsummer.

 

[birchesgreen]

Wasn't there an experiment some years ago where they filmed some scenes in one of the soaps on the day to add some topical tidbits, the footage then added to the preexisting recording.

Not really up on soaps, last time i watched one Hilda was looking at her murial.

 

[Gloster]

One that did do a bit of filming on the day was Drop the Dead Donkey, which would get a couple of actors in and do a short piece to be added to or inserted in that night’s programme. However, that is comedy and satire, which is much more used to very short deadlines. With soaps everybody, including the writers, are used to long-term planning rather than making it up on the day. There are also the logistics of filming: if you are already filming stuff for transmission suddenly adding something into the schedule is a problem, while if you are not already filming it means gathering a lot of people together for a minute or two’s film.

 

[jfollows]

People who leave vegetation in their garden grow so out of control that it blocks the pavement

Often compounded by people who think it's OK to park on the remaining unblocked part of the pavement.

 

[Gloster]

People who leave vegetation in their garden grow so out of control that it blocks the pavement

Most irritating is those who cut the lower part of a hedge, but don’t cut the upper part of it or the bushes behind it properly, if at all. People like me who walk with their heads down all too often find their hats removed by an overhanging branch or a bramble scratching across their cheek.

 

[nlogax]

The scaffolders working on a building right next to my hotel room in Whitechapel. Especially the git singing Mustang Sally at 8am. May your Pot Noodle forever be tainted with frogspawn.

 

[Acey]

The scaffolders working on a building right next to my hotel room in Whitechapel. Especially the git singing Mustang Sally at 8am. May your Pot Noodle forever be tainted with frogspawn.

How would he know ?