spoony
Member
Huh. Will have to check that out, thought metros that were in service had to stop at every station.
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Useless announcements (or bits thereof)
- Thread starter Capybara
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Huh. Will have to check that out, thought metros that were in service had to stop at every station.
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R
RailUK Forums
"In order to avoid disruption, please report any suspicious bags or behaviour."
I assume the intention is to avoid a suspicious bag exploding because it contains a bomb. However, the vast majority of bags won't contain bombs, and if I report a bag as being suspicious the train might be evacuated. Therefore, in the majority of cases by reporting a suspicious bag I'm actually more likely to cause distruption than avoid it!
(obviously bombs are bad, but this is about the wording of the message).
I assume the intention is to avoid a suspicious bag exploding because it contains a bomb. However, the vast majority of bags won't contain bombs, and if I report a bag as being suspicious the train might be evacuated. Therefore, in the majority of cases by reporting a suspicious bag I'm actually more likely to cause distruption than avoid it!
(obviously bombs are bad, but this is about the wording of the message).
Best I've heard is this, on Virgin XC a few years back. (Can't remember the guys' names.) Two 221s joined together travelling north-east from Birmingham. TM in the front set (X) has already done the usual welcome announcement, then TM in rear set (Y) comes on the PA...
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Y, the train manager in the rear set... For those of you travelling in the front set of this service today, you might be interested to know it's X's birthday today! If you'd like to congratulate him and wish him a happy birthday as he passes through the train I'm sure he'll be delighted. Thanks very much".
About 10 seconds later...
"Ladies and gentlemen, hello again, this is X again the front set. I'd just like to congratulate Y, the train manager in the rear set, on his recent weight loss programme - Y has managed to drop three dress sizes. I'm sure he'd appreciate your applause as he passes through the train."
Got the biggest laugh about a train PA I've ever heard.
(I should point out... they were both male!)
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Y, the train manager in the rear set... For those of you travelling in the front set of this service today, you might be interested to know it's X's birthday today! If you'd like to congratulate him and wish him a happy birthday as he passes through the train I'm sure he'll be delighted. Thanks very much".
About 10 seconds later...
"Ladies and gentlemen, hello again, this is X again the front set. I'd just like to congratulate Y, the train manager in the rear set, on his recent weight loss programme - Y has managed to drop three dress sizes. I'm sure he'd appreciate your applause as he passes through the train."
Got the biggest laugh about a train PA I've ever heard.
(I should point out... they were both male!)
That's what I thought, but no it seems to be correct, as Huw Lewis has confirmed it. Must be the only time I have heard of a Metro not stopping at a station when in service (not including when the station is closed like Haymarket).
Brings me onto another related point - still haven't done the avoiding line at Gosforth depot when the engineering work is on. Damn.
DavidBusDriver
Member
Must say, you do get an AWFUL lot of time to enjoy the depot scenery as I believe it is a 15km/h limit through the avoider!
It got almost surreal this morning. The guard came on, very helpfully, before the train got under way to stress that if anyone on the train was actually wanting to go to Waterloo then they should get off and get the train that was about to go from the next platform. Then the train got going and he read out all the stops, but only gave the arrival time in Waterloo. Then the full list of automated announcements came into play - once again the 22 station stops were read out - then a couple of other announcements before finally reminding us to look after our bags, just in time for 'the next stop is Addlestone'.
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I am sure I remember being on a service a couple of years back...
The Guard made a PA to a person boarding the service with a bike, saying
"To the woman boarding this service with a bike - bikes are not allowed on this service - not until XX00" - "Please alight this service"
Then he immediately corrected himself saying - "Sorry this is the XX01 service - you can board this service". But she didn't hear so he resorted to shouting out the crew window!
The Guard made a PA to a person boarding the service with a bike, saying
"To the woman boarding this service with a bike - bikes are not allowed on this service - not until XX00" - "Please alight this service"
Then he immediately corrected himself saying - "Sorry this is the XX01 service - you can board this service". But she didn't hear so he resorted to shouting out the crew window!
richiesaps
New Member
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- 12 Apr 2010
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I heard this announcment the other day at Swanley.
"The 17:30 to Sevenoaks is cancelled. The next train to Sevenoaks is at 18:xx"
every one left the platform. then another announcement
"Please keep away from Train approaching Platform 2. This service is not in use"
The train pulled in and the doors opened ... It was the 17:30 to Sevenoaks
"The 17:30 to Sevenoaks is cancelled. The next train to Sevenoaks is at 18:xx"
every one left the platform. then another announcement
"Please keep away from Train approaching Platform 2. This service is not in use"
The train pulled in and the doors opened ... It was the 17:30 to Sevenoaks
Nym
Established Member
Argued it from BON and won, I didn't walk past an open ticket office, I walked from the car park to platform 3, not past a ticket office there...
Unlike when on the VT from MAN to GLC when I coulnd't be arsed arguing the office wasn't open and there where only machines working
37372
Member
Here's one : "Please note that violence and vandalism will not be tolerated. All video evidence will be passed to the law enforcement agencies."
Why is that useless I hear you say? There are no CCTV cameras!
Why is that useless I hear you say? There are no CCTV cameras!
466.networkers
Member
Here's a great example of a good announcement .... at the wrong station!
"Parents and guardians are reminded that the station is a dangerous environment. Trains may pass through at high speed and without prior warning." (It's now been extended, next time I hear it, I'll record it).
This is frequently heard at Sheerness on Sea, where the top speed of any train approaching the buffers is 15mph.
So not only can trains NOT pass through, nor are they going at high speed. :roll:
"Parents and guardians are reminded that the station is a dangerous environment. Trains may pass through at high speed and without prior warning." (It's now been extended, next time I hear it, I'll record it).
This is frequently heard at Sheerness on Sea, where the top speed of any train approaching the buffers is 15mph.
So not only can trains NOT pass through, nor are they going at high speed. :roll:
thefab444
Established Member
The full wording is:
"Parents and guardians are reminded that the station can be a dangerous environment, trains may pass through at high speed and without prior warning. When on the station, and travelling on rail services, please ensure that children are supervised at all times."
The main problem with that announcement from a Sheerness point of view is the awful female voice used by Southeastern for their announcements. She really has the most annoying and grating voice imagineable. The male voice is a bit over-the-top but at least he's not as annoying, alas it seems Southeastern prefer the female voice.
Polls
Member
I love the automated announcement on the District line for Bromley By Bow. Just love the way the automated voice says that station. The cadance is all wrong but so chirpy. I often hear people repeating it because it sounds fun.
I also will never forget a chap on the Victoria line that was doing very well with keeping us updated on the status of a broken down train. The platform was filling up and people were getting annoyed and huffy...then the platform guard announced 'can you feel the wind?'. Everyone looked at eachother slightly bemused and he announced again 'come on people can you feel the wind?', there was a breeze coming through the platform at that time and in true pantomime style most of the people on the platform shouted back 'YEEEEEESSS!' I was laughing by this point. He then announced 'Good, because the wind means your train is coming. Please enjoy your journey'. People on the platform were laughing and clapping it was great....we need more staff on the Underground like that because it surely can be a miserable place at times.
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How blatantly Doorist! ... this made me chuckle.
I also will never forget a chap on the Victoria line that was doing very well with keeping us updated on the status of a broken down train. The platform was filling up and people were getting annoyed and huffy...then the platform guard announced 'can you feel the wind?'. Everyone looked at eachother slightly bemused and he announced again 'come on people can you feel the wind?', there was a breeze coming through the platform at that time and in true pantomime style most of the people on the platform shouted back 'YEEEEEESSS!' I was laughing by this point. He then announced 'Good, because the wind means your train is coming. Please enjoy your journey'. People on the platform were laughing and clapping it was great....we need more staff on the Underground like that because it surely can be a miserable place at times.
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The CIS at Guildford always says this is the service from Guildford on Guildford-Aldershot-Ascot services.
Yes, I know it's from Guildford, that's where we are now! Duh!
I think this picture shows how screwed up the CIS gets at times..
So why will doors not be welcome to Grateley?
How blatantly Doorist! ... this made me chuckle.
Ha! Glad someone actually challenged it.
Reminds me of a time when I got on a train and the booking office had shut about two minutes before the train left, and there was no self-service machine at the station. Had a bit of an argument with the guard when he wouldn't sell me a railcard-discounted ticket, but did so in the end. He said that I had walked past a ticket office, so couldn't buy discounted tickets on board. I agreed with him, but I only walked past it because it was shut. That wiped the smile off his face.
thefab444
Established Member
The actual wording was "This side out please" (another example), to try to prevent passengers from alighting from the wrong side of the train, particularly on Platform 6.
Users of the Jubilee Line may recognise the woman in the second clip I linked to as the infamous "Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasden" woman. The first clip features Robert Lister, whose voice was used to provide tape and early modular recorded announcements for many stations across the Southern region.
Thanks to Robert Payne for the clips, from his excellent collection.
Users of the Jubilee Line may recognise the woman in the second clip I linked to as the infamous "Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasden" woman. The first clip features Robert Lister, whose voice was used to provide tape and early modular recorded announcements for many stations across the Southern region.
Thanks to Robert Payne for the clips, from his excellent collection.
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When we were stopped at Northampton on the way back from Euston earlier:
"Welcome aboard the London Midland service to Crewe. Calling at Rugby, Nuneaton, Atherstone, Tamworth, Lichfield Trent Valley, Rugeley Trent Valley, Stoke-on-Trent, Kidsgrove, Alsager and Crewe. The next station is Wolverton'
"Welcome aboard the London Midland service to Crewe. Calling at Rugby, Nuneaton, Atherstone, Tamworth, Lichfield Trent Valley, Rugeley Trent Valley, Stoke-on-Trent, Kidsgrove, Alsager and Crewe. The next station is Wolverton'
Thanks, I've been trying to work that out for years. (Was it something to do with the up line? Was it a mistake? :? ) I feel like a bit of a plonker now.
TheExmoorBeast
Member
Wasn't there a YouTube video of a Class 185 announcement system going on & on about toilets?
This morning I arrived at the station for the 0931 service. At 0933, depsite the screens saying the train was on time, an automated announcement apologised that the trainw as delayed by six minutes. Just as the announcement was coming to the end, the train arrived!
royaloak
Established Member
I think that one was made up.
Any train splitting at Northampton will get momentarily confused. Coming from the north; the train that's come all the way will 'start from the origin station' while the new train(s) will start from Northampton. Coming from the south, the train going forward will reset its PIS to being before Northampton.
moonrakerz
Member
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- 870
Surely passengers about to alight from the wrong side of the train wouldn't hear it - even MORE pointless !
That sounds quite unfortunate! What is the correct terminology for the info things anyway? Seems to be several different abbreviations used.
thefab444
Established Member
Well PIS and CIS mean the same thing as far as I'm concerned, Customer Information System being used on the stations where we're all customers, and Passenger Information System being used on the trains where we're pax.
This has now been fixed, the announcement is now: "The next bus to depart from platform 11 will be the xxxx South Eastern Trains service to Stratford (International). Calling at Stratford (International) only. Platform 11 for the xxxx South Eastern Trains service to Stratford (International).".
Not sure why it refers to South Eastern Trains though, and the new recording of Stratford International is much louder/deeper than the rest of the clips!
Vitesse said:
This has now been fixed, the announcement is now: "The next bus to depart from platform 11 will be the xxxx South Eastern Trains service to Stratford (International). Calling at Stratford (International) only. Platform 11 for the xxxx South Eastern Trains service to Stratford (International).".
Not sure why it refers to South Eastern Trains though, and the new recording of Stratford International is much louder/deeper than the rest of the clips!
deltic
Established Member
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From Colin Buchanan blog http://colinbuchanan.wordpress.com/
Your attention please – pointless or useful – public transport announcements
April 26, 2010 by colinbuchanan
A continual bugbear for many public transport users is information – usually a complete absence of – think of all those bus stops which if you are lucky show you a route number but no indication of where or when it goes. Alternately, the information can be good except when the service goes belly up for some reason – staff disappear and the bus countdown information goes blank.
However, perhaps to address users’ complaints about the lack of information we are in some places going to the other extreme of bombarding people with so many announcements that it is driving passengers to distraction. Many buses and trains now have automated announcements telling you the route and next stop. While annoying to some these are a boon to many infrequent or visually impaired passengers.
However, there are whole gambit of announcements that seem to provide little benefit or information to the travelling public other than to annoy them. So we have announcements about: “professional thieves” – not sure if they are worse or better than unprofessional or amateur ones; – “no skateboarding” – which I confess must be very persuasive because I have never seen anyone skateboarding at the station where it is played every 20 minutes; “adverse weather” – which seems to cover everything from a light shower to blizzards; – and “not to leave unattended luggage or parcels” – on stations with no staff or CCTV to spot such luggage. Do people still carry parcels – I don’t think I’ve seen one since the 1980s parcel trains went.
I have always wondered whether anyone on hearing the announcement not to leave their personal belongings behind has suddenly remembered they have and picked them up – and what are impersonal belongings and why can they be safely ignored. Does anyone know what is a “final destination” and why are we told to “all change” when what we are meant to do is to disembark or leave?
Why do announcements say “this is a security announcement” or “may I have your attention please” – is this to reassure us that it is not going to tell us anything useful such as which platform your train is about to leave from?
Am I right in assuming that every day hundreds of train passengers board intercity trains and have no idea where first and standard class coaches are and wait with baited breath before sighing with relief when the train manager tells them after every stop – otherwise why keep telling us.
Then there are those useful announcements on Southern trains that you are in coach x of 8 – well useful when the train is going to split on route but pointless when it is going in the other direction.
Perhaps you would like to add your own examples of pointless announcements or perhaps more interestingly if you can demonstrate the benefit of any of the announcements above. http://colinbuchanan.wordpress.com/
Your attention please – pointless or useful – public transport announcements
April 26, 2010 by colinbuchanan
A continual bugbear for many public transport users is information – usually a complete absence of – think of all those bus stops which if you are lucky show you a route number but no indication of where or when it goes. Alternately, the information can be good except when the service goes belly up for some reason – staff disappear and the bus countdown information goes blank.
However, perhaps to address users’ complaints about the lack of information we are in some places going to the other extreme of bombarding people with so many announcements that it is driving passengers to distraction. Many buses and trains now have automated announcements telling you the route and next stop. While annoying to some these are a boon to many infrequent or visually impaired passengers.
However, there are whole gambit of announcements that seem to provide little benefit or information to the travelling public other than to annoy them. So we have announcements about: “professional thieves” – not sure if they are worse or better than unprofessional or amateur ones; – “no skateboarding” – which I confess must be very persuasive because I have never seen anyone skateboarding at the station where it is played every 20 minutes; “adverse weather” – which seems to cover everything from a light shower to blizzards; – and “not to leave unattended luggage or parcels” – on stations with no staff or CCTV to spot such luggage. Do people still carry parcels – I don’t think I’ve seen one since the 1980s parcel trains went.
I have always wondered whether anyone on hearing the announcement not to leave their personal belongings behind has suddenly remembered they have and picked them up – and what are impersonal belongings and why can they be safely ignored. Does anyone know what is a “final destination” and why are we told to “all change” when what we are meant to do is to disembark or leave?
Why do announcements say “this is a security announcement” or “may I have your attention please” – is this to reassure us that it is not going to tell us anything useful such as which platform your train is about to leave from?
Am I right in assuming that every day hundreds of train passengers board intercity trains and have no idea where first and standard class coaches are and wait with baited breath before sighing with relief when the train manager tells them after every stop – otherwise why keep telling us.
Then there are those useful announcements on Southern trains that you are in coach x of 8 – well useful when the train is going to split on route but pointless when it is going in the other direction.
Perhaps you would like to add your own examples of pointless announcements or perhaps more interestingly if you can demonstrate the benefit of any of the announcements above. http://colinbuchanan.wordpress.com/
One of the catering staff on a XC service had a good, long announcement the other day, but at least it was entertaining. Instead of the usual hot and cold refreshments spiel, he said things along the lines of "Today I can tempt you with this lovely, chocolately muffin, banish that diet and get one while they last, along with a rich, smooth coffee". Something along the lines of this isn't just food, it's M+S food.
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