Useless announcements (or bits thereof)

[Capybara]

I have been travelling on SWT two or three times a week for the past four years and the journey involves a change at Weybridge. On departure from Weybridge towards Addlestone etc, the guard often makes an announcement about where the train is going (sometimes it is just the automatic announcement). That is fair enough but, almost invariably, the guard concludes the list of 20+ calling points with the satement 'and scheduled to arrive in London Waterloo at .....' Why do they do this, given that no times are given for the other calling points and it is more or less certain that the only two people who will be still on the train when it arrives at Waterloo are the guard, who clearly knows what time it is scheduled to arrive, and the driver who ought to?

Oops, I've probably put this on the wrong board - admin please move it)

 

[SWT Driver]

It's what they're told to do, so to avoid a Form1 & possible unemployment they generally do as they're told, irritating as it maybe.

Also it's found that people tend to listen to a manual announcement than that of the PIS's SONIA.

 

[mooster]

I do know what you mean Capybara, but it is nice to hear from an "actual" person on the train

Can I interject here to say there are a couple of very helpful and genuinely funny guards on SWT that I have come across? The chap today on the 0732 from Woking I've seen before has fantastic diction and seems very professional - grey haired chap with a moustache and glasses! There's another guard who I used to hear on the 0716 from Farnborough to Waterloo, who when saying about purchasing tickets from him etc., says "You won't miss me, I'm the tall bald bloke with the ticket machine" He always comes across as genuinely helpful and friendly, and not just reading what he's "scripted" - telling you to take care when you leave the train, have a nice weekend etc. It's a touches like that, that can make all the difference to your journey/commute to work! Such a pleasant thing seeing people LAUGHING at something the guard said instead of being miserable!

Sorry for going off on one there... but I think SWT staff deserve credit when it's due! I'm not saying everyone is a breath of fresh air like that, because there are few that I've encountered that aren't - but those that do shine deserve to be mentioned

 

[devon_metro]

Its always refreshing to board a train and not be bombarded with announcements. Got to love it when the West Of England guards switch the wretched thing off.

 

[louis97]

Its always refreshing to board a train and not be bombarded with announcements. Got to love it when the West Of England guards switch the wretched thing off.

Only time ive ever seen it off is when the GPS thingy is broken:roll:, cause else the system just keeps announcing the stations its already called at! :-x

 

[gchst]

on southern they quite oftern get the next station wrong.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

Only time ive ever seen it off is when the GPS thingy is broken:roll:, cause else the system just keeps announcing the stations its already called at! :-x

The GPS thing is called the passenger information system (PIS).

 

[thefab444]

No the GPS "thingy" is what tells the train where it is, so it knows when to play the "The next station is" announcements etc.

 

[SWT Driver]

Actually it can get lost due to atmospheric conditions, large amounts of metalwork or buildings.

Southern know that, because if you park a 377 in the wrong platform at Eastleigh, the on board computer says "NO" & the doors will not open.

 

[chuffchuff]

Actually it can get lost due to atmospheric conditions, large amounts of metalwork or buildings.

Southern know that, because if you park a 377 in the wrong platform at Eastleigh, the on board computer says "NO" & the doors will not open.

375's at Cannon St have the same trouble.

Coo must be mellowing in me old age, managed to write that without
every other word beginning with an "F" or a "C"

Be a good idea if they changed the "TAR" on the end for "HIT"

 

[Lampshade]

Useless annoucements? Travel on TPE out of any station, the PIS never bloody shuts up! In fact I'd go so far as to say it's taking the PIS... sorry.

I love the really cheesy sounding annoucements on the SWT 458s and how 'the door buttons are now activated' :P

 

[mooster]

I love the really cheesy sounding annoucements on the SWT 458s and how 'the door buttons are now activated' :P

Ditto! The chap on the PIS is pure cheese on the 458s!
Oh how I miss the Ascot-Virginia Water trek to work back in the day. Chertsey is still a right royal pain to get to though... used to live near Camberley, so went Camberley > Virginia Water > Chertsey... but now live in Farnborough, so have the joy of Farnborough > Woking > Weybridge > Chertsey each day. Although, to be fair - I am rarely late for work despite having 3 trains. The 0803 to Chertsey sitting there for 20 mins before it leaves kinda helps though!

 

[MCR247]

Actually it can get lost due to atmospheric conditions, large amounts of metalwork or buildings.

Southern know that, because if you park a 377 in the wrong platform at Eastleigh, the on board computer says "NO" & the doors will not open.

I was on a 377 in Victoria and it takes a while to open the doors, and the guard kept announcing this because of the GPS, but they guy in front still kept pressing the door button muttering 'bloody things'

 

[Capybara]

Thanks to SWT Driver for confirming what I had assumed was the case - that they are only acting under orders. It's just amusing that the last bit is rarely, if ever, going to be of use to anyone on the train! I likewise much prefer the human touch - the recorded announcements on departure from Weybridge tend to finish only a matter of seconds before those heralding the imminent arrival at Addlestone start. As for SWT staff, I've never come across a bad one in those four and a bit years. The passengers, mind ......

 

[SWT Driver]

I know of a couple amusing announcements.

1/ A guard arriving at Waterloo.

Ladies & Gentlemen, we are now arriving at London Waterloo, where this train will terminate.

Please ensure that you take all of your personal belongings with you when you leave the train, there are no delays on the underground this morning.

We are arriving approximately 4' early & I'd like to apologise for any inconvenience this may cause you. Have nice day.

2/ Ladies & Gentlemen, this is your driver speaking.

I'd like to advise you that today is your guards birthday & he couldn't get the day off so he's at work, working this service for you today.

If you'd like to wish xxxxxxx (false name!) your guard today, a happy birthday & thank him it would be appreciated.

Stitch up your guard time or what!

 

[jon0844]

I only know of one FCC driver that says what time the train is scheduled to arrive at its destination, and he's the one that seems to activate every single possible preset announcement on a 365.

Even on an empty train, he'll tell you what to do when the hustle alarm sounds, keeping bags off seats for other passengers, standing clear of the doors and other more bizarre ones. I used to think he was just playing them all in order until he found the one he wanted, or he always wanted to work the jingles for a radio station.

To be honest, if I was in the cab, I'd be going 'I wonder what this one does' too - until lynched by the passengers!

 

[bnsf734]

Travelling from Nuneaton to Euston on the London Midland Class 350's the train combines at Northampton with the Birmingham service. After the trains combine the PIS gets reset and starts announcing the stops from Crewe, normally to much hilarity from the passengers, once under way things get sorted out and normal service is then resumed.

Coming out from Euston last time we had a 350/2 on the Crewe train and a 350/1 on the Birmingham. To ensure everybody was in the correct part of the train the guard was using the seat colours as a guide. "The coaches with the green seats are for Birmingham, the coaches with the blue seats are for Crewe!" First time I've heard the seat colours used to guide the passengers.

Calv

 

[Pumbaa]

Guards have done it before at Northampton. Any time 2 350s get whacked together, the PIS on the train at the front goes nuts and thinks it's back where it started. So yes, as the Crewe service more often than not has another 4 coaches whacked onto it, or the Brum service is lengthened at Northampton during the PM peak, passengers often just give the wild eyed "not again" look as the PIS tries to convince them the next stop is Tile Hill!

 

[mallard]

Ah yes, the SouthEastern 375s PIS always have problem splitting at Faversham. It seems that when they reset it, the system "moves on" a station and tells everyone the next station is Chestfield and Swalecliffe, much to the confusion of the Whitstable passengers.

 

[thefab444]

To ensure everybody was in the correct part of the train the guard was using the seat colours as a guide. "The coaches with the green seats are for Birmingham, the coaches with the blue seats are for Crewe!" First time I've heard the seat colours used to guide the passengers.

Southern guards also do this, given that every single one of their units has a unique seating layout/pattern pretty much!

 

[johnesutton]

I'd like to see a proper cost-benefit analysis done to justify all these announcements. On First Great Western we are repeatedly told that there is a braille version of the "safety leaflet" available if you ask the guard for it. What is the probability that this announcement produces any benefit? I would say that it is something like:

"probability that a passenger reads the leaflet" X "probability that the passenger is blind" X "probability that train crashes" X "probability that advice in leaflet actually proves useful"

Put in your own estimates for each factor, the result is vanishingly small.

On the "cost" side, OTOH, we have the irritation caused every day to many thousands of passengers. Such irritation produces consequences that are very difficult to estimate but are nonetheless very real: irritation produces exhaustion and bad temper which leads to inefficiency and accidents.

Of course, nobody is every going to be able to PROVE that constantly bombarding people with this torrent of generally useless information leads to such consequences.

How long before we will be hearing "Would passengers (sorry, customers) please remember to place one foot in front of the other when leaving the train..."

 

[Aictos]

Well how about when there are no trains running from a station due to bus replacement service in operation only to have please keep your personal belongings with you at all times every 20 mins!

 

[FLHH East Anglia]

I only know of one FCC driver that says what time the train is scheduled to arrive at its destination, and he's the one that seems to activate every single possible preset announcement on a 365.

Even on an empty train, he'll tell you what to do when the hustle alarm sounds, keeping bags off seats for other passengers, standing clear of the doors and other more bizarre ones. I used to think he was just playing them all in order until he found the one he wanted, or he always wanted to work the jingles for a radio station.

To be honest, if I was in the cab, I'd be going 'I wonder what this one does' too - until lynched by the passengers!

Yep,he's an FCC Kings Lynn driver.

 

[jon0844]

How long before we will be hearing "Would passengers (sorry, customers) please remember to place one foot in front of the other when leaving the train..."

I'm sure that's one of the more obscure 365 announcements that already exists.

People would still get it wrong mind, tripping over and falling off.

 

[SqUaShIe P]

i heard a new (well it was new to me) announcement in london liverpool st. the other day. it was something along the lines of "welcome to london liverpool street, customers arriving at the station should have their tickets ready for the barriers and should use all avalible exit gates".
Ive only heard it once, and it was a different voice to the normal announcements.
I was thinking, they cant play that every single time a train arrives.
has anyone else heard this anywhere?

 

[Waddon]

It's not an announcement as such, but on the old slam door southern units, if you sat in the compartment just behind the cab with the window open, you could often hear exactly what the driver thought of the passenger/platform staff or whatever that just delayed his train, complete with colourful expletives (wonder if they knew someone could hear them...)

 

[313103]

Have any of you traveled on the shiny new London Overground class 378? Never in my life would you get such a barage of endless announcements. Which i suppose is what TfL want. However what they dont address is Engineering work, station closures and other lines that do not stop at the station on certain days. So if your on a service on a Saturday you will still be told at Highbury & Islington to change for National Rail services even though they havent stopped there on the weekend for at least 20 years.

Most of the time the Conductor has to cut out the automated announcement at the correct time, however what it doesnt address is the PIS which will happily scroll along telling you rubbish as the traincrew can not overide the PIS screen.

 

[Surreytraveller]

'We are now approaching our final destination'. What is a destination if it isn't final? Talk about tautology!

 

[SWT Driver]

A mystery tour of the Twilight Zone!

 

[GodAtum]

I always took the PIS for granted until I went to New York. They didnt have an automated PIS there and I really missed the helpfulness of the PIS we have here.

 

[graham125hst]

The one that grates me the most is the one about the doors not being opened until the train comes to a complete and final stop.

Also like somone said on the first page of this topic the announcements on the TPE Class 185's can get a bit OTT.