Useless announcements (or bits thereof)

[CosherB]

All these automated announcements - pure nannying! I'm sure they don't have to put up with it in other countries.

Last week I was waiting on Deansgate station (Manchester) and there was a continupus stream of innane announcements... each missing the first fraction of a second or so:

"....ext train at platform one is not stopping here. Please stand well back from the platform edge" (non-stop trains crawl though this station at not much more than walking pace).

"...ay I have your attention please. Do not leave unattended luggage on the station. Unattended luggage may be removed and destroyed"

"....ext train at platform two is not stopping here. Please stand well back from the platform edge"

"...ue to the recent wet weather, please be careful as surfaces may be slippery"

"....ay I have your attention please. Do not leave unattended luggage on the station. Unattended luggage may be removed and destroyed"

And so it goes on! It's as if silence is a sin and the air has to be filled with nannying drivel at every opportunity! :roll:

 

[Drsatan]

"...ay I have your attention please. Do not leave unattended luggage on the station. Unattended luggage may be removed and destroyed"

Lol. Romsey station is only manned for part of the day, and since it serves a small market town is not going to be a likely place for a terrorist attack, yet every 10 minutes there's an announcement like this:

"Please do not leave luggage unattended anywhere on the station. Unattended luggage may be removed, damaged or destroyed by the security services".

Wouldn't damage to one's luggage by these "security services" class as criminal damage anyway? The mind boggles.

 

[Lampshade]

There's one at Stalybridge that warns of a 'fast train' approaching platform 1, then a 170 crawls through

 

[vitesse]

Has anyone heard the new announcement at Stratford station yet.

"Platform 11 for the Southeastern Bus service to, calling at only"

Presumably the other bits of information havnt been added yet, for those that dont know there is now a bus service that operates by an entrance just off the end of Pl11.

 

[asylumxl]

On the Jubilee line yesterday the driver declared "Mind the gap between the train and the gap".

Made me smile anyway. Obviously too early in the morning for him.

 

[CosherB]

There was a nice one on 'The Now Show' ob Radio 4 last night. As a FGW morning train pulled into paddington, packed to the seams with standing passengers, the TM announced their arrival and added "and apologies to the standing passenger at the back of the train who wanted a complaint form. I was unable to get to him due to gross overcrowding on this service"!

You coundn't make it up!

 

[mallard]

I heard a curious set of (manual) announcements at Sheffield today:

"The next train on platform 8 is not a public service, please do not board the next train at platform 8" (I forget the exact wording).

HST pulls into platform 8, stops.

About 2 minutes later, HST still in platform 8:

"Platform 8 for the xx:xx service to London St. Pancras, calling at ...."

 

[142094]

I heard a curious set of (manual) announcements at Sheffield today:

"The next train on platform 8 is not a public service, please do not board the next train at platform 8" (I forget the exact wording).

HST pulls into platform 8, stops.

About 2 minutes later, HST still in platform 8:

"Platform 8 for the xx:xx service to London St. Pancras, calling at ...."

Happens all the time on terminating services, which are given a quick clean and the new seat reservations are put out. If everyone was to board straightaway there would be chaos. Still you get people complaining and the stupid types that press the button and try every door to get on.

 

[SWT Driver]

The CIS at Guildford always says this is the service from Guildford on Guildford-Aldershot-Ascot services.

Yes, I know it's from Guildford, that's where we are now! Duh!

I think this picture shows how screwed up the CIS gets at times..

So why will doors not be welcome to Grateley?

 

[mallard]

Happens all the time on terminating services, which are given a quick clean and the new seat reservations are put out. If everyone was to board straightaway there would be chaos. Still you get people complaining and the stupid types that press the button and try every door to get on.

True, but in this case the HST was empty on arrival, presumably ECS.

 

[Aictos]

I heard a curious set of (manual) announcements at Sheffield today:

"The next train on platform 8 is not a public service, please do not board the next train at platform 8" (I forget the exact wording).

HST pulls into platform 8, stops.

About 2 minutes later, HST still in platform 8:

"Platform 8 for the xx:xx service to London St. Pancras, calling at ...."

Well the CIS screen on Platform 3 at my station always when it comes to ECS's coming into the platform to form outgoing passenger services always have the Stand well clear message as if it's not stopping there.

Only problem is, that platform is a bay platform so has to stop.

 

[142094]

True, but in this case the HST was empty on arrival, presumably ECS.

Ah right. Seems a bit stupid then to have the announcement but everywhere has them now.

 

[truckman060473]

was on Cardiff central on the saturday when wales were playing australia and it was busy enough but they announced "please no feeding of the pigeons on the station as they are becoming a menace" !!!!!!!

 

[Skie]

No the GPS "thingy" is what tells the train where it is, so it knows when to play the "The next station is" announcements etc.

And some units (usually retrofitted/refurbed ones) dont even use GPS, instead they know how far the train has travelled since the last stop (either by hooking into the OTMR or an axle sensor) and because they know the mileage of their current route they can then announce and display the proper info. Which dosent always work well during silly season.

Next station is Sandhills at every stop seems to be the favourite one.

 

[Vulcan]

When they put the new displays and announcement in at Huddersfield earlier in the year, there was a day or two when there were two systems working and contradicting each other.

I also heard the (new) system at Hudds announce 'This is an announcement for passegers on platform 6, please stand clear of the platform edge, the next train does not stop at this station.' All very well you may think, except platform 6 is a bay platform.

I have also heard the class 333s make daft announcements, like 'the next station is Ben Rhydding' when it is actually Shipley. It also annoys me the way they say 'the next station ishipley'. No, 'Is Shipley', its two words you stupid machine!
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
I have also just remembered the ex-Virgin, now probably Cross Country guard who seemed to forget the script and make up his own, much more imaginative anouncements. Such as:
'We're all off to Manchester!'
'The next station is Stockport, while in Stockport do visit the hat museum'
The next station is Manchester, capital city of unbrellas. Arriving 4 minutes early, thankyou for travelling with Virgin trains.

Although my favourite Cross country announcement was 'This is your customer service manager speaking, I apologise for the lack of on board shop on this service today, the lock has broken and we can't get into it.'

 

[SqUaShIe P]

that reminds me, I think it was on a fTPX service about 3 years ago. someone announced 'id like to apologise, there will be no trolly service on-board today due to technical difficulties' then a pause, then ended with 'one of the wheels has just fallen off!'
suppose it wernt a pointless announcement but it made me laugh.

 

[moonrakerz]

Last time I was in Plymouth - about 1 minute before the Paddington service was due to arrive. A platform change announcement was made, everyone picked up their bags to dash to the new platform, the announcement ended by saying the "new" platform would be platform 7 - you can probably guess which platform we were all on !!!

 

[lookapigeon]

I travel a lot to Portsmouth on the train and have developed a loathing for SWT's endless barrage of annoucements on the trains. It can be impossible to hold a conversation on the train or even work or relax as there's some announcement about this, that or another. There are one or two guards who are lovely people, as are their annoucements (!) in which they inject some personality into them, rather than reading off the script.

The tinned ones are the worst - whether it's the seemingly endless list of stations the train calls at (which is no doubt is seered onto my memory if I have caught the stopping one), no putting feet on seats, that CCTV and video recording is in operation or where the buffet trolley is located etc. (Christ, I seem to remember having some over-enthusiastic chap who was running the buffet trolley one day and he spent about 5 minutes literally reeling off every single bloody item that he sold on said trolley - I was wondering when it was going to end!!!).

In all honestly, I'd take great pleasure in taking a lump hammer to the (computer?) making the automated announcements - the amount announcements and frequency of them is excessive. The Paris Metro have it just about right - next to no announcements on the trains!

Why not take a leaf out of Southeastern's book and just have the name of the next station (and list of calling points) scrolling on the display, thus saving announcements?

 

[Aictos]

I know how daft the no cycling, skateboarding or rollerblading announcement might sound with the near zero chance of anyone rollerblading on a platform but if anyone remembers that daft git who skied down the escalators at Angel LUL station not so long ago?

No surprise then that this announcement gets played then is it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFqQOlYE4EE

 

[Pumbaa]

Daft - but brilliant. Kudos to him.

 

[royaloak]

I wonder if you would say that if your wife and kids who were stood at the bottom had been wiped out by the idiot. Okay nobody got hurt so its quite funny but the chances of injury to an innocent party are huge, and no doubt you would have a go at the railway for not stopping him!

 

[Aictos]

I wonder if you would say that if your wife and kids who were stood at the bottom had been wiped out by the idiot. Okay nobody got hurt so its quite funny but the chances of injury to an innocent party are huge, and no doubt you would have a go at the railway for not stopping him!

Exactly and hence the railway would get sued for not preventing this idiot causing the injury to a third party.

I know which party I would be suing if I got injured in that example of idiocy and it wouldn't be the railway.

 

[johnb]

the chances of injury to an innocent party are huge

No they aren't - check the end of the clip - it's clear that his mates are at the bottom of the escalator keeping members of the public well out of potential harm's way.

 

[royaloak]

So that makes it alright then :roll:

 

[ralphchadkirk]

His mates are keeping no one out the way - it is just his mates at the bottom. Not that it makes it alright, what a stupid thing to do.

 

[moonrakerz]

I know how daft the no cycling, skateboarding or rollerblading announcement might sound with the near zero chance of anyone rollerblading on a platform but if anyone remembers that daft git who skied down the escalators at Angel LUL station not so long ago?

Of course, if there had been a "no skiing down the escalators" announcement, he wouldn't have done it !! :roll::roll:

 

[Aictos]

Of course, if there had been a "no skiing down the escalators" announcement, he wouldn't have done it !! :roll::roll:

And the rolling eyes were there for what purpose?

I stated what I did in my post because the railway needs to ensure it does everything possible to cover itself to prevent it being caught out by legal action.

It's up to people if they take safety advice or not but when they injure themselves or others they cannot place the blame at the railway for the injury but rather just accept their own part in the injury, sadly this isn't happening as today's culture is all about blaming someone else and not taking responsibilities for ones own actions.

 

[devon_metro]

And the rolling eyes were there for what purpose?

I stated what I did in my post because the railway needs to ensure it does everything possible to cover itself to prevent it being caught out by legal action.

Isn't that what the railway byelaws are for!

 

[Aictos]

Yes, but still you will get some person who though their own fault injure themselves and see the railways as a easy target to get some compo.
Sad but true,

 

[moonrakerz]

And the rolling eyes were there for what purpose?

I stated what I did in my post because the railway needs to ensure it does everything possible to cover itself to prevent it being caught out by legal action.

I am afraid that I have to say that your post says far more about the ludicrous state that the gross over-interpretation of Heath & Safety laws have led us to in this country, than I could say in a hundred posts !

If you REALLY think that someone skiing down an escalator would stand much of a chance of suing the Rail Co/Station operator/Otis Ltd - I really can say no more.

PS: the rolling eyes were there for the very reason that you queried them - even YOU know how stupid it has now become - but won't admit it !