Third Rail (TV Programme; not serious)

[Ivo]

This is a continuation of the Top Gear thread. In it, IanPT and others proposed a new TV show, whose name became "Third Rail" - a railway version of Top Gear.

Starring:

Ivo ("Jeremy")
IanPT ("Richard")
Ralph ("James")
??? ("The Stig")

In each episode, we run approximately four different features, which would usually include a "Racer in our Reasonably Bad Pacer" and possibly the first and last being one long combined feature. We would be based near Dalby, with the RRBP being staged there, and rove around the country testing various types of stock. Occasionally we might run a special feature, such as for the A stocks. And there would also be a News section.

And, of course, we would invite Clarkson, Hammond and May along at some point for a competition along the lines of ENG v DEU.

Oh, and someone will have a serious accident. Probably Ian, based on him having Hamster's role.

 

[ralphchadkirk]

Not sure it would really work, but amusing thinking about it nonetheless!

 

[EM2]

Surely The Stig has to be O L Leigh or XC Driver?

 

[Hydro]

Time trials with different stock from Asfordby tunnel to Edwalton on Old Dalby to determine the fastest (pair of 37's on load 5 will do it from a standing start to stop, flat out, in a shade under 12 minutes). You could drag race on the double track section - we had dual running with A-stock with those 37's and raced them for a short while. Kind of one sided, but the tube train will certainly have the advantage from a standing start.

 

[SS4]

Racer in a really bad pacer sounds fun. Perhaps a challenge could be how far Ivo could last on a 323 before becoming frustrated

Or a race between Birmingham New St and Rugeley TV

 

[HST Power]

You could have a challenge where you have to go to as many stations as possible within a certain time limit, scoring points along the way. I had a similar challenge with some friends on the Great Northern Route a few years ago, it was great fun!

 

[OxtedL]

I doubt you will be able to make any decent length Top Gear-like programme without the words "under-steer" and "over-steer" banded about at least 50 times an episode, so unless you have got radical plans for maybe pacers...

 

[IanPooleTrains]

Oh, and someone will have a serious accident. Probably Ian, based on him having Hamster's role.

Racer in a really bad pacer sounds fun. Perhaps a challenge could be how far Ivo could last on a 323 before becoming frustrated

Or a race between Birmingham New St and Rugeley TV

Or how long could Ralph last without starting an argument?

This is a great idea, we should go to the BBC and commission it, the only thing is it might hit the buffers!

 

[ralphchadkirk]

I think IPT would go off the rails....

 

[Crossover]

This is a great idea, we should go to the BBC and commission it, the only thing is it might hit the buffers!

Ian, that is dreadful!

POST 400!!!

 

[HST Power]

We might need a change of train...

I meant of course, plan.

 

[Crossover]

As is that Ralph!

One idea which IPT brought up on our meet at the weekend, which is quicker overall from a standing start...Javelin or Pendolino - HS1 being the setting we thought.

 

[Hydro]

As is that Ralph!

One idea which IPT brought up on our meet at the weekend, which is quicker overall from a standing start...Javelin or Pendolino - HS1 being the setting we thought.

Jav by a long shot, I would say.

 

[Crossover]

Jav by a long shot, I would say.

Ah, but fixed in TG style, would it be such a long shot?

 

[Sun Chariot]

Okay, here are some Third Rail team challenges:

"Permanent Wha-hay!" : you each have a Wickham trolley, pw tools and a sack of ballast. You each have to lay and tamp a 60 foot length of rail, fit for your Reasonably Bad Pacer to travel over without derailing.

"Watch out, Frenchie!" : you each have to transport 100 boisterous French Exchange students, from one London tourist-popular station to another. Without any of those pesky French students a) getting lost along the way, or b) trashing your train interior.

And, for your dramatic introduction of your Reasonably Bad Pacer... (Cue dramatic lighting, moody music and Clarkson-esque voice...):
"On the first day, god put THIS on our planet (a Leyland National bus appears on screen). And He saw that it was bad. And He vowed to do better. And He saw the 7:15 train from Hull (up flashes a MetCam DMU) and He knew what He had to do. And as metal formed, plastic cracked and glass got graffiti-covered - god looked at his work (clouds billows and part - to reveal The Pacer) - and He saw that it was Reasonably Bad. And he was chuffed.

 

[Hydro]

I am ****ing myself at the term "Permanent Wa-Hey!".

 

[ralphchadkirk]

S & Tea: Try and joint a small wire in the time it takes the kettle to boil.

 

[Hydro]

"Of course, The Stig doesn't need WSP..."

 

[Sun Chariot]

S & Tea: Try and joint a small wire in the time it takes the kettle to boil.

With lots of juvenile references to "tea-bagging" (I won't explain - it's rather rude...)

 

[Hydro]

I wish I could get this to embed.

 

[ralphchadkirk]

I wish I could get this to embed.

If only there was a 'like' button!

 

[MidnightFlyer]

I would quite like to see someone getting a face tattoo done whilst on a Pacer.

 

[IanPooleTrains]

Some would say that he has an Alstom tattoo inside his nostril and that you can see his face imprinted on the speedometer of a Super Sprinter

All we know is, he's not The Stig but he is the Stig's NR cousin!

Shouldn't our Stg have a yellow helmet though?

 

[ralphchadkirk]

Some would say that he has an Alstom tattoo inside his nostril and that you can see his face imprinted on the speedometer of a Super Sprinter

All we know is, he's not The Stig but he is the Stig's NR cousin!

Shouldn't our Stg have a yellow helmet though?

No, white is for experienced people on track, blue for newbies.

 

[Hydro]

Stig is definitely a white hatter.

 

[Minilad]

Surely The Stig has to be O L Leigh or XC Driver?

Yeah i'm up for that

Some say he has no internal organs, just Deltic parts in their place
Some say he comes out in a rash if he comes within 50 foot of a pendilino
But all we know is, he is called XCStig, and he has a large shiny helmet

 

[EM2]

The producers gave us each £10,000 and we had to buy a Modernisation Plan diesel. We then had to report to Bescot Yard, where we would be given a series of challenges...

 

[flymo]

Don't forget "The Cool Wall" with various units and locos from around the world being deemed, 'Cool', 'Uncool', 'Seriously Uncool', 'Sub Zero' and of course a special 'Ice Box' which I think could only include the HST. Valenta of course...

 

[N Levers]

Can I get some audience tickets please...

 

[EM2]

We were thinking 'Why has no-one built a solar powered multiple unit? So we decided to have a go, and build one at the Third Rail technical research centre. I mean, how hard can it be...?'