The Bad Advice Thread

[birchesgreen]

Remember that Britain is a small place, so if you accidentally booked a flight to the wrong airport that isn't the best for your destination, simply take a taxi, as the prices are incredibly cheap!

Some tourists think that already. A couple of years ago a distant relative came over from the US and visited my uncle in Liverpool, she was annoyed that her suggestion that they visit London, Stratford and Edinburgh in the afternoon was turned down. I know the UK is smaller than the US but not that small (unless you have a private jet!)

Some advice for foreign work colleagues who come over to visit UK branches of the company, British workers are most enthusiastic for meetings first thing on a Monday or last on a Friday, you'll get the most engagement!

 

[seagull]

Most Welsh are extremely proud of the land (England) in which their small township of Wales is situated. If in doubt, refer to the area as "the West Midlands".

 

[Dai Corner]

Most Welsh are extremely proud of the land (England) in which their small township of Wales is situated. If in doubt, refer to the area as "the West Midlands".

They're especially grateful to the cities of Birmingham and Liverpool for building the drainage systems which prevent their principality from flooding completely.

 

[DerekC]

Driving on the left is not as hard as it sounds, but roundabouts are tricky. Remember that traffic on the roundabout must always give way to cars coming from their left. Just be confident and keep going, and don't worry about a bit of hooting. And of course in London, all buses are treated the way school buses are in the states - so if a bus stops, you must stop too.

 

[ungreat]

The traditional way to greet a British police officer is to knock their hat off

 

[OhNoAPacer]

At a large railway station if you see a member of the platform staff standing next to a train waiting to depart whilst holding a paddle then this indicates that they are available to discuss any issue on rail policy in the UK.

 

[dgl]

Welsh is just a made up languange that no-one actually speaks and the welsh in normal life, soething the Welsh speaking people like people to point out.

And your train is clearly the most important and you're clearly the most important traveller on it so they will hold it for you no matter how late you are

 

[61653 HTAFC]

London may get the headlines, but the real cultural capital of England is the historic town of Skelmersdale, complete with its unique and still-intact medieval defensive walls.

For those of a theological bent, the home of British Judaism (and home seat of the Chief Rabbi) is Dewsbury in West Yorkshire. This is how it got the name, and also the reason that the local branch of Subway only offers a limited breakfast menu. While visiting the town, it is customary to greet people with "Shalom".

 

[Cowley]

At a large railway station if you see a member of the platform staff standing next to a train waiting to depart whilst holding a paddle then this indicates that they are available to discuss any issue on rail policy in the UK.

Exactly right. It also gives them a rest between the rounds of ping pong they’ve been playing along the platform (it’s worth asking them about that too actually).

 

[OhNoAPacer]

If you think the price offered by the ticket office staff is too expensive then haranguing them, preferably using abusive language, will ensure that you then get offered one of the specially priced tickets that they keep secret.

 

[SuspectUsual]

If riding a bicycle, remember that you have priority on all pavements, and traffic signals don’t apply to you

 

[61653 HTAFC]

London bus drivers also act as official tour guides, and will be more than happy to chat with you and recommend activities. However be careful if in the provinces, where talking to the bus driver is strictly forbidden, even thanking them as you alight.

 

[gingerheid]

English is of course the main language in the UK, but remember that outside the centre of the main cities in Scotland you'll need Gaelic, and in Cornwall Cornish is almost exclusively used.

St Andrews day is marked by eating pizza and avoiding any activity that might make you sweat.

As in France, swimshorts are strictly forbidden at swimming pools. Swimming trunks all the way, unless you want people to point at you and laugh.

The best time to visit supermarkets in England is Sunday evening.

 

[Gloster]

Visit the ancient Roman baths in Bath. Dive straight in, and you will be supplied with soap and towels by the attendants.

 

[Busaholic]

Be sure to visit an independent bookshop and look through all the books, then make a note of all those that have taken your eye so that you can order them from Amazon. On leaving the bookshop be sure to ask the owner (he's the one with the haggard look behind the counter with a fixed grin on his face) if he's read all the books, because he'll never have been asked that before. Oh, and don't forget to ask where's the best place for his family to eat out tonight, because you're so keen to help local businesses.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 27 Dec 2021 ==

Exactly right. It also gives them a rest between the rounds of ping pong they’ve been playing along the platform (it’s worth asking them about that too actually).

I thought they carried that from when the trains are bound for Sh*t Creek.

 

[Gloster]

Be sure to visit an independent bookshop and look through all the books, then make a note of all those that have taken your eye so that you can order them from Amazon. On leaving the bookshop be sure to ask the owner (he's the one with the haggard look behind the counter with a fixed grin on his face) if he's read all the books, because he'll never have been asked that before. Oh, and don't forget to ask where's the best place for his family to eat out tonight, because you're so keen to help local businesses.

Too true. A fortnight or so ago a couple were having a good go through the various TV-related books in my local Waterstones (we have no alternative except supermarkets and W.H.Smug). At the end the husband announced in a loud voice, “Right, that’s the one we’ll order from Amazon.” And out of the shop they marched.

 

[gg1]

The correct way to make a cup of tea in Britain is to add the milk first, then hot (but not boiling) water, then finally add the teabag. If anyone says otherwise they should be corrected.

 

[Cowley]

The correct way to make a cup of tea in Britain is to add the milk first, then hot (but not boiling) water, then finally add the teabag. If anyone says otherwise they should be corrected.

Don’t forget to dunk your pasty in it too. Just like the farmers of Kent did in Medieval times…

 

[Shotton]

If you are eating a packet of crisps, or other snack food, it is customary to offer some of them to any stranger you meet. If someone refuses your offering, it is considered polite to pour the entire contents of the bag on them to thank them for their generosity.

 

[SuspectUsual]

The nickname for people from Sunderland is Geordies.

 

[Gloster]

Why not visit Kew Gardens to see the flowers. If you like them, you are welcome to take a cutting or a plant. And why not some for your friends back home.

 

[Huntergreed]

The yellow line on the platform is designed to control queuing during busy peak time hours, you are normally supposed to wait in front of this to speed up the boarding process.

Railway staff prefer it if you wait until boarding the train before buying a ticket, which you can get for a special discount (known as a “penalty fare”)

 

[OhNoAPacer]

All rail employees know the timetables and fares for every possible journey on the UK network. If they say they don't then do not believe them, they are merely being lazy and obstinate. The best way to get a positive response from such a person is to remind them that you are paying their wages.

 

[Cowley]

For Americans, Bude in Cornwall is pronounced ‘Buddy’ and Slaithwaite in West Yorkshire is pronounced exactly how it’s spelt.

Whilst on the subject of Yorkshire, the people in that part of the world are well known for buying strangers a pint and spending money on frivolous items.
It’s an extremely good area to consider setting up a vegan hipster cafe or similar, especially on one of the renowned surfing beaches.

 

[Gloster]

If you want to see the Loch Ness monster, look for it at Dungeness.

 

[QSK19]

That Boots is a footwear store; that you can flag down a National Express bus for your 2 mile trip into town; or that if you’re in the wrong train of a double train set calling at a station with a short platform, the staff will be more than happy to pull the train forward to let you off.

 

[Dai Corner]

Every pub called the Miner's Arms has at least one elderly regular who loves to talk for hours about how former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher saved him from the misery of working underground.

 

[Cowley]

The English Riviera is Europe’s best kept secret - Sun, sea, bronzed bodies…
Many people from the south of France and Italy have taken to travelling there lately to experience the wonderful cafe culture and cutting edge fashion that’s on display even in the warm winter weather.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

If visiting Sunderland be sure to tell them what a nice suburb of Newcastle it is.

 

[Gloster]

Congratulate Londoners on their sporting behaviour in putting a statue of Napoleon at the top of a forty metre high column in the middle of Trafalgar Square.