The Bad Advice Thread

[py_megapixel]

As you're not used to our motorways, please feel free to drive in the centre lane at 50 mph maximum- you will be rewarded by grateful drivers flashing their headlights behind you, or even encouraging you with their hooters.

And don't worry if you miss your exit. Just use the special double-back road about half a mile beyond where you were supposed to slip off. The turning may be a bit sharp, but don't worry if your car can't make it - there's an extra lane, to the extreme left and separated from the rest by a solid line, for specifically this purpose!

Also, a circular sign with a white bar on a red background is supposed to represent looking straight at the steering wheel, and indicates that you should steer into that road if at all possible.
Meanwhile, white arrows on blue backgrounds are stylised aircraft, and indicate that only flying things should use that road in that direction, so you will need to find an alternative route.

Note that it's common for a road to be reserved for flying things in one direction and cars in the other, as they are separated by height so can safely travel on the same section of road in opposite directions without colliding. This means that roads are often signed with white bars on red in one direction and white arrows on blue in the other, and it's important that you only drive into the end signed with white on red.

 

[SuspectUsual]

When in Glasgow, it’s socially correct to wear a green and white hooped top when attending Rangers games

 

[Spaceflower]

If you find yourself in a residential area without many cars, you can be sure you've found some friendly environmentalists. Oh, and if you visit Scotland in shorts and T-shirt be sure to enjoy the sunset at the loch side at dusk.

 

[bspahh]

http://www.g0akh.f2s.com/isihac/Unhelpful_Advice_Page.php has unhelpful advice from I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue like

Misleading Advice for the foreign visitor to a Railway Station​

When leaving the train, it is traditional to leave a leaf on the line​

 

[Springs Branch]

If you find yourself driving your hire car in an up-market residential neighbourhood and need to turn around, be aware that wide driveways with elaborate metal gates and "No Turning" signs are provided by the local council for this purpose.

Just be sure, as you reverse out, that you give a cheery wave and that uniquely British Churchillian V-salute to any friendly residents who may be waving at you from behind the gates - and don't forget a nice long toot on your car horn! If it's early or late in the day and no-one is about, then a double blast on the car horn is considered polite.


This thread could become a niche version of Viz's Top Tips.

 

[LSWR Cavalier]

People were formerly advised to ask a police officer for directions how to get somewhere. Not sure when I last saw a Bobby on the Beat.

 

[ComUtoR]

People were formerly advised to ask a police officer for directions how to get somewhere.

Speaking of the Police being helpful....

The Met Police have a famous recipie for Bacon Sandwiches. Feel free to ask them...

 

[birchesgreen]

British people always queue but will always be delighted if foreign visitors jump the queue.

 

[Dai Corner]

"Route: Any Permitted" on a railway ticket means you may take any route you like between your origin and destination. If you get lost, simply approach any member of staff for friendly, helpful advice to get you back on track.

The nicest ones have been designated Really Personable Individuals (RPIs).

 

[Gloster]

Why not go to Sotheby’s to watch an auction. But remember that it is polite to give the auctioneer a wave as you sit down.

 

[northken]

When boarding and paying on a London bus, be mindful that they are exact fare only and ensure you don’t pay using Northern Irish notes. Drivers are reluctant to accept them.

 

[Gloster]

Speed limits on the roads are now indicated in kilometres per hour. When you are keeping to the 30 kph limit the drivers behind will show their appreciation of you showing respect for the law by hooting and flashing their lights.

 

[Peter C]

When boarding a train, it is accepted custom in Britain for those already onboard to allow those on the platform on before alighting themselves. Passengers welcome those just joining the train with polite mutterings and gesturing with their fingers to show how many carriages there are in the train.

-Peter

 

[backontrack]

Visitors to Buckingham Palace might want to join in the traditional English game known as Steal The Beefeater's Hat.

 

[Gloster]

If you want to visit a real, olde-worlde English town, why not go to Milton Keynes.

 

[daveo]

Visitors to Buckingham Palace might want to join in the traditional English game known as Steal The Beefeater's Hat.

They'd have a job - the Beefeaters are all at the Tower of London!!

Incidentally, are there any vegetarian Beefeaters?

 

[AlterEgo]

If you want to visit a real, olde-worlde English town, why not go to Milton Keynes.

That is good advice, because Milton Keynes has several towns and villages which go back to the Domesday Book many of which retain their original character.

 

[PeterY]

If they want a really exciting day, why not visit Hemel Hempstead. The must see is, the "magic" roundabout. You might be lucky if you come by train and your train isn't cancelled either .

 

[Class800]

People were formerly advised to ask a police officer for directions how to get somewhere. Not sure when I last saw a Bobby on the Beat.

I asked one after a European rugby final at St James Park Newcastle a few years back and he told me how to get to Central Station

 

[SuspectUsual]

People from across the British Isles desperately try to copy the Birmingham accent, because women find it irresistible. Sadly most fail to conquer this most demanding of accents

 

[High Dyke]

Remember, when travelling on the Tube (you may know it as the subway) be sure to engage in conversation with your fellow travellers.

 

[gingerheid]

Scottish people, particularly in tourist hotspots, are known for being unfriendly towards foreigners. It's always best for tourists to make an effort to fit in by wearing the same dress as everyone else; a full highland kilt outfit.

Around the Govan area of Glasgow and Gorgie are of Edinburgh unionist tendancies are strong, particularly on match days. Blend in by wearing royal green clothes and shouting "Up the RA" (which is short for Royal Army). In the eastern parts of Glasgow or Edinburgh you may prefer to wear the colours of the Scottish flag (blue and white), along with a vivid red signifying rejection of the addition of any more colours.

Thameslink trains, which serve Gatwick Airport, as renowned as some of the most reliable in the world, and a regularly studied by Japanese railway officials trying to work out how their standards can still be raised further. To get the most from your holiday chose a train that arrives no more than 10m before check-in closes.

Go to Salisbury to see the 123 metre tall cathedral spire. You will be so impressed that you will come again the next day.

Haha Remember to bring some perfume for your boyfriend

 

[Gloster]

If you visit the Natural History Museum, why not take home a bone for your pet.

 

[SuspectUsual]

Villages are what makes Britain unique. There are literally hundreds of them, many almost unchanged for hundreds of years, but if one of them sums up Britain and it’s history more than any other its Bicester Village

 

[Trackman]

Remember, when travelling on the Tube (you may know it as the subway) be sure to engage in conversation with your fellow travellers.

Plus always if touring take your rucksacks off and talk to your friends in a group inside a passageway to a platform.

 

[gingerheid]

British cuisine is highly under-rated, and a large number of up and coming young chefs mean that the gastronomical scene is certainly at least as lively as in France. If you want to splash out follow in the footsteps of royalty by eating at the up and coming Pizza Express in Woking - IF you can get a booking.

The jewels in crown of British tourism are found in coastal areas. To add a touch of upmarket luxury to your holiday experience find a Brittania hotel in Blackpool, Llandudno or Scarborough, or visit one of their elite "Pontins" branded seaside country clubs.

 

[calopez]

In Scotland, gentlemen's toilets are indicated by a pictogram of a man in a kilt.

 

[318266]

Remember that Britain is a small place, so if you accidentally booked a flight to the wrong airport that isn't the best for your destination, simply take a taxi, as the prices are incredibly cheap!

 

[Cowley]

In Scotland, gentlemen's toilets are indicated by a pictogram of a man in a kilt.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

If visiting West Cumbria be sure to call any locals you meet Jam Eaters, if then travelling the full length of the A66 and ending up in Middlesbrough be sure to refer to the locals as Smogheads.