Random thoughts

[Domh245]

At my old workplace there was one who someone made the mistake of feeding a few times. Got to the point that they couldn't leave any windows open or he'd come in and steal food off people's desks.

He got the nickname Steven Seagull.

There's a friendly seagull at our holiday house who has gained the name Steven Seagull. He knows his limits though, he just struts around on the lawn and front porch waiting for food, he won't enter the house, even if the door is wide open.

 

[deltic1989]

I heard a story read out on the radio (Radio X Johnny Vaughan show I think) a few months ago that may be worth mentioning. I make no judgement on this other than to say that some may find it amusing and some may find it appalling.

It was told by a guy who was waiting to pick someone up from a train at a station up north somewhere.
On the platform a guy had turned up with a bag of chips, he opened the packet and ate some but seemed more interested in the seagulls that had started to appear near him.
Very occasionally he'd throw a chip towards them and there'd be a punch up between the birds as they tried to get to it, the way that seagulls do.
This went on for a while, him throwing just the occasional chip at the birds as they started to get more and more aggressive and agitated and the group of gulls bit by bit got larger and larger.
Eventually the train arrived and the guy got up still with the half eaten bag of chips and took a step towards the doors, the gulls followed him eying the bag of chips intently at which point the observer heard the beeping sound of the doors about to close and looked on in astonishment as the chip guy hurled the remains of the chips through the door where most of the seagulls followed it just as the doors closed and the train left the station. As did the chip guy.

Watching from the safety of the platform, my messed up sense of humour would find that hilarious.
I probably wouldn't find it so amusing if I was on the train though.

 

[Cowley]

Watching from the safety of the platform, my messed up sense of humour would find that hilarious.
I probably wouldn't find it so amusing if I was on the train though.

I know. If you had a fear of birds it wouldn't be nice situation to be in. It made me chuckle but I know it's very very wrong.

 

[DaleCooper]

I heard a story read out on the radio (Radio X Johnny Vaughan show I think) a few months ago that may be worth mentioning. I make no judgement on this other than to say that some may find it amusing and some may find it appalling.

It was told by a guy who was waiting to pick someone up from a train at a station up north somewhere.
On the platform a guy had turned up with a bag of chips, he opened the packet and ate some but seemed more interested in the seagulls that had started to appear near him.
Very occasionally he'd throw a chip towards them and there'd be a punch up between the birds as they tried to get to it, the way that seagulls do.
This went on for a while, him throwing just the occasional chip at the birds as they started to get more and more aggressive and agitated and the group of gulls bit by bit got larger and larger.
Eventually the train arrived and the guy got up still with the half eaten bag of chips and took a step towards the doors, the gulls followed him eying the bag of chips intently at which point the observer heard the beeping sound of the doors about to close and looked on in astonishment as the chip guy hurled the remains of the chips through the door where most of the seagulls followed it just as the doors closed and the train left the station. As did the chip guy.

Seeing the carriage was very crowded a little boy on the platform said to his mother "The train's fulmar, we'll have to wait our tern".

Seabirds are no use on trains, the engines run on diesel not petrel.

 

[backontrack]

when you're writing history homework about how 1920s US farmers had surplus wheat in their fields that they couldn't export and all you can think about is Theresa May

 

[DaleCooper]

when you're writing history homework about how 1920s US farmers had surplus wheat in their fields that they couldn't export and all you can think about is Theresa May

Don't worry. it's common and quite normal for adolescent males to be attracted to older women. The only drawback is you might go blind.

 

[backontrack]

Don't worry. it's common and quite normal for adolescent males to be attracted to older women. The only drawback is you might go blind.

Oh, god, I didn't mean it in that way

Who turned out the lights?

 

[PeterY]

Random thought of the day whilst traveling by train.

How do women mange to put the make up on, on a moving train? I'd love to see a female putting her make up on, on a pacer or the Island line trains.

 

[DaleCooper]

Random thought of the day whilst traveling by train.

How do women mange to put the make up on, on a moving train? I'd love to see a female putting her make up on, on a pacer or the Island line trains.

No amount of make-up is going to hide mange.

http://pets.webmd.com/dogs/mange-dogs-canine-scabies#1

Mange is a skin disease caused by several species of tiny mites, common external parasites found in companion canines. Some mange mites are normal residents of your dog's skin and hair follicles, while others are not. All mites can cause mild to severe skin infections if they proliferate.

 

[SS4]

Random thought of the day whilst traveling by train.

How do women mange to put the make up on, on a moving train? I'd love to see a female putting her make up on, on a pacer or the Island line trains.

Presumably using dampening techniques. I'm sure everyone's old friends sin and cos are involved

 

[DaleCooper]

Presumably using dampening techniques. I'm sure everyone's old friends sin and cos are involved

What have wickedness and lettuce got to do with make-up?

 

[SS4]

What have wickedness and lettuce got to do with make-up?

You mean you don't apply wickedness and lettuce as make-up?

 

[DaleCooper]

Why is it that selections of "Biscuits for Cheese" always contain Digestives? I just put them with the sweet biscuits.

 

[A Challenge]

Why is it that selections of "Biscuits for Cheese" always contain Digestives? I just put them with the sweet biscuits.

You can eat them with cheese - though I do agree with you saying, they are sweet.

 

[najaB]

You can eat them with cheese...

And it's quite a delicious combination.

 

[DaleCooper]

You can eat them with cheese.

You can eat powdered glass and razor blades with cheese but I wouldn't recommend it.

And it's quite a delicious combination.

We must agree to disagree on that.

 

[GusB]

Why is it that selections of "Biscuits for Cheese" always contain Digestives? I just put them with the sweet biscuits.

I could never understand that either. It's crackers.

 

[Cowley]

I could never understand that either. It's crackers.

Let's just analyse this joke for a moment.

1) It was succinct.
2) It was delivered with aplomb.
3) It perfectly fitted in with the conversation.
4) But above all, it was clean and I believe I speak for countless hundreds of us when I say cleanliness in jokes is something that many of us strive for (but don't always achieve).

Bravo Gus. Bravo.

 

[Cowley]

I like fruit cake with a piece of cheese (we've got a cat called Fruit Cake, but I don't mean her).

 

[DaleCooper]

Let's just analyse this joke for a moment.

1) It was succinct.
2) It was delivered with aplomb.
3) It perfectly fitted in with the conversation.
4) But above all, it was clean and I believe I speak for countless hundreds of us when I say cleanliness in jokes is something that many of us strive for (but don't always achieve).

Bravo Gus. Bravo.

Most importantly it wasn't followed by an emoji.

I like fruit cake with a piece of cheese (we've got a cat called Fruit Cake, but I don't mean her).

Apple and cheese is a toothsome combination - unless you have a pet toad called Apple.

 

[A Challenge]

I eat biscuits and I eat cheese - not normally together though!

 

[Darandio]

I eat cheese flavoured biscuits. Not sure whether that puts on higher or lower ground than those who eat them seperately.

 

[najaB]

Let's just analyse this joke for a moment...

Analysing humor is like vivisecting a frog: rarely does anyone learn anything, and the frog dies in the process.

 

[backontrack]

4) But above all, it was clean and I believe I speak for countless hundreds of us when I say cleanliness in jokes is something that many of us strive for (but don't always achieve).

Yes, there are too many unclean jokes, and like many other people, I've simply had enough.

 

[DaleCooper]

Yes, there are too many unclean jokes, and like many other people, I've simply had enough.

If ever I find that one of my contributions contains an innuendo or anything improper I whip it out immediately.

 

[Cowley]

If ever I find that one of my contributions contains an innuendo or anything improper I whip it out immediately.

I'd put a couple of laughing face emojis after that, but I don't think you'd want me too.

 

[A Challenge]

If ever I find that one of my contributions contains an innuendo or anything improper I whip it out immediately.

I'd put a couple of laughing face emojis after that, but I don't think you'd want me too.

I will!

 

[DaleCooper]

I'd put a couple of laughing face emojis after that, but I don't think you'd want me too.

I will!

You two must have seen some unintended meaning in my post which has left me open to ridicule. In future I'll be more careful not to expose myself but it's very hard.

 

[A Challenge]

You two must have seen some unintended meaning in my post which has left me open to ridicule. In future I'll be more careful not to expose myself but it's very hard.

I only did it because of what Cowley said.

 

[Cowley]

I only did it because of what Cowley said.

Oh yeah blame me. DaleCooper's the one passing the time between meat courses smashing open innuendo goals in.