Random thoughts

[Peter Mugridge]

Speaking of which, I've got a snail (I think it's a snail, although I've never actually seen it), that lives behind a very heavy unmovable bookshelf and only comes out at night to motor around the front room and kitchen leaving it's trails everywhere, this has gone on for years and it's extraordinary how much distance the thing can cover.

That's more likely to be a slug I'm afraid, unless there's enough room in the gap for a snail's shell.

 

[DaleCooper]

Speaking of which, I've got a snail (I think it's a snail, although I've never actually seen it), that lives behind a very heavy unmovable bookshelf and only comes out at night to motor around the front room and kitchen leaving it's trails everywhere, this has gone on for years and it's extraordinary how much distance the thing can cover.

It might be a Devonshire vampire slug but don't worry they are easy to deal with. Dig a three foot deep trench around the bookshelf, fill in with petrol (the trench, not the bookshelf) and set it alight before you go to bed. In the morning all your slug (or snail) troubles will be a thing of the past.

 

[Cowley]

That's more likely to be a slug I'm afraid, unless there's enough room in the gap for a snail's shell.

Oh. It's surprising what just having a shell can do when it comes to making a creature seem more pleasant.
My worry is that if I take the books off and pull the bookshelf away from the wall I'll be confronted by a thousand of them all making a quiet, quivering humming noise as they all turn around to look at me like some strange zombie slug movie.

 

[Cowley]

It might be a Devonshire vampire slug but don't worry they are easy to deal with. Dig a three foot deep trench around the bookshelf, fill in with petrol (the trench, not the bookshelf) and set it alight before you go to bed. In the morning all your slug (or snail) troubles will be a thing of the past.

I had a hell of a job getting rid of them last time, what with the house being made of straw, hair from passing townies and highly flammable cow dung etc.

 

[najaB]

My worry is that if I take the books off and pull the bookshelf away from the wall I'll be confronted by a thousand of them all making a quiet, quivering humming noise as they all turn around to look at me like some strange zombie slug movie.

You don't need to move the bookshelf, there is only one slug. Repeat after me, there's only one slug...

 

[Cowley]

You don't need to move the bookshelf, there is only one slug. Repeat after me, there's only one slug...

Oh god but is that true?

 

[najaB]

Oh god but is that true?

It's true if you believe it's true.

 

[Cowley]

The bookshelf is staying put. Why am I shivering? It's really warm tonight. There's some strange music coming from downstairs and I think I heard a weird slippery sound a minute ago.

 

[DaleCooper]

You don't need to move the bookshelf, there is only one slug. Repeat after me, there's only one slug...

Oh god but is that true?

All slugs look alike so it seems like there's only one. Actually there'll be thousands of them and they breed like rabbits or maybe rabbits bred like slugs, I can't remember which. Either way I think it's best you move yourself and family out of harm's way asap ... but don't worry it might turn out better than usual, you could be the lucky one.

 

[Xenophon PCDGS]

There is also the 1930s American Gangster films to be brought into the equation when a typical comment would be...
"I'm going to fill you full of slugs"....

 

[Cowley]

That was a bad nights sleep.

 

[DaleCooper]

That was a bad nights sleep.

Did you wake up with radula marks on your neck?

 

[Cowley]

I don't want to talk about it.

 

[DaleCooper]

I don't want to talk about it.

Could you give us a picture instead?

Here's a tip if, like me, you buy secondhand DVDs on eBay.

Always check that listing states "only viewed once". I mean you don't want one where the laser has worn a groove or that has faded colours or with someone else's eye marks on the film or where the picture has worn so thin you can see the back of the television through it, do you?

 

[najaB]

Here's a tip if, like me, you buy secondhand DVDs on eBay.

Always check that listing states "only viewed once". I mean you don't want one where the laser has worn a groove or that has faded colours or with someone else's eye marks on the film or where the picture has worn so thin you can see the back of the television through it, do you?

Do you always make sure they've rewound them too?

 

[Cowley]

Could you give us a picture instead?

Here's a tip if, like me, you buy secondhand DVDs on eBay.

Always check that listing states "only viewed once". I mean you don't want one where the laser has worn a groove or that has faded colours or with someone else's eye marks on the film or where the picture has worn so thin you can see the back of the television through it, do you?

That's really good advice. Next time I buy some DVDs I won't watch them just to ensure maximum resale value.

 

[DaleCooper]

Do you always make sure they've rewound them too?

That's very important, it takes ages to do it manually that's if you can even find something that fits in the hole.

That's really good advice. Next time I buy some DVDs I won't watch them just to ensure maximum resale value.

I think you can buy an aerosol which sprays new megabytes onto the disc to rejuvenate it. Make sure get you region 2 spray.

Another tip, if you want maximum resale value - Don't sell them to me!

 

[Cowley]

The sausages they use in sausage rolls look a bit different to other sausages.

 

[DaleCooper]

The sausages they use in sausage rolls look a bit different to other sausages.

Yes I've noticed that, it's as though the skin is made of pastry.

 

[Cowley]

Yes I've noticed that, it's as though the skin is made of pastry.

Well yes, and if you peel off the pastry skin there doesn't seem to be a normal sausage skin underneath. I'm not bothered as I don't eat them these days.
I just look at them.

 

[najaB]

Well yes, and if you peel off the pastry skin there doesn't seem to be a normal sausage skin underneath. I'm not bothered as I don't eat them these days.
I just look at them.

You can buy skinless sausages.

 

[Cowley]

But I only like the skin.

 

[DaleCooper]

You can buy skinless sausages.

Do you realise they skin them when they're still alive? They taste better that way but I still feel uneasy about it.

 

[DaleCooper]

But I only like the skin.

Just eat the pastry then.

 

[Cowley]

Just eat the pastry then.

You can't make a good suit out of pastry.

 

[DaleCooper]

You can't make a good suit out of pastry.

That's what Ed Gein always told me when we were out digging at night.

 

[Strat-tastic]

What do you get when you cross a duck-billed platypus with Tuesday?

 

[Cowley]

What do you get when you cross a duck-billed platypus with Tuesday?

Some quinoa?

 

[DaleCooper]

What do you get when you cross a duck-billed platypus with Tuesday?

Ruby Murray?

 

[12CSVT]

Apparantly the only way to get a bank loan is to prove you don't need it.

How comes Clark Kent's optician never realised he was Superman?

And how come he didn't need his glasses when he had that silly costume on ?