PA Announcements

[DarloRich]

My favorite is not from a train but from a plane. I was travelling back from Bucharest after watching Middlesbrough play Steaua București in the first leg of a UEFA cup semi final (Boro lost 1-0 but won the home leg 4-2) and we were flying on a chartered monarch plane.The weather reports were that the landing conditions at Teesside were bad due to fog but the captain kept everyone informed as to progress:

Ladies and gentleman this is your Captain speaking. We have been infomred by Air traffic control that the weather conditions at Teesside are now marginal for landing

(Triumphantly) But dont worry! This plane is fitted with the latest automated instrument landing system which will land the plane in all weathers

Pause - rustling, rustling, rustling, cough, mumble, cough

Ladies and gentleman this is your captain once again. I have just been informed by my first officer that whilst this plane is fitted with the latest automated instrument landing system ( pause, cough, now embarrassed) sadly the equipment on the ground at Teesside is not compatible with our system. pause, cough, that means we will have to land ourselves. pause

the weather conditions are marginal at present but we will of course try to land. if it is unsafe we will have to divert to Manchester as Newcastle is already closed due to fog.

We landed but a LONG way down the run way at Darlo International followed by some impressive deceleration!

I did enjoy the announcement on the VTEC service from Selby to King's Cross a little while ago, on the EMT trainset that does not have sockets. 'This train is equipped with wifi and sockets. (pause) Apologies, this is a train we have on loan from East Midlands Trains which unfortunately does not have sockets. Ladies and Gentlemen you will be pleased to know that your train is fully equipped to meet the challenges of the 1970s'.

Reminds me of my favorite announcements on East Coast. One guard has a little fact for each station/ town on the route until Doncaster where he said:

Next stop Doncaster. The darkest, bleakest, most miserable place in the world (pause) at least until i got divorced and didn't have to visit the ex mother in law again! Change here for........

Have they not got coach letters?

have they not got a brain or eyes?

 

[Phil.]

There are a lot of those redundant phrases about, e.g. "station stop" or "your personal belongings".

Difficult persuading people how wrong several of these phrases are.
"....where the train terminates". No it doesn't, the journey terminates.
"....our final destination". There's only one destination, it's where the train is destined for.
"..which is the next station stop". As opposed to stopping for a badger on the line?
"..and take your personal belongings". If they're my belongings they're personal to me.
"This is your Conductor speaking" . You're not my Conductor pal, you're the train's Conductor.
"This is your 10.32 service to...". No it's not, it's your company's 10.32 service to.....
There's more, so many more.

 

[ComUtoR]

Difficult persuading people how wrong several of these phrases are.

I'm interested. Please explain further where we are going wrong

"....where the train terminates". No it doesn't, the journey terminates.

what does the train do ? I prefer to say "this service"

"....our final destination". There's only one destination, it's where the train is destined for.

Are we talking metaphysically ? I'm sure they are referring to the passengers not the train.

"..which is the next station stop". As opposed to stopping for a badger on the line?

It's because if you say the next stop and the train stops then you are not correct. If you say the next station you are also incorrect because you may be semi-fast etc.

"..and take your personal belongings". If they're my belongings they're personal to me.

I'm totally lost here.

 

[Bookd]

A favourite from many years ago was on a South African Airways flight to Johannesburg; this was in the apartheid era when they were subject to sanctions.There were a number of announcements asking people to switch off any electrical equipment as something was interfering with the navigation system; a manual search of all the lockers did not solve this, and I heard the crew discussing the possibility of diverting to Isla do Sol, which was the only place where they had landing rights. I went to sleep,helped by a quantity of red wine, and awoke in the bright African sun to hear the captain announce that 'we are passing over Windhoek, and I think that I can find the way to Johannesburg from here'.

 

[michael74]

I was on a FGW or XC (I forget now) to Newton Abbot, there was a guard change at Exeter and the new guard approaching every station would announce such as, Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now approaching Delightful Dawlish or Terrific Teignmouth.

 

[Tom B]

Delayed on the approach to Doncaster from the north some time ago - "Ladies and gentlemen, there will be a delay in coming into Doncaster station owing to a broken down train ahead of us. In the meantime, if you would like a taste of what Doncaster has to offer, please take a look to your left." (where the town's sewage works are located).

Just after DOR took over from NXEC:
"Welcome to the National Express, err, East Coast, GNER, InterCity, whatever you want to call it, we're going to Leeds".

 

[southern442]

I was on a FGW or XC (I forget now) to Newton Abbot, there was a guard change at Exeter and the new guard approaching every station would announce such as, Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now approaching Delightful Dawlish or Terrific Teignmouth.

I have heard from some friends about a Southern announcer who did this (Wonderful Waddon, Wise Old West Croydon, Brilliant Balham etc.)

 

[SPADTrap]

Difficult persuading people how wrong several of these phrases are.
"....where the train terminates". No it doesn't, the journey terminates.
"....our final destination". There's only one destination, it's where the train is destined for.
"..which is the next station stop". As opposed to stopping for a badger on the line?
"..and take your personal belongings". If they're my belongings they're personal to me.
"This is your Conductor speaking" . You're not my Conductor pal, you're the train's Conductor.
"This is your 10.32 service to...". No it's not, it's your company's 10.32 service to.....
There's more, so many more.

How about stopping for a red signal?

The only destination cared about is the one personal to the passenger?

Dull.

 

[scotsman]

Difficult persuading people how wrong several of these phrases are.
"....where the train terminates". No it doesn't, the journey terminates.
"....our final destination". There's only one destination, it's where the train is destined for.
"..which is the next station stop". As opposed to stopping for a badger on the line?
"..and take your personal belongings". If they're my belongings they're personal to me.
"This is your Conductor speaking" . You're not my Conductor pal, you're the train's Conductor.
"This is your 10.32 service to...". No it's not, it's your company's 10.32 service to.....
There's more, so many more.

"Ladies and gentlemen, good morning, this is your 1551 RailUK service to Scunthorpe. This train calls Chesterfield, Sheffield, Doncaster, and Scunthorpe - our final destination.. Chesterfield is our next station stop in a few moments time. Please ensure you have take all your personal belongings with you, and mind the gap as you alight. Once again, your 1551 to Scunthore, where this train terminates."

 

[Dhassell]

I have heard from some friends about a Southern announcer who did this (Wonderful Waddon, Wise Old West Croydon, Brilliant Balham etc.)

Ive had 'The Heart of the West Midlands, The dingy Birmingham New Street'

 

[GatwickDepress]

Not really a PA announcement, more a CIS announcement, but the 0949 from at Bletchley was cancelled earlier. For some reason a second 0949 was added to the departure board shortly after leading to this:

"The 0949 London Midland service to Northampton has been cancelled. The next fastest direct service to Milton Keynes Central and Northampton is the 0949 London Midland service to Northampton."

 

[cookie365]

There is nothing more annoying than 'passengers are advised that'.

Except maybe 'customers are advised that'.

Also, what would you like us to do with our impersonal belongings when we leave the train?

 

[island]

The PA was acting up on a VTWC service I was on on Saturday and the automated announcements sounded like they're on helium. I have recordings but can't figure out how to post them.

 

[ComUtoR]

There is nothing more annoying than 'passengers are advised that'.

Except maybe 'customers are advised that'.

Why is it annoying and what should you be collectively referred to as ?

Also, what would you like us to do with our impersonal belongings when we leave the train?

Rubbish into the bin. Other items please report to a member of staff or contact the BTP

 

[fairysdad]

The PA was acting up on a VTWC service I was on on Saturday and the automated announcements sounded like they're on helium. I have recordings but can't figure out how to post them.

Upload them to Soundcloud/Mixcloud/Audioboo and then link from there

 

[cookie365]

Why is it annoying and what should you be collectively referred to as ?

Do you ask the kids to do their homework by announcing 'Children are requested to do their homework'?

Do you buy tickets by walking up to the kiosk and announcing 'the ticket seller is requested to provide a single to Dismalinglish to the passenger'?

 

[ainsworth74]

So what should be used instead?

 

[sheff1]

So what should be used instead?

Often there is no need to use anything.

For example, the other day I heard, on the approach to York:

"Passengers for Scarborough are advised that their connecting train leaves at xxxx from platform X". The same wording was then repeated for other connections.

All that is needed is:

"The connecting train for Scarborough leaves at xxxx from platform X".

Similarly, "Passengers alighting here are requested to make sure they take all their personal belongings with them" could be shortened to "If you are alighting here please take all your belongings with you".

If it is appropriate to address people as a group in some way then I prefer a simple "Ladies and gentlemen" to gain attention followed by whetever advice / instruction is necessary. I expect, though, that some would consider "Ladies and gentlemen" to be old fashioned. An alternative I heard the other day was "Now then folks ....." which may appeal to some.

Saying all that, it doesn't really matter. At the time I take little notice, it is only reading threads like this which make me think back to what was said.

 

[ComUtoR]

Do you ask the kids to do their homework by announcing 'Children are requested to do their homework'?

Actually yes I do but I don't make it a request. Collectively my kids are referred to as kids/children/devil spawn/anklebiters/them/oi/ and many other collective nouns.

Do you buy tickets by walking up to the kiosk and announcing 'the ticket seller is requested to provide a single to Dismalinglish to the passenger'?

Why would I ? its a person to person request.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

If it is appropriate to address people as a group in some way then I prefer a simple "Ladies and gentlemen" to gain attention followed by whetever advice / instruction is necessary. I expect, though, that some would consider "Ladies and gentlemen" to be old fashioned. An alternative I heard the other day was "Now then folks ....." which may appeal to some.

Ladies and gentlemen misses out the other part(s) of the population. When I first started I used ladies and gentlemen.

Saying all that, it doesn't really matter. At the time I take little notice, it is only reading threads like this which make me think back to what was said.

Whatever gets said, someone always takes umbrage. There is nothing rude about using the word passenger and its understood. You are a passenger, there shouldn't be any issue with being referred to by it. I've heard the phrase "tickeholders" used.

 

[319321]

If I was a Guard, I would take great delight walking down the aisle booming

""T*ts and a*ses please, All t*ts and a*sses.

I fact I did sometimes wonder if that's what some of the Northern (region, not company) Guards were actually saying -it's where I got the idea from!

 

[Wales_Commuter]

If I was a Guard, I would take great delight walking down the aisle booming

that made me laugh

 

[DerekC]

A few years ago now, on SWT from Waterloo to Portsmouth, running at line speed on the down fast somewhere about New Malden:
"If there is a doctor or a nurse on the train please could they come to the sixth coach from the front".

Two minutes later (with a distinctly worried tone)
"Actually what we need is a midwife - if there is a midwife on the train please come to the sixth coach from the front".

Happily the paramedics were on the platform at Woking as we arrived, with trolley ready and (presumably) ambulance waiting in the yard. I always wondered who the conductor was and whether it was a boy or a girl.

 

[LowLevel]

The announcements when things go wrong are are by far the most difficult to make - not even necessarily for the content but the adrenaline rush that tends to kick in certainly can make my voice suddenly do a superb impression of a pubescent teenager unless I push really hard to control it!

 

[185]

If I was a Guard, I would take great delight walking down the aisle booming



I fact I did sometimes wonder if that's what some of the Northern (region, not company) Guards were actually saying -it's where I got the idea from!

It's making it sound like 'tickets and passes' is the key trick.

Ti**ies and a**es.

Not that I would ever do anything so unprofessional.

Ahem.

 

[CharlieSpotted]

It's making it sound like 'tickets and passes' is the key trick.

Ti**ies and a**es.

Not that I would ever do anything so unprofessional.

Ahem.

All of which reminds me of a time, in a previous job, we challenged a colleague to slip the word the C word in his next phone call.

Sure enough, next call:

"Can I take you're-a-c**t number please?"

Said so fast nobody would ever know the difference.

Huge round of applause at the end of the call.

 

[scotsman]

Happily the paramedics were on the platform at Woking as we arrived, with trolley ready and (presumably) ambulance waiting in the yard. I always wondered who the conductor was and whether it was a boy or a girl.

Trust RailGourmet to never pass up an opportunity :P

 

[robbeech]

Inspector Sands was doing the rounds at St pancras this morning according to the PA system.

 

[HMS Ark Royal]

I remember a few years almost all power was lost at Doncaster, at night, and the only things working were the emergency lights, the PA and the signals which, automatically, slammed to danger.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please be advised that an authorised person is checking the electrical cupboards now and we should have power restored in a short while" and then over the PA system came the wartime song "When the Lights go on Again" which made people chuckle

 

[EbbwJunction1]

I noticed last night that Cardiff Central are still announcing trains by "First Great Western"!

I don't know whether this is the same at Newport, as I didn't hear it this morning, but I was surprised that the name hasn't been changed. Does it take a while to re-record these announcements?

 

[HowardGWR]

Ladies and gentlemen misses out the other part(s) of the population. When I first started I used ladies and gentlemen.

Pity - if you did abandon that. In the northern mainland countries it is routinely the way of addressing the pax and I love to hear it. Politeness is so important (and use of Sir and Madam as well).