PA Announcements

[najaB]

Heard over the PA on departure from Euston: "Welcome aboard this Virgin Trains service to...erm... somewhere in Scotland.... Edinburgh."

To those who have to make PA's, how often do you do things like forget where the train is headed? And to those of us who travel, what is the funniest/best you've ever heard?

Another one I heard in the past: "There will be a full ticket check on departure, could you get all tickets, railcards, passes and excuses ready."

 

[scotsman]

Hear over the PA on departure from Euston: "Welcome aboard this Virgin Trains service to...erm... somewhere in Scotland.... Edinburgh."

To those who have to make PA's, how often do you do things like forget where the train is headed? And to those of us who travel, what is the funniest/best you've ever heard?

Another one I heard in the past: "There will be a full ticket check on departure, could you get all tickets, railcards, passes and excuses ready."

I rarely make them, but the trick is to think about what you're going to say before you pick up the handset.

 

[sheff1]

Approaching Derby the female train manager made the usual announcement.

As the train slowed before Burton a male began announcing "We are now approching Burton on Trent, if you a leaving the train please make sure ..." before being cut off and we proceeded, as booked, without stopping.

Approaching Tamworth the train manager again made the usual announcement but finished with "we are now approaching Tamworth where this train is actually scheduled to stop, unlike Burton as my colleague would have you believe". I expect it was some time before he lived that down

 

[northwichcat]

Once a TPE conductor (pre-185) announced a service at Liverpool Lime Street as a service to York. 2 minutes later he did the announcement again saying the service is to Leeds and then saying afterwards passengers for York should change at Leeds.

 

[CharlieSpotted]

The "passes and excuses" one I've heard a few times, I think it's an ATW guard I've heard do it.

A VT Train Manager late at night recently announced that we were approaching "The People's Democratic Republic of Birmingham".

There's a guard, again I think on ATW services, who delights in saying the rest of the stops his natural Welsh lilt and "Wolverhampton" in a thick Black Country accent.

 

[507 001]

I'm terrible at it... I have to sit and think exactly what I'm going to say before I actually make an announcement.

 

[northwichcat]

Manual announcement on a Virgin Train:

"We will shortly be arriving at Stoke-on-Trent. Passengers wishing to alight here please remember to take your personal belongings with you. Also note that doors will be not be released"

Cuts out and then a couple of minutes later

"We will shortly be arriving at Stoke-on-Trent. Passengers wishing to alight here please remember to take your personal belongings with you. Also note that doors will be not be released until the train comes to a full stop"

Then automated annoucement starts

"We will shortly be arriving at Stockport..."

Then after leaving Stoke another automated annoucement

"We will shortly be arriving at Stoke-on-Trent..."

 

[crehld]

Another one I heard in the past: "There will be a full ticket check on departure, could you get all tickets, railcards, passes and excuses ready."

It's a rather ubiquitous announcement.
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A VT Train Manager late at night recently announced that we were approaching "The People's Democratic Republic of Birmingham".

A VT train manager a couple of weeks ago announced: "We are now approaching Crewe, Cheshire's most exciting destination"

 

[6Gman]

It's a rather ubiquitous announcement.
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A VT train manager a couple of weeks ago announced: "We are now approaching Crewe, Cheshire's most exciting destination"

VT again:

"We shall shortly be arriving at Warrington, centre of the universe"

 

[Trackman]

There was a guard in the North west area in around 1997 who used to crack jokes and play music through his pocket radio over the PA continuously.
Always had a flower on his jacket. Lovely chap.
I was on his last train from Preston to Manchester and the depot even made an headboard for the 158!
His name escapes me, it will come to me.
Too many announcements to mention, but always sided with the passengers when things went wrong.
The customers loved him

 

[IanXC]

One of my favorites was a few days ago:

"...if anyone sees anything suspicious, for instance the driver, he's a very suspicious character, please report this to the nearest member of railway staff..."

 

[Llanigraham]

Last time I went up the Cambrian Coast, "The next stop is Costa del Barmouth" and "Harlech, alight here for the walk to the Castle. Ambulances will be available!"

 

[47271]

Wasn't there a celebrated Inter City West Coast guard of the 1970s and 80s who entertained passengers with tunes on his harmonica as he went down the train? I remember being very amused by him once as a kid in the 1980s.

My recent favourite a couple of years ago was on VT as well. Best delivered in a Bill Tarmey style voice for full effect.

'Ladies and gentlemen this train is now approaching Wigan North Western. A reminder to all passengers, especially to those wearing track suits in Coach B, that this is a no smoking service, including in the toilets. Thank you.'

 

[EM2]

A number of times I've said 'Good morning' instead of 'Good evening' and vice-versa.
I've got the hour wrong, for example announcing the 10:29 as the 11:29.
And when Hull Trains were diverted into St Pancras, I got the time of day right, the platform right, the time of departure right, and then said 'the East Mid...my apologies, Hull Trains service to...'.

 

[najaB]

I've got the hour wrong, for example announcing the 10:29 as the 11:29.

This time of year you can blame it on the end of BST.

 

[AndrewR232]

Heard this one on XC:

"We are now approaching Glasgow Central, where this train terminates. If you are leaving the train here..."

 

[crehld]

Heard this one on XC:

"We are now approaching Glasgow Central, where this train terminates. If you are leaving the train here..."

There are a lot of those redundant phrases about, e.g. "station stop" or "your personal belongings".

 

[Chris M]

In the very early days of Virgin XC I was on a train that failed to make it the full length of the platform at Bristol Temple Meads before breaking down. The announcement concluded that "we will try to minimise this delay as little as possible.", which isn't quite what they intended!

 

[185143]

It's a rather ubiquitous announcement.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---


A VT train manager a couple of weeks ago announced: "We are now approaching Crewe, Cheshire's most exciting destination"

VT again:

"We shall shortly be arriving at Warrington, centre of the universe"

You appear to have the opinion that he is wrong?

 

[najaB]

The announcement concluded that "we will try to minimise this delay as little as possible.", which isn't quite what they intended!

Sounds about right for XC though!

 

[Essexman]

Is the chap on the ATW refreshment trolley who used to quote Monty Python still working?
'Squirrels on sticks'
'Albatross'
'Seabird flavour'
etc etc

 

[burns20]

Is the chap on the ATW refreshment trolley who used to quote Monty Python still working?
'Squirrels on sticks'
'Albatross'
'Seabird flavour'
etc etc

Still alive and well on the North Wales Coast on Wednesday.

 

[MrPIC]

"We are now approaching Tottenham Hale, actually, no we're not, we're approaching Harlow Town." I heard once =D
Also during some delays an auto announcement played saying "We apologise for the delay, this is due to a fault on this train" To which the driver made a hasty announcement after saying "Ignore that one, I pressed the wrong button, there is in fact nothing wrong with the train!"

 

[tsr]

"We are now approaching Tottenham Hale, actually, no we're not, we're approaching Harlow Town." I heard once =D
Also during some delays an auto announcement played saying "We apologise for the delay, this is due to a fault on this train" To which the driver made a hasty announcement after saying "Ignore that one, I pressed the wrong button, there is in fact nothing wrong with the train!"

I've done the latter... pushed the "This train terminates at the next stop due to a train fault" button, then "Ladies and gentleman, you will be pleased to note this train does not need to terminate at [remote rural station]; we were just, er, testing the PA system...".

 

[craigybagel]

Is the chap on the ATW refreshment trolley who used to quote Monty Python still working?
'Squirrels on sticks'
'Albatross'
'Seabird flavour'
etc etc

Still alive and well on the North Wales Coast on Wednesday.

Indeed he is. Based at the other end of Wales though so you can see him throughout the ATW network, not just on the North Wales line.

 

[TheNewNo2]

I remember on one of my first train trips to London, the guard on the FGW HST said "...London Paddington, where this train terminates. Please ensure you have all your bags, personal belongings and children with you before leaving the train."

There are a lot of those redundant phrases about, e.g. "station stop" or "your personal belongings".

I'll accept station stop - after all, one can stop when not at a station, or go through a station without stopping.

 

[IanXC]

I remember on one of my first train trips to London, the guard on the FGW HST said "...London Paddington, where this train terminates. Please ensure you have all your bags, personal belongings and children with you before leaving the train."

Northern arriving in Bridlington and Scarborough in the summer will give them a run for their money... "please remember to take your bags, parcels, children, buckets and spades, push chairs, windbrakes, grandparents and any other personal belongings with you when leaving the train".

 

[ComUtoR]

To those who have to make PA's, how often do you do things like forget where the train is headed?

A couple of times

The worst I think I do is when a passenger asks "does this train go to ..." I sometimes have to check my schedule. Once or twice I have said a train doesn't go somewhere only for me to check my schedule as the train departs...

I remember once getting all the way to Farringdon and announcing that the train was only going to Luton. A bloke popped his head through my window and said to me "You know your going to Bedford"

 

[LowLevel]

I mess up all the time - the key is realising quickly that you've done it (often helped by your driver ringing up to take the mickey!!).

If I'm tired a regular for me is thinking about somewhere for whatever reason (changing the blind for next working, passenger assist etc) and just announcing that rather than the actual location we're in.

I also had a complete failure the other morning when I was greeting my passengers on to the train and realised I was thanking them as if I was saying goodbye. I need my beauty sleep

 

[cf111]

I also had a complete failure the other morning when I was greeting my passengers on to the train and realised I was thanking them as if I was saying goodbye. I need my beauty sleep

I said thanks to a guard yesterday as I got off the train and she looked at me as if I were mad