Oxymoronic announcements

[msussams]

I’ve seen at Bristol, “Gloucester & This train splits here” which then turned into “This train splits here” after the Gloucester train left.

 

[msussams]

Or. When a train is due to lose its 150. “Please board the rear 3 carriages”. Problem is, it also reverses out here too so is it’s rear on the way in or the way out?

 

[DanTrain]

Surely they used the slip carriage method of working! It's in my Great Western Railway General Appendox!

I wouldn't be wanting to stand on the gangway between the two carriages when that happened!

 

[Parallel]

I’ve heard “Platform 2 for the 18.07 GWR service to Weymouth calling at Freshford, Avoncliff, Bradford on Avon, Trowbridge and Westbury where the train divides. Please travel in the correct portion of the train. Please travel in the rear coaches of the trains for Frome, Bruton, Castle Cary (etc)... and Weymouth. The front coaches of the train will detach and terminate at Westbury” followed by a two car 150 rolling in.

I’ve also heard something similar where a 150/1 + 153 arrived with the announcements saying the front two coaches were going to Weymouth. The front coaches would’ve been the 153 and half of the 150/1. Of course then passengers are unable to walk through so had to get off at a station en route to walk to the other part of the formation. From personal experience when it used to happen frequently, it did cheese a lot of passengers off.

 

[DavidGrain]

According to RTT all West Midlands trains between Coventry and Leamington are cancelled because of 'Planned cancellation (was not planned to operate)'.

 

[JW16]

Technically that one is OK as it means only two station stops rather than three or more.

In that case, why not also when the train has only three stops rather than four or more?

 

[61653 HTAFC]

A few years ago I and a platform-full of passengers were at Portsmouth Harbour awaiting a charter train returning us to London. As the empty stock came in, an audio announcement asked all passengers to "stand well clear as the approaching train will not stop at this station", which caused some amusement and bemusement. There can't be any occasion when that message would be appropriate at PMH.

You'd need quite a run-up to get to Pier Head!

 

[fusionblue]

"Stand clear from the platform edge, the approaching train does not stop here" at platforms 1 and 8 at Orpington. I'd be a bit concerned if it didn't stop because in both cases you'll run past the buffers into the ticket office.

 

[Steddenm]

At Blackpool South:

Please stand well away from the edge of Platform 1. The approaching train is not scheduled to stop at this station.

Quickly followed by:

The next train to depart platform 1, is the Northern service to Preston. Calling at...

Then...

I’m sorry to announce that the Northern service to Preston has been cancelled due to, emergency engineering work being carried out at Blackpool North.

 

[infobleep]

I wouldn't be wanting to stand on the gangway between the two carriages when that happened!

Where's your sense of adventure.

The following isn't an oximorn but occurred today. On next departure board at East Croydon was the 8:00 to Victoria. This was at 7:53.

On the departure screen for platform 4 was the 7:59 to London Bridge. I asked staff where the 7:56 to Victoria was.

Turns out itiwas displaed as the second train in at 8:02. I'd not let the screen cycle through enough to see it.

Soon thr Victoora service was due in at 8:00 and the 8:00 Victoira swevixe was due in at 8:01. This meant it was now displaying as the next direct train to Victoria.

Shortly it was due in at 7:59 so the same time as the London Bridge train, that was due in first. Just before it arrrived at 7:58 it became the first train. The London Bridge train was still due in at a 7:59 but it was now the second train. Thag eventually left at 8:02, as did the other Victoria train.

 

[londonmidland]

Any service which is either ECS, not in public service or simply reversing in the platform will trigger the automated announcement for a non-stopping train at *some stations. Regardless of whether it has a danger aspect or is a bay platform.

*Some, not all.

 

[A Challenge]

I can understand the red signal, but a terminus station or even a bay platform surely a different announcement be used, such as:

The train now approaching platform X is not in passenger service

 

[DavidGrain]

I can understand the red signal, but a terminus station or even a bay platform surely a different announcement be used, such as:

If a terminating train were to pull into a platform absolutely full of passengers, to say that it was not in passenger service would itself be an oxymoron. The best announcement would be 'This train terminates here' then everyone would understand.

 

[johnr57]

Apologies, I thought the incident was well known. On the 11th July 1995 2T07 Glasgow Central to Largs, formed of 2 Class 318s (the first 5 coaches of which were seriously damaged on the crash) failed to slow on approach to Largs, collided with the buffers stops, demolished much of the station canopies and buildings and ran out into the High Street. 10 passengers were on board at the time but there were no fatalities nor serious injuries. A Driver inquiry determined the causes to be:

1. Not braking early enough
2. Failing to take wet rail conditions into account
3. Not placing the brake handle into Emergency
4. Insufficient experience with low adhesion conditions.

The incident however always seems to be referred to as being caused by brake failure which is not the case.

Back on topic: another gem in the ScotRail announcements are the "This train terminates here" announcements heard often at Glasgow Central. What do they expect the train to do, become a road train and drive on up Hope Street?

many thanks Hex!

 

[hexagon789]

many thanks Hex!

You're welcome

 

[TheSel]

A few years ago, this at Liverpool Moorfields.

So, not only do we know how long the missing train is - er was - we now know we confidently catch either the first or the third train to get to Hoylake. 1, ... er ... ... ... Isn't the third train now the second? Particularly useful as it was when the Open Golf Championship was being held at Hoylake (hence [nominally] West Kirby trains being terminated short at Hoylake), so hundreds if not thousands of non-locals were milling around needing accurate information on how to reach their destination.

 

[Parallel]

I can understand the red signal, but a terminus station or even a bay platform surely a different announcement be used, such as:

At ATW stations with the full CIS, there are few announcements in this vein.

The most common is “The next train to arrive at platform 4 is not in passenger service. Please do not board the next train at platform 4.”

Cardiff Central has “Attention please on platform 7, please stand back from the platform edge as the next train at this platform is not in passenger service”

There is also: “The train now approaching platform 4 does not stop. Please stand clear of the edge of platform 4; stand well clear of the platform edge please”

As well as the usual terminating trains announcement.

 

[johntea]

Forgot to take a photo, but I saw a 'no smoking sign' today at a station literally next to a box attached to the wall for extinguishing cigarettes!

 

[infobleep]

"Please stand clear, this train is ready to leave" as passengers are still getting off the train and no one or at least not everyone has had a chance to board yet.

 

[msussams]

This made me laugh, on a GWR service.

Probably the politest kidnapping on the country.

 

[greaterwest]

"Please stand clear, this train is ready to leave" as passengers are still getting off the train and no one or at least not everyone has had a chance to board yet.

You couldn't possibly be talking about the platform boards at Guildford could you?

 

[aar0]

"Stand back from the platform edge - fast train approaching" followed by a coal or biomass train trundling through at 10 mph, coming to a stop, then trundling off 5 minutes later.

Eastleigh often has the "This train is not scheduled to stop" followed by a 66 stopping for a driver change.

"Please stand clear, this train is ready to leave" as passengers are still getting off the train and no one or at least not everyone has had a chance to board yet.

Every Southern run station does this. Or alternatively warning of its approach as it goes out of sight...

 

[CC 72100]

This made me laugh, on a GWR service.

Probably the politest kidnapping on the country.

Enjoyed that one! The 158 Gods want you to stay!

 

[Jona26]

Not oxymoronic exactly but the departure boards at East Croydon show East Grinstead trains as "Via Oxted."

Been a while I think since the Three Bridges route closed!

 

[Ianigsy]

I've seen the "Empty to Depot" thing at Liverpool Lime Street referring to the second unit on the EMT Norwich service- the one that gets dropped at Nottingham and comes back on the next train north.

Last Monday at Halifax there was a Manchester Victoria train due, with the next train going to Preston. So the display read:

1st 1410 Manchester Vic Expected 1422
2nd 1422 Preston On Time

Except the Preston train turned up first (and it must surely have been known for 10-15 minutes that it had left Bradford ahead of the Manchester train) but there were no announcements to this effect either.

 

[Bletchleyite]

Not oxymoronic exactly but the departure boards at East Croydon show East Grinstead trains as "Via Oxted."

Been a while I think since the Three Bridges route closed!

You do at times get "via" used not to differentiate routes but just to make it clear that a given train does stop at a particularly popular or high-demand station.

 

[HXX]

Queens Park (London) has an odd PA system. "The next train to arrive at Platform 2 will be the, London Underground, service, to Elephant and Castle, calling at Elephant and Castle"

For the Overground services it tends to announce a train is standing at a platform with all it's calling points when it is really doors closed and on the way.

 

[infobleep]

You couldn't possibly be talking about the platform boards at Guildford could you?

I'd forgotten about the boards. I was just refering to the automated announcements.

How about a new zero tolerance policy that states anyone boarding or leaving a train whan such an announcement is made will be fined on the spot. Only joking. It could make them a lot of money though.

 

[E_Reeves]

Not oxymoronic, but this has made me laugh a few times: "This is a Charter Train service calling at Charter Train only".

 

[Edinburgh2000]

Going a bit off-topic now, but for the best pointless online content, look at the "Key" on the National Rail live departures and arrivals:

Key
Delayed
This service is delayed

No report
There is no report on the progress of this service yet

Cancelled
The service has been cancelled

On time
This service is on time


What would I have done without that key to explain what the comments meant?