Good Morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome aboard this Transpennine Express service to Manchester Piccadilly, today we will be calling at (insert stations here)... now this train is formed of 6 coaches however I must now inform you all that owing to the design of the train those passengers who are accomodating the front 3 coaches do not have me on their train as I am situated in the rear, therefore ladies and gentlemen should you require my attention today please leave the train at the next stop and board the rear 3 coaches where I am situated.
Ah yes, I hate announcements which over-explain.
TPE have another one about not forgetting bags in the luggage racks, and LNWR has one which goes "Please step down onto the platform before removing heavy items of luggage or pushchairs". It's only a matter of time before that evolves into a step-by-step list of instructions for how to exit a train.
"This train will shortly be arriving at Wolverhampton. Passengers wishing to leave the train here are requested to stand up, except in the case that they are already standing, and collect their bags and other personal items, not forgetting anything in the luggage racks above the seats, in the stacks at the end of the carriage, under seats or tables, or in the space between any other seats. Once this has been done, the passengers are requested to make their way to one of the exit doors, which may be found approximately eight metres from the end of each carriage, and are easily identified by absence of rows of seating. If other passengers were there before you, stand behind them, and wait for them to alight first. Hold onto one of the handrails, which are yellow, until the train has come to a halt. Ensure that the door you are stood at is immediately adjacent to a platform - if not, move to the door on the opposite side of the carriage. Wait for the upper of the two yellow buttons at mounted at waist height in the wall next to the door to start flashing. Then move your finger towards this button and, resting your finger on the button, momentarily apply enough pressure for the button to depress slightly. The door will start to slide open. Once the door is open and any passengers in front of you are off the train, step forwards carefully and still holding the handrail if needed, step onto the platform. Once you have done this, lift any heavy items or pushchairs onto the platform. Note that if another passenger has already carried out the aforementioned procedure relating to the button next to the doors before you and the door remains open, there is no need to repeat it. We regret to inform passengers wishing to alight at Wolverhampton that they have now missed their station."