Information phrases which grate

[tel]

The "see it say it sorted" is the one I really hate. But the nanny state one's like "due to today's wet weather please take care on the platform" and "due to todays warm weather please carry a bottle of water with you" I don't need to be told how to behave in wet or warm weather I am a grown adult and not f$#@ing stupid. But If I chose to carry a bottle of water what do I do with it, you haven't informed me to drink from said bottle.

Tel

 

[Need2]

On Thameslink trains...

"If you see somethink that doesn't look right...."

How bloody annoying, I thought it was just me!

 

[Dr_Paul]

Can't let this thread go without the classic announcements heard by the great Reggie Perrin

22 minutes late, badger ate a junction box at New Malden

If you don't understand these then you weren't brought up properly

A work colleague was always coming in late and giving dubious excuses, and when he said that trains into Fenchurch Street had been delayed because a badger had bitten through a control box cable at Shoeburyness, nobody believed him. What's amazing is that it was true.

 

[Factotum]

It’s just a very very very big emphasis on the ‘ee’ part of Leeds for some reason.

Eeeee bah gum. Niver noticed that

 

[Parallel]

Greater Anglia previously used some clumsy grammar, and announced trains as "Platform 1 is the 10:40 Greater Anglia service to..."

SWR's station announcements make me cringe, they've tried to go down the informal route with things like "Don't get on the train arriving at Platform 4; it's not in use" and "This train finishes its journey here". SWR is (was) a largely commuter based network, and the voices that deliver these messages are not overly friendly sounding. As a result, it sounds incredibly forced.

 

[D6975]

A class 195 announcing that you are now arriving at hebden bridge when you’re leaving Chester.

The 334s on the Bathgate route have a tendancy to do that too, telling you the next stop is Bathgate when you're in the Glasgow suburbs.

 

[Mag_seven]

This one especially when a train is running to time with no known delays expected:

".....where we are due to arrive at approximately...."

No there is no "approximately" about it - you are due to arrive at exactly when the timetable says you are due to arrive. The timetable does not state that all times shown are "approximate"!

 

[urbophile]

This one especially when a train is running to time with no known delays expected:

".....where we are due to arrive at approximately...."

No there is no "approximately" about it - you are due to arrive at exactly when the timetable says you are due to arrive. The timetable does not state that all times shown are "approximate"!

'Expected' to arrive would do nicely.

 

[GordonT]

Can anyone recall a period when announcements at York were (sort of) sung/chanted presumably to resemble a chorister at York Minster? Had I been a regular user of York station at the time I think the novelty of that would have quickly given way to irritation.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 17 Dec 2021 ==

The expression "is formed of" as in "this train is formed of seven coaches" grates a bit with me. Would the simple word "has" not suffice?

 

[Dougal2345]

"Please use all available doors when joining the train"

Me: if I do that, it's going to depart very late indeed...

 

[Danor97]

Any announcement on a 195

 

[Pakenhamtrain]

You lot don't get the joys of some garbled mess from the network control centre featuring some mundane announcement.

That's one of the more clearer ones!

 

[su31]

This is actually often heard on LU staff announcements from the Control Centre:
"Due to a [insert problem] at [location] there are delays on [train operating company]. London Underground will be accepting their tickets by any reasonable route".

Not bad, I hear you sigh - but when it's something like: "Due to a signal failure at Chichester, there are delays on Southern Railway. London Underground will be accepting their tickets by any reasonable route" it makes us sigh!

 

[The exile]

"I'd just like to let you know that the onboard shop in coach C is now open, selling a range including americanos, lattes, cappuccinos, espressos, mochas, not chocolates, tea, fizzy drinks, fruit juice, water, alcoholic beverages, crisps, chocolates, sandwiches, salads, biscuits, cakes, crackers, newspapers, magazines..." OK yes, I think we get the idea!

Even worse when various of them are described as “delicious”, “tasty” etc. I would hope they wouldn’t be on sale if they weren’t ( though I am old enough to remember the BR cheese sandwich, so maybe it’s a dangerous assumption…)

 

[3rd rail land]

"I'd just like to let you know that the onboard shop in coach C is now open, selling a range including americanos, lattes, cappuccinos, espressos, mochas, not chocolates, tea, fizzy drinks, fruit juice, water, alcoholic beverages, crisps, chocolates, sandwiches, salads, biscuits, cakes, crackers, newspapers, magazines..." OK yes, I think we get the idea!

I hate it when airlines, trains or any other transport mode recite their menus over the PA. We, for the most part, are capable of reading a menu!

 

[theageofthetra]

Delayed due to smoke alarm activation-means low IQ, weed smoking, ticketless garbage have set off the 707 smoke detectors AGAIN.

 

[markymark2000]

I had a really annoying one in Market Harbrough. It would be constantly announcing terminators. "The next bus to arrive at the station car park is the [departure time] rail replacement bus from [start station].


Like, who is listening to what is terminating. Especially when the speak is so far away from the RRB stop. It's bonkers.

 

[GordonT]

Has anyone experienced the scenario where an automated announcement announces something demonstrably factually incorrect requiring a flesh and blood human to immediately interject with a contradictory but correct message leaving much of their listeners wondering why nobody can simply switch off "Digital Doris" or one of her digi colleagues?

Written information can also contribute to phrases of irritation:
"There are cancellations today to Great Northern and Thameslink services on the below routes." (Do they mean sub-surface routes?).

 

[Timmyd]

A couple of new-ish ones from London suburbanland which drive me round the bend:
- ‘The next fastest direct service’ when a train has been cancelled, used at Thameslink core stations. Which not just really grates on the ears but is pointless because the selection of stations is so arbitrary - eg announcing at City Thameslink the next fastest direct service to Farringdon, 5 minutes walk away and which every NB train serves
- ‘Passengers causing a disturbance’ which SE is very fond of these days. Unnecessarily sounds like a riot is taking place on board - imagine it could concern nervous passengers and I suspect is a bit of a catch-all for things which aren’t really a disturbance

 

[applepie2100]

You lot don't get the joys of some garbled mess from the network control centre featuring some mundane announcement.

That's one of the more clearer ones!

The North Clyde Line in Glasgow seems to be suffering from the GSM-R remote announcement feature being used to broadcast a message from "Davy at ScotRail Control" reminding us to wear a face covering, buy a ticket before boarding, use m-tickets where possible and various other things. Usually it ends up cutting off the automated announcement half way through. It's no wonder people don't pay attention to announcements when most of it is just noise polution.

We also have announcements now reminding us that "some platforms on this route have no tactile paving on the platform edge" and even get them at single platform stations!

 

[johnnychips]

I remember from a few years ago a female announcer at Manchester Piccadilly starting ‘The train on platform two is for Had…ooh, stoppit, ooh, Roger’. Whether that was his name or an instruction, I will never know.

 

[Oxfordblues]

A trolley operator passing through the train announced "Hi guys! Anyone want any refreshments?" I cheekily asked him why he wasn't serving female passengers as well, but he clearly thought I was some sort of nutter!

My irritation at the use of "guys" to address anyone regardless of gender is shared by Jane Garvey, the feminist ex-Woman's Hour presenter. I'm sure most women don't mind, but I know there are some who do.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 18 Dec 2021 ==

At Temple Meads yesterday. "The next train from Platform 3 has been cancelled." No it hasn't, it's still running. It's the one before it that's been cancelled!

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 18 Dec 2021 ==

At Preston in the 1970s late arrivals from Glasgow or Edinburgh were often attributed to "delays on the Scottish Region". Not the fault of the English then!

 

[Christmas]

Not a spoken irritation but still ridiculous...

TransPennine Express have recently altered the destination displays on the body sides of the newer stock. They previously showed the coach number and destination, for example 'B Manchester Airport', which was fine.

Recently however they have begun to show superfluous additional blurb. The one I noticed this morning said 'A This is a service for Glasgow Central'. Absolutely unnecessary information that serves no purpose other than taking up room on the display and giving passengers even more to read.

Has anyone else noticed this?

 

[snowball]

The onboard announcements on Northern saying ‘This is the Northern service to LEEEEEEEEds’ instead of ‘Leeds’.

Could by influenced by the Flowerpot Men, in which (if I remember correctly from long ago) the only thing the Little Weed ever said was "Weeeeed".

 

[tel]

Tues 7 December i was waiting at Liverpool Street for the 1708 to Colchester when a single 321 turns up cue hundreds of peeps boarding what should have been a pair of 321s. On departing Liverpool Street the usual we will be calling at blah blah, then 'please maintain social distancing' cue lots of murmuring and swearing as the train was absolutely rammed.

Tel

 

[mrcheek]

Sometimes you can get several for the price of one. "We are now arriving into 'X'". " 'X' will be our next station stop". "Please remember to take all your *personal* belongings with you".

The one that grates me there is "belongings". Such an antiquated word.

The most annoying announcements of all time must surely be the safety announcements on FGW services in the early 2000s. After a while, FGW must have realised, so they only ran them after every second station, instead of every single one.

I am still wondering where the passenger "saloons" are on sprinters. So I never did get to see those posters.

 

[urbophile]

The one that grates me there is "belongings". Such an antiquated word.

Most of my belongings are impersonal. It might make more sense if they announced at the beginning of the journey 'do not leave behind your personal longings or aspirations' (for a safe and punctual journey).

 

[choochoochoo]

'There is a good service operating ......' - No !! There is a NORMAL service operating.

A 'good service' would be a direct train to the station of my choice at record speed in luxurious comfort and at minimal cost.

 

[The exile]

A couple of new-ish ones from London suburbanland which drive me round the bend:
- ‘The next fastest direct service’ when a train has been cancelled, used at Thameslink core stations. Which not just really grates on the ears but is pointless because the selection of stations is so arbitrary - eg announcing at City Thameslink the next fastest direct service to Farringdon, 5 minutes walk away and which every NB train serves
-

Used round here (Bristol area) as well. Plenty of annoying things: 1) it tends to announce the next fastest as per the timetable - ignoring late-running earlier trains or, indeed the fact that the “ next fastest” train is showing as “cancelled”. 2) the random selection of stations - often missing out the ones at which not everything stops, which are precisely the ones where the information is most useful. When the destination is “cross Bristol” it will happily tell you that the next fastest service is in 60 minutes, but doesn’t point out that by taking the next train to Temple Meads and changing, you can probably gain back at least half an hour and, unless you are very frail, are certainly not going to lose out.

 

[trainophile]

Avanti platform announcement as train approaches station - "Please note that this train is expected to be very busy. Passengers with flexible tickets may prefer to take a different service". (Which will not be equally busy?)

I would be interested to know whether one single person has EVER decided to wait for a later train as a result of that announcement.