Funny Guard Announcements.

[transmanche]

Such as at Kings Cross St Pancras, where the announcement sometimes goes on for so long that sometimes the doors are closing just as it finishes. I have noticed this on the Victoria Line in particular.

The announcements on the new Victoria line trains are a bit 'over-verbal'. "The doors will open on the left-hand side" could be condensed to "doors open on the left".

I also think they also say you can "exit here for the British Library", whilst on the Circle/H&C they prefer the "Royal National Institute for Blind People"...

 

[tsr]

I also think they also say you can "exit here for the British Library", whilst on the Circle/H&C they prefer the "Royal National Institute for Blind People"...

I don't use the Circle or the Hammersmith & City lines much, so I don't know, but the announcement for the British Library isn't made absolutely every time, and generally speaking comes on just as the doors are closing at the station - it is often not announced before the train stops. The sort of person who wants to go to the British Library is probably also the sort of person who plans their route fairly well, so I can't see that being a problem. On the other hand, an audible announcement for something of interest to the blind (and indeed the partially sighted and also some people with normal vision, etc.) could be useful, I suppose!

 

[CC 72100]

I don't use the Circle or the Hammersmith & City lines much, so I don't know, but the announcement for the British Library isn't made absolutely every time, and generally speaking comes on just as the doors are closing at the station - it is often not announced before the train stops. The sort of person who wants to go to the British Library is probably also the sort of person who plans their route fairly well, so I can't see that being a problem. On the other hand, an audible announcement for something of interest to the blind (and indeed the partially sighted and also some people with normal vision, etc.) could be useful, I suppose!

I think I remember reading somewhere that on some tube lines, they also have optional 'tourist' announcements that can be selected by drivers to play at certain times (for example a summer saturday as opposed to a Monday morning rush hour) that give information frequently sought by tourists, such as which stop for which attraction etc.

Not sure if they are still used now though

 

[Bungle73]

I think I remember reading somewhere that on some tube lines, they also have optional 'tourist' announcements that can be selected by drivers to play at certain times (for example a summer saturday as opposed to a Monday morning rush hour) that give information frequently sought by tourists, such as which stop for which attraction etc.

Not sure if they are still used now though

Don't they have that as standard? I've certainly heard "Alight here for the British Museum", etc.

 

[CC 72100]

Don't they have that as standard? I've certainly heard "Alight here for the British Museum", etc.

On Picadilly line it is an option. Source: wikipedia, so make of it what you wish!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/London_Underground_1973_Stock

 

[Cherry_Picker]

The ΡISs on XC Voyagers seem to be really idiosyncratic with which destinations they came at. My favourite is the one for Leamington, which no matter what direction you came from will say "Change here for Warwick, Stratford, Solihull and Birmingham Moor St." Despite the fact that you are either going to or have just come from a station in that bit of Birmingham (often as the last/next stop).

Darlington gets a whole array of small stations in County Durham, Reading gets nothing.

That sort of thing happens a lot. Most Chiltern Guards will automatically announce to change at Banbury for Didcot Parkway, despite the fact that there are only six trains a day to Didcot, three of which depart before 7:30am and there is an 11hr59m gap between the 4th and 5th trains!

 

[Badger]

Not particularly amusing but the guard was pretty peeved at "only being given one carriage" just. A 153 doing Lincoln to Leicester at peak time. Pretty much a whole school got on, must have been 30 standing. (And a silly woman who wouldn't move down the carriage and just plain ignored the guard.)

 

[tsr]

Not particularly amusing but the guard was pretty peeved at "only being given one carriage" just. A 153 doing Lincoln to Leicester at peak time. Pretty much a whole school got on, must have been 30 standing. (And a silly woman who wouldn't move down the carriage and just plain ignored the guard.)

30 standing in a 153? There must have been at least twice that number standing in any Victoria line carriage this evening at about 1900hrs. Overcrowding was a nightmare due to a passenger taken ill. Obviously I can't blame LU for the cause - to do so would be ridiculous.

Anyway, to quote the dispatcher at Oxford Circus: "If you could go over to platform 3 in order to use an alternative route to Victoria, that would make my day - thank you so much!" There were a few smiles!

 

[Crossover]

Not on a train but on the display boards at Stafford station (a friend told me about this one)
The 23:30 service to Crewe via Chester (service would normally go to Holyhead, for those who aren't in the know)

The announcements on the new Victoria line trains are a bit 'over-verbal'. "The doors will open on the left-hand side" could be condensed to "doors open on the left".

The ones I exerienced in Germany are much longer (translates as "The doors will open at the left (or right) in the direction of travel) - I can say the German but I couldn't attempt to spell it. There it also varies by region as to how long it is (local lingo and all that). I have to say, it is pretty useful to have

 

[button_boxer]

The announcements on the new Victoria line trains are a bit 'over-verbal'. "The doors will open on the left-hand side" could be condensed to "doors open on the left".

The Germans have it right on this one - "Ausstieg links", or if they're feeling verbose "Ausstieg in fahrtrichtung links" (fahrtrichtung being "the direction of travel").

 

[HYPODERMIC]

30 standing in a 153? There must have been at least twice that number standing in any Victoria line carriage this evening at about 1900hrs.

You say that like it's a competition!

I feel a bit left out - I don't think I've ever heard any funny guard announcements, although I did once hear FGW guard announcing the imminent arrival into Chippenham in a way that sounded very like he said "chips and ham". I probably misheard him, and in any case it hardly compares to those videos of "The Ram"!

 

[transmanche]

I also think they also say you can "exit here for the British Library", whilst on the Circle/H&C they prefer the "Royal National Institute for Blind People"...

On the other hand, an audible announcement for something of interest to the blind (and indeed the partially sighted and also some people with normal vision, etc.) could be useful, I suppose!

Indeed. I was just surprised that different lines would choose different places to highlight, when stopping at the same station...

 

[Peter Mugridge]

Has anyone else noticed that the Bakerloo Line announcements ( OK, it's automatic rather than manual ) always say stand clear of the doors after they have already closed?!:roll:

 

[Michael.Y]

Indeed. I was just surprised that different lines would choose different places to highlight, when stopping at the same station...

Do the exits..er..exit in different directions?

 

[Crossover]

The Germans have it right on this one - "Ausstieg links", or if they're feeling verbose "Ausstieg in fahrtrichtung links" (fahrtrichtung being "the direction of travel").

Posted at exactly the same time as me :P
Albeit, you know the written German heh

Round Stuttgart, it was usually the verbose version - after three days in the area, I got to know it (and which side each stations platform would be at) quite well! I was also slightly wrong, it translates as "Exit to the left in the direction of travel" ( I can still hear it now!)

 

[transmanche]

Indeed. I was just surprised that different lines would choose different places to highlight, when stopping at the same station...

Do the exits..er..exit in different directions?

Well, all exits can be accessed from any platform. (FWIW, The British Library is closest to the Met/Circle/H&C platforms, not the Victoria line platforms.)

 

[David Dunning]

What tickles me is that when all trains arriving at Blackpool North are approaching the station, there is always an announcement 'This train terminates here, all change'. I always think where else can the train go!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I know what you mean but in many ways that is strangely reassuring when announced on a Portsmouth Harbour service

 

[tsr]

Guard on the 1851 London Victoria - Three Bridges service today: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Coulsdon South. Change here for Caterham and Tattenham Corner... by going back to Purley. I'm sorry, this stop is not Purley. Thank you."

The guard clearly recovered the announcement just in time - she must have known that she could have been just about to make a bit of a mistake by announcing an interchange at Coulsdon South, so she decided that it would be best to make the announcement a bit humorous. Quick thinking there!

Some chuckles did come from a few of the passengers.

 

[Smudger105e]

On a Nottingham to Matlock service on Sunday, guard announced..

This is the East Midlands Trains service to Matt........... Lock, calling at Beeeeston, Attenborough, Long Eaton, Derby, Duffield International, Wirksworth, Belper and Matt.............. lock!!

Announced it like that three times, made me smile anyway!!

 

[mrpsb]

"We are now approaching Manchester Victoria. Thank you, and goodbye!"

 

[ReverendFozz]

Cannot remember if it was across a PA System or was a guard walking through the Carriages, on a train from Berwick years ago going back to Durham the guard announces to us 'due to circumstances beyond our control this train will terminate at Newcastle' which raised a few grumbles as it was late on, people wanted to know what was going on, the guard said something along the lines of 'some little b*****ds have thrown a rock through a window', and I nearly died laughing when an old lady responded 'little f**kers should be shot'

At York in 2009, my train was late back to Durham and caused me to miss my last bus from Durham, I was not amused and an East Coast Member of Staff told me 'Nothing I can do, take it up with the inconsiderate idiot who thought it was fun to play on train lines'

 

[Scotty]

On Saturday, the guard on one of our trains at the start of the route started walking down the carriage, exclaimed "Erm, what was I going to say? Oh yeah... tickets please!".

Caused a slight murmur!

 

[Bungle73]

I just got told to "....sit back, relax and enjoy your journey on this high speed service". I thought he might come round with a pillow too, but he didn't.

 

[Yew]

On a Nottingham to Matlock service on Sunday, guard announced..

This is the East Midlands Trains service to Matt........... Lock, calling at Beeeeston, Attenborough, Long Eaton, Derby, Duffield International, Wirksworth, Belper and Matt.............. lock!!

Announced it like that three times, made me smile anyway!!

Have you had the EMT guard who seems suprised when he says the station names on the route?

 

[PaxVobiscum]

OK it's the automated announcement, not a guard, but approaching Belgrove I am always bemused by the slight stutter "..Belgrove - change here for all stations to Stspringburn"

Now I can understand a real person going "Stations ... Stspringburn" but the robot voice?

Ststrange.

 

[dvboy]

As my Stratford/avon to Kidderminster train slowed down at Small Heath this evening the conductor slapped the information display above him and said "Come on mate, you've got this right in front of you now!"

 

[Michael.Y]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eqrq6lWHsfY

 

[Urban Gateline]

OK it's the automated announcement, not a guard, but approaching Belgrove I am always bemused by the slight stutter "..Belgrove - change here for all stations to Stspringburn"

Now I can understand a real person going "Stations ... Stspringburn" but the robot voice?

Ststrange.

Down south we had a similar mishap with the auto-announcements on SWT!

As the train approaches Wimbledon: "The next station is Wimbledon, change here for the Croydon Tramlink and the...ddistrict line?" It sounds funny as the last bit is pronounced as if it were a question and the stutter on the word district, also there is a pause between "the" and "ddistrict"!

 

[Tim R-T-C]

Rather amused that the new Class 322 units on the Airedale line announce stations even if the train is not stopping there, must work on GPS.

On one of the Class 308s I remember the conductor leaving the mic. open after making an announcement so for the rest of the trip you could hear the conductor and someone else talking, unfortunately nothing salacious.

 

[ValleyLines142]

Slightly unrelated, but I was on 158824 on 1W33 (1508 Milford Haven - Manchester) from Swansea at 1655 on Friday 17th and the refurb is great! Lovely and stylish! The chime from that on 175s announced and said 'Conductor - passenger call for aid' or something like that, and it did this at least a dozen times up until we called at Port Talbot. Then the guard was having a conversation about something, but it was muffled and I couldn't pick it out.