Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[CarrotPie]

Erroneous and unnecessary apostrophe's.

I thought using the wrong "it's" was bad enough, but I've also recently seen "itinerary's", "phone's" and, most bewilderingly, "lot's"! It's not even a plural! The mind boggles...

 

[GusB]

Erroneous and unnecessary apostrophe's.

I thought using the wrong "it's" was bad enough, but I've also recently seen "itinerary's", "phone's" and, most bewilderingly, "lot's"! It's not even a plural! The mind boggles...

Your fighting a loosing battle

"Say's" is another one that I see quite regularly.

One thing that irritates me is the increasing use of "aswell", "incase", "infact", etc.

While we're on the subject of "etcetera", I often see people using "ect." - I assume this abomination stems from people pronouncing the word as "ecsetra".

 

[Mcr Warrior]

The mind boggles...

Shouldn't that be... "The mind boggle's"? Oh, wait!

 

[Gloster]

Why isn’t that the list of recommended videos to watch next that appears on the right-hand side of YouTube always seems to include ’Have I the Right’ by The Honeycombs? It doesn’t matter what it is: punk, opera, cooking, idiots at work, pop, etc., it is up there.

 

[pokemonsuper9]

Why isn’t that the list of recommended videos to watch next that appears on the right-hand side of YouTube always seems to include ’Have I the Right’ by The Honeycombs? It doesn’t matter what it is: punk, opera, cooking, idiots at work, pop, etc., it is up there.

I find for some unknown reason, the 3rd listed video on that page is always a video with very low views from channels I've never heard of before.
But apart from that I find the rest of my recommended relatively normal.

 

[DelW]

Erroneous and unnecessary apostrophe's.

I thought using the wrong "it's" was bad enough, but I've also recently seen "itinerary's", "phone's" and, most bewilderingly, "lot's"! It's not even a plural! The mind boggles...

Often (appropriately in view of your user name ) known as "greengrocer's apostrophes" (or even greengrocers' apostrophes), because the cardboard signs on their trays of fruit and veg often featured them incorrectly in plurals.

While we're on the subject of "etcetera", I often see people using "ect." - I assume this abomination stems from people pronouncing the word as "ecsetra".

At one time there was a bus company in Surrey which made it worse by calling themselves "Buses Excetera". I'm not sure if the "ex" part referred to an earlier incarnation, as they seemed to be a rather dubious operation. Now long gone I believe.
[Edit: closed down without warning in 2019 according to a thread in the Buses and Coaches forum]

 

[Strat-tastic]

Erroneous and unnecessary apostrophe's.

I thought using the wrong "it's" was bad enough, but I've also recently seen "itinerary's", "phone's" and, most bewilderingly, "lot's"! It's not even a plural! The mind boggles...

Not too far from here I saw someone talking about a railway and 'it's termini's'.
Got it wrong on just about every level

 

[Thirteen]

I know people can be fined for littering in the street but I'd extend that to shops and other indoor places.

 

[Purple Train]

For my hundredth contribution to the thread (dear oh dear, what have I become), may I nominate AI voiceovers?

 

[The exile]

Maybe the best one I’ve heard is someone thinking the Isle of Wight is abroad.

But is that a lack of geographical knowledge or a misunderstanding of the meaning of the word “abroad”? After all, its fossilised meaning of “out and about beyond one’s normal stamping ground” still survives.

 

[D6130]

But is that a lack of geographical knowledge or a misunderstanding of the meaning of the word “abroad”? After all, its fossilised meaning of “out and about beyond one’s normal stamping ground” still survives.

Yes - and the other commonly-used synonym for 'abroad' is 'overseas'....which is certainly true in the case of the Isle of Wight.

 

[Mr. SW]

It always used to amuse me that in the Radio Times in the early part of the year there were pull out sections labelled "Holidays in the UK and Abroad". Where else would you go? Outer Space?

 

[Gloster]

When you are writing an e-mail in a foreign language and the computer decides to change random words in your text either to other similar languages or to English. I am writing in Danish, but odd words get changed to either Swedish (mostly) or Norwegian, while some appear as irrelevant English ones.

 

[Gloster]

Why do people returning shopping trolleys to the pound outside the main entrance insist on attaching them to the rear of the longest line so that it ends up snaking across in front of the doorway so that there is only a narrow gap that only one person at a time can get through? Can you not walk another ten or fifteen feet to attach it to the rear of one of the shorter lines or are you just too eager to get home and experience the Superchoco Grease Burgers that you have just bought?

 

[Strat-tastic]

Add to that supermarkets from allowing the pound to overfill over into the car park, cutting off one lane to traffic.

 

[The exile]

When you are writing an e-mail in a foreign language and the computer decides to change random words in your text either to other similar languages or to English. I am writing in Danish, but odd words get changed to either Swedish (mostly) or Norwegian, while some appear as irrelevant English ones.

Indeed - while suddenly coming up with the correct dictionary for what you’re writing may be too much to expect, it shouldn’t be beyond any current spellchecker / text predicter to spot “this isn’t English” and offer to switch itself off.

 

[Falcon1200]

Porch security lights which activate when someone is walking past - on the other side of the street. They must go off so often that a 'boy who cried wolf' syndrome develops.

 

[bspahh]

At a gym, don't sit on a bit of apparatus while you check your phone, or think meaningful thoughts. Use it or stand up and let someone else use it instead.

 

[Bald Rick]

At a gym, don't sit on a bit of apparatus while you check your phone, or think meaningful thoughts. Use it or stand up and let someone else use it instead.

Similarly, at a busy gateline where people are behind you don’t wait until you are at the gate before then opening your phone, finding the right app, finding the right ticket, and then trying to scan it. Then finding the actual right ticket and scanning that one.

 

[The exile]

Porch security lights which activate when someone is walking past - on the other side of the street. They must go off so often that a 'boy who cried wolf' syndrome develops.

Highlighting (literally) potential intruders is only one of their uses, though. Far more useful to help you work out which key is which and stop people tripping over the doorstep.

 

[Peter Mugridge]

Porch security lights which activate when someone is walking past - on the other side of the street. They must go off so often that a 'boy who cried wolf' syndrome develops.

Poorly aimed insecurity lights are another issue - frequently dazzling the onlooker and thus creating perfect shadow areas for any miscreants to hide in; also presenting a hazard to road traffic if the illuminary is visible to drivers ( I'm pretty sure there is actually a law against having them shine at an angle where they would shine on drivers but I suspect nobody ever bothers to enforce it. )

 

[Falcon1200]

Far more useful to help you work out which key is which and stop people tripping over the doorstep.

True, but they don't have to light me up and make me feel like a criminal as I scuttle past!

 

[AM9]

True, but they don't have to light me up and make me feel like a criminal as I scuttle past!

Hardly an issue, - walking along a road car headlights illuminate you, both are incidental to your passing by, (unless you are feeling guilty of a criminal act).

 

[Lewisham2221]

Ready meals where the film lid doesn't peel off as intended

 

[GusB]

Ready meals where the film lid doesn't peel off as intended

I'd add onions to that list.

Removing the papery skin is a pain the arse.

 

[Statto]

I'd add onions to that list.

Removing the papery skin is a pain the arse.

Yeah, as much as i love onions, you end up removing the top layer of the edible part of the onion when you peel it.

 

[AM9]

Yeah, as much as i love onions, you end up removing the top layer of the edible part of the onion when you peel it.

That's because sometimes onions, being natural plants, mature earlier on one side than another. Thus when peeled, some layers are dry and thin on some edges and still freah and moist on others. A price well worth paying to have naturally grown vegetables.

 

[Falcon1200]

A price well worth paying to have naturally grown vegetables.

They need to develop a genetically-modified easypeel onion......

 

[Sun Chariot]

I'd add onions to that list.
Removing the papery skin is a pain the arse.

I'll add: the TV chefs who take a garlic bulb, tap it quickly with palm and magically all cloves obediently fall open.
Do they, by 'eck. I've incurred laughter of my wife and kitchen worktop / wall garlic stains, countless times, when attempting a similar feat...

They need to develop a genetically-modified easypeel onion......

I used to be nicknamed "Onion" at my school. I thought it was because I had many intellectual layers.
I discovered it was thus because, when I peeled off a couple of layers, it made young women cry...

 

[Cambus731]

Those Baby on board badges that pregnant women wear.