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Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

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Broken Viking

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How do you get out if you have not purchased anything?
There's a "wrong way" gate near the entrance that lets you leave the retail floor without passing through the checkouts. Position will vary, but the best place to look is near the CCTV podium because it'll be sited to make observation and challenges easier for the security personnel.

N.B: This is the case for my local Sainsburys which has an Argos concession inside the retail area. Stores without concessions might be different. :)
 

Calthrop

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A feature of using Outlook for one's e-mail -- trivial I suppose, but which disproportionately annoys me. When following logging-on procedure: there appear on screen -- briefly but to me, highly irritatingly -- the words "Trying to sign you in..."; before there pops up the "sign in" device, with slot to enter one's account designation and begin signing-in. The "Trying to..." stunt, seems so utterly, fatuously unnecessary: you twits, I bloody well hope -- and take for granted -- that the intention is to try and sign me in: if not, something is very wrong somewhere. This has me at times, swearing to dispense with Outlook's services, and find another e-mail provider.
 

Indigo Soup

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A feature of using Outlook for one's e-mail -- trivial I suppose, but which disproportionately annoys me. When following logging-on procedure: there appear on screen -- briefly but to me, highly irritatingly -- the words "Trying to sign you in..."; before there pops up the "sign in" device, with slot to enter one's account designation and begin signing-in. The "Trying to..." stunt, seems so utterly, fatuously unnecessary: you twits, I bloody well hope -- and take for granted -- that the intention is to try and sign me in: if not, something is very wrong somewhere. This has me at times, swearing to dispense with Outlook's services, and find another e-mail provider.
This kind of thing is trying to reassure the user that something is happening, much like 'progress bars' which generally bear little or no resemblance to actual progress. Unlike them, it attempts to humanise the software so that the user doesn't get annoyed with the wait.

In this vein, it's similar to buses which display 'I'm out of service' on their destination board. Which also ought to be banned. Buses don't have sentience or personhood, and therefore 'Out of service' is entirely adequate.
 

Steddenm

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Clane, Co. Kildare
This kind of thing is trying to reassure the user that something is happening, much like 'progress bars' which generally bear little or no resemblance to actual progress. Unlike them, it attempts to humanise the software so that the user doesn't get annoyed with the wait.

In this vein, it's similar to buses which display 'I'm out of service' on their destination board. Which also ought to be banned. Buses don't have sentience or personhood, and therefore 'Out of service' is entirely adequate.
Same with washing machines. Says 10 minutes left on the screen. Still going after 15 minutes then plays a jaunty tune for 75 seconds to tell you it's finished.
 

Sun Chariot

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When I started my daily commute on London Underground, in December 1993, it took me a few weeks before I realised the nuance of the Next train destination + time remaining screens on the platforms.
Next train 4 mins does  not mean 4 minutes until it arrives. It means the train is 4 minutes equivalent distance away.
Several times I got annoyed when the Next train timer stayed the same far longer than the time I expected the darned train to come...
 

Calthrop

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This kind of thing is trying to reassure the user that something is happening, much like 'progress bars' which generally bear little or no resemblance to actual progress. Unlike them, it attempts to humanise the software so that the user doesn't get annoyed with the wait.
But this user gets very definitely annoyed with Outlook's utterly pointless nonsense, occupying the extremely short wait !
In this vein, it's similar to buses which display 'I'm out of service' on their destination board. Which also ought to be banned. Buses don't have sentience or personhood, and therefore 'Out of service' is entirely adequate.
What annoys us, or doesn't; often seems to have little rhyme or reason. I find that I'm perfectly OK with "I'm out of service" on buses -- even with "Sorry, I'm out of service" -- I feel it to be rather sweet. For sure, this stuff isn't about being consistent...
 

Trainlog

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Maidstone
I thought the reason they introduced the little paper chits (not really receipts as they don't confirm payment) was so the different drinks could be priced differently? Previously all smalls and all larges were priced the same so all they needed to do was look what size cup you had.

How do they know if you had syrup etc on those ones?
Yeah, I think I should have used the word ticket originally. It's Ironic for me to forget that word when writing my original post on a site dedicated to discussing railways :lol:

I'm not too sure myself as to why they introduced the tickets originally, personally I thought it was that drinks could be purchased at more places and that the ticket could enable it to be used at self-checkouts.

To answer the second part of the question, I don't think there is a way for them to know unless you told the cashier what syrup it was. I just got a bog-standard latte that day so I'm not too sure myself on that one.

Older Costa machines are the definition of 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' design-wise. You can use your own cup if you choose to, and you could pay for the drink at a self-checkout with the ticket, provided it's not a weighted self checkout till - then in that case its the fun wait in the queue at the tobacco and alcohol tills to pay for it.

The design didn't need rethinking.
 

dangie

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When staying at a hotel or B&B you spend half of your stay sussing out the buttons on the television remote.

Why can’t they be standardised? :frown:
 

dcbwhaley

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When staying at a hotel or B&B you spend half of your stay sussing out the buttons on the television remote.

Why can’t they be standardised? :frown:
And hotel showers should be standardised.
Hundreds of gallons of water wasted before you get the right temperature.
 

Bald Rick

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Gentlemen who use urinals ‘hands free’ whilst simulatenously texting on their phones (with their hands).
 

Sun Chariot

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Railway websites containing blatant errors. If anyone should be able to ensure railway facts are correct, it's them. Today's culprit is linked below.
The entry for 45108 includes: Top Facts: Nicknamed "Peak" trains because Class 45s operated on Trans-Pennine routes across the Peak District
Riiiiight. So nothing at all to do with class 44 named after the highest peaks in England amd Wales; and the "Peak" moniker extended to class 45 and 46... :s
 
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dangie

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People who call inanimate objects ‘sexy’

For example I’ve heard adverts where a car is described as ‘sexy’. No it isn’t, it’s a lump of metal, plastic & rubber.

To cap it off even further, on television this morning an advert described a pot of yogurt as ‘sexy’. Give me strength…!!

Humans can be described as ‘sexy’, not a bloody pot of yogurt.
 

bspahh

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People who call inanimate objects ‘sexy’

For example I’ve heard adverts where a car is described as ‘sexy’. No it isn’t, it’s a lump of metal, plastic & rubber.
Each to his own.

Suffolk man had sex with 450 tractors​

A Suffolk man with a bizarre sexual attraction to tractors has been banned from the countryside and forced to sign the sex offenders register.
 
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I would ban signs showing what lane is closed approaching a merge in turn at roadworks. Just sighs saying how far you are from a merge in turn.

If you make everyone figure it out when they get there, people might merge in turn better, the traffic should flow better and the self appointed lane police would stop their nonsense.
 

gg1

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I would ban signs showing what lane is closed approaching a merge in turn at roadworks. Just sighs saying how far you are from a merge in turn.

If you make everyone figure it out when they get there, people might merge in turn better, the traffic should flow better and the self appointed lane police would stop their nonsense.
I'd keep them but in addition ensure signs which specifically state 'merge in turn' (ideally the type with a diagrammatic representation) are part of the standard signage for all such lane closures, some have them but the majority don't.
 

Sun Chariot

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After counselling, he became an ex-tractor fan.

I'll fetch my coat... :)
Brilliant! Take a bow. :D

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: ==

I'd keep them but in addition ensure signs which specifically state 'merge in turn' (ideally the type with a diagrammatic representation) are part of the standard signage for all such lane closures, some have them but the majority don't.
I'd have a stinger at the 200 yards merging marker. That will catch all the self entitled drivers who race to the lane cones and then barge their way into the adjacent, open, lane.
 

pokemonsuper9

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I'd have a stinger at the 200 yards merging marker. That will catch all the self entitled drivers who race to the lane cones and then barge their way into the adjacent, open, lane.
That's not entitled that's literally following the highway code, in congestion all the space should be used.
Rule 134

You should follow the signs and road markings and get into the lane as directed. In congested road conditions do not change lanes unnecessarily. Merging in turn is recommended but only if safe and appropriate when vehicles are travelling at a very low speed, e.g. when approaching road works or a road traffic incident. It is not recommended at high speed.
 

MarkyT

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Torbay
Gambling adverts.
God they're awful now. Be careful, take breaks etc but please still gamble with us oh and you can do it any time, any place on your mobile devices. Personally, I hate the whole filthy exploitative gambling industry with a burning passion so I'd close it all down entirely.

Also exceedingly annoying are self-checkout machines that are clearly permanently configured for card-only use with appropriate fixed signs, yet still direct the customer to a payment method screen where they have to select the card option, the only one available.
 
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