Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[PeterY]

Whilst I agree with you in general, there's also an element of needing something quick and not have the time or energy to research what places you should go to in an unfamiliar town. That applies as much in the UK as it does abroad too. If I get somewhere at 6pm and have an event I'm going to at 7pm, I'm not going to fuss around finding somewhere nice to eat, I'll just find the closest place I know I am happy enough with. Or a situation I will be in come September, if I land at Berlin airport at 9pm, I won't get to my hotel until at least 10pm if not later and so once I've checked in, I'm not going to want to wander around trying to find some nice food and beer - I'll probably just find the nearest fast food place and then have a quick drink at the hotel bar!

On a recent trip, well back in May, to bash the far north lines, The first place I stumbled across in Inverness just after 18.00 and not knowing the town, was Burger King. Being hungry, I wasn't going to waste time finding something nicer.

 

[duncanp]

Can we ban the use of the word "hack" in relation a clever wheeze for doing some routine task.

I am seeing this <bleeping> word appear more and more often on social media feeds and on newspaper websites.

eg "clever hack for cleaning mess off the carpet" or "brilliant hack for ensuring that your luggage never gets lost at the airport (yeah, right))

Most of them are just clickbait rubbish.

 

[Purple Train]

Can we ban the use of the word "hack" in relation a clever whheze for doing some routine task.

I am seeing this <bleeping> word appear more and more often on social media feeds and on newspaper websites.

eg "clever hack for cleaning mess off the carpet" or "brilliant hack for ensuring that your luggage never gets lost at the airport (yeah, right))

Most of them are just clickbait rubbish.

Ooh yes please!

I would also ban use of the word "dude".

 

[32475]

‘Sheep may safely graze’ by Johann Sebastian Bach annoys me and should be banned. The music is pleasant enough but the title is a split infinitive for heaven’s sake.

 

[Busaholic]

‘Sheep may safely graze’ by Johann Sebastian Bach annoys me and should be banned. The music is pleasant enough but the title is a split infinitive for heaven’s sake.

Has to be pointed out the title is a translation of the original! 'The music is pleasant enough' is damning with faint praise, I feel. So I've now defended Elvis and Bach on here.

 

[Calthrop]

‘Sheep may safely graze’ by Johann Sebastian Bach annoys me and should be banned. The music is pleasant enough but the title is a split infinitive for heaven’s sake.

Has to be pointed out the title is a translation of the original! 'The music is pleasant enough' is damning with faint praise, I feel. So I've now defended Elvis and Bach on here.

I know damn-all about music of any description, but am by way of being a rather annoying grammar pedant; and in my estimation: irrespective of "translation" matters -- no way is "sheep may safely graze", a split infinitive. Writing of allowing said beasties "to safely graze", would be such; but one can frame the thing as "may safely graze", or "may graze safely" -- or "safely may graze", or any other tormented word-order, should one be attempting rhyming and rhythmic verse -- and it's fully acceptable grammatically.

The general view nowadays: is that in the first place, the whole "split infinitive" thing is baloney; it did not exist as a taboo before -- not many centuries ago -- various learned and influential scholastic idiots got the idea into their heads, that English grammar should be brought as closely as possible, into line with Latin grammar. With the two languages being very different from each other, and operating in very different ways: I think it's Bill Bryson, who remarks that this edict from the eggheads concerned, makes about as much sense as trying to play football by the rules of baseball. The infinitive of verbs in English, involves two words -- "to love". The Latin equivalent -- basic form of the verb -- is just one word: Latin for "to love" = amare. The command came from on high, that because a Latin infinitive thus cannot be split; an English one may not be split. Lunacy !

 

[Gloster]

I have been told, admittedly by someone with a similar opinion of public schools as me, that this was promoted by public schools so as to add a further dividing line between the different classes. If you speak correct English, i.e. the way we teach it, you may have a chance of being considered as ‘one of us’. If you don’t, you are probably one of ‘them’ and will not be worth bothering about.

 

[py_megapixel]

Sometimes the split infinitive improves the the sentence. For example:

"It's important to carry the bottle carefully, which contains a hazardous substance." conveys the wrong meaning.
"It's important to carry the bottle, which contains a hazardous substance, carefully." is probably the best grammar sounds needlessly clunky as it introduces an extra comma.
"It's important to carefully carry the bottle which contains a hazardous substance." is fine.

 

[Bletchleyite]

Sometimes the split infinitive improves the the sentence. For example:

"It's important to carry the bottle carefully, which contains a hazardous substance." conveys the wrong meaning.
"It's important to carry the bottle, which contains a hazardous substance, carefully." is probably the best grammar sounds needlessly clunky as it introduces an extra comma.
"It's important to carefully carry the bottle which contains a hazardous substance." is fine.

"It's important to carry the bottle carefully, as it contains a hazardous substance" seems to be the best, as it's giving the important bit first (the action required) and adding a reason for anyone who might care.

 

[32475]

I know damn-all about music of any description, but am by way of being a rather annoying grammar pedant; and in my estimation: irrespective of "translation" matters -- no way is "sheep may safely graze", a split infinitive. Writing of allowing said beasties "to safely graze", would be such; but one can frame the thing as "may safely graze", or "may graze safely" -- or "safely may graze", or any other tormented word-order, should one be attempting rhyming and rhythmic verse -- and it's fully acceptable grammatically.

The general view nowadays: is that in the first place, the whole "split infinitive" thing is baloney; it did not exist as a taboo before -- not many centuries ago -- various learned and influential scholastic idiots got the idea into their heads, that English grammar should be brought as closely as possible, into line with Latin grammar. With the two languages being very different from each other, and operating in very different ways: I think it's Bill Bryson, who remarks that this edict from the eggheads concerned, makes about as much sense as trying to play football by the rules of baseball. The infinitive of verbs in English, involves two words -- "to love". The Latin equivalent -- basic form of the verb -- is just one word: Latin for "to love" = amare. The command came from on high, that because a Latin infinitive thus cannot be split; an English one may not be split. Lunacy !

Living on a small holding with three sheep (and Mrs 32475), I’ve just been out to check them and I can assure you that they are most definitely grazing safely.
Incidentally, I tried hosing lightly with cold water from the tap to cool them down but they didn’t appreciate it and strolled off!

 

[ABB125]

I never knew that split infinitives (or even just "normal" infinitives!) were a thing until reading this thread...

 

[Bletchleyite]

I never knew that split infinitives (or even just "normal" infinitives!) were a thing until reading this thread...

"To boldly go where no man has gone before" is the Trekkie classic.

 

[Drogba11CFC]

People who mix up "Asterix" and "Asterisk"...I even had a French teacher who did that and it's incredibly Gauling.

 

[Calthrop]

I have been told, admittedly by someone with a similar opinion of public schools as me, that this was promoted by public schools so as to add a further dividing line between the different classes. If you speak correct English, i.e. the way we teach it, you may have a chance of being considered as ‘one of us’. If you don’t, you are probably one of ‘them’ and will not be worth bothering about.

I love Churchill's famous words about the taboo on ending a sentence with a preposition: "That is nonsense up with which I will not put". If only he'd come out with a similar one about splitting infinitives -- something along the line of, "I shall continue to merrily -- and whenever it suits me -- split infinitives as much as I damned well please". Perhaps he'd had infinitive-splitting thrashed out of him for all time, at Harrow?

 

[ABB125]

Here's something that really annoys me. In you put your name at the bottom of an email in Gmail, it has a nasty habit of deleting the name (or possibly just hiding it), especially if you save a draft then return later. It often also hides the name on any emails you receive. Stop it! If I put my name at the bottom of an email, I do it for a reason!

(I suspect the reason for this is because it's assumed that every email address has a single person linked to it/is linked to a contact, so there's no point putting a name at the bottom if your name will appear in the "from" section. I fundamentally disagree with this notion.)

 

[GusB]

Bluetooth!

Of all the technologies in the world, this one has to be the biggest pain the bahookie to get working. It's supposed to be fairly simple to use, but it doesn't matter which devices I'm trying to pair it never ever works first time.

 

[yorksrob]

Bluetooth!

Of all the technologies in the world, this one has to be the biggest pain the bahookie to get working. It's supposed to be fairly simple to use, but it doesn't matter which devices I'm trying to pair it never ever works first time.

The same could be said for more or less all modern i.t. in my experience.

 

[Runningaround]

People using modern technology to complain about others using modern technology.

 

[D821]

People who leave one-star reviews on Amazon solely because there was a problem with the delivery. I want to know how good the product us, not how crap your delivery experience was.

 

[Cloud Strife]

Living on a small holding with three sheep (and Mrs 32475), I’ve just been out to check them and I can assure you that they are most definitely grazing safely.
Incidentally, I tried hosing lightly with cold water from the tap to cool them down but they didn’t appreciate it and strolled off!

A friend keeps sheep, and she says that they are ridiculous animals. They can get lost in snow for days and be perfectly fine, they can endure extreme temperatures without complaint, but then they'll go and do something stupid like drown in a stream because they got stuck trying to cross it.

 

[Runningaround]

People who leave one-star reviews on Amazon solely because there was a problem with the delivery. I want to know how good the product us, not how crap your delivery experience was.

Surely it's part of the package, you pay a fee which includes the service if you don't get it it's bad service.
I've left a bad review due to the seller never sending my order , the item was later bought from elsewhere should I then credit Amazon with a good review as the product was good?. It's like a restaurant review it's based on the whole experience.

 

[D821]

Surely it's part of the package, you pay a fee which includes the service if you don't get it it's bad service.
I've left a bad review due to the seller never sending my order , the item was later bought from elsewhere should I then credit Amazon with a good review as the product was good?. It's like a restaurant review it's based on the whole

It depends on the website. For any one of the large retailers the delivery us mostly going to be good and something coming a few days late is going to be an exception.
For things like ebay or delivery of things like white goods, the delivery is likely to be much of an issue, as you say.

 

[Calthrop]

A friend keeps sheep, and she says that they are ridiculous animals. They can get lost in snow for days and be perfectly fine, they can endure extreme temperatures without complaint, but then they'll go and do something stupid like drown in a stream because they got stuck trying to cross it.

Opportunity to mention a favourite author, and something of a heroine, of mine -- Amanda Owen, who for many years ran a sheep farm in the wilds of the high Pennines, near where Yorkshire, Cumbria and Durham meet: has written a series of books, delightfully and wittily telling of such doings -- all about sheep, "from their best to their worst", and the keeping of them -- as above. Her first book titled The Yorkshire Shepherdess -- series proceeds therefrom.

 

[Stan63]

The use of the word axe instead of ask. Mostly in American programs but creeping in over here now. Really gets on my nerves.

Stan

 

[32475]

A friend keeps sheep, and she says that they are ridiculous animals. They can get lost in snow for days and be perfectly fine, they can endure extreme temperatures without complaint, but then they'll go and do something stupid like drown in a stream because they got stuck trying to cross it.

If a sheep has the opportunity to get stuck in a hole, tether itself to a bramble hedge, try and drown itself or get it’s head stuck in some stock fencing it will do and over the years I’ve rescued a good number of the beasts.
They are clinically stupid animals but wonderful to keep if you get the opportunity. Furthermore, they taste delicious but I don’t tell them that.

 

[Runningaround]

It depends on the website. For any one of the large retailers the delivery us mostly going to be good and something coming a few days late is going to be an exception.
For things like ebay or delivery of things like white goods, the delivery is likely to be much of an issue, as you say.

I no longer buy off Amazon due to sellers being dubious and one being non-existent. I use it for ideas and buy off a reputable retailer often far cheaper, delivered within 3 days and if they also have a store an ability to take and exchange faulty goods easily, you also get an employee to explain things through with rather than an endless online bot chat that goes round in circles.

 

[Gloster]

Documents which include a page or pages saying, ‘This page has intentionally been left blank.’ No, it hasn’t: it has the words, ‘This page has intentionally been left blank,’ on it.

 

[ABB125]

Documents which include a page or pages saying, ‘This page has intentionally been left blank.’ No, it hasn’t: it has the words, ‘This page has intentionally been left blank,’ on it.

Reminds me, I'd love for that to be printed on every page in a document titled "Government Competence Report"

 

[Busaholic]

Documents which include a page or pages saying, ‘This page has intentionally been left blank.’ No, it hasn’t: it has the words, ‘This page has intentionally been left blank,’ on it.

A variation on that theme - an electronic notice board spotted with the message ''this notice board is not in use''. I can only assume the creator of that believes nature abhors a vacuum.

 

[Bletchleyite]

A variation on that theme - an electronic notice board spotted with the message ''this notice board is not in use''. I can only assume the creator of that believes nature abhors a vacuum.

It's actually quite useful, as is "this page has intentionally been left blank" - it confirms that it is meant to be blank and has not failed to display/print.

It appears that with most railway LED displays the presence of "..." in the bottom left hand corner acts as confirmation that a board is connected properly and meant to be displaying nothing.