Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[GusB]

Another thing in the baby-talk realm which annoys me: is Wetherspoons, in their breakfast menu nowadays, printing the actual word "butty / butties" (bacon, sausage, etc.) -- can't they act like adults, and use "sandwich", for heaven's sake? On the rare occasions when I order such an item at a Wetherspoons, I make whatever shift necessary, not to employ the b-word for ordering; sometimes telling the person behind the bar, that I refuse to use "butty" -- it sounds babyish.

It's only in this particular context that the word gets on my wick. Used jocularly in casual conversation, it's fine; and I'm perfectly happy with Ken Dodd's jam-butty-mines stuff. And in "Welsh English", no problem ("Butty Bach" ale and what have you) -- I believe the word has a different meaning in that milieu anyway, not sandwich-related. It's only this newish gimmick of Wetherspoons', that I hate and would wish to ban: I just find it twee, unnecessary, infantile-seeming, and thoroughly cringe-making.

I'm going to have to disagree with you here. The use of "butty" or "butties" is surely just slang, and not necessarily childish. Some people say "sarnie" while describing two slices of bread containing a filling of sorts; when I was growing up it was always a "piece". When I moved to more northerly parts, a "piece" was the description given to a cake or biscuit while having a cuppa.

 

[Mcr Warrior]

Some people say "sarnie" while describing two slices of bread containing a filling of sorts; when I was growing up it was always a "piece".

A "chip piece" would be a chip butty (obviously!) and a "jeely piece" would usually be a (red coloured) jam butty.

When I moved to more northerly parts, a "piece" was the description given to a cake or biscuit while having a cuppa.

Not heard that before, unless you're referring to a "piece of cake"?! Was that in Northern Scotland, or maybe somewhere else?

 

[Madge Wildfire]

All those Wikipedia entries that include a mention, sometimes expanded to a whole paragraph, that the subject was diagnosed with Covid at some time or another.

I don't wish to get political, but I'm sure that the phrase "has tested positive for Covid" is the current Establishment's way of making sure potentially embarrassing people are kept away from high profile public events.

 

[duncanp]

I don't wish to get political, but I'm sure that the phrase "has tested positive for Covid" is the current Establishment's way of making sure potentially embarrassing people are kept away from high profile public events.

It is rather convenient that the Duke of York has tested positive for COVID the day before today's service at St Paul's Cathedral.

 

[adrock1976]

Tap-on-tap-off contactless payments on buses.

It works when you tap on at the beginning of the journey, but as everybody is getting off it slows the disembarkation down as people fiddle about for their card or have to unlock their phone to tap that off.

Noticed it a lot recently on GoAhead buses in England and if you are in a hurry...

Plus in Brighton some of the Brighton & Hove buses have centre doors for disembarking where the tap off Ticketer reader is, yet some stops you have to get off at the front of the bus (as the stops haven't got the bump for the middle door), and you get people walking back and forth to find the reader.

When I have used the tap on tap off feature on First Glasgow, when the bus arrives at its terminus the tap off reader does not work.

Perhaps this is caused by the driver signing out of the machine?

 

[Calthrop]

D6968 said: "Simple, don't use Wetherspoons !"

Shameful confession: in many respects, I like Wetherspoons ...

I'm going to have to disagree with you here. The use of "butty" or "butties" is surely just slang, and not necessarily childish. Some people say "sarnie" while describing two slices of bread containing a filling of sorts; when I was growing up it was always a "piece". When I moved to more northerly parts, a "piece" was the description given to a cake or biscuit while having a cuppa.

As said in my post: on the whole, I don't strongly dislike "butty" or find it childish -- Wetherspoons' making it official as it were, by using the word on their printed menu; just sits wrongly with me: feels like their trying to enforce customers' sounding like little kids. I admit that this objection isn't particularly rational -- but it's a strong gut feeling that I have.

"Sarnie", I can live with -- but not its American counterpart. I like some American slang; but there are elements in it which I loathe -- including their diminutive of the s-word: "sammich". Ugh ! Nuke it from orbit with great vigour, I say ...

 

[Peter Mugridge]

I'd like to ban my vacuum cleaner from getting hot and smelling of burnt rubber.

Sounds like there's something wrong with it...

 

[yorksrob]

Sounds like there's something wrong with it...

It's knackered, that's what's wrong with it

 

[duncanp]

It's knackered, that's what's wrong with it

I had a vacuum cleaner like that once
.
One day there was a big bang, a puff of smoke, and it stopped working after that.

I would seriously consider getting a new one as soon as possible.

 

[Busaholic]

It is rather convenient that the Duke of York has tested positive for COVID the day before today's service at St Paul's Cathedral.

I believe it's a deviation of the Omnicron variant known as the Omerta, only available to known scumbags.

 

[D821]

Daddy long-legs / crane flies.
Bumbling into houses in the evening, being impossible to get out, losing limbs in spiders' webs and then getting eaten by the dog or cat.
I've also been told by my FiL that in grub form, they can cause considerable damage to lawns.

 

[Strat-tastic]

I ban the BBC from putting content on social media sites like facebook. I don't wish to go there to access content I've paid to create. You have a perfectly good website already; use that.

 

[py_megapixel]

Sorry if there are any web developers reading, but can I please ban "mobile first design"?

On the other extreme, I would also like to ban what I shall call "mobile never design". That is, sites which are broken on mobile platforms, which expect you to pan and scroll around the desktop version, or which show "please rotate device" for no good reason. Sometimes there is a good reason for it, but sometimes it seems that the developer was too lazy to come up with a layout that works on a portrait screen and decided they'd rather cause a hassle for the end user instead.

 

[birchesgreen]

Sorry if there are any web developers reading, but can I please ban "mobile first design"?

On the other extreme, I would also like to ban what I shall call "mobile never design". That is, sites which are broken on mobile platforms, which expect you to pan and scroll around the desktop version, or which show "please rotate device" for no good reason. Sometimes there is a good reason for it, but sometimes it seems that the developer was too lazy to come up with a layout that works on a portrait screen and decided they'd rather cause a hassle for the end user instead.

Responsive design isn't really that difficult though its hard to retrofit it to an existing design which is where i think some of the issues arise.

 

[al78]

In short, there are some deliberately selfish people out there, and there always will be because challenging their behaviour is often more trouble than it's worth.

Probably one of selfishness or thoughtlessness, but the problem is that not challenging such behaviour effectively validates it, to the point where it becomes ingrained and impossible to change. I've seen this over and over again at the bridge club and slow play.

I had an anecdote from my bridge partner this afternoon about a woman she knew who was always late, and someone called her out along the lines of "you are late because you are ARROGANT, and you think you are more important than the people waiting for you!"

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 3 Jun 2022 ==

Hanlon's Razor comes to mind. "Never attribute to malice that which may be adequately explained by stupidity"

True. Does anyone think there exist some people who are deliberately obstructive because they get a power trip out of it?

 

[py_megapixel]

Responsive design isn't really that difficult though its hard to retrofit it to an existing design which is where i think some of the issues arise.

No it's not, but that still doesn't stop it being bungled.

My feeling is that the bit about it being hard to retrofit works both ways. One gets a bad design if one doesn't consider mobile and then just try to bodge in later. But it's equally possible to design for mobile first, and then bodge in usability on desktop, and this is just as bad.

A particular pet-peeve is "hamburger menus" which are opened by clicking a button and then temporarily cover a large chunk of the screen (or the whole screen). This is a great idea on, for example, mobile phones, where putting the navigation links somewhere else would be impractical. And there are a few cases where it's a good idea on desktop platforms, mostly in scenarios where it's desirable to maximise available screen space at all costs, such as Google Maps. But there are some websites which have these menus for navigation where there's easily space for simple navigation links at the top or side which would be more intuitive, and the only discernible reason for it is that the mobile site has one and nobody thought to implement a better system for larger screens.

 

[birchesgreen]

Well there are successful and less successful responsive designs (like anything), all mine are awesome obviously.

My comment about retrofitting did mean both ways. Thats why i really implied its better to start afresh.

 

[Busaholic]

True. Does anyone think there exist some people who are deliberately obstructive because they get a power trip out of it?

Undoubtedly. They are small in number, statistically speaking, but they affect all who accidently fall into their orbit. Thirty years of shopkeeping have led me to that conclusion, and I'm not someone easily wound up. or I couldn't have done the jobs I did before that e.g. in Probation Service. One rider - I might perhaps use the word 'confrontational' rather than 'obstructive'. Taken to extremes, some are borderline psychotic and a danger to themselves and others.

 

[xotGD]

I'd like to ban my vacuum cleaner from getting hot and smelling of burnt rubber.

Sounds like a journey on one of those old Southern Region slammers...

 

[ABB125]

Can we ban people who don't indicate when changing lanes on motorways/dual carriageways?

I'd say it's more important with people moving into a "faster" lane than into a "slower" lane, because generally if you're moving into a lane of slower-moving traffic, you're going to be going faster, and therefore be always moving away from the vehicle which you pull in in front of. However, that's no excuse; you should always indicate.

I will accept that if the nearest vehicle is something like 100m away, indication is less necessary, but it's still good practise.

 

[jfollows]

Can we ban people who don't indicate when changing lanes on motorways/dual carriageways?

I would probably irritate you because I don't always indicate when moving left; on three-lane roads it's usually conditional on the traffic in the inside lane because if I think there's someone likely to think of moving right into the middle lane I do indicate when moving left into the same lane. But I always indicate and then look over my shoulder before moving right.

 

[ABB125]

I would probably irritate you because I don't always indicate when moving left; on three-lane roads it's usually conditional on the traffic in the inside lane because if I think there's someone likely to think of moving right into the middle lane I do indicate when moving left into the same lane. But I always indicate and then look over my shoulder before moving right.

At least you're thinking about whether to indicate or not, rather than just not thinking at all!

 

[jfollows]

I, on the other hand, would ban people who overtake me and immediately pull in front of me, whether indicating or not, destroying my safe zone and compelling me to brake to restore it. I try and ensure I don't do likewise when overtaking others.

EDIT And, no, I'm not the person driving at 60mph in the middle lane with nothing in the inside lane, I usually drive at an indicated 80mph on motorways when conditions allow and I do so in the left-hand lane when conditions allow ......

EDIT (OT) And I used to drive at an indicated 95mph on motorways, that might not have been sensible then but in any case it's not something I'd get away with today. I managed Manchester-Winchester in about 2 hours (could have been two and a half) on a Saturday morning once (early days of the M40, January 1991 or soon after), that was probably highly illegal. Older and wiser and safer now!

 

[Gloster]

People who hold everybody up by getting off buses and then stopping immediately on the edge of the pavement to wait for the rest of their party. They stand right in the middle of where the passengers need to step as they get off the bus. They are usually the largest member of their party and unable to get up the stairs, although they display considerable agility when jumping up to be the first person off: the rest of the party are probably upstairs at the back and not hurried.

 

[ABB125]

I, on the other hand, would ban people who overtake me and immediately pull in front of me, whether indicating or not, destroying my safe zone and compelling me to brake to restore it. I try and ensure I don't do likewise when overtaking others.

Likewise

the person driving at 60mph in the middle lane with nothing in the inside line

I think they've already been banned, but I think it's fine to ban them again because they're so annoying!

 

[duncanp]

People who hold everybody up by getting off buses and then stopping immediately on the edge of the pavement to wait for the rest of their party. They stand right in the middle of where the passengers need to step as they get off the bus. They are usually the largest member of their party and unable to get up the stairs, although they display considerable agility when jumping up to be the first person off: the rest of the party are probably upstairs at the back and not hurried.

People waiting to get on the bus who crowd round the door (on buses with only one door - as in Birmingham) , thus preventing people from getting off the bus.

 

[yorksrob]

Sounds like a journey on one of those old Southern Region slammers...

Nothing as delightful as the gentle aroma of damp moquette and rotting wood

 

[Busaholic]

I would probably irritate you because I don't always indicate when moving left; on three-lane roads it's usually conditional on the traffic in the inside lane because if I think there's someone likely to think of moving right into the middle lane I do indicate when moving left into the same lane. But I always indicate and then look over my shoulder before moving right.

Same here: it's the drivers who don't indicate right, but will then indicate left, who really get me. Same on roundabouts, why swing right across me without indicating, but then indicate the road you're going into? Sheer illogicality.

 

[matacaster]

BT around here quite a few years ago, mistyped some guys phone number with one of a local restaurant in the telephone directory. Poor old chap was getting 100's of calls a week.

He should have told Chinese restaurant and offered to divert all his calls to restaurant for a decent fee!!

 

[Bald Rick]

I'd like to ban my vacuum cleaner from getting hot and smelling of burnt rubber.

Sounds like there's something wrong with it...

if you can hear it from Epsom, there’s definitely something wrong with it!

Can we ban people who don't indicate when changing lanes on motorways/dual carriageways?

which poses the theoretical question - if there is no one to see you indicate, does it matter ?


meanwhile I’d like to ban (from the roads, and possibly the planet) the seemingly 30% of drivers who use the A1081 between Harpenden and St Albans and drive at a consistent 35-40mph, when the limit is variously 30mph, 40mph and (mostly) 60mph. Get off the road, idiots.