Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Gloster]

All those pop-ups for cookies that start ‘We value your privacy’ or similar. No, you don’t. If you did you wouldn’t even be considering using cookies. (This presumes that I have understood what cookies do and why they are used, which is far from certain.)

 

[py_megapixel]

(This presumes that I have understood what cookies do and why they are used, which is far from certain.)

I think you have the right idea but aren't 100% correct. Cookies are nothing more than small text files stored on your computer. A website can save cookies on your computer, and then the same website can retrieve cookies it saved at some point in the future. They often are used for privacy-infringing purposes such as tracking your behaviour to advertise to you.

However, they also have entirely legitimate uses - for example, some websites let you adjust the colours, and what settings you choose may be stored in a cookie so that you don't have to keep re-entering them.

 

[Cowley]

The lady on Google maps that says “Continue north east on…” How do I know which way north east is? Should I download a map of the stars?

 

[61653 HTAFC]

The lady on Google maps that says “Continue north east on…” How do I know which way north east is? Should I download a map of the stars?

My dad's first car, a Morris Marina held together with rust and hope, had a compass fitted in the centre console... car manufacturers should bring that back!

 

[yorksrob]

Train companies screwing around with the last train on a Saturday night for engineering works. You've got the whole of Sunday, just finish the service and be satisfied with the full day on Sunday.

 

[HST274]

My dad's first car, a Morris Marina held together with rust and hope, had a compass fitted in the centre console... car manufacturers should bring that back!

Someone I know had a car which showed which way you were driving in letters on the mirror- e.g SE or N

 

[Cowley]

My dad's first car, a Morris Marina held together with rust and hope, had a compass fitted in the centre console... car manufacturers should bring that back!

Wow. That’s pretty cool actually.

 

[birchesgreen]

Compass in a car actually sounds incredibly useful.

 

[Mcr Warrior]

Compass in a car actually sounds incredibly useful.

How's that work? Wouldn't the compass needle be attracted to all the metal in the vehicle?

 

[birchesgreen]

How's that work? Wouldn't the compass needle be attracted to all the metal in the vehicle?

Well maybe you can have one based on GPS like you have on a smartphone?

 

[Ediswan]

How's that work? Wouldn't the compass needle be attracted to all the metal in the vehicle?

They do work. I had an add-on windscreen mounted spirit compass once, also in a Morris Marina. The metal of the car does upset the compass reading somewhat, but not enough to render it useless. A road car does not need great accuracy from a compass. Those incorporated in the rear view mirror seem to be eight point (N, NE, E, SE, S, SW, W, NW).

 

[duncanp]

Can we ban people letting off fireworks in supermarket car parks at 2am?

I had to put up with this last night, and no doubt will have to do so again for the next week or so.

No point in phoning the police, as by the time they get there the little scrotes responsible will have gone.

 

[PeterY]

I haven't got a clue either, Month Python has never really appealed to me!

I've tried and tried watching Monty Python and how ever hard I try, I just can't see anything funny in it.

 

[Gloster]

It is all the way you think. I thoroughly enjoy Python, although I agree that there are quite a few bits that drag, but I find other bits hilarious, however often I see them. There are other programmes that are described as hilarious by people whose judgement I would normally consider worth listening to that I find utterly unfunny. Fawlty Towers and Only Fools and Horses to name but two.

 

[Calthrop]

It is all the way you think. I thoroughly enjoy Python, although I agree that there are quite a few bits that drag, but I find other bits hilarious, however often I see them. There are other programmes that are described as hilarious by people whose judgement I would normally consider worth listening to that I find utterly unfunny. Fawlty Towers and Only Fools and Horses to name but two.

Indeed it happens not all that rarely, that one fails to be captivated by some -- in the broadest sense -- work of art: which a good many people whom, and whose general taste in things, one respects; that this situation tends to have me, at any rate, wondering, "perhaps it's me -- not 'it' -- that's at fault". Terry Pratchett is a case in point with me: I find his stuff (some of which I have tried) almost totally heavy-handed, feeble, corny, and big-time not-funny -- but I encounter so many folk whose opinions I don't set at naught, who thoroughly delight in the voluminous Pratchett canon...

 

[Strat-tastic]

I've tried and tried watching Monty Python and how ever hard I try, I just can't see anything funny in it.

It's very, very silly

 

[westv]

People who are eating holding their knives like a pen.

 

[birchesgreen]

This is maybe a bit niche but really does annoy me.

Whenever you get a story about palaentology some "wag" will make the "hilarious" anti-Creationist joke about how come something is millions of years old if the world is only 5000 years old. The joke was funny once... probably during the Oligocene.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Compass in a car actually sounds incredibly useful.

...

How's that work? Wouldn't the compass needle be attracted to all the metal in the vehicle?

I assume there was originally some sort of workaround, but I don't recall it ever being in working order in the car in question (which didn't have all that much metal left for the needle to be attracted to).

Well maybe you can have one based on GPS like you have on a smartphone?

Not in 1986 in a 1974 Marina!

This is maybe a bit niche but really does annoy me.

Whenever you get a story about palaentology some "wag" will make the "hilarious" anti-Creationist joke about how come something is millions of years old if the world is only 5000 years old. The joke was funny once... probably during the Oligocene.

In my experience, that sort of "joke" tends to come from Young Earth Creationist types such as Kent Hovind- and be made in full credulity.

 

[birchesgreen]

In my experience, that sort of "joke" tends to come from Young Earth Creationist types such as Kent Hovind- and be made in full credulity.

No the joke comes from many people, all of whom think its hilarious

 

[Strat-tastic]

This is maybe a bit niche but really does annoy me.

Whenever you get a story about palaentology some "wag" will make the "hilarious" anti-Creationist joke about how come something is millions of years old if the world is only 5000 years old. The joke was funny once... probably during the Oligocene.

Tell them the earth was created old

 

[gg1]

There are other programmes that are described as hilarious by people whose judgement I would normally consider worth listening to that I find utterly unfunny. Fawlty Towers and Only Fools and Horses to name but two.

While it had a few funny moments, Only Fools and Horses is ludicrously over rated. Exemplified best by probably the most famous (based on how many times it's repeated) scene of the entire series where Del Boy falls over at the bar. Mildly amusing the first time maybe, but why it's held up as one of the funniest scenes in any series ever is beyond me.

Taking slightly more recent examples, I never 'got' Friends either and How I Met Your Mother gives me a strong urge to throw the TV out of the window. Unfortunately my GF likes both of them.

 

[Techniquest]

I used to love How I Met Your Mother, it isn't on Freeview much it would seem and in any case it reminds me of a time I'd rather forget ever happened. So while I still like the series, I'm not missing it if that makes sense?

Only Fools and Horses is a programme I never found amusing either, but then I don't find a lot of popular comedy funny!

 

[py_megapixel]

Companies who consider it acceptable to instruct people to disregard instructions or warnings produced by their website/email system, rather than amending them to be correct.

 

[Techniquest]

I'd ban the long-ingrained-into-society notion that if someone walls into a pub and they are asked if they would like something to drink that the implication is that they are being offered alcohol.

I'm basing this on the current Heineken adverts, which keep coming up on YouTube lately. The response from the bloke in one of the ads is 'no thanks I'm driving'. Rightly so in turning down alcohol, but why is it if someone says they want a drink/something to drink or similar wording that the implication is that they are referring to alcohol?

I'd continue my thoughts on pubs and alcohol in general, but I have bigger things to complain about and demand an outright ban of immediately:

Polystyrene cups. Honestly, in this day and age when the world is rightly expecting cups they can recycle, and that we all do our bits to make things better, a polystyrene cup is outrageous. That is exactly what my tea was served in today at the station cafe in Cwmbran! On a related note, and I will go into fuller detail in the trip report which is due tomorrow:

The absolute fool running it deserved banning for multiple reasons, but another reason I'd ban him from serving anyone anywhere permanently is his frying non-meat and meat products in the same fryer and the same oil. Seriously. It is nearly 2022, the world is supposedly (and rightly so) to be improving itself, and I cannot state clearly enough how disgraced I am with most of modern society, in an age where places serving food really should be catering for many differing tastes and dietary requirements, no fryer in any catering outlet should be cooking meat/dairy products with the same oil and in the same appliance as non-meat/dairy products.

There are, like I say, more reasons why this man is a disgrace to the rest of men everywhere, but I've ranted enough about him. The trip report will finish that lot off nicely

More stuff to ban immediately, and again I'm talking about society. Specifically, people who spit on the ground around them. Seriously, what is going on with that? I was doing some strength exercises the other day and looked out the window to see a less than pleasant (insert your own choice of word if you desire) "man" ride past and spit on the pavement/wall. Either swallow it like civilised people do or be prepared to have karma catch up with you...

I also had a couple of less than nice people do the same when I was out cycling the other day. Honestly, I cannot see the need for it! I'm sure I generate more saliva than needed, as I'm sure most of us do, but I swallow mine. Why these "people" (again insert term of choice here) think they should get away with such a rancid act I don't know.

I did have one more item for the list, but I've honestly got so caught up in the above that I can't immediately recall it. If it's not obvious, I really don't understand people sometimes and I can't wait for karma to catch up with them!

 

[PeterY]

Polystyrene cups. Honestly, in this day and age when the world is rightly expecting cups they can recycle, and that we all do our bits to make things better, a polystyrene cup is outrageous. That is exactly what my tea was served in today at the station cafe in Cwmbran! On a related note, and I will go into fuller detail in the trip report which is due tomorrow:

Yes polystyrene cups should be banned along with polystyrene packing.

 

[py_megapixel]

Microsoft OneDrive.

 

[nlogax]

Microsoft OneDrive.

It's better than it was. I rely on it for some work stuff and it does what I need.

Ban Microsoft Teams though. Absolute pile of garbage.

 

[py_megapixel]

It's better than it was. I rely on it for some work stuff and it does what I need.

Do you not find that uploading and downloading files from it takes ridiculously long?
I had to upload 48 megabytes earlier and it took almost 15 minutes despite having a fast internet connection.

 

[hst43102]

Can we ban people letting off fireworks in supermarket car parks at 2am?

I had to put up with this last night, and no doubt will have to do so again for the next week or so.

No point in phoning the police, as by the time they get there the little scrotes responsible will have gone.

I had some "yoofs" shoot fireworks at me in the street a few weeks ago. Promptly called the police and fire brigade and they ran off as soon as the sirens were heard. They also set a bin on fire, which was quickly extinguished by the fire brigade. This doesn't just "annoy me in a lighthearted way", it gets me really angry.