Auto Anouncments - Errors/funny sayings

[33056]

Got on my train up to London before 0500 this morning, Doris promptly comes out with "Welcome to this train servce to Northampton, calling at.....".

Hang on a minute! I know I'm not normally at my best that time in the morning, but I do know the up from the down. After a repeat as the train started off somebody thankfully turned "her" off and we had peace and quiet for the rest of the journey. Well as much quiet as you can get on an (Un)Desiro(able) with that air-con roaring away.

 

[O L Leigh]

Ah yes. That's the other problem we get.

If you've just taken over a double unit and worked it up to London, you don't necessarily know the status of the PIDS system on each unit. Therefore, if you're a bit pressed for time and have to change ends in a rush you can find that the PIDS on the country-end unit is screwed, meaning you have no way of cancelling the code for the previous working without going back to the other unit. Unless you have the time to dash back and deal with this, the London-end unit will make all the 'Up' road announcements it did on it's previous trip but in reverse. So, for example, just as you're cresting the hill into Bethnal Green, Digital Dave (aka The Dagenham Dalek) announces that we're shortly to arrive at London Liverpool Street. The only thing you can do is to pull the PA handset out of the cradle and leave the PA button pressed in for the entire trip, but then no-one other than me can use the PA system at all.

one TN

 

[me123]

On my Whifflet train tonight, they finally shut Annie or whatever her name is up. She announced it was the Paisley Canal train, then they cut her off and announced that we were in fact going to Whifflet. Then she took us to Kilmarnock, and after that they appeared to give up.

 

[O L Leigh]

I think she's called Sonia because she gets Sonia nerves.

[/coat]

one TN

 

[me123]

I have heard of her being called Sonia, Sonja and Annoying Annie (although I think the latter has been retired for many years now).

 

[33056]

Sonia......like it!

I call her Doris, as in Digital Doris.

 

[thefab444]

THUS CHAIN IS FARR... GLASGOW KEEN STEEET. THUS TRAIN WULL CALL HAT... DUMBARTUN CENTRULLL, HAND, GLASGOW KEEN STREET. PASSENGER SAFETY INFORMATION NOTICES ARE LOCATED THROUGHOUT THIS TRAIN!!!!!

That her?

 

[Jordy]

As far as I know Sonia was the 'old' woman in the SPT area, the new one which does the whole of Scotrail is someone different, but her name escapes me!

 

[P156KWJ]

the Scotrail one is really annoying, sounds like she was deeply depressed on the day of recording.

 

[33056]

THUS CHAIN IS FARR... GLASGOW KEEN STEEET. THUS TRAIN WULL CALL HAT... DUMBARTUN CENTRULLL, HAND, GLASGOW KEEN STREET. PASSENGER SAFETY INFORMATION NOTICES ARE LOCATED THROUGHOUT THIS TRAIN!!!!!

That her?

Sounds like her. Does that version have a Scottish accent?

The one down this way often has huge pauses between announcing the station names, almost as though "she" is frantically trying to think of what the next station should be.

Roll on tomorrow morning, can get some sleep on the way home on a nice quiet 321 unit (as long as the guard does not shout too loudly!)

 

[me123]

She's been changed, and is slightly better now. More polite, more comphrehensible, fewer pronounciation errors, but she still says "PLEASE MIND THE GAP WHEN BOARDING AND ALIGHTING FROM THIS TRAIN!" and "PASSENGER SAFETY INFORMATION NOTICES ARE LOCATED THROUGHOUT THIS TRAIN!!!!!. I think they're updating them again, so she doesn't say either of them as often any more.

The ones on the 170s are the most relaxing for some reason, but the 318/320 ones are much more annoying! It's the style and frequency of messages me thinks.

 

[O L Leigh]

Gah!! They've been changing our PIS announcer. It would seem that the day's of Digital Dave (aka The Dagenham Dalek) are numbered. In his place we're getting some plummy sounding lass who sounds like the Central Line voice.

It was quite amusing this morning, as I had 2 x Cl317's in multiple. The country-end unit still had The Dagenham Dalek but the London-end unit was Posh Sonia. So I had to listen to each one in turn depending on which way we were travelling.

I have to say that I'm not too keen on Posh Sonia because she doesn't sound entirely sure about the situation which doesn't inspire confidence. "This is [pause] Broxbourne. This train is for [pause] London Liverpool Street. The next station is [pause] Cheshunt." It's almost like she's having to refer to a piece of paper every time and then throw a glance out the window just to make sure. At least The Dagenham Dalek sounded like he knew where he was at all times, even if his intonation was sometimes a bit off ("This train is for Walthamstow, Central Wood Street, Highams, Park and Chingford").

one TN

 

[thefab444]

I think he's one of the most fluent sounding announcers out there, better than the c2c equivalent... "The next stayshun shall be Barking, welcum aboard da c2c service to Lonon Fenchurch Stweet!".

Of course, if its passenger feedback - which is what got rid of Phil from our Desiros and instead put in place "she-who-must-not-be-named" - its just women choosing a female voice because its got to be better than a mans! I can't think of another reason to rate ***** over Phil.

 

[DaveNewcastle]

If the opposite of pre-programmed automated announcements is a person who is very responsive to the circumstances then one of my favourites was a VXC conductor called Mike with a Somerset accent (haven't seen him for a while but hope he's still there!).
On a long journey with a very early morning start he would begin talking very slowly, with long gaps and use surreal phrases. One morning when the onboard reservations weren't working he drawled "well . . . . you might have noticed . . . there's no seat reservation . . . infomation on this . . . train. It seems the . . . uh, that we can't speak to the uh, . . . . the big computer in the sky. . . . which knows everything . . . maybe it will talk to us later. . . .I don't know what we'll do if it does. If you're in a seat then it becomes reserved . . . . . " (I think he just decided to leave it off all the way). His station announcements were also sleepily slow in the early morning, then after an hour or so, his pace picked up a bit. By midday he was rattling thru all the info. Suits my profile of the day, anyway.

There was another. also on VXC I think, a Yorkshire woman who apparently hates Leeds! She'd mention it in the list of stops, only after a long pause to take in breath, and usually with some disparaging comment. I'm sure she once announced that she couldn't imagine that anyone would actually want to know we'd be stopping at Leeds as if no one would want to go there. Then she corrected herself saying : unless its simply to get off to have a cigarette, - but as Leeds is a non-smoking station, you can't even do that. That's Leeds! she'd grunt.
I'm sure I remember her recommending Huddersfield as being better!

Oh yes, and the sarcastically drole apologies (using the standard apologetic phrases for being late) for arriving EARLY (thanks to the massive headroom in schedules at the end of a run). "We apologise for any inconvenience that this must cause."

 

[Jordy]

The woman at Leeeds (and Sheffield and Manchester) seems to have had a voice change

www.southtpe.co.uk/cross_country.mp3

 

[voyagerdude220]

It's been like that for aggggeessss

 

[Mojo]

On the New York subway, they have a woman advising of stops and destinations and a man with other messages such as "Stand clear of the closing doors, please." Apparently research shows people are more likely to listen to a female voice for information, but are more likely to follow instructions from a male voice!

 

[Jordy]

It's been like that for aggggeessss

Yeh but no one mentioned it

 

[1D53]

They've done the same for First Transpennine Express too, sounds shocking.

 

[Jordy]

The new First TPE one isn't quite as bad, but listen to her 'Liverpool South Parkway'

www.southtpe.co.uk/liverpool_south_parkway.wav

 

[1D53]

The new First TPE one isn't quite as bad, but listen to her 'Liverpool South Parkway'

www.southtpe.co.uk/liverpool_south_parkway.wav

Stupid bint.

 

[AlexS]

If you go to New Street late at night, presumably to avoid boredom, there's a 'cockney' bloke who turns off the auto announcer and does all the announcements himself.

 

[Mojo]

Here's one I recorded by dialling the number

http://www.railforums.co.uk/mojo/welsh_announcement.amr (Realplayer file)

She sounds a bit surprised by Holyhead!

And my personal favourite http://www.railforums.co.uk/mojo/ninetynine.amr

 

[Jordy]

Dialling a number?

 

[Mojo]

A lot of the push button systems, including Wales & West's "Project Inform" system, work by dialling a telephone number and when the computer answers, by responding with the first four digits of the station's NLC. The computer then responds with the announcement for that station.

 

[Jordy]

Ah right I see what you're getting at now!

 

[will1337]

Not entirely on topic but has anyone else been driven well past madness by the auto announcements on London buses at EVERY SINGLE BUS STOP and then telling you the destination afterward. On a half hour trip it gets very annoying and there is some terrible pronounciation, "Glasster Road" instead of Gloucester etc

 

[class 313]

Not entirely on topic but has anyone else been driven well past madness by the auto announcements on London buses at EVERY SINGLE BUS STOP and then telling you the destination afterward. On a half hour trip it gets very annoying and there is some terrible pronounciation, "Glasster Road" instead of Gloucester etc

I think that's a good idea for people not from the area...

 

[Mojo]

Yeah, iBus. The announcement links in that thread no longer work, but I'll see if I can find them and re-upload them.

 

[1D53]

Arriva have it on the 110 between Leeds and Wakefield - bloody annoying.

Especially good as one stop is called 'Robin Hood Fish and Chip Shop' - always makes me laugh.