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I know several people with those,they seem to use them solely to irritate pub landlords and bus drivers.You can't beat the real thing.

I smoked 'Boars Head' for years then they stopped doing it,now I am stuck with 'Old Holborn',I cant smoke Golden Virginia because its like a bonfire. You could try a proper tobacconist (some do still exist) where you can make up your own mixture,Intended for pipe smokers I know but they may...

I had a real beauty at home years ago.Every night when I got home I would lift him out of the bath and he would scuttle back behind the laundry basket.One day I arrived home and went straight to the bathroom only to discover a pathetic little pile of legs and a load of muddy pawprints...B****y...

There is a junction I have to turn right at regularly and I know there is always a queue to turn out onto the main road so I always let one out before I turn.This frequently results in the second cars driver hooting and hollering because I did'nt let them out as well,Either that or the one I am...

DHP1,Never turned a wheel in revenue earning traffic.

That reminds me,I hav'nt seen the one (who fits OT's description to a tee) outside Sainsburys for ages .

My first was a Mk1 Cortina GT 653 UOO ,cost 50 quid and a tenner to get the suspension tops plated. As for Vauxhall Chevettes, Dad bought one new many years ago and it got him exactly 60 miles before expiring with no oil in the gearbox.

I think it was only the Bedpan units that were geared compatible and later changed to red triangle,I remember the lea valley Rolls Royce sets well,in place of the gear lever they had two levers ,one for for/rev and one for drive/neutral. I once travelled pass in the cab from Stratford ll to...

Moths

Salad.

I'll try again later

Marrakesh Express,Crosby Stills & Nash. Am I right in saying that the last train to San Fernando was a Wickham class 109 ?.

All very true but on the subject of what I call 'bread manglers' (imagine what would happen if they did that in a bakers shop ) there are also fruit squeezers,just look at all the thumb shaped bruises on the apples.Also is it neccesary to examine every tin of beans on the shelf before choosing one.

An Indian buffet car would be nice.(stands back and waits for the flack).

When I was little,Dad took me to work where I was allowed to wander about quite happily amoungst live front switchboards with knife switches and revving diesel gensets,he took me to check on the 'directors'lift and told me it was an Otis gearless machine,we first went into a small room...

Even at my age I still cant resist pressing all the up buttons before I leave on the ground.'all stations'.

Try the spagbol test,first brown the mince ,use any supermarket mince and you will spend ten minutes boiling off the water they have pumped it full of.Ibuy all of my meat from the butchers and all of my bread from the bakers and believe me you can taste the difference and it works out cheaper.

Grrrrr.Red rag to a bull this one.I can only gaze in awe at the adverts offering speeds I can only dream about.I keep being told that nothing works properly because I live in a rural area,yea right,a quarter of a mile outside the M25. I complained to my last isp that my broadband had slowed to...

Sainsburys is my nearest,it has six self service checkouts that always seem to have a queue because of all the parents holding little Liam up so he can 'bip'things through.Also none of them can recognise a bag of Hula Hoops and hav'nt been able to for six weeks (try it).

Idont know how I ever managed without it.hehe.