Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Merle Haggard]

"Penned" as in "The Author penned a book.". No. You Write a book. You Pen sheep and cattle on a farm.

'Authored' is another irritant to me.
The US practice of producing verbs from nouns when a verb is available. See also 'medalled'.
Probably the result of poor vocabulary or plain laziness, similar to adding -ness on the end when there's already an appropriate word. I'm compiling a list of ridiculous -ness constructions just by listening to serious (???) radio news and current affairs programmes

 

[gabrielhj07]

Cooking instructions etc. on the back of supermarket packets and cartons. So much information is crammed onto them in such small print, you can hardly read them.
I know they have to do it, but some of Aldi's product descriptions read like "War and Peace"!

In that vein; "Contents may be hot after cooking"

 

[Richardr]

Cooking instructions etc. on the back of supermarket packets and cartons. So much information is crammed onto them in such small print, you can hardly read them.
I know they have to do it, but some of Aldi's product descriptions read like "War and Peace"!

Even worse are those few items where the cooking instructions are on the other side of the label and you have to remove it very carefully to read them at all.

 

[jfollows]

'Authored' is another irritant to me.
The US practice of producing verbs from nouns when a verb is available. See also 'medalled'.
Probably the result of poor vocabulary or plain laziness, similar to adding -ness on the end when there's already an appropriate word. I'm compiling a list of ridiculous -ness constructions just by listening to serious (???) radio news and current affairs programmes

“Shuttered” pisses me off also, “Shut” is perfectly fine, but, no, we have to invent a silly new word. “Closed” works too.

 

[Gloster]

The use of the word ‘ace’ as a verb, when you mean succeed, win, or similar. There are plenty of alternative words, so you don’t need to be clever.

 

[DM352]

I think I can safely say the buses belonging to my local bus company Chaserider, definitely do not have air conditioning. With all the bangs, rattles & squeaks it's a miracle they make it from AtoB.

That brings back memories from a quarter century ago with the X and E reg Leyland specials with that area where the automatic transmission ones had an annoying whine to them.

It took forever due to the scenic route helped more by folks who were digging around for the fare after boarding,

 

[DelW]

.... I'm compiling a list of ridiculous -ness constructions just by listening to serious (???) radio news and current affairs programmes

Which reminds me of one of my niggles ... radio presenters who refer to their programme as "the show".

"Show" implies something visual, so it works in person, or on TV, or even on YouTube or similar, but not on radio. "Programme" is fine, or if it's just one person, go back to calling it a "talk" (even if that sounds old-fashioned even to me).

Of course, if they do call it a programme, I'll be listening to make sure they've put the "...me" on the end

 

[py_megapixel]

In that vein; "Contents may be hot after cooking"

I purchased a kettle a few months ago which contained in the instruction manual a long list of standard electric safety instructions, including "Do not place appliance under running water". Which of course begs the question of how on earth one is meant to fill it.

 

[styles]

The use of the word ‘ace’ as a verb, when you mean succeed, win, or similar. There are plenty of alternative words, so you don’t need to be clever.

Some of the newer slang I find grating. 'W' for win, or 'L' for lose. People will say, "Take the L", "She deserved that W.", etc.

W can even be shortened to 'dub', confusingly.

It just seems.. tacky? Not sure how to describe it!

 

[jfollows]

Which reminds me of one of my niggles ... radio presenters who refer to their programme as "the show".

"Show" implies something visual, so it works in person, or on TV, or even on YouTube or similar, but not on radio. "Programme" is fine, or if it's just one person, go back to calling it a "talk" (even if that sounds old-fashioned even to me).

Of course, if they do call it a programme, I'll be listening to make sure they've put the "...me" on the end

Even worse is when they refer to a “piece” which I take to be industry slang for an item in a programme, especially a news programme. Horrible, confusing and meaningless term.

 

[Calthrop]

W can even be shortened to 'dub', confusingly.

That's an Americanism, isn't it? -- contracting name of said letter, to "dub" or "dubya" ... wasn't George W. Bush nicknamed "Dubya", accordingly? -- and I believe that the Yanks sometimes call Jehovah's Witnesses, "Jay-Dubs". I find this particular Americanism, like a number of same, mildly annoying; but one reckons that English-speakers in other places than England, have the right to do as they wish with the language.

 

[styles]

That's an Americanism, isn't it? -- contracting name of said letter, to "dub" or "dubya" ... wasn't George W. Bush nicknamed "Dubya", accordingly? -- and I believe that the Yanks sometimes call Jehovah's Witnesses, "Jay-Dubs". I find this particular Americanism, like a number of same, mildly annoying; but one reckons that English-speakers in other places than England, have the right to do as they wish with the language.

One of our 16 year-old scouts said dub a few weeks ago and it caught me off guard.

I think a lot of American slang ends up this side of the pond quite quickly given the global nature of social media.

I don't deny people have the right to do what they like with the language, but it still grates on me

 

[Calthrop]

One of our 16 year-old scouts said dub a few weeks ago and it caught me off guard.

I think a lot of American slang ends up this side of the pond quite quickly given the global nature of social media.

I don't deny people have the right to do what they like with the language, but it still grates on me

For sure, what annoys us, annoys us -- it isn't about sense / logic; it's just how we, involuntarily, feel. A weird Americanism-hate thing of mine, involves just a single letter of one word. I find, in British English, "pernickety" a fine and descriptive word. The Yanks, however, render it "persnickety" -- I can't explain why, but just the addition of that "s", causes it to strike me as a word which is cringe-makingly soppy, babyish, and utterly foolish-looking-and-sounding. This makes no sense, I know -- but for me, thus it is.

 

[styles]

For sure, what annoys us, annoys us -- it isn't about sense / logic; it's just how we, involuntarily, feel. A weird Americanism-hate thing of mine, involves just a single letter of one word. I find, in British English, "pernickety" a fine and descriptive word. The Yanks, however, render it "persnickety" -- I can't explain why, but just the addition of that "s", causes it to strike me as a word which is cringe-makingly soppy, babyish, and utterly foolish-looking-and-sounding. This makes no sense, I know -- but for me, thus it is.

Indeed.

Equally, I dislike people calling it out when unnecessary. Similar for typos or commonly-misused words like bought vs brought.

I get it, we're in the UK and British English is preferable to most people, but language evolves and we will inevitably adopt American words, phrases, or spellings.

 

[TheTTTEGeek]

One of our 16 year-old scouts said dub a few weeks ago and it caught me off guard.

I think a lot of American slang ends up this side of the pond quite quickly given the global nature of social media.

I don't deny people have the right to do what they like with the language, but it still grates on me

I agree as i speak a mix of American English (father) & British English (mother) which is different from mainstream Canadian English (which already is a hybrid of the 2) as what my father & most Canadians call chips & fries my mother I say the British terms crisps & chips. As a result my family would get often get Jagariko(alternate spelling is Jagarico) from the Asian market in town as they are crisps that are in the shape of chips. I highly recommend them if you can find them for sale. You might have to import them but they are worth trying especially the butter & the cheese flavour & the carrot flavor while not the best is still worth eating but the cod one i recommend eating it as either as a way to anger vegans (how i learned my first adults only word at age 6) or if you're REALLY desperate for some fish & chips but can't afford the real thing. Below are images of them & note there are occasionally other flavours but those rarely leave Japan without being imported & cost slightly more.

 

[dangie]

Green Dog Poo bags….

I am a volunteer litter picker on Cannock Chase, UK’s smallest AONB (Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty). As you can imagine one of the commonest forms of litter are dog poo bags. Often just left on the path but also tossed into the undergrowth. Some are colourful bags, easy to spot, but most are green enabling them to ‘blend in’ to their surroundings. Out of sight out of mind, but still there. Green dog poo bags should be banned.

One might think the most litter is cans & bottles, but it isn’t. It’s usually tissues, wipes & even disposable nappies. Just unbelievable.

 

[Ted633]

Green Dog Poo bags….

I am a volunteer litter picker on Cannock Chase, UK’s smallest AONB (Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty). As you can imagine one of the commonest forms of litter are dog poo bags. Often just left on the path but also tossed into the undergrowth. Some are colourful bags, easy to spot, but most are green enabling them to ‘blend in’ to their surroundings. Out of sight out of mind, but still there. Green dog poo bags should be banned.

One might think the most litter is cans & bottles, but it isn’t. It’s usually tissues, wipes & even disposable nappies. Just unbelievable.

Seriously winds me up seeing dog poo bags tossed into the undergrowth/tied to trees. If you’re not going to bother binning the bag, just leave the poo where it lies. At least it’ll decompose.

 

[DM352]

Reminds me of one visit to Cannock Chase. In addition to occasional bags I did see what looks like not so professional dog walkers with multiple dogs and of coirse one of them jumps at you and the walker says don't worry, x will never harm anyone! Right.

 

[Gloster]

Websites that you are trying to buy something from, but give you so little time to fill in all your credit card and delivery details that those of us that are slow typists find they have timed out before we have finished. They are not as common as they used to be, but they are still there. Don’t you want to sell us your goods or is this a hidden test because they are they only available to speed typists? Which is particularly daft for secondhand books.

 

[Drogba11CFC]

The lack of any punctuality on bank holiday trains.

 

[Bald Rick]

The lack of any punctuality on bank holiday trains.

Interesting. Over 85% of the 220,000+ station calls made yesterday were no more than 2 minutes late.

 

[izvor]

Too many people, including contributors to this forum, don't know the difference between "its" and "it's". It's so easy! What's so sad, and embarrassing, is that foreigners, such as Dutch and Swedes, seem to get it right more often than we native speakers (writers) do.

It's almost enough to make me join this lot!

 

[Gloster]

Too many people, including contributors to this forum, don't know the difference between "its" and "it's". It's so easy! What's so sad, and embarrassing, is that foreigners, such as Dutch and Swedes, seem to get it right more often than we native speakers (writers) do.

It's almost enough to make me join this lot!

It’s because spellcheck does know it’s it’s from it’s it’s.

 

[izvor]

It’s because spellcheck does know it’s it’s from it’s it’s.

Haha, yes. So does that mean that we rely on spellcheck more often than, say, Swedes do when writing English? Even more embarrassing!

 

[Richard Scott]

It’s because spellcheck does know it’s it’s from it’s it’s.

Often autocorrects to it's when I correctly use its, just had to change it now!!!

 

[aftv]

Spotify giving me adverts for Christmas songs in August I've only just had my birthday and it's not even Halloween yet

 

[Mcr Warrior]

Often autocorrects to it's when I correctly use its, just had to change it now!!!

Indeed. Its very annoying, or should that be, it's very annoying?

 

[Jimini]

Spotify giving me adverts for Christmas songs in August I've only just had my birthday and it's not even Halloween yet

I’m in the office in NY for a couple of weeks, but one of my mates sent me this photo of my local back in Reading over the weekend

(Image is a bloomin’ Christmas display sitting proudly by the front door of the pub.)

 

[aftv]

I’m in the office in NY for a couple of weeks, but one of my mates sent me this photo of my local back in Reading over the weekend

(Image is a bloomin’ Christmas display sitting proudly by the front door of the pub.)

I thought B&M near me having their Halloween products on display the day before my birthday was excesive but that takes the biscuit

 

[Bishopstone]

Everywhere wanting feedback on how transactions went - the latest being a £1.49 purchase in Card Factory, and coffee & toast in Morrisons cafe.

Honestly guys - do away with this cost line, and let returning (or non-returning) customers tell you all you need to know about the quality of your operations.