unprofessional onboard announcements

[43066]

Depends on the context, I've had people ask me to say happy birthday to someone over the PA before. As long as it's not taking the place of an important announcement, what's the harm?

I wouldn't, for instance, say welcome to all the Sheila's when some Aussie sports fans boarded.

Agreed. Best to avoid any references to protected characteristics of individuals, or stereotypes, but other than that what was mentioned in the OP seems fine to me.

 

[6Gman]

My personal favourite was a guard (TPE IIRC) who made the standard "advance tickets must be for this service; other operators' tickets are not valid ..." etc but added "and please do not tell me that the man on the platform said it would be ok, for all you or I know he could have been a cleaner with no knowledge of ticketing".

One that annoyed me this week was an Avanti TM who explained that the train was late because of "following a slow train between Crewe and Wilmslow". The train was already late at Crewe, and ran without check to Wilmslow losing no further time.

 

[king_walnut]

If objecting to a quirky style of announcement is your biggest problem then you're doing well in life!

Something out of the ordinary makes people listen.

When I did that role, approaching an airport I would say "Please ACTUALLY check around you and make sure you have everything. If you get to the airline check in desk and realise you have left your handbag, wallet, phone, keys, passport or your son on the train then that's really going to spoil your holiday! So double check and triple check!"

 

[Yorkshire09876]

Most of the examples here are amusing, and I don't really see the problem. It's far better than the deafeningly loud repetitive crap on the automated PA system (see it, say it... etc).

Some of the manual announcements during the Covidian era were quite annoying - bullying, patronising and sneering in some cases.

 

[miami]

"and please do not tell me that the man on the platform said it would be ok, for all you or I know he could have been a cleaner with no knowledge of ticketing".

Had he said "could have been a Euston/Paddington gateline operator with no knowledge of ticketing that would have at least been honest.

Automated announcements are the worst as they don't come with a cost to making them, encouraging verbal spam. I was at Euston last week on a phone call in the typically-empty part upstairs and away from the shops. Made me realise just how often the continuos drivel is.

No wonder most people just put headphones on and ignore them all, same on board, with advert after advert (welcome to the avanti super awesome service", "come to the shop for a lovely selection of hot and cold refreshments". Manual ones are also audio-grafiti -- "the shop is not open", "the shop is about to open", "the shop has unexpectedly closed but will reopen" etc, but at least have a cost to someones time to read them out.

 

[AdamWW]

My personal favourite was a guard (TPE IIRC) who made the standard "advance tickets must be for this service; other operators' tickets are not valid ..." etc but added "and please do not tell me that the man on the platform said it would be ok, for all you or I know he could have been a cleaner with no knowledge of ticketing".

One my my favourites was, after the doors on a tube train re-opened: "And when we say mind the closing doors....we mean mind the closing doors".

 

[Angmering1974]

"vomit comet" certainly doesn't pass my professional-attitude test!

 

[Sweetjesus]

As long as there are clear lines in the policy what can be announced over the PA and cannot be, I don't think it's bad, even though I can't hear announcements anyway.

In my line of work, we support citizens and we have found that simply being a human is likely to result in a positive outcome for citizens as well as our colleagues.

We implemented guardrails as we go on instead of sticking to a script and this represented a double digit increase in positive outcomes for citizens we support.

 

[whoosh]

Steve, I think his name was (I had the same announcement once on a foggy arrival in Leeds). He also reminded alighting passengers to take all of their belongings, “especially the small, noisy ones.”

There was a Leeds based Guard with GNER called Steve (if it's the same guy) who did a poem he'd written himself, wishing us all a Merry Christmas and acknowledging how rubbish the trains had been in 2000 after the Hatfield accident. He was awesome.

No wonder most people just put headphones on and ignore them all, same on board, with advert after advert (welcome to the avanti super awesome service", "come to the shop for a lovely selection of hot and cold refreshments". Manual ones are also audio-grafiti -- "the shop is not open", "the shop is about to open", "the shop has unexpectedly closed but will reopen" etc, but at least have a cost to someones time to read them out.

Midland Mainline used to wind me up: "The MM's bar is open and cleared for service" like it had permission from the control tower! "Cleared for service" was completely redundant waffle.
"Fully licensed bar" is another one. No it isn't. You don't need a license to sell alcohol on train. You haven't got a licence. No-one's name is above the door. Waffley nonsense.

 

[redreni]

In general I would prefer it if most guards would reduce their verbage by about 90% - more in some cases - but I've rarely taken exception to anything in particular that they've said.

The only one I can think of was on a strike day a couple of years ago, when GTR announced the night before that they'd be running two trains an hour between Stevenage and London, but then in the event ran none at all, so it was just an hourly LNER service. GTR were thoughtful enough to not only close the ticket office, but to also turn off all of their ticket vending machines at Stevenage. The resultant chaos meant I was extremely lucky to be able to buy a Travelcard from one of the two LNER TVMs: there were probably 20 people behind me who faced a choice of continuing to queue and missing the train when it's an hourly service, or boarding without a ticket.

When we got into Kings Cross the clearly annoyed Train Manager made a very stern, headmasterish announcement about how important it is to buy your ticket before boarding. When disembarking I tried to speak to him just to let him know what was going on at Stevenage, since I assumed he wasn't aware, and he literally hid in the rear driver's cab and wouldn't come out, so I walked off.

I don't think it would be right to be too proscriptive about what train managers and guards should and shouldn't say. It's about reading the room sometimes (e.g. don't lecture people during disruption for failing to do something the railway has made impossible), and people won't always get it right.

 

[Krokodil]

Where these unprofessional announcemets or I have I become a miserble old curmudgeon?

The latter, in my view. When you've got a train full of drunks you want to have a bit of a laugh and a joke with them. It helps diffuse the tension and reduces the chance of fights breaking out.

The problem is you never know if even the most innocuous remark is going to be misinterpreted by someone or even if you just have a professional offence taker on board.

I remember a couple of years ago when someone tweeted in a complaint about a guard who started an announcement with "ladies and gentlemen". The complainant claimed to be neither and so felt excluded. Well in that case perhaps just ignoring the announcement entirely (as everyone else does anyway) will be fine if you don't think that it applies to you.

What I always say when the subject of announcements comes up: your job is to communicate clearly and effectively with your passengers, not to amuse them.

How do you get the full attention of the passengers? Breaking the ice helps.

One that annoyed me this week was an Avanti TM who explained that the train was late because of "following a slow train between Crewe and Wilmslow". The train was already late at Crewe, and ran without check to Wilmslow losing no further time.

I remember similar in the latter days of Virgin. The train slowed down for a signal (nothing ahead, no idea why we were cautioned) and the TM blamed the local operator. Now that is unprofessional.

 

[TT-ONR-NRN]

I remember a couple of years ago when someone tweeted in a complaint about a guard who started an announcement with "ladies and gentlemen".

I remember it well. I’ve never read anything so maddening in my life, and the fact LNER replied saying something like “our guards should not be using inappropriate language like this” is ludicrous.

 

[Krokodil]

A German friend was on an ICE recently. Running on time (unusually) but then stopped at a signal outside a station. The conductor came on the PA to reassure passengers not to worry, "we have stopped because otherwise we would be punctual!" [paraphrased]. For those unfamiliar, DB's long distance services are notoriously bad at the moment. The train was only three minutes late in the end.

It made her laugh anyway. Better than being a robot.

 

[sad1e]

I've been on a few LNWR trains out of Euston where there is a driver who does quizzes over the PA system, He gives you a question and time to think about it and then gives you the answer and another question at the next station.

In my opinion it brightens the mood of the train quite a lot , especially during packed peaktime trains , I wouldn't mind seeing this more on other trains .

 

[Calthrop]

"vomit comet" certainly doesn't pass my professional-attitude test!

To me, an old, old bit of wordplay -- I'm maybe humour-challenged, but in my view not all that funny; still, people love rhyme, and mild naughtiness ... repeating self here, from a Forums thread four years ago about "transport-related weird expressions". Anyway -- "Vomit Comet": a handy "tag" to apply to all sub-optimal modes of transport. I first came across the expression long ago, in a book by a lady about her experiences as a volunteer in an overseas-aid project in Bhutan. The few Westerners there-and-then, applied the expression to the local buses -- running over rough roads, in the charge of locals whose driving skills were, shall we say, varied ...

 

[Darandio]

The fact there are so many suggestions of the member of staff being unprofessional in the thread just proves to me what a miserable, boring and mundane existence people want the world to be these days.

 

[Nippy]

I've been on a few LNWR trains out of Euston where there is a driver who does quizzes over the PA system, He gives you a question and time to think about it and then gives you the answer and another question at the next station.

In my opinion it brightens the mood of the train quite a lot , especially during packed peaktime trains , I wouldn't mind seeing this more on other trains .

More likely to be the guard on a LNWR service out of Euston. I think I probably know who you mean. He often wishes people goodnight when arriving at stations in the evening.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Same, I can't abide the 'joke' renaming of stations, just too much scope for causing confusion, and the travelling public often seem confused enough as it is. Generally where it's got as human touch, a light hearted approach is fine.

I agree that this is where to draw the line. It’s okay (and actually rather amusing) if a person walking down an aisle occasionally calls out “tickets and excuses” as you say above. To have it on official signs and announcements seems infantilising and degrading. I also can’t stand the humanisation of objects- “hello, I’m a general waste bin. Please don’t put food into me” or whatever. Wouldn’t “general waste only- no food items” suffice? Why do so many adults want to be treated like children? No wonder public behaviour has got so bad.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 19 Jul 2025 ==

Oh it's just a bit of fun, if you don't like it just ignore it along with the other announcements. I don't mind someone showing a bit of character.
Years ago I was on a XC 125 when the buffet car attendant came on to advertise his offerings. This chap was extremely camp, and started telling us about the sausage bap "oooh, I love a good sausage, don't you?" etc. whole train was in stitches and he did drum up plenty of custom.

But this is the point, you may find this kind of thing funny, I think it’s completely vulgar and crude (and to be clear would think so regardless of the sexual orientation in question).

 

[cactustwirly]

I was on a Southern train this evening, from Victoria to Reigate.

At East Croydon, around 21:25, the onboard supervisor welcomed us onboard the "vomit comet".

I complimented him on his unprofessional announcement when he passed through the train checking tickets; he laughed it off.

At Merstham, he advised paraleytic passengers to mind the gap etc.

Where these unprofessional announcemets or I have I become a miserble old curmudgeon?

*

I've also encountered a LNR guard/conductor/train manager on a lunch time train welcoming Sharon/Tracy onboard, travelling to Liverpool for XYZ. All totally unnecessary, in my opinion.

That's quite an early train.
Been on a few night trains and buses, they are quite civilised tbh

 

[azOOOOOma]

I would say if it’s a train that is full of drunks, it does require careful management. If a fair few passengers have been hitting the sauce, keeping them onside and a pleasant atmosphere certainly helps. If it all kicks off then the guard is the one who has to go and intervene and fix it, alone. Therefore I’m not going to criticise anyone for their announcement.

I make it clear on late night trains that we won’t tolerate antisocial behaviour and that I won’t hesitate to have the train stopped at the next station and the perps removed. A passenger once asked if I thought it an appropriate thing to say, my response was ‘yes, that is why I said it’. I’m sure she’d be the last person to intervene when I’m getting beaten by some bloke who’s hit the bottomless brunch big time.

I have heard the ‘guy on the station told me to get on’ announcements. They’re not to my liking and so I don’t make them, but never accept the ‘guy on the station’ excuse when doing tickets.

 

[Winthorpe]

Quite funny that the watchword now is ‘tolerance’. I agree. But at the same time there seems to be so much intolerance of each other.

Nearly all the conductors’ off piste announcements quote here seem perfectly friendly in tone.

 

[321362]

In the past, when I've been stuck on stranded trains, a funny, jokey train manager helps so much with morale.

 

[styles]

One my my favourites was, after the doors on a tube train re-opened: "And when we say mind the closing doors....we mean mind the closing doors".

I don't even blame Tube drivers who eventually get stroppy over the PA system after the 4th time of trying to close the doors.

There's only so many ways you can politely ask people to check they absolutely haven't left anything near the doors or their bag isn't on their back getting into the way etc.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 19 Jul 2025 ==

That's quite an early train.
Been on a few night trains and buses, they are quite civilised tbh

I take late night buses and trains to get to the airport or back from nights out in town here. Always seem to have a good vibe.

Often on public transport the drunk/high passengers can be dealt with by keeping up a positive and friendly approach. There's obviously some people who start straight up aggressive but they're in a minority.

 

[Edsmith]

But other people on this forum regularly complain about not seeing enough ticket checks - so once again the railway can’t do anything right.

Ticket checks when appropriate, not when there are ticket gates at every station.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 19 Jul 2025 ==

In the past, when I've been stuck on stranded trains, a funny, jokey train manager helps so much with morale.

Or makes some people even more agitated?

 

[Trainman40083]

Maybe they should split the announcements up.

After the other announcements when departing Nottingham, just say, "See it." Then upon departing Beeston, "Say it.", them when rolling out of Attenborough, "Sorted."

But does "it" get sorted?

 

[Krokodil]

Ticket checks when appropriate, not when there are ticket gates at every station.

Ticket gates are a very blunt tool. Even if they are all manned at half nine on a Friday, they cannot catch doughnutting, railcard misuse, and adults on child tickets.

 

[godfreycomplex]

You Call It Professionalism; I Call It Oppression in a Three-Piece Suit - Everyday Feminism

How comfortable do you feel in a three-piece suit? “Professionalism” is a social construct, and like all social constructs, it's a total downer. Standards of looking professional uphold a lot of ugly “isms,” as policies with a racist, sexist, classist, and xenophobic core. Here's the truth about...

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“People like me – queer people, women, people of color, working-class people – aren’t supposed to be comfortable when we’re being professional.

Not to go all “anti-capitalist regime,” but professionalism is a tool of the elite to keep workforces “in their place” – and often, that place is defined in opposition to communities of color, queer culture, and the actual working class.

Professionalism reinforces a lot of ugly “isms” and often intrudes in our lives silently and without any expectation of objection.

For people like me, being asked to be more professional is sometimes a direct affront to who we are.”

(a selected quote from above article)

 

[trainophile]

Ticket checks when appropriate, not when there are ticket gates at every station.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 19 Jul 2025 ==


Or makes some people even more agitated?

Not half as agitated as radio silence when you've been at a stand for ten minutes with no idea what's happening.

 

[Deepgreen]

But other people on this forum regularly complain about not seeing enough ticket checks - so once again the railway can’t do anything right.

Yes it can - do the checks without the 'jokes'. What no-one has mentioned though is that this seems quite early in the evening to earn the nickname at all.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 19 Jul 2025 ==

Oh it's just a bit of fun, if you don't like it just ignore it along with the other announcements. I don't mind someone showing a bit of character.
Years ago I was on a XC 125 when the buffet car attendant came on to advertise his offerings. This chap was extremely camp, and started telling us about the sausage bap "oooh, I love a good sausage, don't you?" etc. whole train was in stitches and he did drum up plenty of custom.

And it can also help keep things calm. Not long ago I was on a late night delayed EMR out of St Pancras, it was absolutely rammed due to previous cancellations, and one coach was boiling hot due to broken AC. The guard was absolutely brilliant, went way off piste on the announcements, not being funny, but just not reading any sort of script. Apologised for the conditions, kept everyone informed when and where seats became available, carried several crates of water to the people stewing in the hot coach.
Can't have it both ways, if you tell people to stick rigidly to a script that's what they will do.

Therein lies a problem - there are so many these days that more and more are doing just that. Just stick to the facts with announcements. Mind you, I think I prefer even this announcement to the vile "See It, Say It, Sorted"!

 

[Starmill]

A German friend was on an ICE recently. Running on time (unusually) but then stopped at a signal outside a station. The conductor came on the PA to reassure passengers not to worry, "we have stopped because otherwise we would be punctual!" [paraphrased]. For those unfamiliar, DB's long distance services are notoriously bad at the moment. The train was only three minutes late in the end.

It made her laugh anyway. Better than being a robot.

I think the international languages phrasebook ICE train managers are given must include the use of the English greeting "Dear guests". Now that always feels like a very grand welcome. TGV train managers sometimes use a literal translation of the phrase "Chers voyageurs..." - "My dear travellers..."