unprofessional onboard announcements

[KT550]

I was on a Southern train this evening, from Victoria to Reigate.

At East Croydon, around 21:25, the onboard supervisor welcomed us onboard the "vomit comet".

I complimented him on his unprofessional announcement when he passed through the train checking tickets; he laughed it off.

At Merstham, he advised paraleytic passengers to mind the gap etc.

Where these unprofessional announcements or I have I become a miserble old curmudgeon?

*

I've also encountered a LNR guard/conductor/train manager on a lunch time train welcoming Sharon/Tracy onboard, travelling to Liverpool for XYZ. All totally unnecessary, in my opinion.

 

[Ashley Hill]

No, not very professional at all. Staff may know it as the Vomit Comet if the standard passengers are regularly drunk and regularly hurl up, but there’s no need to inflict the “in joke” onto those that don’t know it. Likewise Sharon and Tracey into Liverpool Street (I take it that’s the one you mean) is a bit poor taste.

 

[Russel]

Probably somewhat unprofessional, but not really harming anyone.

 

[DynamicSpirit]

I think occasional jokes or light-heartedness from the guards over the announcements can be good, fun, and make the journey a bit more pleasant - so I'd normally welcome it. But if a guard is doing that, it does need to be the kind of remark that is likely to make passengers feel good about the journey. The remarks cited by the OP don't at all fall into category, so I think they probably shouldn't have been said.

 

[Edsmith]

It is a bit unprofessional, ok as a joke amongst colleagues but not the sort of thing to say over the PA.

I'm surprised he checked tickets when there are ticket gates at every station.

 

[wilbur1985]

A little while ago I remember having a guard on board that would just make little jokes and nothing harmful so I'd say it is a bit unprofessional but not the one of the world of it doesn't harm anyone.

 

[Spartacus]

It might seem unprofessional but it can really help passengers take notice of what you're saying. Your audience it likely largely more than a little worse for wear, and quite unreceptive to whatever you have to say, but adding a bit of humour, especially when it's probably unexpected, makes people's ears prick up, they have a chuckle and take notice; they might even be half listening out for the next half funny announcement. That sounds like exactly what the guard was doing, a humourous opener to make it more likely people would listen to the but afterwards with some safety information.

This isn't exactly new either. Watch 'Single Line Working', a BR staff instructional film about flashing )) from 1956. There's enough double entendres in there that it's clear that whoever wrote it knew exactly what they were doing, but with a clear eye on getting it past the board unnoticed. The subject is dry as a water biscuit, but throw some humour in there and suddenly it's memorable.

Go back a little further and there's plenty of films produced for troops in WWII, mostly, but not all, American which injected a lot of, often adult, humour to keep people interested. The infamously humourless Germans incorporated it into some of their instruction manuals, probably the most famous being Tigerfibel, one for the Tiger Tank which i'll post a link to. Humour's long been known to help people, especially those who don't really want to sit down and listen, take important messages on board.

Der-Generalinspekteur-der-Panzertruppen-Die-Tiger-Fibel : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

Der Generalinspekteur der Panzertruppen - Die Tiger-Fibel (1943, 92 S., Scan)

archive.org

Tiger I Information Center - The Tigerfibel

 

[AdamWW]

This isn't exactly new either. Watch 'Single Line Working', a BR staff instructional film about flashing )) from 1956. There's enough double entendres in there that it's clear that whoever wrote it knew exactly what they were doing, but with a clear eye on getting it past the board unnoticed.

Unnoticed? Or subtle enough that the board could get away with pretending not to notice?

 

[Kadot]

I know of a Conductor who shouts "TICKETS PASSES AND EXCUSES"

Love it.

 

[AdamWW]

I know of a Conductor who shouts "TICKETS PASSES AND EXCUSES"

Love it.

With humour in this context, I think there's a fine line between what's amusing and what's unprofessional/annoying.

The problem is that in a train full of people there's probably not going to be much agreement on where that line is.

Also, something that's funny the first time becomes less so if I hear it at every station.

Personally while I find some types of humour from on train staff amusing, it doesn't usually do much for me when done at a corporate level, e.g. jokey signs. But I'm sure some people think it's great.

 

[Spartacus]

Unnoticed? Or subtle enough that the board could get away with pretending not to notice?

Probably a bit of both depending on what generation they were from!

 

[RailwayRookie]

Heaven forbid people should break up the mundanity of their repetitive task or try to instill a little humour until peoples days, especially when conveying Non safety critical information.

Humour is subjective though, and the saying is that you are more likely to hear about a bad experience, so for every one person vocal about their displeasure, theres likely a handful more thay either liked it or didn't have an opinion.

 

[Spartacus]

Personally while I find some types of humour from on train staff amusing, it doesn't usually do much for me when done at a corporate level, e.g. jokey signs. But I'm sure some people think it's great.

Same, I can't abide the 'joke' renaming of stations, just too much scope for causing confusion, and the travelling public often seem confused enough as it is. Generally where it's got as human touch, a light hearted approach is fine.

 

[LowLevel]

Personally I've never been that keen on people thinking they're a 90s radio DJ when in control of a PA system but I've been known in the past to do the odd happy birthday/anniversary etc (though you tend to find those requests are few and far between these days - I guess because of auto announcers taking the idea out of people's consciousness) and I always take the mick out of myself if I fluff an announcement to draw attention to the fact that I've said something wrong (usual old chestnuts are just "hang on, let me put my teeth back in and try again..." or "it helps if you pay attention and read from the right bit of paper if you're giving out information - let me try again...").

On the other hand as long as it's not offensive and constant I don't really have a problem with it.

 

[Tram203]

Agreed that the use of words quoted by the OP could have been better, to say the least.

Also agree with others that occasional humour can be good.

Circa 10-15 years ago, I remember an ECML guard - Leeds based I think - who would often announce "we are now approaching Doncaster, the dark clouds above are because my mother-in-law lives here".

I also remember a ScotRail guard, again 10-15 years ago, asking for everyone's attention towards the rear of the carriage of a 156 - "ok folks this train has manual air conditioning, please pay attention to this demonstration" ..

Opens a hopper window "that's on" and slams it shut again "and that's off".

 

[185]

I'd rather have "vomit comet" than the soulless, shouty see it say it pre-recorded detritus, made by the voice artist industry's worst candidates who'd probably get turned down for the announcers job in a Tesco express. I reckon TFW & Northern are the UK's worst. Mister shouty angry Yorkshireman on TPE is equally miserable.

At one Avanti station, the latest H&S announcement is to warn people to "take care when changing platforms"... it starts so loud & abruptly, it's actually causing passengers to fall over.

If it's not Phil Sayer or Julie Berry, delete it and turn it off. Rest in peace Phil, but I reckon we could AI his missing announcements. As for manual announcements, they are a breath of fresh air from the usual junk.

 

[styles]

Same, I can't abide the 'joke' renaming of stations, just too much scope for causing confusion, and the travelling public often seem confused enough as it is. Generally where it's got as human touch, a light hearted approach is fine.

Yes, I know London St Pancake seems amusing, but if your English isn't great then these little things can be confusing. Then you've got TfL doing sponsored renaming of stations, like turning Bond Street into Burberry Street.

I think accessibility is just disregarded with some of these things.

I'm all for guards having a joke though, providing their information is still clear.

 

[43066]

I'm surprised he checked tickets when there are ticket gates at every station.

But other people on this forum regularly complain about not seeing enough ticket checks - so once again the railway can’t do anything right.

 

[David M]

Heaven forbid people should break up the mundanity of their repetitive task or try to instill a little humour until peoples days, especially when conveying Non safety critical information.

Humour is subjective though, and the saying is that you are more likely to hear about a bad experience, so for every one person vocal about their displeasure, theres likely a handful more thay either liked it or didn't have an opinion.

Now if people really want to get riled up about these things, have a watch of this and note the AWS bell in the background...

To be fair, I did laugh out loud when he went woooooo as the lights went out!

 

[Cheshire Scot]

I'm surprised he checked tickets when there are ticket gates at every station.

And potentially put himslelf at risk of being covered in vomit!

 

[D1537]

I regularly use the last Northbound TPE, 9E20, from York. There are at least a couple of conductors (especially on a Friday and Saturday night, when punters are likely to have been on the lash in York) who explain that if you fall asleep and miss your stop on this one, you're not getting a train back south until 5am, so now might be a good idea to set an alarm on your phone so you don't miss it! I'm sure this is unofficial but it makes people listen and often raises a smile.

 

[Skiddaw]

Actually... I would have laughed and enjoyed his sense of humour!

 

[jfollows]

Real announcements from real people are almost always preferable to safe, dull, unhelpful automated announcements.

If the automated announcements stuck to the basics, then they’d be fine. But, no, we get all sorts of extra nonsense because someone decided it would be good. We don’t need “see it….” three times between Wilmslow and Manchester, for example. Any who programmed the GPS to give enough time for my granny (she’s long dead) enough time to get to the door when the next station arrival is announced? We’re told we’re arriving in Stockport pretty much as we leave Wilmslow, unless a real person overrides the announcements.

 

[styles]

Real announcements from real people are almost always preferable to safe, dull, unhelpful automated announcements.

If the automated announcements stuck to the basics, then they’d be fine. But, no, we get all sorts of extra nonsense because someone decided it would be good. We don’t need “see it….” three times between Wilmslow and Manchester, for example. Any who programmed the GPS to give enough time for my granny (she’s long dead) enough time to get to the door when the next station arrival is announced? We’re told we’re arriving in Stockport pretty much as we leave Wilmslow, unless a real person overrides the announcements.

Maybe they should split the announcements up.

After the other announcements when departing Nottingham, just say, "See it." Then upon departing Beeston, "Say it.", them when rolling out of Attenborough, "Sorted."

 

[YorksLad12]

Circa 10-15 years ago, I remember an ECML guard - Leeds based I think - who would often announce "we are now approaching Doncaster, the dark clouds above are because my mother-in-law lives here".

Steve, I think his name was (I had the same announcement once on a foggy arrival in Leeds). He also reminded alighting passengers to take all of their belongings, “especially the small, noisy ones.”

Self-deprecating humour is fine. Taking the mick out of your passengers/customers/employers isn’t. I sometimes do reputation management; the Northern conductor who pointed out there were a Germany railways company was on thin ice.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

The problem is you never know if even the most innocuous remark is going to be misinterpreted by someone or even if you just have a professional offence taker on board.

 

[Jimini]

To be fair, I did laugh out loud when he went woooooo as the lights went out!

Glad it wasn't just me!

 

[jfowkes]

What I always say when the subject of announcements comes up: your job is to communicate clearly and effectively with your passengers, not to amuse them.

There may be passengers who are hard of hearing, or whose English isn't great, and every time they hear an announcement (often over a less than perfect PA system) they're going to wonder if it's important information. So it definitely shouldn't just be a joke about how awful Basingstoke is or whatever.

Stick to the script and save your fledgling stand-up career for another time.

 

[SCDR_WMR]

I've also encountered a LNR guard/conductor/train manager on a lunch time train welcoming Sharon/Tracy onboard, travelling to Liverpool for XYZ. All totally unnecessary, in my opinion.

Depends on the context, I've had people ask me to say happy birthday to someone over the PA before. As long as it's not taking the place of an important announcement, what's the harm?

I wouldn't, for instance, say welcome to all the Sheila's when some Aussie sports fans boarded.

 

[trebor79]

Oh it's just a bit of fun, if you don't like it just ignore it along with the other announcements. I don't mind someone showing a bit of character.
Years ago I was on a XC 125 when the buffet car attendant came on to advertise his offerings. This chap was extremely camp, and started telling us about the sausage bap "oooh, I love a good sausage, don't you?" etc. whole train was in stitches and he did drum up plenty of custom.

And it can also help keep things calm. Not long ago I was on a late night delayed EMR out of St Pancras, it was absolutely rammed due to previous cancellations, and one coach was boiling hot due to broken AC. The guard was absolutely brilliant, went way off piste on the announcements, not being funny, but just not reading any sort of script. Apologised for the conditions, kept everyone informed when and where seats became available, carried several crates of water to the people stewing in the hot coach.
Can't have it both ways, if you tell people to stick rigidly to a script that's what they will do.