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Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

birchesgreen

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I know, I’m an old fart, but I can’t understand why anyone would buy a watch which needs charging every night :)
I find two nights is sufficient. It is rather more than a watch though. The heart monitor alone is worthwhile, my mum discovered she had heart issues thanks to her apple watch and is now getting treatment.
 
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py_megapixel

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I would like to ban the rail industry from putting in spurious capital letters to make itself feel important, such as in all those "Do not trespass on the Railway[sic]" signs - "train", "service", "railway", "train manager" etc. are not proper nouns!
 

dangie

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Even though this is cricket I’m putting it under ‘Things that annoy you’ as it annoys me.

England’s one-day international vs Ireland was abandoned because of rain.

Cricket is an outdoor sport. Rain has a habit of falling outdoors. Rain is part of everyday life. It’s weather.

Other outdoor sports carry on when it’s raining. Why can’t cricket.

I’d accept stopping play if the rain was hammering down or maybe a thunderstorm, but for most rain just grin & bear it and carry on.
 

Busaholic

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Even though this is cricket I’m putting it under ‘Things that annoy you’ as it annoys me.

England’s one-day international vs Ireland was abandoned because of rain.

Cricket is an outdoor sport. Rain has a habit of falling outdoors. Rain is part of everyday life. It’s weather. i.e.

Other outdoor sports carry on when it’s raining. Why can’t cricket.

I’d accept stopping play if the rain was hammering down or maybe a thunderstorm, but for most rain just grin & bear it and carry on.
Five out of the last six scheduled ODIs at Bristol have been abandoned, which should tell the administrators something i.e. choose somewhere else. As a one-time inhabitant, in the two or three years I was there, I couldn't believe how torrential the rain could be, out of the blue sometimes, so combined with not having the resources of a 'test' ground it quickly gets saturated. Gloucestershire have never won the County Championship, despite being one of the oldest clubs, and having Bristol as their county ground must impede them in that regard. Personally, I find it an unattractive ground in other ways too.
 

Loppylugs

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I know, I’m an old fart, but I can’t understand why anyone would buy a watch which needs charging every night :)
I'm an old fart too, and could never understand why all watches seemed to be manufactured for right-handers. Being a leftie, after asking in a jewellers for a lefties variety I was told I was born awkward!! Don't suppose it matters now on modern stuff.
 

Mcr Warrior

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I'm an old fart too, and could never understand why all watches seemed to be manufactured for right-handers. Being a leftie, after asking in a jewellers for a lefties variety I was told I was born awkward!! Don't suppose it matters now on modern stuff.
Left handed watches are definitely a thing. But just not nearly so widespread as their right handed equivalents.

Left handed watch.jpg
Pic of left-handed 'Zenith El Primero Pilot' watch.
 

Busaholic

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I'm an old fart too, and could never understand why all watches seemed to be manufactured for right-handers. Being a leftie, after asking in a jewellers for a lefties variety I was told I was born awkward!! Don't suppose it matters now on modern stuff.
No, you were born sinister. :smile:
 

52290

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Thank-you!! I actually had some cheque books with the cheques on the left hand side (spoilt rotten).
I always thought that Homer Simpsons neighbour, Ned Flanders, had the right idea with his Leftorium, a shop that sold only lefthanded products.
 

D6130

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I always thought that Homer Simpsons neighbour, Ned Flanders, had the right idea with his Leftorium, a shop that sold only lefthanded products.
There used to be one of those shops in Brewer Street, Soho, London called 'Anything Left-Handed'. Nowadays they only sell left-handed products on-line.
 

Statto

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Even though this is cricket I’m putting it under ‘Things that annoy you’ as it annoys me.

England’s one-day international vs Ireland was abandoned because of rain.

Cricket is an outdoor sport. Rain has a habit of falling outdoors. Rain is part of everyday life. It’s weather.

Other outdoor sports carry on when it’s raining. Why can’t cricket.

I’d accept stopping play if the rain was hammering down or maybe a thunderstorm, but for most rain just grin & bear it and carry on.

It's to do with safety, their's a chance the batsman might not see the ball (even the white ball) being bowled at them through the rain, with the size of a cricket ball & how hard they are, fast bowlers hit 90 mph plus with their deliveries, even medium pacers get 70 to 80 mph, the last thing batsmen want is not being able too see the ball being bowled at them.
 

SuspectUsual

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It's to do with safety, their's a chance the batsman might not see the ball (even the white ball) being bowled at them through the rain, with the size of a cricket ball & how hard they are, fast bowlers hit 90 mph plus with their deliveries, even medium pacers get 70 to 80 mph, the last thing batsmen want is not being able too see the ball being bowled at them.

The bigger safety risk is the ball misbehaving off a wet pitch
 

61653 HTAFC

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There used to be one of those shops in Brewer Street, Soho, London called 'Anything Left-Handed'. Nowadays they only sell left-handed products on-line.
I hope they have a left-handed website... ;)
(Reminder of the old workplace pranks about sending the new lad for a left-handed screwdriver, a long stand, or a bucket of steam)

As a lefty myself, I've never had much trouble adapting things of a "standard" design. I play bass in the right-handed set-up, same with golf. Don't think I've owned a pair of left-handed scissors since the age of 5, I just use regular ones in my weaker hand. About a year ago my mum gave me a pair of left-handed scissors that were my dad's, and it felt very odd trying to use them!
 
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GusB

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As a lefty myself, I've never had much trouble adapting things of a "standard" design. I play bass in the right-handed set-up, same with golf. Don't think I've owned a pair of left-handed scissors since the age of 5, I just use regular ones in my weaker hand. About a year ago my mum gave me a pair of left-handed scissors that were my dad's, and it felt very odd trying to use them!
I'm also a lefty, and the one thing that used to annoy me was when I'd sit at a desk at university or work where a "real" lefty had been sitting before, and the mouse had been moved to the left-hand side of the computer; depending on how the cables were tied, it wasn't always easy to move it back!

Likewise with desk phones - I prefer the phone on my left where the numbers go from top to bottom, and the numeric keypad is on the right where they go the opposite way.

Regarding scissors, I recall when my primary school received some left-handed ones; they were blue/black plastic with metal blades and everyone tried to grab the shiny new ones. I had been so used to using "normal" scissors that it didn't bother me.

I still find it rather irritating when I go to write something and someone comments that I'm left-handed; it's not as if it's a big deal these days (although there was much prejudice against it in the past).
 

SuspectUsual

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I still find it rather irritating when I go to write something and someone comments that I'm left-handed; it's not as if it's a big deal these days (although there was much prejudice against it in the past).

One of my earliest memories is the end of my little sister’s first day at infants, and at the end of the day the teacher said to my mum “I think she’s going to be left handed, do you want me to change it?” and her being surprised when my mum said no leave her be
 

AM9

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One of my earliest memories is the end of my little sister’s first day at infants, and at the end of the day the teacher said to my mum “I think she’s going to be left handed, do you want me to change it?” and her being surprised when my mum said no leave her be
I am right handed for most things except for using a spoon and most importrant of all writing. I managed fine, writing left-handed in my infants school but in my years at Junior school (8-11 years old) when we were taught to use pens using ink the problems started. At that time the headmaster had a thing about writing in italic script which required the use of a chisel ended nib held at 45 deg so that strokes from bottom left to top right were thin, and top left to bottom right were thick. That was fine for right-handed writers but using a left hand meant that the chisel end would just dig into the paper. We were supplied with special hooked nibs that either made it worse or forced users to hold the pen at a ridiculous angle givein wrist cramps (and of course more rubbish handwriting)!
Discipline at school was very different in the '50s, and two or three of us in my class of c.50 were regularly held to shame because our attempts to write in a style that he obsessed over were clearly worse than all of the right-handers. It took most of my years at high school to get outy of the italic attempts, unfortunately leaving me with terrible handwriting to this day.
 

Purple Train

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I'm also a lefty, and the one thing that used to annoy me was when I'd sit at a desk at university or work where a "real" lefty had been sitting before, and the mouse had been moved to the left-hand side of the computer; depending on how the cables were tied, it wasn't always easy to move it back!

Likewise with desk phones - I prefer the phone on my left where the numbers go from top to bottom, and the numeric keypad is on the right where they go the opposite way.

Regarding scissors, I recall when my primary school received some left-handed ones; they were blue/black plastic with metal blades and everyone tried to grab the shiny new ones. I had been so used to using "normal" scissors that it didn't bother me.

I still find it rather irritating when I go to write something and someone comments that I'm left-handed; it's not as if it's a big deal these days (although there was much prejudice against it in the past).
Our left-handed scissors at primary school had one green handle and one yellow handle. I distinctly remember trying and failing to use them right-handed, multiple times.



I would also ban piano music that doesn't have guitar chords on it. I learnt musical theory on a cornet, and consequently am able to read, and indeed sight-read, the treble clef (right hand) without difficulty. However, when it comes to the bass clef, I can't sight-read, and I can't really read it unless there's no treble clef. Coupled with the fact that I don't have a great degree of fine dexterity in my left hand, the only real alternative is to play guitar chords in the left hand and hope everybody is listening to the right hand. This means I have to make up my own when I have to/want to play a piece of music that doesn't have them, but because I don't play the guitar (I had a few lessons in primary school, but that's it) the resultant "guitar chords" aren't much help to anyone who wants to use them to play guitar. The solution is either for me to take up the guitar or for all the music to come with guitar chords - and there are enough musical instruments that I half-play lying around the house that I know which I'd prefer :D
 

GusB

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I would also ban piano music that doesn't have guitar chords on it. I learnt musical theory on a cornet, and consequently am able to read, and indeed sight-read, the treble clef (right hand) without difficulty. However, when it comes to the bass clef, I can't sight-read, and I can't really read it unless there's no treble clef. Coupled with the fact that I don't have a great degree of fine dexterity in my left hand, the only real alternative is to play guitar chords in the left hand and hope everybody is listening to the right hand. This means I have to make up my own when I have to/want to play a piece of music that doesn't have them, but because I don't play the guitar (I had a few lessons in primary school, but that's it) the resultant "guitar chords" aren't much help to anyone who wants to use them to play guitar. The solution is either for me to take up the guitar or for all the music to come with guitar chords - and there are enough musical instruments that I half-play lying around the house that I know which I'd prefer :D
Ah, musical annoyances: composers who wrote music in silly keys and used alto clef for brass instruments (looking at you, Dvorak)!

I learned trombone in brass band treble clef (ie, in B-flat), but quickly found that in the orchestra things were rather different. Tenor clef is the easiest to cope with as the notes are essentially in the same place, but I had to master bass and alto clefs too, all for the same concert.
 

Jimini

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Ah, musical annoyances: composers who wrote music in silly keys and used alto clef for brass instruments (looking at you, Dvorak)!

I learned trombone in brass band treble clef (ie, in B-flat), but quickly found that in the orchestra things were rather different. Tenor clef is the easiest to cope with as the notes are essentially in the same place, but I had to master bass and alto clefs too, all for the same concert.

I was the other way round, learned to play in a concert band / orchestra so started off with bass clef and then had to branch out to tenor / treble clef :lol:
 

Purple Train

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Ah, musical annoyances: composers who wrote music in silly keys and used alto clef for brass instruments (looking at you, Dvorak)!
I can manage silly keys because I've been practising Phantom music (my signature gives that away slightly), a disproportionate amount of which is in D flat. But given I can't manage bass clef, I think alto or tenor would blow my tiny mind!

Further annoyance: music that has guitar chords in the wrong key. Again, being a non-guitarist, I don't know the technical terms, but one version of Slane that I have the music for has the tune in E flat and guitar chords in D. I did actually try playing it like that just for fun and I found it so uncomfortable that I stopped halfway through, so at least I'm not totally tone deaf.

Further further annoyance: electric pianos that have a "transpose" function, so you can, say, play "In Christ Alone" and go up from E flat to E for the last verse while still playing the same keys as you would for E flat. It's a brilliant idea in theory, especially for people like me who can't transpose as we go, but it is so off-putting playing in E flat and hearing notes that are decidedly not in E flat!

Further further further annoyance: hymnbooks that transpose some hymns into easier-to-sing keys but not others. It's dreadfully annoying having Salley Gardens transposed down to C despite the fact that it only goes up to a top E if played in D, but not having "I Am The Bread Of Life" transposed down into A, when it goes up to a top F in B flat (top E is usually considered the upper limit for congregations in my experience, although some modern music that is designed for a worship band can go higher).

I would also include rap music on my list of annoyances (can't remember whether I've already done so :lol:) but I'm going to be seeing a friend who's a rapper soon and I don't want him to murder me!
 

xotGD

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I want to ban pub names linked to blood sports.

The Dog and Gun
The Hare and Hounds
Etc.

I refuse to drink there.
 

al78

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Any driver who thinks it is a good idea to drive along a motorway sliproad and join a free flowing motorway at 40 mph should have their car crushed, with them inside it!
 

AM9

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Any driver who thinks it is a good idea to drive along a motorway sliproad and join a free flowing motorway at 40 mph should have their car crushed, with them inside it!
Similarly, any driver who deliberately closes the gap up at motorway intersections to make it difficult for a vehicle on a sliproad to join the flow should be dealth with, (there is no point in crushing the car, that woun't cure the problem).
 

al78

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Rain has a habit of falling outdoors. Rain is part of everyday life. It’s weather.
You should tell the rail industry whenever we have disruption from rain that is well within the bounds of climatology, or when the tracks buckle in heat that happens at least once every year in SE England.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: ==

Similarly, any driver who deliberately closes the gap up at motorway intersections to make it difficult for a vehicle on a sliproad to join the flow should be dealth with, (there is no point in crushing the car, that woun't cure the problem).
That is a good one. Yesterday I was caught up in traffic congestion on the M6 around Preston heading from the Lakes to Salford (due to an accident very close to the M61 junction). Normally when passing a incoming sliproad I will create a generous gap in front of me to allow zip-merging. It baffles me as to why firstly other drivers don't, and secondly why drivers trying to enter from the sliproad ignore the gap in front of me and try to squeeze into a non-existant gap right at the end of the sliproad, as though joining the queue 50 meters further ahead gains so much more.
 

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