Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Busaholic]

Bookshop workers, and librarians, become quite skilled at figuring out from not-very-clued-up customers' inadequate descriptions, what book it is that such a customer is seeking; but in these times, they could hardly have a more difficult assignment of the kind, than that told of in your anecdote above !

After thirty odd years, thank goodness I no longer have to feign interest in what they're talking about. My indifference is not just because I'm a nasty piece of work but because even if I guess what they're on about, and, miracle, there's the very book in their eyeline, I know and they know that I'll not be getting a sale out of it. Yes, I might be wrong 1% of the time, but even then it'll be the hardest-earned £7.99 of the week.

 

[Runningaround]

Local supermarkets and bakeries that run out of bauguettes before 12pm on Saturdays. Every Saturday.

You'd never think that the ingredients are on the shelves for the baker to make more, and for that matter how does the café run out of food when they have plenty in the shop?

 

[D6130]

You'd never think that the ingredients are on the shelves for the baker to make more, and for that matter how does the café run out of food when they have plenty in the shop?

Given that the bakers probably start work at about 03 00 - 04 00, they're probably off home to bed by mid-day.

 

[Busaholic]

You'd never think that the ingredients are on the shelves for the baker to make more, and for that matter how does the café run out of food when they have plenty in the shop?

Even worse, how can a supermarket cafe that is yards from the store area not be able to supply white sugar for tea for days on end when the shop has hundreds of packets on its shelves? Used to happen in Morrisons, Penzance.

 

[D6130]

Even worse, how can a supermarket cafe that is yards from the store area not be able to supply white sugar for tea for days on end when the shop has hundreds of packets on its shelves? Used to happen in Morrisons, Penzance.

I was told a few years ago by a friend who worked in a supermarket that their cafes are run as separate businesses with their own accounts and supplied in bulk from regional distribution centres. Therefore they can not, for example, use small cans of baked beans from the shop if they run out, but have to await their next delivery of large catering-sized tins from Regional HQ. Sounds almost as complicated as the railway!

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Why are hamburgers called hamburgers when there's no ham in them? Last time I checked, beef doesn't come from pigs. Can't we just call them beef burgers, like any sane person would?

The error is when patties made of another meat are called [meat]burgers. A "Hamburger" is a ground beef patty served in a bread roll. The meat bit on its own is a patty, not a "burger". Strictly speaking, a lamb patty in a bun is probably still a hamburger, or perhaps they were more popular in Limburg which would make it a Limburger... which would get really confusing if an Afrikaaner ordered one.

 

[Bletchleyite]

Why are hamburgers called hamburgers when there's no ham in them? Last time I checked, beef doesn't come from pigs. Can't we just call them beef burgers, like any sane person would?

Because they originate from Hamburg*. They're Hamburger patties, like you have Frankfurter sausages. The "ham" has nothing to do with the meat. The likes of "beefburger" is a later corruption of the word.

* In the 1990s at least McDonald's were all over that on their promotions in the city concerned.

 

[Ted633]

You'd never think that the ingredients are on the shelves for the baker to make more, and for that matter how does the café run out of food when they have plenty in the shop?

The 'baker' in the store doesn't use any such ingredients. All the baguettes and rolls etc arrive frozen and are chucked in the oven for 15 minutes or so to finish them off. I used to be one of such bakers!

 

[Busaholic]

I was told a few years ago by a friend who worked in a supermarket that their cafes are run as separate businesses with their own accounts and supplied in bulk from regional distribution centres. Therefore they can not, for example, use small cans of baked beans from the shop if they run out, but have to await their next delivery of large catering-sized tins from Regional HQ. Sounds almost as complicated as the railway!

Yes, I was given a similar story in the cafe. Not being one to make a scene, after I'd had my tea I sought out the Duty Manager who agreed with me it was nonsensical from a customer point of view and personally took two packets of sugar to the cafe, In Morrison's case, it is helped by the cafes coming under store control.

 

[Bletchleyite]

Yes, I was given a similar story in the cafe. Not being one to make a scene, after I'd had my tea I sought out the Duty Manager who agreed with me it was nonsensical from a customer point of view and personally took two packets of sugar to the cafe, In Morrison's case, it is helped by the cafes coming under store control.

This hasn't always been the case. I definitely remember being in an Asda cafe in the 90s and ordering sausage something or other, them realising they'd run out, and immediately going and getting a bag of own brand sausages from the store. They will have had to go through the till so things could be accounted properly, of course.

 

[Busaholic]

This hasn't always been the case. I definitely remember being in an Asda cafe in the 90s and ordering sausage something or other, them realising they'd run out, and immediately going and getting a bag of own brand sausages from the store. They will have had to go through the till so things could be accounted properly, of course.

I think you'll find that in the case of sugar packets they'll go down as 'spillage in the sugar aisle'.

 

[Techniquest]

I was told a few years ago by a friend who worked in a supermarket that their cafes are run as separate businesses with their own accounts and supplied in bulk from regional distribution centres. Therefore they can not, for example, use small cans of baked beans from the shop if they run out, but have to await their next delivery of large catering-sized tins from Regional HQ. Sounds almost as complicated as the railway!

Pretty much the case yes, I feel sorry for the cafe workers in my place, they have reliance on the rest of the place to look after their stock but this is not often the case. Meaning that the cafe will often 'run out' of something that's actually in plentiful supply in store but inaccessible! It annoys me endlessly!

The 'baker' in the store doesn't use any such ingredients. All the baguettes and rolls etc arrive frozen and are chucked in the oven for 15 minutes or so to finish them off. I used to be one of such bakers!

Most of the rolls and some breads come in baked elsewhere and even packed, just needing to be put on a shelf. Otherwise, yes exactly as you say. Used to be done with actual ingredients, but that was a long time ago!

 

[yorksrob]

That little stalky bit that you get inside a tomato.

Ruins an otherwise very good fruit.

 

[Acey]

Pasta,what a total waste of time !

 

[Purple Train]

Pickled whatever-on-earth-the-horrible-flippin'-green-things-are in a McDonalds burger.
Not that I like the burger anyway, but that - thing - seeps its horrible flavour through all of it and renders the entire concern totally unpalatable.
I'll stick with a Subway...

 

[Bletchleyite]

Pickled whatever-on-earth-the-horrible-flippin'-green-things-are in a McDonalds burger.
Not that I like the burger anyway, but that - thing - seeps its horrible flavour through all of it and renders the entire concern totally unpalatable.
I'll stick with a Subway...

Where you can of course choose to add gherkins, which I did earlier on, I like them!

At Maccies you can remove any ingredient using the touchscreen, the gherkin included.

 

[Purple Train]

Where you can of course choose to add gherkins, which I did earlier on, I like them!

At Maccies you can remove any ingredient using the touchscreen, the gherkin included.

All this touchscreen nonsense... I can hardly use a touchscreen to state what I'm ordering, let alone take into account my fussiness!

 

[Bletchleyite]

All this touchscreen nonsense... I can hardly use a touchscreen to state what I'm ordering, let alone take into account my fussiness!

They are easy enough to use, no more complex than a reasonably good TVM. You just press Customise next to the item and untick anything you want removed. You can sometimes add extras too, e.g. you can create a triple Sausage and Egg if you want.

 

[yorksrob]

Pickled whatever-on-earth-the-horrible-flippin'-green-things-are in a McDonalds burger.
Not that I like the burger anyway, but that - thing - seeps its horrible flavour through all of it and renders the entire concern totally unpalatable.
I'll stick with a Subway...

Ooh, I love that green thing !

Far more tasty than lettuce - ban that.

 

[Purple Train]

They are easy enough to use, no more complex than a reasonably good TVM. You just press Customise next to the item and untick anything you want removed. You can sometimes add extras too, e.g. you can create a triple Sausage and Egg if you want.

I never knew that... well, at least that means I can now go to McDonald's and actually eat something; thank you!

 

[gg1]

Pickled whatever-on-earth-the-horrible-flippin'-green-things-are in a McDonalds burger.
Not that I like the burger anyway, but that - thing - seeps its horrible flavour through all of it and renders the entire concern totally unpalatable.
I'll stick with a Subway...

I love gherkins, if given the option I always ask for extra.

 

[Bletchleyite]

I never knew that... well, at least that means I can now go to McDonald's and actually eat something; thank you!

They have always happily done customisations at the tills (my Mum used to have Big Macs without cheese in the 80s) but the touchscreens make it really easy.

 

[Bald Rick]

They have always happily done customisations at the tills (my Mum used to have Big Macs without cheese in the 80s) but the touchscreens make it really easy.

as does the app - and you get reward points that way too…

 

[py_megapixel]

There has been a top tip/life hack around for quite a while now: to be guaranteed a freshly cooked meal in McD's you should always slightly customise each item, as the ones they have prepared in advance will be done to the "default" configuration so for customised orders they'll make new ones.
The example often given was asking for fries without salt and then picking up some of the little sachets sachets and adding it yourself, but I'm not sure if that works in the UK as I'm not certain that they actually provide salt sachets over here!

 

[Bald Rick]

There has been a top tip/life hack around for quite a while now: to be guaranteed a freshly cooked meal in McD's you should always slightly customise each item, as the ones they have prepared in advance will be done to the "default" configuration so for customised orders they'll make new ones.
The example often given was asking for fries without salt and then picking up some of the little sachets sachets and adding it yourself, but I'm not sure if that works in the UK as I'm not certain that they actually provide salt sachets over here!

they do provide salt sachets.

of course that hack only works if everything cooked that you order is customised. Alternatively, for freshly cooked food,order through the app, and they only start preparing the order when you check in on arrival.

 

[43096]

Where you can of course choose to add gherkins, which I did earlier on, I like them!

Always thought you had some odd views, and this confirms it!

Gherkins are the work of the devil and there should be a global ban on them. Whoever first looked at one and thought "I know, let's eat that" was a seriously deranged individual.

 

[ABB125]

There has been a top tip/life hack around for quite a while now: to be guaranteed a freshly cooked meal in McD's you should always slightly customise each item, as the ones they have prepared in advance will be done to the "default" configuration so for customised orders they'll make new ones.
The example often given was asking for fries without salt and then picking up some of the little sachets sachets and adding it yourself, but I'm not sure if that works in the UK as I'm not certain that they actually provide salt sachets over here!

On the rare occasions that I eat food from McDonald's, it's always cooked fresh to order. Mainly because I like "really plain", ie: the beef, and the bread roll. Nothing else. Not the kind of thing they have "in stock", so to speak.
The downside is that every now and then, it takes quite a long time for them to sort out your order. I think 10 minutes is the longest 8ve had to wait before. (And I nearly missed my train as a result. This was at Vienna Hbf.)

 

[Bletchleyite]

There has been a top tip/life hack around for quite a while now: to be guaranteed a freshly cooked meal in McD's you should always slightly customise each item, as the ones they have prepared in advance will be done to the "default" configuration so for customised orders they'll make new ones.
The example often given was asking for fries without salt and then picking up some of the little sachets sachets and adding it yourself, but I'm not sure if that works in the UK as I'm not certain that they actually provide salt sachets over here!

Used to be true when they kept stock but everything is near enough to order now.

 

[nanstallon]

Yes, a lot of them are bossy, often giving the impression that the attitude is: ‘You’ve finished, so shove off and let us empty somebody else’s pockets.’ However, the voice asking you if you want a receipt in the near-ish Sainsbury’s Local is a different one and is almost apologetic. In the Co-op the opportunity to get a receipt seems to have been designed to appear just when all normal people have their attention elsewhere, but if you are not quick enough the opportunity disappears.

(I always like a receipt: I was once stopped in the street outside a shop after somebody thought I had shoplifted. The manager and the accusing member of staff made a right public exhibition of themselves, but the security guard was rather more controlled. It was only after the appearance of another member of staff who was able to confirm that I wasn’t the (regular) shoplifter that they though I was that I was allowed, somewhat ungraciously, to go.)

I'd look at a defamation action in the courts, if they did that to me.

 

[Drogba11CFC]

I actually got stopped heading out of my local supermarket by someone who promptly (and loudly) asking me if I'd paid for my items - despite the fact that he'd surely seen me do so. Safe to say I immediately lodged a complaint when I got home.