Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[gg1]

12- Cold callers starting with the phrase ‘How are you today?’ - actually if you have the patience to make something up on this topic for several minutes they usually hang up!

It does at least serve as an easy way of instantly identifying cold callers, IME legitimate callers from businesses don't waste their time and mine with fake pleasantries.

I’ve been on holiday the last week & stayed at or eaten at a few places where the sinks are so small, or the taps are set back so far from the edge of the basin, that you cannot help but constantly knock your hands against the inside of the sink. Doesn’t feel very hygienic.

On the same line, also hand dryers that are so feeble you might as well blow your hands dry yourself.

Our downstairs loo is blessed with quite possible the world's smallest sink (fitted by the previous owners) I don't think I've ever used the thing without splashing water on the wall, floor or both. The ridiculous thing about is there is sufficient space to fit a sink of a useful size in the same position.

On a related subject, I would like to ban those public toilet sinks with an all in one tap/soap dispenser/dryer, all on automated timers so you end the process with damp slightly soapy hands.

 

[75A]

I always go as Worzel Gummidge, whether it's a fancy dress party or not.

Like it.

 

[PeterY]

That one really annoys me. Grrrrrr....

It's a bit like supermarkets etc using "colleagues" instead of "staff" (I think this has already been mentioned). Eg: if you can't find what you're looking for, please ask a colleague.

100% agree. Colleague is just a POSHed up word for dogsbody staff

 

[trainophile]

1- Misuse of apostrophes
2- Answering questions starting unnecessarily with the word ‘so’
3- Unnecessarily using the word ‘like’ in a sentence
4- The fad for blue hair dye which gives the appearance of having used toilet duck or similar
5- Bad tattoos which account for about 99% of them
6- Rudeness and impatience
7- Fly tippers
8- Talent shows
9- Piles of chocolate at petrol station counters
10- Fruit and veg from all corners of the world when we grow the same in the UK
11- The livery of the HST Staycation Express
12- Cold callers starting with the phrase ‘How are you today?’ - actually if you have the patience to make something up on this topic for several minutes they usually hang up!

No 3 x 1,000. Young girls with their mates, using it ten times in every sentence.

Like young girls like, with their mates like, using it like ten times in every sentence. Okay that's only four times but you get my drift.

 

[ABB125]

No 3 x 1,000. Young girls with their mates, using it ten times in every sentence.

Like young girls like, with their mates like, using it like ten times in every sentence. Okay that's only four times but you get my drift.

Like, I'm like not sure that I, like, understand what you, like, mean, like.

 

[Ianno87]

Like, I'm like not sure that I, like, understand what you, like, mean, like.

Where's the like button?

 

[gg1]

People, particularly the retired, who think that the middle of Sunday afternoon is a good time to get the strimmer out.

Okay, I'll bite.

What's wrong with using a strimmer or mower on a Sunday afternoon and when do you think is a good time?

 

[py_megapixel]

What's wrong with using a strimmer or mower on a Sunday afternoon and when do you think is a good time?

I can't speak for the person you're quoting, but I think there is a valid argument to be made that should people wish to carry out activities that are likely to cause substantial noise, it would be tactful of them, if they are able, to do so at a time when fewer people are likely to be trying to enjoy their gardens peacefully.

A 'good' time would therefore be when you would expect most people to be either out or engaged in activities indoors - mid-morning, mid week might be a good shout. Of course not everyone is home then , largely because they have the aforementioned other engagements - which is where the argument falls down.

 

[birchesgreen]

Okay, I'll bite.

What's wrong with using a strimmer or mower on a Sunday afternoon and when do you think is a good time?

Well it would be nice to enjoy sitting in the garden after a week at work. My neighbour likes to use loud power tools 7 days of the week so it doesn't really matter to me...

 

[SuspectUsual]

Parents who play competitively against their kids when they’re quite young. I’m sat in a hotel bar and there’s a bloke just like competitive dad out of the fast show “teaching” his kid how to play darts. “William. Don’t walk away, you won’t learn unless you observe me”. William is about 8

 

[43096]

There are 3 designs in particular which pop up in various places under various different brands and are always as awful as you describe:
View attachment 101157View attachment 101158View attachment 101159
Pictures show 3 different designs of hand dryer, taken from the websites of - from left to right - Intelligent Hand Dryers, Electrical Direct and Vent-Axia.

The last one is particularly egregious as not only does it do nothing, it does nothing while deafening everyone in the vacinity!

On the other hand, the dryers fitted to the Metronom double deck stock in Germany are rather effective. They're branded as "Airwolf", which usually gets me humming the theme tune to a certain 1980s TV series!

 

[43096]

Parents who play competitively against their kids when they’re quite young. I’m sat in a hotel bar and there’s a bloke just like competitive dad out of the fast show “teaching” his kid how to play darts. “William. Don’t walk away, you won’t learn unless you observe me”. William is about 8

 

[gg1]

I can't speak for the person you're quoting, but I think there is a valid argument to be made that should people wish to carry out activities that are likely to cause substantial noise, it would be tactful of them, if they are able, to do so at a time when fewer people are likely to be trying to enjoy their gardens peacefully.

A 'good' time would therefore be when you would expect most people to be either out or engaged in activities indoors - mid-morning, mid week might be a good shout. Of course not everyone is home then , largely because they have the aforementioned other engagements - which is where the argument falls down.

I always think of early evening as the time people are most likely to choose to relax in their garden, on that basis I'd regard afternoons as a better option.

As for mornings, I like my weekend lie ins, by the time I'm up, showered dressed, fed and watered it's not usually morning any more

 

[Bald Rick]

I always go as Worzel Gummidge, whether it's a fancy dress party or not.

I go as The Stig. Or, at least, someone does...

 

[ABB125]

Where's the like button?

I think you missed at least one like out of that sentence...

 

[32475]

1- Food served on a roofing slate.
2- Reference to Jus on a menu when they really mean sauce or gravy.
3- Referring to macaroni cheese as Mac ‘n Cheese.
4- Chips served in a stack of about ten of them.
5- Huge plates with a small blob of one thing, a smear of another, a wipe of something else and at least 80% of exposed clean porcelain. These just leave you bemused and feeling hungry.

 

[Gloster]

Adverts and blurb that describe something as ‘perfect’, whether it is the sort of sea cruise you can afford only once in a lifetime or something you stick on your chips. Most of the time a phrase like ‘good enough’ would do. It has become so overused that it is often counter-productive.

 

[32475]

6- Any restaurant staff who say ‘Enjoy’ when you start your meal. It’s like barking an order. I wouldn’t dare say ‘Clear’ or ‘Clean’ to them when they are clearing the plates and cutlery.

 

[Strat-tastic]

People who say they want to "touch base" with me.

Sorry i barely know ye, at least wait until i'm drunk.

My phone! I was reading this thread and by an unknown-to-me secret swipe pattern end up in a thread on the rail trip planning forum! Why? How? It's not the first time either

 

[Spamcan81]

1- Food served on a roofing slate.
2- Reference to Jus on a menu when they really mean sauce or gravy.
3- Referring to macaroni cheese as Mac ‘n Cheese.
4- Chips served in a stack of about ten of them.
5- Huge plates with a small blob of one thing, a smear of another, a wipe of something else and at least 80% of exposed clean porcelain. These just leave you bemused and feeling hungry.

+1

 

[DelW]

My phone! I was reading this thread and by an unknown-to-me secret swipe pattern end up in a thread on the rail trip planning forum! Why? How? It's not the first time either

I'd like to ban any device with a touchscreen that doesn't have a prominent button whose sole function is "undo whatever I just did"

 

[75A]

+1

+2

 

[gg1]

1- Food served on a roofing slate.
2- Reference to Jus on a menu when they really mean sauce or gravy.
3- Referring to macaroni cheese as Mac ‘n Cheese.
4- Chips served in a stack of about ten of them.
5- Huge plates with a small blob of one thing, a smear of another, a wipe of something else and at least 80% of exposed clean porcelain. These just leave you bemused and feeling hungry.

6- Any restaurant staff who say ‘Enjoy’ when you start your meal. It’s like barking an order. I wouldn’t dare say ‘Clear’ or ‘Clean’ to them when they are clearing the plates and cutlery.

Definitely. In addition I would add:

7 - menus which refer to custard as Crème Anglaise
8 - anything 'deconstructed'
9 - serving sauces in tiny containers barely bigger than a bottle top

 

[xotGD]

Motorway services where it is less than obvious which way to go to get back onto the motorway.

Motorway services where it is a ridiculously long walk to get to the toilets.

 

[Ianno87]

Office attire.

I don't care how sharply you dress, I care how good you are at your job.

 

[SuspectUsual]

1- Food served on a roofing slate.
2- Reference to Jus on a menu when they really mean sauce or gravy.

Let’s broaden those out a little.

1 - any food not served on a plate or in bowl

2 - the use of the indefinite article when describing food. “Pasta in a tomato sauce”, trying to imply its somehow superior to merely pasta in tomato sauce

 

[Gloster]

2 - the use of the indefinite article when describing food. “Pasta in a tomato sauce”, trying to imply its somehow superior to merely pasta in tomato sauce

How do you know that they haven’t had the tin of tomato sauce so long that the label has come off and they don’t know what type it is? “It’s red, so it’s tomato sauce...I hope.”

 

[32475]

Let’s broaden those out a little.

1 - any food not served on a plate or in bowl

2 - the use of the indefinite article when describing food. “Pasta in a tomato sauce”, trying to imply its somehow superior to merely pasta in tomato sauce

A tomato is a single tomato. Therefore a tomato sauce means a sauce made from a single tomato. Consequently, you should not expect a lot of sauce with your pasta. Just be thankful it’s not referred to as pasta in a tomato jus.

 

[Bald Rick]

Any food served in a pub or restaurant described as “oven baked”.

What else do you bake food in?

 

[dgl]

Pictures of food items in menus, especially ones that end up looking nothing like the end product and restaurants that separate each part of the dish into a separate container, it doesn't look as fancy as you think plus it must make a lot more washing up.

I can't believe it's not butter, as in my opinion it really tastes nothing like butter, so yes I can believe it's not butter!