Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Grumpus63]

I hate Lidl's new wheeled baskets, i wished they'd bring back the smaller baskets for people who only want a few items.

Agreed.

 

[Techniquest]

Can I ban that new TUI advert which opens with "Nothing beats a real holiday"?

The thing they're trying to imply here is that holidays within the UK somehow don't count. As someone who spends an absolute maximum of a few days every year abroad and but in the same timeframe does multiple weeks in destinations in the UK away from home, I think that's incredibly wrong.

Oh indeed, fully with you on that. I do love an adventure abroad, nothing else quite opens the senses to how big the world is etc in the same way. However, I went out for a decent length cycle ride yesterday, exploring more of Herefordshire and adding more colour to my map of coverage.

Lots of the countryside was ridden through, and having been stuck in Hereford for a couple of weeks (money is a bit tight after a credit card bill) I had forgot just how nice it is to escape to the countryside. Granted, it took more effort than I'd originally planned to put in, but oh so worth it.

Point being that I've really got into exploring the UK, there's just so much to see and do. Before I got into cycling, I was more reliant on buses and trains for my adventures, and I'd have never considered exploring my home county as much as I have. At one point yesterday, after a lengthy uphill sector, I pulled over for a break and it was so relaxing to enjoy a rather tranquil scene, despite the main road right behind me.

I'm happy to holiday in the UK, more so than ever, and I agree with you about Tui. When did it get so ingrained in society that a holiday must be taken abroad?!

 

[nlogax]

When did it get so ingrained in society that a holiday must be taken abroad?!

The late 1970s / early 1980s I think!

 

[43096]

* people who demand you move from a 4 seat bay on a train when they get on - ask me nicely and I might consider it

On which note, I’d ban individuals from taking the last bay of four for themselves when there’s plenty of airline pairs available. It’s just plain selfish.

 

[Techniquest]

The late 1970s / early 1980s I think!

I should make it clear, of course, that a holiday abroad is fantastic fun and I'm looking forward to going on an adventure again next year. My main gripe, as the other member, was that a UK holiday was being suggested as not a real holiday.

Not that I can see what is so good about a week, or even 2 weeks, sat on a beach or in an all-inclusive resort without exploring the surrounding area. If that's what Tui call a real holiday, then yeah I'm not interested! For me, a holiday is about doing something fun and relaxing, about having an adventure, seeing somewhere new and (not always in my travels) exciting.

 

[nlogax]

For me, a holiday is about doing something fun and relaxing, about having an adventure, seeing somewhere new and (not always in my travels) exciting.

Same, either here or abroad. I don't remember ever paying for a package trip! Millions do it though and Tui are just marketing to the masses who make their business viable even in the toughest of times.

 

[Ianno87]

People who 'Like' their own Tweets / Facebook statuses.

 

[yorksrob]

I'd ban the inappropriate use of plastic as a building material. Two examples spring to mind:

• On bayonette light fittings I've sometimes found the chair (agaonst which the bayonette sits once you've pushed it and twisted) has broken off, requiring replacement of the fitting. Such components should be metal.
• Guttering and drain pipes. I've had a number of issues with 70's eara plastic guttering and drain pipes decomposing and breaking, leading to leaks and dampness. Such fittings should be cast iron.

 

[Ianno87]

I'd ban the inappropriate use of plastic as a building material. Two examples spring to mind:

• On bayonette light fittings I've sometimes found the chair (agaonst which the bayonette sits once you've pushed it and twisted) has broken off, requiring replacement of the fitting. Such components should be metal.
• Guttering and drain pipes. I've had a number of issues with 70's eara plastic guttering and drain pipes decomposing and breaking, leading to leaks and dampness. Such fittings should be cast iron.

More generally, use of plastic in anything where it is simply not necessary. (Fair play to McDonald's for replacing plastic Happy Meal toys recently)

 

[Meerkat]

On which note, I’d ban individuals from taking the last bay of four for themselves when there’s plenty of airline pairs available. It’s just plain selfish.

Depends whether the leg room and table space is adequate in the airline seats.
The group haven’t paid any more so don’t have a right to the better seats.

 

[gg1]

Rose tinted UKIPesque nostalgia

I recently joined a Facebook group on the subject of historic photos of Birmingham, some very interesting images but the threads are awash with comments bemoaning the typical little Englander targets: today's youth, political correctness, health and safety etc. Outright racist comments are rarer but only because the mods have a zero tolerance policy, I have seen a few appear but they're quickly removed and the perpetrators banned.

If you took what they said at face value you'd think 1950s Birmingham was an idyllic, crime free utopia.

EDIT - and yes I know this doesn't qualify as comedic, just wanted to get it off my chest

 

[duncanp]

Depends whether the leg room and table space is adequate in the airline seats.
The group haven’t paid any more so don’t have a right to the better seats.

Talking of seats on public transport, I would absolutely ban people from reclining the seat in front of me on an airplane.

You do not have the right to give yourself some more personal space by arbitrarily taking it away from me.

I would also ban the person in the seat behind me from fidgeting in the seat pocket every five minutes.

And anyone sitting either side of me would be banned from invading my personal space by taking more than their fair share of the armrest, or constantly elbowing me by fidgeting in their hand luggage every five minutes.

 

[birchesgreen]

Rose tinted UKIPesque nostalgia

I recently joined a Facebook group on the subject of historic photos of Birmingham, some very interesting images but the threads are awash with comments bemoaning the typical little Englander targets: today's youth, political correctness, health and safety etc. Outright racist comments are rarer but only because the mods have a zero tolerance policy, I have seen a few appear but they're quickly removed and the perpetrators banned.

If you took what they said at face value you'd think 1950s Birmingham was an idyllic, crime free utopia.

EDIT - and yes I know this doesn't qualify as comedic, just wanted to get it off my chest

I think i know what group you mean, i left for much the same reason

 

[nlogax]

You do not have the right to give yourself some more personal space by arbitrarily taking it away from me.

Except they do. Otherwise seats wouldn't be able to recline.

 

[riceuten]

In terms of sitting in a 4 instead of a family - I used to catch an empty train that started at our station and ran mainly empty to Kings X - once in every Preston Guild a parent and 3 kids would get on and demand that I move. Do I have to be constantly on the look out in case people get on with kids, or should I avoid them as a matter of principle ?

Actually the most hysterical thing I saw was during the school holidays, you would inevitably see families who had taken their offspring to a museum in London during the school holidays, and were travelling back during the evening rush. They, unlike the hardened commuters, were not savvy as to where the seats were and how to obtain them.

I watched a family (2 adults, 2 teenage children) arrive at the last minute and walk the entire length of a 12 carriage train looking for a 4 seat bay, to no avail. The woman of the group was pass-agging passengers saying "YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT PEOPLE WOULD ALLOW A FAMILY TO SIT TOGETHER" whilst glaring at people sat in bays - so, let me get this right. You want 4 complete strangers to stand all the way to Stevenage just so you can sit with your kids? The children are not made out of porcelain, they will survive a 25 minute standing journey. Heaven forfend, when I was their age, I was asked to stand up for an adult to sit. The poor saps had insult added to injury when they were excessed at Stevenage for travelling back during the evening peak (back when this was a thing). I am sure they probably never travelled by train again.

== Doublepost prevention - post automatically merged: 5 Aug 2021 ==

SNCF have a seat that reclines within its own profile - I think Eurostar have this in first class as well. Much friendlier than morons reclining directly in front of you, I wish planes had something similar

 

[nlogax]

Rose tinted UKIPesque nostalgia

AA Gill nailed this back in 2016.

We all know what “getting our country back” means. It’s snorting a line of the most pernicious and debilitating Little English drug, nostalgia. The warm, crumbly, honey-coloured, collective “yesterday” with its fond belief that everything was better back then, that Britain (England, really) is a worse place now than it was at some foggy point in the past where we achieved peak Blighty. It’s the knowledge that the best of us have been and gone, that nothing we can build will be as lovely as a National Trust Georgian country house, no art will be as good as a Turner, no poem as wonderful as If, no writer a touch on Shakespeare or Dickens, nothing will grow as lovely as a cottage garden, no hero greater than Nelson, no politician better than Churchill, no view more throat-catching than the White Cliffs and that we will never manufacture anything as great as a Rolls-Royce or Flying Scotsman again.

 

[birchesgreen]

In terms of sitting in a 4 instead of a family - I used to catch an empty train that started at our station and ran mainly empty to Kings X - once in every Preston Guild a parent and 3 kids would get on and demand that I move.

To be honest anyone "demands" or tries to guilt trip me will be disappointed.

 

[Gloster]

People who buy plastic Remembrance Day poppies and stick them on the front of their car, sometimes in large numbers, to show how much they care. And keep them on the car all year round, year in, year out. You are not caring if you are too much of a cheapskate to keep on using old poppies instead of getting a new one by giving a donation.

(This is me being angry about something, rather than following the comedic tone of other posts.)

 

[Paul Jones 88]

The Covid app.

 

[riceuten]

To be honest anyone "demands" or tries to guilt trip me will be disappointed.

This is entirely my point - asked nicely, I would have shifted. Being told "MOVE!", just made me dig my heels in

 

[Strat-tastic]

Anyone who asserts that Birmingham New Street is anything less than a delightful railway station should be made to write 100 times, "I must not revile Strat-tastic's childhood playground."

 

[py_megapixel]

Anyone who asserts that Birmingham New Street is anything less than a delightful railway station should be made to write 100 times, "I must not revile Strat-tastic's childhood playground."

To make BHM 'delightful' you would have to:

• Demolish the whole thing, including Grand Central and possibly the Bullring centre as well, and rebuild so that the platforms are no longer underground
• Scrap all Voyagers, and XC and WMR's Turbostars, and replace with EMUs, with the hundreds of miles of electrification that entails
• Give it a proper station cafe and some nice independently run refreshment stands on each island, rather than the current assortment of SSP franchises and not much else
• Do a better job of the signage, and have footbridges at both ends serving all platforms without having to pass through a gateline (with an additional public footbridge with no platform access, if needed)
• And, for good measure, rename the tram stop "New Street", since Grand Central will be gone.

and the size and scope of that rebuild would be unprecendented.

 

[Techniquest]

If you could do all that AND keep the station open AND without major disruption to the overall transport network around Birmingham, then go for it! I'm not a huge fan of shopping so I'd not mind that being knocked down!

How many years would it take to achieve such a dream project though...

Note I still love the work they did to New Street, it is a much nicer place than it used to be

 

[Ianno87]

The expression "it's only a staycation if you stay at home". Yes, we know by now!

People getting disproportionately upset by "train station".

 

[duncanp]

If you could do all that AND keep the station open AND without major disruption to the overall transport network around Birmingham, then go for it! I'm not a huge fan of shopping so I'd not mind that being knocked down!

How many years would it take to achieve such a dream project though...

Note I still love the work they did to New Street, it is a much nicer place than it used to be

The thing about transport in Birmingham I would like to ban is the idiotic arrangement whereby the tram stop at St Chads is right next to the platforms at Snow Hill station, and yet there is no barrier free interchange between the two systems.

The reason can't be due to revenue protection, as that doesn't seem to bother them at Jewellery Quarter and The Hawthorns.

If this was sorted, then there would be a convenient link between Snow Hill and New Street stations.

 

[43096]

People who buy plastic Remembrance Day poppies and stick them on the front of their car, sometimes in large numbers, to show how much they care. And keep them on the car all year round, year in, year out. You are not caring if you are too much of a cheapskate to keep on using old poppies instead of getting a new one by giving a donation.

(This is me being angry about something, rather than following the comedic tone of other posts.)

Red noses on cars fall into the same bracket.

 

[LSWR Cavalier]

I had a red nose on my car thirty years ago, I would never wear one on my nose.

I am a 'remoaner' and I think I should be allowed to use the word to describe myself.

 

[xotGD]

Use of the term 'veggies' instead of vegetables.

People who leave the advice slip dangling out of the cash point. If you didn't want it, why press the button to ask for one?

Trailers for really gruesome programmes about serial killers or the like that are shown in the middle of a light hearted programme that you are watching.

People saying "All the double-ewes" when giving a web address.

The myriad different varieties and sizes of Colgate toothpaste.

American recipes that use 'cups' instead of the weight of each ingredient.

Changing the clocks twice a year.

People who refuse to turn on their heating during certain months of the year regardless of how cold it is. I should not need to keep my coat on inside your house!

 

[Techniquest]

The thing about transport in Birmingham I would like to ban is the idiotic arrangement whereby the tram stop at St Chads is right next to the platforms at Snow Hill station, and yet there is no barrier free interchange between the two systems.

The reason can't be due to revenue protection, as that doesn't seem to bother them at Jewellery Quarter and The Hawthorns.

If this was sorted, then there would be a convenient link between Snow Hill and New Street stations.

Agreed there, it's really silly. Might as well not wasted the money building the stop there really!

It would indeed be a useful link, admittedly I prefer to walk it, between Snow Hill and New Street stations. I guess Bull Street's tram stop isn't too far from Snow Hill, and slightly easier to access from the Snow Hill station entrance than St Chad's.

 

[Ediswan]

American recipes that use 'cups' instead of the weight of each ingredient.

Recipes that measure by volume used to be normal in the UK as well. The introduction of digital scales that can measure to the gram have led to the change to measuring by weight.