I'm so stressed!

[RichmondCommu]

I

Not always the case. My bosses are incredibly supportive and this wasn't the case at Uni, and I know others who would also say that support at Uni isn't always great.

I disagree. Not all young people are able to "plan things properly" and no amount of "planning" or being "sensible" can stop some people finding Uni very stressful. When I was in my final year of Uni I was wishing I could be working (which I was doing part time and those were my favourite times of the working week).

I think the problem lies with students not bothering to seek help because from what I understand they will bend over backwards to help you (even at less than great Uni's) if you go and talk to them. This is especially the case with deadlines because all Uni's want their students to get the best possible degrees that they can.

There is no question that moving away from home for the first time is not easy but sooner or later everyone has to do it. In terms of not being able to stand on your own two feet I think a large part of the problem are the parents. My wife and I made sure that our three could look after themselves, manage budgets and plan their working week whilst they were doing their A Levels.

 

[maniacmartin]

RichmondCommu, I think it depends on the person and the university.

I went to university in the 2000s. I now work in a demanding job that has long hours where you are constantly having to respond to an endless barrage of problems and queries and think on your feet. It's tiring, but I don't think it is nearly as stressful as when I was at university which was lots of worrying about exams, trying to get my head around new concepts and learn how things and complete difficult assignments. The amount that was crammed into each term at my university at least was immense. Nowadays I am tired after a long day's work, but I can leave my work at work and not worry about it when I'm at home; whereas at university there's always that feeling that one should be working more, reading more or revising more to keep up with others on the course.

 

[RichmondCommu]

I agree with this, though I would point out you do not need to be good at sport. I run some sports activities for some young people who are not particularly good at sport and their enthusiasm is great.

I partly agree with you but it's not fun if you're getting thrashed!

 

[43074]

I had a few problems in my first year which made Uni life difficult for various reasons, and being part of several societies kept me going whilst the chaos unfolded so I would certainly echo those saying you should join societies - any extra curricular involvement is in many ways just as valuable as your degree IMO.

[snip lots of good advice]
If you can make it to a forum meet I highly recommend that too.

Seconded, it would probably help you to become more confident with some of the things you've mentioned in this thread as well, improving your social skills etc.

I agree with this, though I would point out you do not need to be good at sport. I run some sports activities for some young people who are not particularly good at sport and their enthusiasm is great.

It doesn't even have to be sport, you name it there will probably be a society that will allow you to enjoy it with other people, whether music, mind-sports, food or drink, drama, or politics, for instance.

Yorkie on this occasion I think you are wrong. You have to go to Uni with an open mind, you have to try and make efforts to fit in and you have to plan your work properly. When I was at Uni in Manchester all those years a go (and with my family in Derbyshire) it was much harder to talk to parents then it is now. Yes I missed my family but I got on with it.

Surely you must acknowledge that this is harder for some people than others though? Trying to ''fit in'' is probably the biggest cause of problems in students/young people there is, because if you're not seen how society thinks you should be seen you are suddenly perceived in a negative light. I'd suggest it explains why mental health difficulties are so common amongst many young enthusiasts, members of the LGBT community.

 

[Segedunum]

As someone about to go to university, I must say that I'm looking forward to it on the basis that A Levels are proving incredibly stressful and that I'm doing a course I know I'll thrive in, rather than studying the intricacies of Stuart England.

However, someone in university may scoff at this and say I have it easy, someone in employment will say that to the university student, etc etc.

It's all about perspective and it's most unhelpful to tell someone under pressure to stop saying they're stressed or that you found university just fine. I'm just about keeping myself sane while achieving the right grades, but fellow students are currently in varying states of a mental breakdown. That doesn't mean that their problems don't exist simply because I'm doing okay.

Back to the point of the topic, I'd advise the OP to plan how they're going to tackle these essays etc, break them up and ensure that they maintain a fine balance of good mental wellbeing and academic achievement.

 

[maniacmartin]

Trying to ''fit in'' is probably the biggest cause of problems in students/young people there is, because if you're not seen how society thinks you should be seen you are suddenly perceived in a negative light. I'd suggest it explains why mental health difficulties are so common amongst many young enthusiasts, members of the LGBT community.

In that regard, university is much better than secondary school/sixth form though.

 

[RichmondCommu]

RichmondCommu, I think it depends on the person and the university.

I went to university in the 2000s. I now work in a demanding job that has long hours where you are constantly having to respond to an endless barrage of problems and queries and think on your feet. It's tiring, but I don't think it is nearly as stressful as when I was at university which was lots of worrying about exams, trying to get my head around new concepts and learn how things and complete difficult assignments. The amount that was crammed into each term at my university at least was immense. Nowadays I am tired after a long day's work, but I can leave my work at work and not worry about it when I'm at home; whereas at university there's always that feeling that one should be working more, reading more or revising more to keep up with others on the course.

Without having met you I suspect that our jobs are probably quite similar as I understand that you work in the City (apologies if I've got that wrong). However if people are struggling to keep up with the work load at Uni then I would suggest that they are perhaps studying the wrong course or perhaps Uni full stop is perhaps a bit beyond them. Please understand that I'm not suggesting that this applies to you.

Everyone is good at something but I do think that some students get found out when they arrive at Uni.

 

[theblackwatch]

But the difference is, that our generation is not fighting through a war like your grandparents did, so the two situations are not comparable.

It's not helping the OP by doing that.

And another difference is the 'lifestyle' at work was very much different. My Grandmother was a postmistress in a Post Office until she retired in around 1980. From what she used to say, she enjoyed her job, there wasn't the stress or worry of Post Office closures, targets to meet, contracts being lost etc. That doesn't mean her generation didn't have problems though, as a few years after finishing work she suffered a breakdown and ended up in a mental health unit as a result.

One thing that is important is to get the balance right and ensure you have a social life. It doesn't have to be sport or drink related, but as long as you have something, you will find others out there with similar interests. And that's where life is much easier nowadays with the ability to find others with similar interests (whatever they may be) online. Basket weaving? There'll be someone out there!

 

[yorkie]

[snip lots of good advice]
If you can make it to a forum meet I highly recommend that too.

Seconded, it would probably help you to become more confident with some of the things you've mentioned in this thread as well, improving your social skills etc.

Very much agreed. I know several people who even got a job as a result of attending forum meets!

Everyone is good at something but I do thing that some students get found out when they arrive at Uni.

I completely agree but this is straying off-topic. We've already had this conversation and I mostly agreed with you, I recall. And if they are 'found out' it can undoubtedly lead to a lot of stress, so we are back to square 1.

But the difference is, that our generation is not fighting through a war like your grandparents did, so the two situations are not comparable.

It's not helping the OP by doing that.

Absolutely.

 

[RichmondCommu]

Surely you must acknowledge that this is harder for some people than others though? Trying to ''fit in'' is probably the biggest cause of problems in students/young people there is, because if you're not seen how society thinks you should be seen you are suddenly perceived in a negative light. I'd suggest it explains why mental health difficulties are so common amongst many young enthusiasts, members of the LGBT community.

As someone who was a rail enthusiast when I went to Uni I realised that only having one hobby / interest was not going to help with making friends so I started playing a lot more football / going to gigs then I'd ever done when I was living at home.

Trains should not be seen as the be all and end all in life as that in my opinion is not healthy.

I agree that some people find it harder to make friends than others but nevertheless you have to make the effort and broaden your horizons. Spending all your time in your room and shunning others because they don't like trains will only have negative consequences.

 

[43074]

As someone who was a rail enthusiast when I went to Uni I realised that only having one hobby / interest was not going to help with making friends so I started playing a lot more football / going to gigs then I'd ever done when I was living at home.

Trains should not be seen as the be all and end all in life as that in my opinion is not healthy.

Yes I agree with this, certainly.

I agree that some people find it harder to make friends than others but nevertheless you have to make the effort and broaden your horizons. Spending all your time in your room and shunning others because they don't like trains will only have negative consequences.

I don't think I, or anyone else for that matter, suggested anyone was ''shunning others because they don't like trains'' but the key here is that some people find broadening their horizons harder than others, whatever interests they may have.

 

[Abpj17]

Without having met you I suspect that our jobs are probably quite similar as I understand that you work in the City (apologies if I've got that wrong). However if people are struggling to keep up with the work load Uni then I would suggest that they are perhaps studying the wrong course or perhaps Uni full stop is perhaps a bit beyond them. Please understand that I'm not suggesting that this applies to you.

Everyone is good at something but I do think that some students get found out when they arrive at Uni.

And some just take a little longer to get into their stride. I've had friends who had torrid first years and then settled down and got the hang of it by the later years. (And others who only really started to struggle in their final years). Some degrees can be far more overwhelming than others depending on the subject and the individual's learning style.

 

[bb21]

Agreed. My grandparents, like many others, lived & fought through a war and the poverty & anxiety that followed it. Their lives were so much simplier than today's multitude of choice. Were they ever 'stressed'? No, they took everything in their stride and grew from the experiences life, threw at them. They frowned upon anyone, who used this commonly overused phrase, today..

I think you will find that around the time of your grandfather's generation, mental health issues were big big taboos. People simply did not talk about them. Abortion topics were big big taboos, too, and so was homosexuality, racism, sexism, etc. Society moves on.

It is so definitely not because they had less such issues, but even if that were indeed the case, who cares? What is the relevance?

I would rather people spoke about them, seek help to address them from other supportive individuals, than suffer in silence because they would somehow be a wimp otherwise and not be a "real man". My opinion has always been that a real Man (big M) bravely faces up to his demons and problems. Those who run away from them and try hiding their problems are the real cowards. Similarly an intelligent person utilises all forms of help available, whereas an idiot fights alone.

It saves the whole society a great deal of money too in respect of reduced health care costs, ie. taxes paid by you and me.

Interesting that at a time when the railway industry are running massive campaigns to try and help people with mental health issues, you as a member of railway staff choose to take such a counter-productive attitude.

My advice for someone feeling low and needing a sympathetic ear and some help is to ignore any negative feedback. It does not help.

 

[scott118]

counter productive? I don't think that that is the case, having witnessed some, who were suffering from mental illness, disappear through the front of my train. However thats a discussion for another thread. And again, my opinion/wishes, as to whether indeed, i continue discussing further..

That aside, I'll still be categorised by some, as unsympathetic.

Yes my grandparents had their own issues. Concern, anxiety, worries, well being, given where they was stationed during the war, however at no time did they ever speak of 'stress'. Perhaps it's an age thing. 'Stress' now a days covers a multitude of 'sins'. Is it because, now, we have more choice? More expectations, due to multimedia and what society does/doesn't offer? Abortion is more acceptable today? Not to some it isn't. However very few women have their children taken from them, due to the fact they aren't wed prior. Nor is returning home from war 'shell shocked', or is it classed as PTSD, these days. Years ago there was once establishments and funding, to treat those, who had issues, and perhaps these people, were hidden away, unlike today. Manic depressive's no longer exist, as they fall under the label of 'bi-polar' on the whole. Does it make that person more acceptable of their symptoms? I doubt it..

No matter what your career is, we all suffer from pressure, anxiety, hardship and such likes. Stress is used to cover all of these symptoms. It no longer has the impact, that the individual seeking help, desires. Everyone has a different interpretation of it's meaning. And attitude towards it. Granted, it's a cry for help, however, what exactly are you asking for and what is the issue, to remedy? Do those who self harm, do it through stress, low esteem or anxiety? Some then think of those, as having a mental illness, and those that do so, now have the added troubles, that society now looks down on them, and the vicious circle evolves further..

The world is slowly becoming more aware of mental health issues. It has to. The railway is a small part in it. Those that have suffered first hand, will be more than aware of this. Those who have it in their families will be more aware of how wrong, today's system is. Finance before wellbeing. Some will even think that the railway has only taken notice, because of the costs, that a person once suffering, has caused, through their fatality and the subsequent delays.

I have an ear and an understanding. What i dont have, are the answers, certain people are looking for. Some find it through humour, others through confiding. In truth everyone is different, and to find the key to the solution, solely lies with the affected person. If indeed, they know themselves, what the answer is...

 

[Grimsby town]

Stress?? How is any of that stress??

Working for the emergency services is stress. Trying to make ends meet whilst paying a mortgage / rent to put a roof over your family is stress. Keeping your children fed and clothed is stress

I'm very sorry to read that you are lonely and that is not nice but in terms of stress I think you need to get a sense of perspective. Life becomes a lot harder / complicated once you graduate.

Have you tried to join any groups or societies at Uni as that will help you make friends. Are you any good at sport as that will help too.

While I agree that the word stressed is perhaps over used and I think that at university a lot of people claim they have serious mental health illnesses when in reality they probably don't, university is very stressful.

There is so much pressure to get a 2.1 degree to have any chance of getting a job in your chosen field in this day and age. My personal experience of my undergraduate degree was that exam period was the most stressful time of my life. I think my course contributed to that because, for example, my final year was all examined at the end of the year in a 2 week period. It's very hard to organise your time effectively when you have a module were the average grade is a mid 2.2 a few days after another exam.

Exams are very much luck of the draw in some way because no matter how much you prepare, conditions on the day (e.g. illness) can have a large effect.

I'm now doing my Masters and due to the fact I already have my 2.1 undergraduate degree and my course is mainly essay based I'm a lot more relaxed.

 

[DarloRich]

I have to agree with RichmondCommu that life at uni is life on easy street compared to the stress of a real job and some real family responsibilities.

I studied a 4 year professional degree course. It was 9-5 every day with a great deal of self study and writing. It seemed, at the time, to be incredibly stressful. However, when I put that professional qualification to use in the real world, in a proper business, dealing with real people and their issues it quickly became apparent that uni was the easy life.

That doesn't mean the OP isnt stressed, under pressure and anxious; perhaps for the first time. Speak to your tutors and the university pastoral care team, they will help you.

 

[JDi]

My course is so hard. Sometimes, I wish I was studying something more objective, like Geography or Politics. I get through it, but the subjectivity is quite challenging at times - I shut myself off and think about it too much. It is very hard at times. Anything worth it is, of course, but wow, it really is hard!

 

[AlterEgo]

My course is so hard. Sometimes, I wish I was studying something more objective, like Geography or Politics. I get through it, but the subjectivity is quite challenging at times - I shut myself off and think about it too much. It is very hard at times. Anything worth it is, of course, but wow, it really is hard!

Which subject are you studying, and why?

 

[37038]

A-Levels were difficult. 1st year of uni is a doss, anyone can float through that without a second thought. 2nd year is a different kettle of fish all together. 3rd year (now) being spent in a workplace which I find so much easier than uni. 4th year, less thought about what's coming the better.

I was worried about going away from home for the first time in my 18 years a few years ago. Now I'm not too bothered. Still managed a load of bashing, nights out and such whilst passing everything so far in my Mech Eng degree

Tbh it depends what you're doing

 

[Segedunum]

A-Levels were difficult. 1st year of uni is a doss, anyone can float through that without a second thought. 2nd year is a different kettle of fish all together. 3rd year (now) being spent in a workplace which I find so much easier than uni. 4th year, less thought about what's coming the better.

I was worried about going away from home for the first time in my 18 years a few years ago. Now I'm not too bothered. Still managed a load of bashing, nights out and such whilst passing everything so far in my Mech Eng degree

Tbh it depends what you're doing

Agree with this sentiment from what I've been told already. First year you just have to pass and it counts for nothing, second year it counts for 1/3 and third year counts for 2/3...

 

[LordCreed]

Clearly some haven't perhaps thought that it varies on experience? Different universities and courses can lead to vastly different experience of uni, as does financial stability and the presence of any mental health problems or disabilities. JDi stated on another thread that he suffers from Aspergers' which may explain why he finds uni stressful. Instead of essentially sticking your middle finger up at him, which certainly won't help his situation, I feel that this thread would be a better place to give advice.

University isn't for everyone, and whilst some people will sail through whilst turning their student loan into beer, others will struggle. Sometimes it's the course (as it was for me), or sometimes it is the whole university experience that isn't right. At university I really struggled due to a number of factors, mainly down to both hating the course and the presence of mental health problems.

I compare this now to work, where I'm far far less stressed. Yes, there is the worry of money and family and the usual, but I personally find it so much better than uni. The job is stressful at times (as are most jobs), but I enjoy it and the challenges it brings. Maybe in the case of JDi, it is simply that the course (or university as a whole) just isn't for him...

 

[JDi]

Clearly some haven't perhaps thought that it varies on experience? Different universities and courses can lead to vastly different experience of uni, as does financial stability and the presence of any mental health problems or disabilities. JDi stated on another thread that he suffers from Aspergers' which may explain why he finds uni stressful. Instead of essentially sticking your middle finger up at him, which certainly won't help his situation, I feel that this thread would be a better place to give advice.

University isn't for everyone, and whilst some people will sail through whilst turning their student loan into beer, others will struggle. Sometimes it's the course (as it was for me), or sometimes it is the whole university experience that isn't right. At university I really struggled due to a number of factors, mainly down to both hating the course and the presence of mental health problems.

I compare this now to work, where I'm far far less stressed. Yes, there is the worry of money and family and the usual, but I personally find it so much better than uni. The job is stressful at times (as are most jobs), but I enjoy it and the challenges it brings. Maybe in the case of JDi, it is simply that the course (or university as a whole) just isn't for him...

Hi @LordCreed - thank you very much for your very nice reply.

I definitely think that it is the Aspergers that is making my time difficult. It affect me socially, as even though I do have friends in reality, when I shut myself off due to pressure of work, I can convince myself that I am lonely. I am not in reality, but that perception that I am can at times feel overwhelming.

I definitely think that University is the right place for me. I really enjoy it here, it is a wonderful place to study, but I think it is my Aspergers that memes things more difficult than they should be. My Aspergers is high functioning - I achieved 12A* at GCSE, and A*A*AA at A Level. I think I have the same issues as you did, in terms of uncertainty about my course. In my case, my course is so subjective that I overhead, and spend too much time thinking about the essay questions, that I can make myself numb when it comes to writing them. Although, even though it takes me a lot of work, the marks I have received back are quite good.

How did you cope on a course that you didn't enjoy, or felt wasn't for you? I enjoy mine, but sometimes it feels overwhelming, or I work very hard, but go about it the wrong way.

I definitely know that University is for me - I just have to keep reminding myself that where I am at now is the very, very top in terms of Universities - I worked very hard at school to get here, so I just need to keep that up!!

 

[LordCreed]

How did you cope on a course that you didn't enjoy, or felt wasn't for you? I enjoy mine, but sometimes it feels overwhelming, or I work very hard, but go about it the wrong way.

I definitely know that University is for me - I just have to keep reminding myself that where I am at now is the very, very top in terms of Universities - I worked very hard at school to get here, so I just need to keep that up!!

I actually ended up dropping my degree at the end of the second year. I was offered a job that would have been very hard to refuse given it's in a sector I enjoy and the pay / benefits outweigh my end of uni career choice. I know a number of people that switched courses because, like me, they didn't get on with the pure aspects of a maths degree.

I would echo some of the previous posters by saying that it is worth speaking to your tutor and the wellbeing centre (should your uni have one), as they can be very helpful (although experiences can vary by university from what I've heard).

Out of curiosity, do you do most of your work in your room? You might find it less lonely working in the library or other shared space. Even though you're not interacting with people, having people around may make you feel less isolated.

 

[theblackwatch]

I was worried about going away from home for the first time in my 18 years a few years ago. Now I'm not too bothered. Still managed a load of bashing, nights out and such whilst passing everything so far in my Mech Eng degree

Though you did have to resit one IIRC. Probably due to the bashing!

University isn't for everyone, and whilst some people will sail through whilst turning their student loan into beer, others will struggle. Sometimes it's the course (as it was for me), or sometimes it is the whole university experience that isn't right. At university I really struggled due to a number of factors, mainly down to both hating the course and the presence of mental health problems.

I agree. Perhaps people need to look at why they go to uni? Is it to enhance their employment prospects/further their knowledge/have the likelihood of earning more, or is it to spend three year on the razz/work dodge/get away from home? Also, are you ready to be away from home? I know when I was 18, I think I would have struggled (I didn't go to uni, after A levels went into a job) - some people on here who know me will laugh when I say I was the quiet kid at school who was always shy with others.

Part of the 'blame' here (if that's the right word) is that uni nowadays seems to be expected - Labour decided it wasnted 50% of students to go to uni, but do 50% of jobs need a degree? How many do a 'cost benefit analysis' on whether uni is worth bothering with? I'm probably going off topic a bit here, so if part of the discussion develops this way, I may have to split it off...

 

[yorkie]

I have to agree with RichmondCommu that life at uni is life on easy street compared to the stress of a real job and some real family responsibilities.

This is your experience but several people have said on this thread that they found it the other way round.

I studied a 4 year professional degree course. It was 9-5 every day with a great deal of self study and writing. It seemed, at the time, to be incredibly stressful. However, when I put that professional qualification to use in the real world, in a proper business, dealing with real people and their issues it quickly became apparent that uni was the easy life.

If you enjoy your job and you're good at it, it can be a lot less stressful than Uni.

That doesn't mean the OP isnt stressed, under pressure and anxious; perhaps for the first time. Speak to your tutors and the university pastoral care team, they will help you.

I'm glad you agree on this point.

...I compare this now to work, where I'm far far less stressed. Yes, there is the worry of money and family and the usual, but I personally find it so much better than uni. The job is stressful at times (as are most jobs), but I enjoy it and the challenges it brings. Maybe in the case of JDi, it is simply that the course (or university as a whole) just isn't for him...

Likewise. And I know many people who would agree with this!

...Part of the 'blame' here (if that's the right word) is that uni nowadays seems to be expected - Labour decided it wasnted 50% of students to go to uni, but do 50% of jobs need a degree? How many do a 'cost benefit analysis' on whether uni is worth bothering with? I'm probably going off topic a bit here, so if part of the discussion develops this way, I may have to split it off...

I very much agree with this.

 

[DarloRich]

This is your experience but several people have said on this thread that they found it the other way round.

Agreed - it is my experience and the experience of many I know. Uni seems stressful at the time, especially if it is new to you. I ( and others) found, looking back, that the "real world" is a lot more stressful.

I am happy to agree to disagree on this point as it can only be based on personal experience.


I maintain the OP should speak to his tutors and the pastoral care services at his university asap. They will offer help and support. Don't struggle alone. I would be concerned that if the OP is so stressed as to be unhappy at university they need to develop ( with support) some coping mechanisms in case life on the outside is more stressful. There isnt much support readily available then.

If you enjoy your job and you're good at it, it can be a lot less stressful than Uni.

Certainly, although you seem to equate enjoying your job with being stress free. I have enjoyed all of my jobs with several of them being very stressful.

 

[yorksrob]

Though you did have to resit one IIRC. Probably due to the bashing!



I agree. Perhaps people need to look at why they go to uni? Is it to enhance their employment prospects/further their knowledge/have the likelihood of earning more, or is it to spend three year on the razz/work dodge/get away from home? Also, are you ready to be away from home? I know when I was 18, I think I would have struggled (I didn't go to uni, after A levels went into a job) - some people on here who know me will laugh when I say I was the quiet kid at school who was always shy with others.

Part of the 'blame' here (if that's the right word) is that uni nowadays seems to be expected - Labour decided it wasnted 50% of students to go to uni, but do 50% of jobs need a degree? How many do a 'cost benefit analysis' on whether uni is worth bothering with? I'm probably going off topic a bit here, so if part of the discussion develops this way, I may have to split it off...

I don't believe that University should just be about a future career. It's also a good place to learn about being independent whilst having a network of support in the form of tutors and friends to help with the transition. Unfortunately the dreadful tuition fees regime mitigates against this aspect and risks turning universities into mere degree factories.

 

[richw]

Part of the 'blame' here (if that's the right word) is that uni nowadays seems to be expected - Labour decided it wasnted 50% of students to go to uni, but do 50% of jobs need a degree? How many do a 'cost benefit analysis' on whether uni is worth bothering with? I'm probably going off topic a bit here, so if part of the discussion develops this way, I may have to split it off...

And from this we are ending up with people studying pointless degrees, with limited job prospects. When I was manager at a McDs I recruited several mid 20s who'd done degrees in obscure subjects and couldn't find employment. They were then finding themselves unemployable in their subject lines, and also getting rejected from unskilled jobs as over qualified. They end up with 20-30k of debt for minimum wage jobs. I employed several drama graduates who ended up with no more than performing in the village hall panto with the am-dram society. I employed another who'd studied Manga.
I left McDs 6 years ago and know at least 3 that I employed with what I saw as pointless degrees were on shift still as crew members when I called in for lunch last week.

 

[JDi]

I am still stressed with this essay!

 

[MidnightFlyer]

What subject are you studying and what is the essay on?