Being friends with work colleagues

[Calthrop]

I've come across similar people Calthrop. A conversation with them is either them talking or them waiting (impatiently) to talk.
Conversation is give and take and should be enjoyable.

If only there were some way of imparting that wisdom to those folk -- and getting them to take it in, agree, and subsequently modify their behaviour accordingly...

 

[amateur]

I tend to avoid staff tea rooms etc. So I don't get involved in any gossip or any office politics (if there are any). If there are personality clashes, I'm not aware of them.

If I were to work at a station platform I could happpily keep answering the same dumb questions from passengers.

However, I'd run out of stuff to chat with, with colleagues! it gets to the point where things become repetitive "what shift are you on today".
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What are your interests (if you don't mind me asking)? Do you keep them secret from your work colleagues? I don't mention my interest in railways because it's just easier that way (and I imagine others feel the same way), but if you have other interests, that shouldn't be a problem.

Railway. I do keep it a secret. Dont really have any other interests.

 

[TheKnightWho]

I tend to avoid staff tea rooms etc. So I don't get involved in any gossip or any office politics (if there are any). If there are personality clashes, I'm not aware of them.

If I were to work at a station platform I could happpily keep answering the same dumb questions from passengers.

However, I'd run out of stuff to chat with, with colleagues! it gets to the point where things become repetitive "what shift are you on today".
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Railway. I do keep it a secret. Dont really have any other interests.

I sit in an office with the same people every day, and we still manage to laugh and joke about things (as well as getting on with our jobs!). It is possible!

 

[GMT]

I'd say I have friends at work, but at the same time I keep my work and home life separate, so I don't do anything with them outside work, and I tend to keep myself to myself and not talk about anything particularly personal with them.

I do exactly the same.

 

[Blamethrower]

A rather binary approach? IT = Good, Business = Liars

Can't speak for your firm but I've worked for a few and found it to be rather more nuanced

You've worked for a few? None of the successful ones then. Perhaps you would care to explain why?

To say something is more nuanced than 1 or 0 is probably as vague a reason to disagree as you can get.

If you disagree, why not put something a bit more concrete so I don't have to constantly question you?

Besides, the point is about people. In general, IT and business people are entirely different characters
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I do exactly the same.

me too, if they knew half the stuff I get up to, I'd probably lose a few "friends"

 

[TheKnightWho]

You've worked for a few? None of the successful ones then. Perhaps you would care to explain why?

To say something is more nuanced than 1 or 0 is probably as vague a reason to disagree as you can get.

If you disagree, why not put something a bit more concrete so I don't have to constantly question you?

Besides, the point is about people. In general, IT and business people are entirely different characters
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me too, if they knew half the stuff I get up to, I'd probably lose a few "friends"

You can't just make loads of assumptions and then top it off by putting the burden of proof on the other person!

 

[amateur]

Oh man this is a fascinating thread.
Amateur. I can't really add much more than what other people have said already but fair play to you for coming on here and saying from the heart how you feel.

Why do cowley and cjp find this fascinating
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I have read this thread with interest and thank you Amateur for being so open. I do think Amateur that you need to practise your social skills at work. You may have lots of friends outside the work place so I am not going to offer you any suggestions.
I will repeat as others had said that there is a difference between being friendly and being friends.
A friendly atmosphere to work in is better than one where you are standoffish and one can be friendly without being over familiar so keeping lines of responsibility and respect in place.
You do not get anything from a relationship unless you work to put something into a relationship and that includes conversations with colleagues (or former colleagues).

why do cjp and cowley find this interesting

 

[fowler9]

Just seen this thread. I'm about to pop out for a pint with people from work because I am off tomorrow. I am 42 a week today. Over that time I have some amazing friends who I met at school and Uni. Since then though most of my close friends are people I met in work. Some of them are amongst my closest friends including my mate I was best man for. If I disagree with someone I work with about politics or what have you I will tell them, I'll even tell my manager if I disagree with something he thinks. Never had a problem with anything like that. Perhaps it comes with age but I am comfortable telling anyone I work with what I am in to, trains, planes, ships etc, if they think it is boring fair play, I will tell them I think their choice of holiday destination such as going to Tenerife for the 10th year running is boring. I'm going to Poland for the 6th time at the end of November. I've flown round the world. I'll happily tell someone else I think they are dull, only if they make the effort to tell me the same first. Work is a great place to meet people since we spend most of our waking lives there.

 

[Cowley]

Because I find people fascinating Amateur and I like to understand what makes them tick. You'll see that I've made no judgements about you and I'm certainly not laughing at you.
The way you are is very different to the way I am I suppose.
You come across as someone who is honest who can't be bothered with small talk, it seems at times though that that's been a difficult route, but as I said I admire the way you've been so honest and open on here.

 

[AnonymousUser1]

you sound like a fantastically fun person! I am friends with work colleagues. You spend ages at work. You need to get on with people. Who do you eat your lunch with or take a break or cup of tea with?

There, obviously, are people at work I think are complete drongos but I have several friends there. I work in an office with a massive staff so am only close to a small group and could never know everyone.

exactly

no one forces you to be friends with colleagues, but no one forces you not to ...

now if we were talking 'service users' that's a whole different tray of tins of worms

 

[RichmondCommu]

From what I can see this thread was started because of the OP's desire to seek attention. Well he / she has had plenty of that which is ironic given that away from the internet they are suggesting that they shun attention at every opportunity, or at least in the work place.

 

[amateur]

From what I can see this thread was started because of the OP's desire to seek attention. Well he / she has had plenty of that which is ironic given that away from the internet they are suggesting that they shun attention at every opportunity, or at least in the work place.

I worked for an agency. I then applied for the job direct with the employer. I didn't get the job. No acknowledgement either! I took it to heart.

I asked for feedback. The feedback was that I express a preference to lone working, and we prefer people who are more of a team player.

I wasn't pally with colleagues, I didn't get involved with office politics. I got on with the work.

I have been depressed ever since. And am consulting CBT for this reason. If you call that seeking attention, then so be it.

I ask, in order to ascertain whether I need to change my behaviour ... or whether it's the norm NOT to mix pleasure/business. As is my case.

But then it could depend on which profession or occupation you are in


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Because I find people fascinating Amateur and I like to understand what makes them tick. You'll see that I've made no judgements about you and I'm certainly not laughing at you.
The way you are is very different to the way I am I suppose.
You come across as someone who is honest who can't be bothered with small talk, it seems at times though that that's been a difficult route, but as I said I admire the way you've been so honest and open on here.

Are you an anthropologist by profession?!

 

[Cowley]

I worked for an agency. I then applied for the job direct with the employer. I didn't get the job. No acknowledgement either! I took it to heart.

I asked for feedback. The feedback was that I express a preference to lone working, and we prefer people who are more of a team player.

I wasn't pally with colleagues, I didn't get involved with office politics. I got on with the work.

I have been depressed ever since. And am consulting CBT for this reason. If you call that seeking attention, then so be it.

I ask, in order to ascertain whether I need to change my behaviour ... or whether it's the norm NOT to mix pleasure/business. As is my case.

But then it could depend on which profession or occupation you are in


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Are you an anthropologist by profession?!

No. But I did spend many years working in mental health.

No point asking everyone for their opinions if you're going to get upset by the replies.

 

[RichmondCommu]

But then it could depend on which profession or occupation you are in

I can't think of a single profession where it would not be in a individuals best interests to try and at the very least develop positive relationships with their colleagues.

 

[amateur]

No. But I did spend many years working in mental health.

No point asking everyone for their opinions if you're going to get upset by the replies.

I don't ask all of them. Just this psricular one.

They won't keep me in my current contract. Not particularly bothered either. Nor do I plan to go for staff drinks this weekend.

Although I know that the shop job I left will be advertising jobs soon. And I know I shall get upset that no one (hiring staff) will give me the heads up.

Or encourage me to apply when the vacancy goes live. It's rail related!
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Conversely I've also worked in places where everyone has the same attitude as "amateur". I hated working in those places. The staff didn't work as a team, and going in every day was a thoroughly miserable affair. And I think the quality of the work suffered

)

You'll have to tell me where those places are? I may be suited there

 

[RichmondCommu]

Nor do I plan to go for staff drinks this weekend.

Why? If nothing else you might meet the boy / girl of your dreams. Assuming that you have the financial means to go for a few drinks what else is stopping you?

In all honesty I realise that I'm continuing to satisfy your need for attention or you wouldn't have told us all that you were not planning to go for staff drinks this weekend.

 

[Crossover]

I would absolutely count a number of my colleagues as friends and a few of them know of my interest (in itself it leads to some discussion, plus my manager has an interest in railways too). As others have said, not being able to integrate into the work team would make the days rather long. That said, I work in IT and need to be able to be seen as approachable generally.

I tend to go on a few of the nights out (namely Christmas do each year and have been to a handful of leaving dos too). I don't tend to go for after work drinks too often as I don't live near work (20 or so miles between the two) which makes it a little impractical most of the time

There was someone I used to work with when I was on work placement from uni who wouldn't go to any after work things - I think some mention of not being in their contract to do so - great fun...........

 

[RichmondCommu]

You'll have to tell me where those places are? I may be suited there

So are you suggesting that you wish to be miserable at work?

 

[fowler9]

People who like to keep their work and their social life separate, where do they meet their friends? Is it only OK to meet people at school or Uni and after that it is a no go? Do you insist on only becoming friends with random people on the street?

The greatest time of my life for meeting people I am still friends with was my first job after Uni. I know it is different for everyone so I don't mean to judge anyone by saying that.

 

[AnonymousUser1]

I can't think of a single profession where it would not be in a individuals best interests to try and at the very least develop positive relationships with their colleagues.

exactly ,

and someoen who deliberately sets out to minimise their interactiosn with all their colleagues is not the norm ...

no one is asking you to be everyone's best friend , and outside of fiction and perhaps a few 'creative' places the stuff with peopel living in each others pockets and all socialising together all the time isn't correct ...

 

[amateur]

There was someone I used to work with when I was on work placement from uni who wouldn't go to any after work things - I think some mention of not being in their contract to do so - great fun...........

Well in the job I got rejected for, I did decline the xmas dinner.

And the line manager asked me why.

What I wanted to say was "I'm not contractually obliged to go, and it doesn't impede or have an adverse effect to do my job effectively as a insert job title here"

Instead I blurted out "I'm vegetarian and don't drink alcohol" ....that backfired because the conversation went onto what my religion is! Awkward.
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Why? If nothing else you might meet the boy / girl of your dreams.

For me that's a no-no.

Pretty much everywhere I work, when colleagues start fraternising with one other it raises eyebrows, and leads to office gossip...

 

[theblackwatch]

Given that you try not to be friends with colleagues, I'm genuinely intrigued as to who you do try to be friends with?

 

[fowler9]

Well in the job I got rejected for, I did decline the xmas dinner.

And the line manager asked me why.

What I wanted to say was "I'm not contractually obliged to go, and it doesn't impede or have an adverse effect to do my job effectively as a insert job title here"

Instead I blurted out "I'm vegetarian and don't drink alcohol" ....that backfired because the conversation went onto what my religion is! Awkward.
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For me that's a no-no.

Pretty much everywhere I work, when colleagues start fraternising with one other it raises eyebrows, and leads to office gossip...

I never do the Christmas do. I am an Atheist and going out on the busiest and most expensive nights of the year does my head in. I will however go out for a pint with people from work at almost any other time. It doesn't even have to involve going for a pint. I'll go for dinner or a coffee or to watch a film, I do prefer going for a pint though. Ha ha.

 

[amateur]

exactly ,

and someoen who deliberately sets out to minimise their interactiosn with all their colleagues is not the norm ...

I prefer to just keep it relevant to work... I won't talk about eastenders cos to me that's irrelevant to work (unlesss of course I were the script editor)

 

[DarloRich]

The OP is either extracting or has some serious issues that need help from medical professionals. I think there are several issues at play here. I wonder if this whole thread is not some gigantic wind up.

 

[fowler9]

I prefer to just keep it relevant to work... I won't talk about eastenders cos to me that's irrelevant and complete and utter tripe.

When I go out with people from work I like a bit of work related chat and then to move on to stuff that is actually important.

 

[amateur]

When I go out with people from work I like a bit of work related chat and then to move on to stuff that is actually important.

Fair play to you

 

[507021]

When I go out with people from work I like a bit of work related chat and then to move on to stuff that is actually important.

I'm the same mate, whilst I like to take an interest in how my colleagues are getting on at work, I like to keep talk about work when I'm away from it as brief as possible.

 

[amateur]

People who like to keep their work and their social life separate, where do they meet their friends? Is it only OK to meet people at school or Uni and after that it is a no go? Do you insist on only becoming friends with random people on the street?

The greatest time of my life for meeting people I am still friends with was my first job after Uni. I know it is different for everyone so I don't mean to judge anyone by saying that.

After I leave a job I don't stay in touch with former colleagues.

The only reason I popped my head into the old shop,was to find out if or when they are likely to advertise positions again... as emailing didn't seem to work.

 

[DarloRich]

After I leave a job I don't stay in touch with former colleagues.

The only reason I popped my head into the old shop,was to find out if or when they are likely to advertise positions again... as emailing didn't seem to work.

so you didn't try to make a good impression or any connections with the people there and you wonder why they might not want you back?????

You need to build relationships & networks