How about this as a sketch for a new Blackadder comedy
The situation :- Blackadder is the current day Prime Minister, and Baldrick is the treasurer.
Scene :- Inside No. 10 Downing Street just after Blackadder and Baldrick have arrived back from a publicity trip from Manchester obviously the worse for wear having just rode on a packed train from Manchester to Euston.
Blackadder :- Well balders that was an experience not too be forgotten
Baldrick ; I dont think you were very popular mlord
Blackadder ; Why Baldrick everyone was cheering us
Baldrick ; Those werent cheers mlord
Blackadder ; Do you really think they dont like me, why dont they like me Baldrick
Baldrick ; Youre not very popular on account that the trains are overcrowded and people cant get a seat
Blackadder ; But we had a seat
Baldrick ; Yus mlord thats because youre the primeminister and have bodyguards who stop people taking your seat
Blackadder ; Is that why all those people were stood up? I thought they were saluting me, what about that rickety old woman with the sharpened newspaper eh, she was a one
Bladrick ; nearly took your ead off mlord
Blackadder ; yes that was a close one, Baldrick were going to have to do something about it, we need a plan, a very good plan with a shiny coat and knobs on it
Baldrick ; ow about re-opening some of those old lines you closed
Blackadder ; what old lines Bladrick
Baldrick ; you know thems that you closed cause you needed the money for the war
Blackadder ; oh those lines, no thatll never work, its too simple and boring, what we need is something flashy and exciting, something that will need a vast amount of money to build, the public love that sort of thing
Baldrick ; how about a big new railway with really fast trains?
Blackadder ; excellent Baldrick, thats a really good idea
Baldrick ; really sir, thats the first time youve said that to me
Blackadder ; I know baldrick, usually you come up with stinkers but this time youve excelled yourself, but it needs a name?
Baldrick ; ow about High Speed 2, because weve already got one that comes from France, we could join onto it
Blackadder ; Noooo, we need them to stop in London so they can spend lots of money, well have to build a new station a little further away
Baldrick ; We could call it IS2, the public love a catchy name
Blackadder ; HS2 Baldrick!, High begins with an H
Baldrick ; no sir eye begins with an E
Blackadder ; well never mind that for now baldrick, how much should we say it will cost?
Baldrick ; 5 million
Blackadder; oh for heavens sake Baldrick, use your imagination, we need a really big figure, a statement, something the people will really get excited about
Baldrick; 50 billion
Blackadder; thats more like it, but tell you what Baldrick, why dont we make it a round 100 billion
Baldrick ; but we havent got 100 billion, to be honest we havent even got 5 million
Blackadder; never mind about that Baldrick, well get the public to pay for it
Baldrick; how mlord
Blackadder; nick their pensions, or add more interest to their mortgages
Bladrick; we cant do that, we did that last time for the war in Afghanistan
Blackadder; oh yes, well just raise taxes on something, for heavens sake Baldrick, use your imagination, you are the treasurer after all
Baldrick; I could put tax on the train fares
Blackadder; excellent Baldrick, make the railway travellers pay for it, perfect
Baldrick; how much do you think we should charge on the new trains
Blackadder; It will have to be expensive, double or even treble the ordinary fares so that it will be exclusive to rich people, people like us Baldrick, keep out all the riff-raff, that way we can have a peaceful journey in future, people will be desperate to travel on it, but cant afford it, I like the sound of it already
Baldrick; so we build an expensive railway, with the peoples money, but we travel on it
Balsckadder; exactly Baldrick, youve got it in one
Baldrick; sir sir can I name the London station?
Blackadder; oh alright Baldrick, what do you think, something like London International Terminal?
Baldrick; how about Elizabeth?
Blackadder; unususal, but OK, that will get the Queen on side too, perfect, alright Balders, off to work then, you announce it to the people, theyll love you for that
Badrick; oh thank you sir.
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A line going from London to Scotland (eventually) via the biggest cities in the UK - and it won't benefit enough people? A line that might also be connected to HS1 to allow people to travel to/from mainland Europe too?
Quite aside from the fact that the MML, ECML and WCML will be relieved of path-sapping Intercity services (well most of them) giving local services a better frequency, do you not think that many people want to travel from these cities to/from London (and of course between themselves)?
Do you really think a local line improvement in a rural area, which will obviously benefit those people, is comparable?
Seriously?
I'm sure you know this anyway - but have another reason to not want HS2 built?
I thought Id add a bit of humour to these proceedings !
You want another reason, Ill give you three.
1, We will pay for it!
2, The recession we are in now will be nothing compared to the next one, because where are we going to get the money for it up front ?
3, After its opened we will have to pay to subsidise it!
p.s. Glasgow is our third biggest city, more people than Manchester & Leeds together