You're 'avin a laugh!

[ChrisTheRef]

Come on, there's moments on the railway where you just have to laugh!

Post your favourite moments here.

My favourite has always been whilst sitting on a Euston bound Pendolino in Liverpool L St, a woman asking me if I knew which way the train was going to go

 

[SuperVoyager]

Quite anoyes me when people can clearly see the Info Display boards and yet they still ask where is the train is going

 

[Mojo]

Well there are plenty of silly passengers out there!

Questions such as "where do you buy the tickets from" tend to have the resulting answer "from the ticket office or machines."

 

[me123]

Quite anoyes me when people can clearly see the Info Display boards and yet they still ask where is the train is going

To be fair, this happens a lot when there's platform alterations and the like. I've been known to do it a couple of times for clarity in that situation.

My best is once on the Glasgow-Whifflet train. Unusually, an American couple board with quite a bit of luggage. The train announcers must have announced "This train is for Whifflet" about five times. Yet, when the ticket inspector came around, they asked for two singles to Stranraer. They seem to have made the classic American mistake; "there's two tracks on Platform 8". However, this one really does baffle me.

The other classic one was the small passenger uproar from Whifflet bound passengers. Despite the reasonable claim that "there are no overhead wires on the route", passengers still failed to believe that the 318 on Platform 9 couldn't do the job.

 

[SuperVoyager]

I once got on a train at Euston heading for Glasgow CN and two foreign women got on. A man comes up to me and asks if i could watch them and tell them when to get off.. (they were going to glasgow too... the end off the line) all they did was sit and give me funny looks everytime i came back from the shop from getting a drink. kinda annoyed me

 

[O L Leigh]

Was making a station stop at a location with a level crossing. As I was doing my station duties I could hear car horns from either side of the crossing as the motorists amused themselves while the barriers were down. They were making up little tunes and playing games. It was all very good natured.

Anyway, once I'd completed my station duties and got the train underway I joined in with them by giving them a little tune of my own on the train horn. The response was a huge blaring of car horns from both sides of the crossing as I passed over, which kept me smiling all the way to the next station.

O L Leigh

 

[37372]

Some passengers just seem to completely ignore all the information being given on the platform.
Yesterday, the train had just stopped at Meadowhall going to Sheffield when a woman got on and said "does this train go to Sheffield?"
The unit blinds said Sheffield, the departure screens said Sheffield, the announcer said Sheffield, every train going in that direction has to go to Sheffield...

There was also a time at Doncaster when a 91 came roaring into platform 3a, when one of the local plebs said " 'ey mate, is this the Stainy (Hatfield & Stainforth) train?"
The announcer was announcing it as the London KX train as he asked! Common sense seemed to go out the window too... a 9 coach electric train to Stainforth indeed...

 

[devon_metro]

When people push the "Door Unlocked" sign on Mk3 doors it always makes me chuckle, until I open the door for them

 

[Mojo]

An American once asked me if he needed a Passport to board the train to Cardiff

 

[SuperVoyager]

does anoy me when voyagers stop i put my finger on the button getting ready for the ring to light up around the open button, often hear in the background.. "Press the damn thing then"

 

[ChrisTheRef]

An American once asked me if he needed a Passport to board the train to Cardiff

Haha love it!

I once saw a couple saying goodbye at a station by interlocking tounges. Only problem, he was standing on the train, she was on the platform. Dispatchers whistle and door closing alarms still couldn't stop them, and the doors smacked him in the face

 

[SuperVoyager]

Haha love it!

I once saw a couple saying goodbye at a station by interlocking tounges. Only problem, he was standing on the train, she was on the platform. Dispatchers whistle and door closing alarms still couldn't stop them, and the doors smacked him in the face

HaHa

 

[Daimler]

I once saw an American guy at Oxford looking for a train to Paddington. A 165 stopping everywhere on the way to Paddington (2 coaches, I think) then came in and he got on, ignoring not only the fact that the vast majority of people were not getting on and the huge display in the concourse showing 'next fast train'...I hate to think what impression he formed of railways on that journey!

 

[dan_atki]

South West Trains' 158s and 159s are the best - the front set of external doors are always locked out of use (except when the train has just divided or attached) and the adjacent saloon door as such doesn't operate from the saloon button as there's nowhere to go.

There is a reasonably big, lit display above it 'Emergency exit only - please use door at other end' but people still try to get into the vestibule to use the front external doors... they then deduce it isn't working and run the length of the carriage (even funnier if they have luggage) to get to the rear doors before they are shut!

On the outside, despite another warning 'Door out of order' people still try to open it...! Presumably they never take note the sign is there but just give up and move to the next door!

 

[SuperVoyager]

Have seen people running up and down the doors making sure they don't miss the trains... when they havnt even been unlocked

 

[snuk]

I haven't seen that much but in all fairness I haven't made as many trips as I would like.

When someone asks which way the train is going to go could they mean the direction of travel in the case of where the train could leave the station platform either left or right so to speak (it's obvious at a terminus station like Llandudno Junction or Snow Hill).

I sometimes wonder this on a service I'm not familiar with because I prefer to face the forward, i.e. the direction of travel, it's not essential for me, but preferred - I know my Dad feels I'll if he's not facing forward so if he's with me I like to check or we swap seats after we moving if possible.

One thing that always makes me chuckle though, but it's bus related unfortunately. There is a major bus route in our town which serves Coventry, Nuneaton, Leicester and Atherstone with all places in between with the same route number. You often get people getting on the bus at Nuneaton wanting to go to Coventry and realise the bus is going to Leicester or Atherstone or vice-versa. The bus says on the front and side very clearly which direction it's going in and the ones to Atherstone, Coventry and Leicester all leave Nuneaton from completely different stands.

Steve.

 

[Mojo]

I don't know why, but it really annoys me, but makes me laugh at the same time, when people run for their trains that aren't due to depart for a while.

 

[jon0844]

An American once asked me if he needed a Passport to board the train to Cardiff

To be fair, that's not that stupid a question. If you weren't sure, you'd hardly want to risk finding there's a checkpoint between England and Wales without a passport!

It's not as if he asked why Windsor Castle was built so close to an airport or something.

 

[Mintona]

I don't know why, but it really annoys me, but makes me laugh at the same time, when people run for their trains that aren't due to depart for a while.

Even more annoying is when you're holding the train for them and they don't run.

 

[Broken Viking]

Some of those are damn hillarious and no mistake! For anyone who hasn't seen it yet, I think there's a similar thread in the Stories, Reports and Nostalga section too!

Anyhow...One happening that amused me a while ago was when I was catching a Sunday afternoon train from Waterloo to Aldershot. Although a lot of the morning services normally divide at Woking - Heading to both Basingstoke and Alton from that point - The afternoon workings tend to be done as normal services running about fifteen minutes apart. I had a fellow passenger ask me if he was in the correct part of the train for Farnham, and - Given that we were in a single unit 450 - I couldn't really see the train being divided at Woking that time around!

Although of course I wouldn't call that a silly question for a passenger to ask, as it's only really us enthusiasts and railway employees who know that units can't be divided into individual carriages in the same way as can be done with a Mk. III rake.

On the other hand though...As a kid, I did wonder if the red chain hung near the ceiling in slammer bogs would flush the toilet when pulled! hock:

 

[asylumxl]

Was at st pancras, about to go upstairs from the main concourse to catch an EMT service, when I'm approached by a couple, standing right next to a board saying "EMT for services to blaa blaa blaa". They ask me where the trains are, I hear a sheffield accent and ask them if that's where they want to go, then point them upstairs. They then almost try to go up the down escelator until the woman realises. They were very tired of very...

 

[Mojo]

Even more annoying is when you're holding the train for them and they don't run.

I don't do dispatch - so that's out of my jurisdiction, but I get what you mean sometimes you just want to shout "hurry up" at people

 

[me123]

They do that on the Glasgow Subway. Works rather well. If they're not quick, they just shout "STAND CLEAR OF THE DOORS!" and off it goes.

 

[jon0844]

Last week, Hatfield station (won't say time or day in case someone checks out who it was on duty), girl comes from platform 3 to gateline - all 'chavved up' and asks gateline staff if she can buy a ticket.

Said staff member opens the gates to let her through without saying a word, and she smirks and walks straight out the station. Said member of revenue staff attemps a rather pathetic 'oi' and realises he's been done. Colleague just watches on and must be wondering what the hell just happened!

I laughed because it was so obvious to anyone that this was going to happen, and I wondered what he was thinking because it's a controlled station and she came from the railway side without a ticket in a penalty fare area!!

All credit to the girl for having the confidence to do it so brazenly though, when in any other circumstances asking to buy a ticket would have promped some questions about where she'd come from, and why she hadn't already bought one.

 

[mumrar]

I see plenty of daftness from the indigenous population. In the lift at New St a woman asked me 'does this lift go to Shrewsbury?' so I replied 'it just goes up and down' and off she went. Also, not a surprise, someone from Kings Lynn boarded at Ely and asked me 'which coach has got them toilets in?'. I enquired as to what she meant by 'them toilets'. She said 'the ones with the fold down seats outside'. Sarcasticly I replied 'you mean which coach has got them seats in then?'

 

[EM2]

I got loads...
My favourite is still in FCC at St Pancras, when a girl in her twenties said to me: 'Is there a difference between Northbound and Southbound?'

 

[Daimler]

Not entirely rail-related...

I was standing outside Hemel station waiting for a bus, and I could see that there was a man dashing from stop to stop in the main station area every time a bus came along but never attempted to stop them or to get on - I had no idea what he was trying to do - he even crossed the main road outside the station when another bus (which didn't enter the station 'concourse' came past). Eventually, I saw my bus approaching. I flagged it down, and it stopped. As I was buying my ticket, I saw the same man run up to the bus, and get on behind me. On taking my seat, I heard him ask the driver for a single to the town centre - the driver replied that quicker services left from the stop opposite. The man replied something along the lines of, 'Never mind, at least you stopped.'

I realised he didn't know you had to signal to the driver...

Something similar happened while I was waiting for another bus at the town centre - here, a woman (quite..erm...chavvy-looking) was waiting for an hourly bus, and as it approached, she got up and watched it go past. When it didn't stop she got very irritated, and moaned about having 'another hour's wait!'

Now, the question is, how many buses had she already missed???

 

[generalvegitable]

my best one was at Fenny Stratford station, those of you who know it it is on a single track line, I was waiting for a train and someone said to me "Is this the platform for Bedford?"

 

[Tom B]

The number of people on Mk4 coaches with disabled toilets who cannot tell the difference between "OPEN DOOR" and "EMERGENCY CALL" is stupid. "Attention traincrew - disabled passenger alarm operated" can often play happily along to itself several times.

There's also the ones who don't bother to lock the door, at which point another punter invariably comes up and opens the door...

 

[chuffchuff]

Working a Dover to London Victoria service, I was leaning out the window
chatting to the platform staff (waiting for time)
A well dressed lady came clip clopping down the stairs, and asked " Are you Victoria?"
To which I replied " Only at the weekends"
Stopped her completely in her tracks
Don't supposed it helped I'm middle aged and got a 'tash
Also there was a strange lame peep as the bloke on the platform spat
his whistle out laughing