Uncyclopedia

[Coxster]

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

Here's a quote for Kris from the "Train" page:
"Trains must be operated by a trained professional called a Driver. A Driver usually receives his training by undergoing a four or more day course of instruction in a portacabin or on a form of train simulator, ending knowing that if a train fails, then to either hit it with a big hammer, swear at it, or reboot the system several times. Train Drivers also have a severe addiction to tea, smoking, coca-cola and swearing, and often have Belt-Overhang"

 

[Kris]

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

Here's a quote for Kris from the "Train" page:
"Trains must be operated by a trained professional called a Driver. A Driver usually receives his training by undergoing a four or more day course of instruction in a portacabin or on a form of train simulator, ending knowing that if a train fails, then to either hit it with a big hammer, swear at it, or reboot the system several times. Train Drivers also have a severe addiction to tea, smoking, coca-cola and swearing, and often have Belt-Overhang"

Four portacabins side by side - when we were on the simulator watching the screen in front of you, someone would jump up between the screen and the picture Then the instructor would do something like put a cow on the track in a tunnel (splat)

Tea - yes. Most essential part of your kit. Key BR1 Handlamp Tea Bags Mug.
Only re-boot I know for a Disastro is with a size 8.

Belt overhang ....... look...just because I've been wearing dark jeans for the past couple of days because I can't do the uniform trousers up at the moment.

 

[mbonwick]

How about the coco-cola and swearing Kris? What have you to say in your defense?

 

[Jordy]

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Railway is very funny

Kris you might like this

Desiro — made fom four large tin cans welded together to resemble something that looks slightly like a train. The air conditioning has two settings: "Off" or "Arctic". If you take a packed lunch you will need to defrost it before eating, and your ice-cream will melt, making a nice mess on the carpet and of your already frozen packed lunch. There is, just to add to your frustration, no buffet on these trains - only the trolley which only comes round on days with the letter z in them, on months only with the letter x in them.

Jordy

 

[Kris]

How about the coco-cola and swearing Kris? What have you to say in your defense?

Diet Coke (belt overhang) - swearing at Woking Panel when you get slowed down as usual by a stopper (Surbiton, Wimbledon, Clapham) and you're next stop Waterloo from Basing.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Railway is very funny

Kris you might like this


Jordy

S'true ..... another reason to travel in the rear cab rather than with the 'cattle'. I've got a heater/controlablle Air Con.

 

[kettlefan]

"The first trains were pulled by horses, and excuses such as "We apologise for the delay, the engine has just stopped to go to the toilet" were common".

 

[AlexS]

You can't beat tea! Has to be by a talented tea craftsman though - Messrs Wright and Nicholson fit the bill nicely!

 

[devon_metro]

Hilarious website! I love ****takes

 

[mbonwick]

1, Good answer Kris!

Hilarious website! I love ****takes

You aren't the only one!

 

[Darandio]

A brilliant website but the best part about it is that if you think something isn't ridiculous enough, just change it yourself.

 

[Muppet]

Vomiters — of two types, tilting and non-tilting. The only way to tell is to go round a corner at 100mph. If it comes off the track it was a non-tilting type. The tilting type will stay on but the Driver will slow down so he doesn't spill his tea. The air-conditioning on these trains has two settings. "Off" and "Off".

Lol

 

[Jordy]

If you go through the site, you will find various mentions of 'Vomiters', they dont seem to like em!