UK Euphemisms

[Meerkat]

“You’re looking well” = “You have lost a huge amount of weight”
Especially when spoken between women.

I thought “you’re looking well” meant exactly the opposite!

 

[jumble]

I thought “you’re looking well” meant exactly the opposite!

Someone told me I was looking prosperous the other day
I wonder what they meant

 

[DaleCooper]

Someone told me I was looking prosperous the other day
I wonder what they meant

Perhaps you look like a character from Shakespeare's play The Tempest.

 

[najaB]

“You’re looking well” = “You have lost a huge amount of weight”

In the same vein (though not uniquely British) "Have you lost weight?" = "You haven't lost any weight at all."

 

[PG]

On a similar train of thought , upon a chance meeting with someone only vaguely acquainted with, we have you must come over for dinner = you certainly must not come over for dinner!

 

[d9009alycidon]

On a similar train of thought , upon a chance meeting with someone only vaguely acquainted with, we have you must come over for dinner = you certainly must not come over for dinner!

In Edinburgh they are far less subtle - "You'll have had your Tea" was a favourite greeting to visitors

 

[PG]

In Edinburgh they are far less subtle - "You'll have had your Tea" was a favourite greeting to visitors

I've always admired the directness of that one

 

[superjohn]

“I’m going to see a man about a dog” = “I don’t want to tell you what I’m really doing”

 

[DaleCooper]

Lay a cable
Drown some kittens
Sink the Bismarck
Build a log cabin

All the above refer to that which is between No.1 & No.3.

 

[najaB]

Lay a cable
Drown some kittens
Sink the Bismarck
Build a log cabin

All the above refer to that which is between No.1 & No.3.

Or, in Scotland: "Give birth to an Englishman".

 

[Cowley]

Lay a cable
Drown some kittens
Sink the Bismarck
Build a log cabin

All the above refer to that which is between No.1 & No.3.

Drop the kids off at the pool...

 

[GusB]

Or, in Scotland: "Give birth to an Englishman".

I've never heard that particular expression! Is it a Dundee thing?

 

[Meerkat]

Let the brown trout escape to the sea

 

[najaB]

I've never heard that particular expression! Is it a Dundee thing?

It might be a North East thing as one person who uses it regularly is from Moray.

 

[PG]

Has a face for radio = not attractive

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Your case is under consideration = We have lost your file

Your case is under active consideration = We are looking for your file

 

[najaB]

Your case is under consideration = We have lost your file

Your case is under active consideration = We are looking for your file

I believe that one was referenced in Yes Minister.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

He is in a meeting = He doesn't want to talk to you

He is at a conference = He is determined not to talk to you

Thank you for calling = Who gave you my number?

 

[Master29]

About to get an injection and the Doctor/Nurse says You`ll feel a little scratch = It'll hurt like buggery.

You're a valued member of staff = You're not worth a bucket of air.

Seasoned = Old as hell.

I'm basically a good guy = Think Tony Blair.

Weather...Partly Cloudy = That could cover any sort of weather

Care assistant = The worst possible job you could do and crap pay to boot.

Quiet Carriage = let's go in there and deliberately pxss off all those silent types.

There were failings in the system = We knew this all along but couldn't be asked to do anything about it then and will do the same now. No one will be answerable.

 

[Master29]

Off topic but: Brothel is an anagram of BR Hotel. Is there something we were never told?

Is this why BR was pirivatised?

 

[Master29]

The two I like are
Batting for the other side
My friend's wife did....
( perhaps with friend's enclosed in quote marks for extra emphasis)

What is also amusing is that someone who did not go to school in this country would not have a clue what most of these really mean

You have to say there's probably more euphemisms for this particular subject than anything else really.

 

[PG]

Drives me up the wall = irritates me

 

[najaB]

Drives me up the wall = irritates me

Not sure that's uniquely British, but Getting one's knickers in a twist definitely is.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

If my actions have offended anyone = I have been ordered to apologise but am not on the least bit sorry

 

[Meerkat]

I am sorry you feel that way = I have utter contempt for your pathetic whingeing

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Your complexion is like porcelain = Deathly white and easily cracked

You look a million dollars = All green and crinkled

 

[superjohn]

This does not affect your statutory rights = This offers you no real benefit whatsoever but we hope it will distract you from your statutory rights.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Downsizing = We are going to make some of you redundant

Rightsizing = We are going to make some of you redundant (because obviously the right size is smaller)

 

[PG]

A favourite beloved of bus companies when announcing timetable changes:
This service will run via X = it'll save us money/increase our subsidy but take you longer to get where you're going!

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Fares revision = The fares are going up