Trivia: Unusual or Amusing Messages to Passengers

[MaidaVale]

Back when they still had the 707s, I once heard an SWR guard blame "the Germans" for the PIS system incorrectly showing the formation being reversed on the displays of the German-made Siemens trains whilst approaching Clapham Junction. I can't remember the exact phrasing but it was something along the lines of "Thanks to the Germans, we're all backwards today!".

 

[Ian Hardy]

I have just heard this announcement approaching Isleworth on 701018:
"The doors on this coach will not open, please move forward one carriage"
What is it: A coach or a carriage?
Why isn't same word used?

 

[trebor79]

I was on a Eurostar recently. We stopped in the middle of Dutch nowhere. At ten minutes or so, the guard announced that we have stopped "due to some particularly stubborn swans on the track. When they decide to move we can move".
Was equal parts amusing and annoying. I think if I'd been at the head of a 2,000te train I'd have thought of a way of making them move!

 

[MoominAndChips]

I think if I'd been at the head of a 2,000te train I'd have thought of a way of making them move!

Last summer, I was sitting up front on a bus in Finnish Lapland. The driver spoke what Finns charitably call "rally English". We came upon a herd of reindeer, standing in the middle of the road and refusing to move. Lights, horn, driver getting out and waving his arms, shouting perkele and saatana at them, slapping the closest one, nothing.

"Hmpf."

He inched the bus forward, pushed the closest couple of reindeer, and still they didn't move - until one of them stumbled, which panicked the whole lot and made all them scarper.

"HA! Tack-tile perrrr-sways-i-onn!"

 

[thenorthern]

Once when I was traveling from Crewe to Lancaster on Virgin Trains the Voyager I was on had to terminate at Preston due to a fault on the train. A Virgin Pendolino from Glasgow Central to London Euston then terminated early at Preston and the passengers from the Voyager I was on got onto the Pendolino that had terminated at Preston to continue our journey.

There was then a fault with the Pendolino and the woman on the tannoy said "a full explanation would be given for the disruption once we are on our way"

Just before we departed, she explained that on the Voyager, we were on 2 of the 5 engines were out of service and they were worried the train would not be able to get over Shap. Then the electrics on the Pendolino were faulty and they needed to do a complete train restart and before we departed and they needed to do a full dispatch before we left.

Good on her as passengers like proper explanations on why trains are late not just "engineering works" or "a fault with this train". Although some of the terminology she used I don't think most passengers would understand.

 

[LowLevel]

Last year I was travelling on a Köln - Brussels ICE which came to a standstill for 20 minutes at Schaerbeek due to a points failure.

After some time had passed we were on the move, happily in time for the Eurostar.

The train manager came on the PA once we were on the move to apologise for the wait and then at the end came out with, in English only, "excuse me for saying, ladies and gentlemen, but may I say that I am so glad to discover that it is not only in Germany where this stuff happens!". Clearly working on German ICE trains requires much fortitude in dealing with delays

 

[RooseWithAZed]

Hardly funny, but I have heard a couple of unusual announcements:

I was on an Avanti at Preston which had sat at the platform for 10 minutes and I could hear some commotion behind me. When the doors shut, the train manager bluntly stated "Apologies for the late departure, this is due to a domestic in Coach C"

On a late night LNER to Inverness, we got stuck for a while in the middle of nowhere, then we heard over the PA that we would be delayed over an hour "due to yet another failed ScotRail train". This has become a common refrain amongst the group of people I was travelling with whenever anything goes wrong

 

[Purple Train]

I was on a Eurostar recently. We stopped in the middle of Dutch nowhere. At ten minutes or so, the guard announced that we have stopped "due to some particularly stubborn swans on the track. When they decide to move we can move".
Was equal parts amusing and annoying. I think if I'd been at the head of a 2,000te train I'd have thought of a way of making them move!

I was stuck in Windsor once because of a swan in the line. Trying to pass the time, I walked through the station car park, only to find a silver hatchback with a sticker in the front saying "swan rescue in progress".

The trouble with swans, I think, is that they need an awfully long run-up to get in the air once they've landed, which you can't really do on ballast.

Slightly back on topic, there was no information on what was going on when I passed through Windsor & Eton Central station, so I had to explain what was going on to some very confused tourists. Not sure they were any less confused afterwards!

 

[GtNortherner]

I remember hearing the following announcement from a guard on an HST not long after boarding:

“Will ye close the doors?? Ye’re causin’ a draught!!”

 

[StephenHunter]

I was stuck in Windsor once because of a swan in the line. Trying to pass the time, I walked through the station car park, only to find a silver hatchback with a sticker in the front saying "swan rescue in progress".

The trouble with swans, I think, is that they need an awfully long run-up to get in the air once they've landed, which you can't really do on ballast.

I was on a Hastings Diesels Tour and we got stopped by a swan and cygnets.

 

[High Dyke]

Many years ago, heading for Norwich behind a Class 37, a passenger enquired of the guard if the approaching station was Brandon (which it was). The guard replied "nah mate, this is the middle of nowhere ".

 

[Purple Train]

Spotted at Maidenhead just now... I thought these messages were selected from pre-written material in Darwin?

(Image shows a departure board displaying the mis-spelled message "Disruprion expected".)

 

[johntea]

"Congratulations for waking up to make this time of the morning" on a 6am service made me laugh earlier

 

[Smethwickian]

Approaching Chester on a TFW service from Llandudno today, after a useful rundown of connections and their platforms: "We are arriving into platform 4A which is a particularly low platform so unless you are wearing a parachute today please do take care when stepping down from the train."

 

[stadler]

Back when they still had the 707s, I once heard an SWR guard blame "the Germans" for the PIS system incorrectly showing the formation being reversed on the displays of the German-made Siemens trains whilst approaching Clapham Junction. I can't remember the exact phrasing but it was something along the lines of "Thanks to the Germans, we're all backwards today!".

He should have blamed the Belgians instead. PIS system on the 707s was manufactured by and is maintained by a fully Belgian company. Siemens had no involvement in that part of the train.

 

[Acathater]

Lancaster again.....
"First class is at the rear of the train..........standard class is next to the pub and beergarden"

 

[galwhv69]

Spotted at Maidenhead just now... I thought these messages were selected from pre-written material in Darwin?

(Image shows a departure board displaying the mis-spelled message "Disruprion expected".)

Not sure exactly how it works on those screens, but on the screens at GTR stations, the 3rd line is programmed to show the special notice if one is posted at that station (special notices are written manually by the CIS operator)

 

[AM9]

Spotted at Maidenhead just now... I thought these messages were selected from pre-written material in Darwin?

(Image shows a departure board displaying the mis-spelled message "Disruprion expected".)

That's only a single character typo.

 

[reduke]

Waiting at St Alban's Abbey today:

"Fast trains will pass this platform regularly..."

 

[D1537]

From a very crowded Sunday morning Northern service out of Manchester Victoria a few weeks ago, somewhere near Rochdale ...

"...there are a few single seats in the front coach, so if you'd like to make a new friend today that's where to go".

 

[EYFanatic]

Overheard on a SHF-NOT train recently

"And this is a reminder to please ensure the toilet door is locked before operations commence... This is not Bullseye and you are not what we could have won tonight"

 

[reduke]

Just remembered a couple more that you might only consider amusing if you're already beyond frustration.

At Sutton waiting to depart on a train to London, but getting off in two stops:

"... Beep beep beep mind the doors (or whatever the appropriate message was) ... Slide, clunk ... 'due to late running this train will now be non stop to west Croydon'..." train then departs immediately...



At west Hampstead TL waiting for the next southbound on the slows:

"Due to late running the next train to Sutton is running fast from st Alban's to st Pancras and will not be stoppping here."

5 minutes before it's scheduled arrival time it stops in the platform for a red signal and I have a 5 minute chat with the driver through the window about the stupidity of the computer not allowing him to open the doors...

 

[Jimini]

Overheard on a SHF-NOT train recently

"And this is a reminder to please ensure the toilet door is locked before operations commence... This is not Bullseye and you are not what we could have won tonight"

 

[D1511]

Overheard on a SHF-NOT train recently

"And this is a reminder to please ensure the toilet door is locked before operations commence... This is not Bullseye and you are not what we could have won tonight"

That is an absolute beauty.
If I'd been on board, once I'd stopped laughing, I'd have probably gone to find the TM to pass on my congratulations!
Great work, whoever you are!

 

[reduke]

That is an absolute beauty.
If I'd been on board, once I'd stopped laughing, I'd have probably gone to find the TM to pass on my congratulations!
Great work, whoever you are!

And if I was drunk enough I might've taken it as a challenge! (Thankfully I tend to fall asleep before I actually start doing things like that...)

 

[Skiddaw]

Overheard on a SHF-NOT train recently

"And this is a reminder to please ensure the toilet door is locked before operations commence... This is not Bullseye and you are not what we could have won tonight"

That's class... give that man a medal!!