Trivia: Unusual or Amusing Messages to Passengers

[Dai Corner]

Due to fallen apples on platform 2 from overlooking trees passengers should take extra care at Llanishen station.

The above from TfW today.

Have forum users come across any others they'd like to share?

 

[GW43125]

"a previously precarious tree" is one of my personal favourites which crops up every now and again.

 

[Steddenm]

One that always makes me laugh is one of the delay attribution messages that doesn't fit on the departure boards: "Delayed due to an unusually large passenger". It is meant to carry on with the word "flow" but it does conjure up some images!

 

[Pegpilot]

"Here is a message for the lady holding the umbrella on the Westbound Central Line platform. It doesn't rain underground...."

 

[CM Punk]

A couple of years ago, there was an announcement at Nottingham station asking for a cleaner to "attend a canine spillage"

 

[High Dyke]

In the past i have been known to announce to intending passengers "please use all available doors to board the train. Don't herd like sheep." Cue some amused looks from the traincrew, and a comment from the TOC that "it was nice to see Network Rail staff being proactive."

 

[D1537]

"The train approaching Platform 2 will stop in Zones 5 to 9 only. So if you're standing near the station entrance, there will be no train there"

 

[John Luxton]

Over heard a guard prior to making a ticket check announce that he was coming around and to "Have your tickets and passes available or your excuses ready!"

 

[CarltonA]

Saturday morning on a Bakerloo Line platform after mentioning several delays and closures: All lifts are working today, yes, that's right - a full lift service on the Bakerloo Line!

 

[ainsworth74]

I'm not entirely sure this counts as it wasn't really meant for passengers but as I heard it as a passenger and it amused me:

Had a couple of teenagers on a Northern service lateish at night being a pain. Nothing too bad just saying and doing silly things and then setting off the call for aid just before their station. When they got off one of them just stood on the platform next to the conductor saying "Thanks X, bye X" (x standing in for the conductors name) over and over again before they all trotted off down the platform. Conductor blew his whistle at them as they were right next to the train and said "p*ss off" quietly but audible.

When he got back I went to him "Well said!" to which he replied "That was the polite version".

 

[norbitonflyer]

Onbe which bemuses passengers at waterloo is when plagtform alterations of arriving trains are announced. Since arrivals are not usually announced anyway it seems odd tghat they tell you of any changes, but it's particularly confusing - and pointless - when it is announced as being the (90 minutes or so ago) "from London Waterloo". The one place you can be pretty sure that no-one being met off the train will have boarded it!

 

[Purple Train]

"Good evening passengers, we are approaching Broxbourne. I know we're not meant to stop there, but there's a 20mph temporary speed restriction just after the platform so it does feel like we're stopping and I just thought I'd let you know. Don't worry, the next stop is still Tottenham Hale, we're not there yet."

(On the approach to Liverpool Street): "I hope you've all got something nice planned for this evening. (pause) Can I come? I've got a bit of time here, we could go for a drink. Soft drink, obviously."

- Both the same driver, on an early evening Cambridge-Liverpool Street earlier this summer. I have no idea what came into the man after Broxbourne (he hadn't been on the PA before that, although he may have taken over at Bishop's Stortford), but it was highly amusing!

 

[gordonthemoron]

King’s Cross station 1992 New Year’s Eve, guard on the train, welcome on board the 16:30 to Newcastle, the Centre of the Universe

 

[Mr. SW]

It may have been a slip of the tongue but may years ago I distinctly heard: "This is Waterloo, where this train terminates. Please remember to take all your personal problems with you when leaving the train."

 

[kevconnor]

A packed northern train going into Leeds, fthe conductor doing ticket checks announced to the carriage as they entered, it’s time for your morning hug.

 

[foamy_banana]

Many years ago, on the way to Manchester, I remember a XC TM from Birmingham (in a very strong Brummie accent) announcing arrival into Stockport as "The home of the Hat Museum and the Bus Station"

 

[SuspectUsual]

Back in the days when westbound Calder valley services called at some/all of Castleton / Mills Hill / Moston, approaching Rochdale and the conductor announced “this train is fast from Rochdale to Manchester, please change at Rochdale for Castleton, Mills Hill and Moston - we will be passing through in a cloud of dust and disappointment”

 

[TheSel]

Mid 1980s, when Merseyrail regularly ran the last remaining class 503 on additional 'Santa Special' evening trips (Thursdays, from memory). An announcement at Hamilton Square:

"This is a special announcement for Mr [name redacted]. The class 503 approaching the platform is running power car first."

... just to make sure he knew which end of the train to sit in!

 

[WAO]

Apologies if you have read this elsewhere before, but twice at Reading, pre-privatisation I heard the following announced:

"This is a Southern Region train and not for public use!"

(it was diverted at Basingstoke, of course).

The station also had a sign on a door on old Pl4, "SR Motormen only".

WAO

 

[Dai Corner]

Computer generated from GWR today

Facilities on the 14:15 London Paddington to Cardiff Central due 16:08.
This is due to more trains than usual needing repairs at the same time.
This train will now be formed of the usual number of coaches. Reservations have been applied.

 

[AndyPJG]

Heard at Weymouth a few years back:- "Please stand back from the platform edge, the next train is not stopping here." (ECS actually)

 

[RGM654]

Heard years ago on the Metropolitan line, an apology for delay due to "too many trains going to the City".

 

[Bald Rick]

Two examples

1) Many years ago a colleague used to work in Peterborough ‘box, commuting up from Huntingdon. On Friday night turns he was responsible for collecting fish and chips for his colleagues from a chippy between station and ‘box on his journey in. The order was conveyed to him on the train in by the relevant late turn signaller making an announcement via the Cab Secure Radio. Must have been quite a surprise to the other passengers (and the driver!) to hear “this is a special announcement, 3 times cod and chips, 1 jumbo saveloy and chips, 2 steak pies and a pickled egg”

2) I’ve mentioned before a Thameslink driver who used to announce every OLE neutral section on approach, and say that “those in coaches x and y will hear a bang as the VCB opens and closes as we go through Graham Park” (for example).

I’m fairly confident I was the only person on board who understood any part of what he was talking about!

 

[lxfe_mxtterz]

On a number of occasions, I have seen 158/159s on turnaround at Waterloo with the PIS on the front displaying "Malden Manor". I don't sign 158/159s so don't know whether it's a quirk of the system or whether it's just a guard having some fun, but I've always found it amusing.

 

[Hullbloke]

Adam is a regular conductor on the Hull-Leeds TPEs and informs us smoking and vaping is not permitted including XXX style-pipes. The usual pipes are Frosty The Snowman, Sherlock Holmes, Popeye and Albert Einstein. I get off at Leeds so I wonder which other "characters" he has up his sleeve if he travels further West? It can get a bit much for regular travellers but it does raise a smile for those who've not heard him before.

 

[PZ 08895]

I remember a numbers of years ago being at Three Bridges Station (Southern station in West Sussex) when the PA was broadcasting a whole load of complete nonsensical automatically generated announcements, one of which was a warning that pick-pocketers had been reported at Manorbier station (rural SW Wales) and passengers should be vigilant. Quite why passengers at Three Bridges would be concerned about pick-pocketers at Manorbier I am not sure.

 

[Bill57p9]

I was walking alongside Glasgow Central station* when a bus stopped at a set of traffic lights. A couple of passengers opened the rear emergency exit door, walked out sniggering and left the door lying open.
The driver obviously had to walk to the back of the bus to close it, but before slamming it he shouted to them for everyone on Argyle Street to hear "you're a pair o' f***ies"

* Hopefully that is just enough to allow this story in a railway thread

 

[izvor]

Heard at Weymouth a few years back:- "Please stand back from the platform edge, the next train is not stopping here." (ECS actually)

Same at Caterham. A spray train rolled in and stopped in the right place. Disappointed platform staff went back to their duties.

Seen on the CIS at Hove many years ago: "Due to a short platform, passengers for East Croydon should join the front 12 coaches". (It was a 12-car anyway. And why East Croydon, of all the stations to choose!?)

 

[brad465]

Heard at Weymouth a few years back:- "Please stand back from the platform edge, the next train is not stopping here." (ECS actually)

I don't know if the old announcement "stations can be a dangerous environment, trains may pass through at high speeds and without prior warning..." ever was played at termini, but if you ever heard that you'd either think it was an error or be extremely worried.

On the Flying Banana railtour in June 2019, approaching Ledbury tunnel the conductor warned about leaning out the window using the phrase "firstly, it is going to hurt, second, I will have to fill out an incident report and would rather not have to do this."

 

[styles]

I was walking alongside Glasgow Central station* when a bus stopped at a set of traffic lights. A couple of passengers opened the rear emergency exit door, walked out sniggering and left the door lying open.
The driver obviously had to walk to the back of the bus to close it, but before slamming it he shouted to them for everyone on Argyle Street to hear "you're a pair o' f***ies"

* Hopefully that is just enough to allow this story in a railway thread

So Glasgow.