Trivia: TOC "vision statements" and similar management nonsense

[Egg Centric]

It just came to my attention that LNER's vision is (in part) "to be the most loved, progressive and responsible way to travel, for generations to come".

This made me literally laugh out loud. So I had a look at TPE's. Here's a snippet:

Progress. Moving towards something bigger. Something exciting.

From every train rolling out of the station, to every one of our colleagues reaching their potential.

We want to make journeys better for everyone.

In fact, not just better, but greener, faster, and more reliable-er.

Could be fun to collect the most bizzare TOC management consultant wibble in this thread.

My other local TOCs aren't so bad - they're just lying through their teeth rather than such hyperbole as above. For example, did you know that Northern "pursue perfection"?

 

[High Dyke]

East Midlands Railway

Who we are | EMR

Welcome to EMR, discover what we are doing to drive the East Midlands towards a brighter future.

www.eastmidlandsrailway.co.uk

It is our vision to drive the East Midlands towards a brighter future, working in partnership to connect cities, support communities and create easier journeys for everyone.

Pretty boring in some respects.

 

[Dr Day]

I still like the original (InterCity) Great Western Trains one - “Go for growth and empty the M4”.

Ok probably alienated a few folk in Cornwall and Devon but simple and straightforward.

 

[Magdalia]

I was a manager for 25 years. Mission/vision statements can be useful management tools, especially at times of organisational disruption such as reputational damage, restructuring or changes in ownership or reporting lines. They are not trivial.

One of the difficulties now is finding new ways to express the mission/vision, without copying someone else, because so many have been produced over the last 30 years. One organisation I worked for had an excellent mission statement, but then merged with another organisation, and had to junk that mission statement because keeping it would have make the reorganisation look too much like a takeover.

East Midlands Railway

Who we are | EMR

Welcome to EMR, discover what we are doing to drive the East Midlands towards a brighter future.

www.eastmidlandsrailway.co.uk

Pretty boring in some respects.

This is a reasonably good one. It conveys that they are there to benefit the cities, communities and passengers they serve, not just to run trains. But it does demonstrate why they don't care much for the service between Peterborough and Norwich: it isn't in their vision.

I will be very surprised if Great British Railways doesn't have a mission/vision statement. As a new organisation, it will need one.

 

[johntea]

It’s a pretty standard thing for any business

If it doesn’t achieve anything else it does help during job interviews for the company so they can throw out the good old ‘what do you know about us’ starter for 10 question…as someone who has interviewed several people over the years you’d be quite surprised how many have failed to do even the most basic of research!

 

[ThirteenArches]

Reputational damage eh?

"Screw the last brass farthing out of the whinging ungrateful public"
"When all else fails, run a train"
"Achieve consistent 150% seat occupation"

As for restructuring, I've never known a time when a firm wasn't restructuring. Banging the sides of a 1 ton van with 2 tons of budgies inside.

 

[fishwomp]

"When all else fails, run a train"

If only that meant "run trains even when planes, buses, cars don't run"...

I know what you really meant though - reminds me of the honest ads from the Crazy People film with Dudley Moore.

 

[185]

Company: "...in our partnership with the charity, it is our mission to make ___ ___ trains a safer space for women..."

Employment tribunal court, same month... female train cleaner, off sick due to groping assault by male passenger
- was placed onto the managing for attendance sickness monitoring disciplinary system
- the company admitted she was not issued with a staff phone despite two requests emails months earlier

 

[TheManBehind]

Company: "...in our partnership with the charity, it is our mission to make ___ ___ trains a safer space for women..."

Employment tribunal court, same month... female train cleaner, off sick due to groping assault by male passenger
- was placed onto the managing for attendance sickness monitoring disciplinary system
- the company admitted she was not issued with a staff phone despite two requests emails months earlier

Putting someone who is off sick onto the attendance procedures (not "attendance sickness monitoring disciplinary system" - disciplinary procedures and attendance procedures are two different things) isn't grounds in and of itself to lose a tribunal though - they'd be more at risk if they didn't.

 

[Egg Centric]

I was a manager for 25 years. Mission/vision statements can be useful management tools, especially at times of organisational disruption such as reputational damage, restructuring or changes in ownership or reporting lines. They are not trivial.
.

I'm not saying (in this thread anyway ) that all mission/vision statements are a waste of time, only being used to startup culture which eschews such things I couldn't really comment (although ours has just been bought by a megacorp which has one so maybe I'll get used to it; we certainly seem to be having a lot more meetings).

What I'm trying to highlight in the thread is the truely absurd ones that bear no resemblance to the reality of these TOCs (TPE) and/or say nothing (Northern) and/or express implausible ambition (LNER).

 

[LNW-GW Joint]

I always thought Townsend Thoresen's "We're with you all the way" was a good slogan.
Until Zeebrugge.

 

[Springs Branch]

I think there was once a Dilbert cartoon along the lines of . . .

Pointy-haired manager to assembled underlings: "We've reviewed our Mission Statement. Here's the new one"

Holds up printout which says "MAKE $$$"

 

[Wuz]

It just came to my attention that LNER's vision is (in part) "to be the most loved, progressive and responsible way to travel, for generations to come".

This made me literally laugh out loud. So I had a look at TPE's. Here's a snippet:



Could be fun to collect the most bizzare TOC management consultant wibble in this thread.

My other local TOCs aren't so bad - they're just lying through their teeth rather than such hyperbole as above. For example, did you know that Northern "pursue perfection"?

I thought these came from US and then they spread like an international plague.

"Give senior management something to do to avoid work"

Mine "Try to avoid being stressed by this nonsense"

Once you update the mission, you can move on to a new logo and changing colour schemes.

Repeat exercise as often as you can get away with it. Reward bonus for people giving very postive feedback about your grasp of the corporate vision!

Pleas pass me a sick bag.

Wuz

 

[Hadlow Road]

I thought these came from US and then they spread like an international plague.

"Give senior management something to do to avoid work"

Mine "Try to avoid being stressed by this nonsense"

Once you update the mission, you can move on to a new logo and changing colour schemes.

Repeat exercise as often as you can get away with it. Reward bonus for people giving very postive feedback about your grasp of the corporate vision!

Pleas pass me a sick bag.

Wuz

Surely a “motion discomfort receptacle.”

 

[Harpo]

Just after privatisation John Edmonds told Railtrack staff his vision of every signalbox being connected to the internet. He didn’t hear a hushed voice at the back reply with ‘running water would be nice guv.’

In early Network Rail days Iain Coucher alienated the entire operations community by labelling the new organisation as a private engineering company.

 

[Phil R]

It’s a pretty standard thing for any business

If it doesn’t achieve anything else it does help during job interviews for the company so they can throw out the good old ‘what do you know about us’ starter for 10 question…as someone who has interviewed several people over the years you’d be quite surprised how many have failed to do even the most basic of research!

If only to allow the interviewers chance to brush up on their recollection of the slogans I suppose. But yes there is often a shocking lack of prep by candidates on who's who, geography, fleet etc.
It's clearer when vision statements etc. are more JFDI-focussed.

 

[tumbledown]

The March issue of Modern Railways had an article "Making the most of today"s railway" full of dreadful guff, it made my eyes ache. After the twentieth misuse of a verb as a noun or vice-versa I gave up.
The Campaign for Plain English should run re-education camps.

 

[ChiefPlanner]

The March issue of Modern Railways had an article "Making the most of today"s railway" full of dreadful guff, it made my eyes ache. After the twentieth misuse of a verb as a noun or vice-versa I gave up.
The Campaign for Plain English should run re-education camps.

Spot on - awful article !

 

[Harpo]

The March issue of Modern Railways had an article "Making the most of today"s railway" full of dreadful guff, it made my eyes ache. After the twentieth misuse of a verb as a noun or vice-versa I gave up.
The Campaign for Plain English should run re-education camps.

Classic Network Rail word soup.

It’s very reminiscent of the brave new world stuff spouted around privatisation and now, 30 years later, the infrastructure side is still trying to simultaneously sort out its own ineffectual delivery and tell the customer-facing side of the industry how things should be!

I’d be far more interested to hear the way forward from those that really did make a success of privatisation on the TOC/FOC side.

 

[DarloRich]

I was at my dentists this week. They are a one location practice. They had a mission statement and a values statement. To do so is very common. As with much in life just let it wash over you and don't over think it. it isn't worth the angina!

 

[tumbledown]

I was at my dentists this week. They are a one location practice. They had a mission statement and a values statement. To do so is very common. As with much in life just let it wash over you and don't over think it. it isn't worth the angina!

But it's wrong to run a business on religious grounds - just as it was in Northern Ireland.
When I go for a job interview, it's to offer my services in return for payment, not to join a cult.

 

[DarloRich]

But it's wrong to run a business on religious grounds - just as it was in Northern Ireland.
When I go for a job interview, it's to offer my services in return for payment, not to join a cult.

I am confused - sorry.

 

[Halwynd]

The TOC examples already given are good examples of corporate nonsense, devoid of any imagination or inspiration. People just roll their eyes and ignore them.

In my view the best will always be the very short one-liners:

Memorable, British Rail: This is the Age of the Train.

Honest, again British Rail: We're getting there.

Cynical, Tesco: Helping you spend less.

Best, GCHQ: Always listening to our customers.

 

[DarloRich]

The TOC examples already given are good examples of corporate nonsense, devoid of any imagination or inspiration. People just roll their eyes and ignore them.

In my view the best will always be the very short one-liners:

Memorable, British Rail: This is the Age of the Train.

Honest, again British Rail: We're getting there.

Cynical, Tesco: Helping you spend less.

Best, GCHQ: Always listening to our customers.

they are advertising slogans not mission statements

 

[WAB]

I was a manager for 25 years. Mission/vision statements can be useful management tools, especially at times of organisational disruption such as reputational damage, restructuring or changes in ownership or reporting lines. They are not trivial.

Quite. Particularly given Network Rail is in the process of changing from an engineering company supplying train operating companies to being an organisation that will now have to think about passengers.

 

[Cloud Strife]

When I go for a job interview, it's to offer my services in return for payment, not to join a cult.

I think a lot of modern businesses are very cult like, to be honest. They talk a lot about diversity and so on, but it's all within very safe (for the management) parameters with no real discussion. It's the same with corporate "business runs" and so on: you don't have to attend on Saturday morning, but good luck with that promotion if you don't turn up and run.