Top Tips (Enter at Your Own Risk)

[D841 Roebuck]

You could avoid doubling back at Shoeburyness by doing a pedalo to Sheerness.

 

[12CSVT]

You could avoid doubling back at Shoeburyness by doing a pedalo to Sheerness.

Er, that would be breaking your journey. Unless you have a ticket that is valid on a pedalo.

 

[4SRKT]

I'd rather go on a pedalo than a pendalino.

 

[142094]

I'd rather go on a pedalo than a pendalino.

+1 to that.

 

[TrainfanBen]

Dear London Midland, pay your drivers better salaries so they don't have to go on strike and cancel trains.

Best I could think of...

 

[OuterDistant]

Two 153s coupled together make an ideal "pretend 155".

 

[gnolife]

Crewe Station announcer - Please, speak a little bit more quietly so that no passengers can actually hear you. They won't mind when their service suddenly changes from Platform 1 to Platform 6 and don't know about it because they'll enjoy the peace and quiet
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

Er, that would be breaking your journey. Unless you have a ticket that is valid on a pedalo.

Well tickets routed any permitted means that any route is permitted - including doubling back where you feel like it

 

[Temple Meads]

FGW: Your Class 150/1's have so much legroom you could easily squeeze in at least 25 extra seats, I'm sure no one would complain...

 

[CC 72100]

FGW: Your Class 150/1's have so much legroom you could easily squeeze in at least 25 extra seats, I'm sure no one would complain...

And those black plastic seat backs contribute to one of the most vibrant and airy-feeling rolling stock interiors on any DMU, anywhere

 

[4SRKT]

FGW: Your Class 150/1's have so much legroom you could easily squeeze in at least 25 extra seats, I'm sure no one would complain...

And then they would be 100% suitable units for such workings as Cardiff > Penzance. Bob's yer uncle!
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

And those black plastic seat backs contribute to one of the most vibrant and airy-feeling rolling stock interiors on any DMU, anywhere

What is it about FGW and Northern's inability to make 150s pleasant? They're not a bad train per se (take a look at ATW's), but scoring a Northern 150 on the Calder Valley Lottery in place of a 155 or 158 (take a look at what you could have won.....) is always a bum deal.

The London Midland 150 cascade has a lot to answer for. Really scruffy 150s turning up on all sorts of diagrams off Neville Hill these days. Including the pacers on the Leeds > Morecambes, which were great for that route visibility wise.

 

[Crossover]

Passengers...when a train is divided, it makes the world of difference when you start jabbing away at the door button (which is locked) as the train sets back off the other unit...even if you think it actually leaving, jabbing at the door button will magically make the train stop again and the doors open for you

(Witnessed this crazy behaviour at Man Picc a few weeks ago, when they were separating two 185's - the passengers who hadn't boarded couldn't work out why the doors were locked and then looked horrified and starting moving with the train and banging on the door when it started setting back off the other unit! All of this watched from the comfort of the 185 I was on, on the opposite platform ))

Also:

Passengers...yes that single carriage train (Class 153 if you will ) is dividing...the fitters have just gone to find the torch cutters first...

 

[Temple Meads]

And those black plastic seat backs contribute to one of the most vibrant and airy-feeling rolling stock interiors on any DMU, anywhere

And the seat backs are far too low in their HST's, they should surely make them about 2 foot higher?

 

[4SRKT]

Another one from the archives:

York Works: your 2 prototype class 150 units ate quite nice, but when you turn out the production batches be sure to make the seats out of a really grim looking dark plastic. It may look rubbish now, but in nearly 30 years time it will be exactly what the passengers of the future travelling on a reborn Great Western Railway will want.

 

[CC 72100]

FGW: Instead of refurbishing markl 3 buffets to add capacity around London, you should have offered to trade them with Northern for some more pacers, to improve service frequency on some Devon branches. It feels like I'm waiting all week for a train when I try to go to Okehampton by rail on a Monday morning!

 

[Dennis]

Olympic table tennis teams, for a bit of last minute practice, don't forget to reserve table seats when you get the train to the tournament.

 

[Stephen55a1960]

Passengers...when a train is divided, it makes the world of difference when you start jabbing away at the door button (which is locked) as the train sets back off the other unit...even if you think it actually leaving, jabbing at the door button will magically make the train stop again and the doors open for you

(Witnessed this crazy behaviour at Man Picc a few weeks ago, when they were separating two 185's - the passengers who hadn't boarded couldn't work out why the doors were locked and then looked horrified and starting moving with the train and banging on the door when it started setting back off the other unit! All of this watched from the comfort of the 185 I was on, on the opposite platform ))

Also:

Passengers...yes that single carriage train (Class 153 if you will ) is dividing...the fitters have just gone to find the torch cutters first...

Hahaha I have witnessed that too, also at Manchester Piccadilly.

 

[4SRKT]

Crewe Station announcer - Please, speak a little bit more quietly so that no passengers can actually hear you. They won't mind when their service suddenly changes from Platform 1 to Platform 6 and don't know about it because they'll enjoy the peace and quiet

How the announcer at Crewe is still in a job I'll never know. He's not just quiet, but a mumbler and with a really stupid accent. I can't understand anything he says, which is a serious problem at a station where every other train seems to have its platform altered.

 

[OuterDistant]

Stoke-on-Trent City Council: when planning roadworks at a major road junction, don't forget to also plan resurfacing work at the same time on the nearby diversionary routes. Stupid *******s.

 

[tbtc]

MODERN TRAIN DESIGNERS - recreate popular darts based gameshow Bullseye when designing doors on your DDA toilets to slide back slowly to reveal the special star prize*

(* - some idiot who's not realised how to press the "LOCK" button)

 

[table38]

(* - some idiot who's not realised how to press the "LOCK" button)

Flashers - "accidentally" forget to press the lock button so you can expose yourself...

 

[Cruithne3753]

Cyclists taking the train; Worried that the train might not start stop at your station to for you to get on during the hours of darkness? Just use your rear light as an improvised "stop" signal. Simples.

 

[317666]

Cyclists: It is in fact forbidden to put your bike in the designated bike area on trains. Instead, you should just prop it against the doorway and not get up and move it whenever somebody wishes to alight/join using those doors.

 

[bb21]

When the train doors fail to open as scheduled at your station and the train starts moving off again, DO NOT press the emergency button to alert the driver straight away. Groan a little, look out the windows for a little more so that you pass at least five station name plates to make sure that it is your intended station. Finally pinch yourself thirteen times on each leg and ensure that it is not a dream.

Now press the emergency button and tell the driver that he must reverse back to the station as you have missed your stop. Shout obscenities down the microphone if the answer comes back negative until he obliges.

 

[theblackwatch]

Blackpool Transport: When there is a major event on at Fleetwood, just stick to the usual 15 minute frequency service and don't bother to run any additional trams. This will enable you to check the maximum standing capacity of the new Flexity trams.

 

[OuterDistant]

Motorcyclists. Increase sympathy for your complaints about safety by not driving everywhere at double the speed limit.

 

[60163]

By standing up and positioning yourself by the doors BEFORE any other passengers, you can subliminally convince them that you're on the correct side, no matter which side you're on or which station.

This usually works on the approach to Crewe.


Buy a ticket to anywhere at all and travel to anywhere you want. When challenged, merely repeat the adage "The customer is always right"

 

[Cruithne3753]

Train operators; concerned about passengers getting bored on long journeys? Why not entertain them with comedy sliding doors that open and close incessantly for the whole ride. Hilarious.

 

[OuterDistant]

Terrorists. Cause more chaos than any bombing by painting fake "Olympic lanes" on the road.

 

[LE Greys]

Stoke-on-Trent City Council: when planning roadworks at a major road junction, don't forget to also plan resurfacing work at the same time on the nearby diversionary routes. Stupid *******s.

Hertfordshire County Council, why not save some money when relaying the road and time by not topping off the road properly, ignoring our lay-by and only ever clearing the weeds/dirt brought off the fields by flooding from the other side of the road and not ours. :roll: We really won't mind our cars being damaged by all the loose chippings, honest.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

Train operators; concerned about passengers getting bored on long journeys? Why not entertain them with comedy sliding doors that open and close incessantly for the whole ride. Hilarious.

Passengers, keep yourself entertained by putting your luggage on the pressure pad that controls the door.

 

[CC 72100]

Passengers, keep yourself entertained by putting your luggage on the pressure pad that controls the door.

Especially young children. Parents, if your kids do it and you fail to stop them, don't worry about it, there's nothing I enjoy more during a long journey than hearing the vestibule door go back and forth all the time :roll: