telstarbox
Established Member
TRAVIS TRIBUTE BANDS. Add authenticity to your gigs by performing on Manchester Victoria bay platforms during inclement weather.
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Top Tips (Enter at Your Own Risk)
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OuterDistant
Member
First Capital Connect: save money on automated announcements by only purchasing the one that says "due to signalling problems in the Farringdon area, all services are currently suspended".
Ivo
Established Member
Accidentally boarded the wrong train? Bus skipped your stop because it's full? Lost your map and can't remember how to get to the Post Office? Call 999.
If you're at a tennis or cricket match, as soon as you feel one drop of rain, get the brolly out (when the TV camera is looking in your direction where possible). Even if said rain is actually the spray from the Coke can of the guy sitting behind you.
The Sun is always right - especially when it's leaning left. And the difference between the real Sun and the Moon is the double vowel in "Moon".
And DfT officials should remember that the fate of the country depends on everywhere north of Crewe having a direct service to Manchester Airport.
Have I got the right idea?
Hmm. Unfortunately no Local Evader ticket exists. Certainly matches Southend though
If you're at a tennis or cricket match, as soon as you feel one drop of rain, get the brolly out (when the TV camera is looking in your direction where possible). Even if said rain is actually the spray from the Coke can of the guy sitting behind you.
The Sun is always right - especially when it's leaning left. And the difference between the real Sun and the Moon is the double vowel in "Moon".
And DfT officials should remember that the fate of the country depends on everywhere north of Crewe having a direct service to Manchester Airport.
Have I got the right idea?
Hmm. Unfortunately no Local Evader ticket exists. Certainly matches Southend though
Harbon 1
Member
Be careful, even on a belting hot day, take extra care when the automated PA tells you that the floors may be slippery
Temple Meads
Established Member
When the "Please stand clear..." message come over the PA, always go over the yellow line at the edge of the platform and do a vigorous dance.
Or for an even better deal swap your 0845 number for an 0870 and watch the money flow in!
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table38
Established Member
Keep jabbing at the door button even before the light comes on because this will make the doors open faster.
For TOC's, we like being called customers, it makes us feel valued and assures us that we're always right.
That actually works on 365s.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
To be fair, that was mostly my fault because I failed to understand the referance in the title (having never been on twitter).
That actually works on 365s.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
I think you've all misunderstood the thread
To be fair, that was mostly my fault because I failed to understand the referance in the title (having never been on twitter).
causton
Established Member
Uno Buses: Make sure your late-night buses leave at 15 and 45 past the hour when the trains out of London call there at 16 and 46 past!
Northern guards: now that Leeds is a fully barriered station there is no need to sell tickets on board. Not doing so means that all your passengers will be able to get to know each other as they stand together for ages in the queue at the excess fares kiosk, and you will be able to get your feet up for a hard earned rest in the back cab.
tbtc
Veteran Member
TOCs - encourage mountaineers to use your service by describing a train from Manchester Airport to Blackpool as "Transpennine".
Government - give the world the impression that you have OCD by announcing every single investment in railways nineteen times.
IEP-haters - develop a mature critique of these new units by describing them as "Japanese Poo Trains"
Government - give the world the impression that you have OCD by announcing every single investment in railways nineteen times.
IEP-haters - develop a mature critique of these new units by describing them as "Japanese Poo Trains"
The above has just been entered into my list of "The Best of Rail UK Top Tips".
Next one: TPE - any reasonable person understands that 3 coaches per hour is more than enough to send to Scarborough on a summer Saturday, so don’t be distracted by all the pathetic whingers who object to having to stand all the way from York after parting with a small fortune for the pleasure.
Temple Meads
Established Member
Always stand in front of the toilet door on a train, as people desperate for the loo will think someone is already in there.
Just stand there and watch them squirm
Just stand there and watch them squirm
Dennis
Established Member
Train spotters, never drink the bottle of warm apple tango that the friendly train driver has given you.
317666
Established Member
Passengers - if in doubt about ticketing restrictions ask 'the man on the platform'. If you end up in trouble onboard the train, blame it on 'the man on the platform'.
Railtour operators: it is well known that diesel enthusiasts just love class 47s, so everyone is certain to be 100% happy when the www.railtourinfo.co.uk/diesel webpage reads like the production schedule at Brush Traction circa 1962.
DaveNewcastle
Established Member
These are excellent sources of information relating to ticket issues.
But at many stations, highly qualified advice is not just available from 'the man on the platform'. Dedicated teams of railway ticketing experts are also to be found outside stations, and are all clearly identifiable by their Railway credentials : a corporate red bib stating "The Big Issue".
Any travel advice from a Big Issue Officer will give you the confidence to travel with the assurance of the highest professional standards.
Temple Meads
Established Member
Railway Photographers: if you only take pictures of Voyagers at stations, your popularity will go right up!
OuterDistant
Member
Simulate travel in a Class 158 by removing your car's electric windows and air conditioning fuses and driving around with the heater on full blast.
English Electric enthusiasts: recreate the heady and only recently departed days of Northern Ireland Railways' DEMUs by putting an unreliable diesel powered generator in a smelly old barge and plodding along the canal very slowly and with frequent breakdowns. Will still be utter magic though!
If you are travelling on a ticket that requires a photocard for validity, and you have forgotten your card, put a black bin liner over your head - the ticket man will realise he couldn't have checked the photo anyway, so will not ask.
tbtc
Veteran Member
Intercity Operators - Encourage a new generation to appreciate the joys of childhood game "spot the difference" by releasing a new fifty page timetable each year that apparently doesn't have space to describe any of the differences from the fifty page timetable that you produced last year.
Railway Magazine, don't spoil it by giving away the answers, encode them in Enigma instead, thus producing another game, spot the cipher.
South Yorkshire PTE: why not pay for 16 trailers for class 333s that only operate in West and North Yorkshire, simply in order to stop Northern from deploying their 4-car 321s and 322s on Triangle workings and putting 3-car 333s on Leeds > Doncaster trains? After all, the Leeds > Doncaster service has a whole THREE stations in South Yorkshire, the current service of 321s/322s always has FAR more passengers than could fit into a 3-car 333, and the other element of the half-hourly Adwick > Doncaster service is often formed of a 153.
Not that the good burghers of Bradford and Craven Districts aren't extremely grateful for your largesse in providing relief to our overcrowding issues.
Not that the good burghers of Bradford and Craven Districts aren't extremely grateful for your largesse in providing relief to our overcrowding issues.
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If you miss the train your ticket is valid for, catch the next one - but wind your watch back an hour to prove you are on the right one. It is a little known by-law that railway staff must accept customers' timepieces as being correct.
Temple Meads
Established Member
Scotrail Passengers: if you really feel too tired to get off the train using your legs, just argue in front of the guard while a big man is present, he'll helpfully eject you from the train.
317666
Established Member
Angry passengers! Remember that every member of railway staff in uniform knows everything about trains and railways. If a member of staff is unable to provide the information you need regarding delays, it's not because he/she has just arrived on an inbound train and has no idea, but because he/she is being selfish.
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