Ten bizarre excuses used for dodging rail fares

[bnm]

From Rail.co:

Fare dodgers are ‘depriving the rail network and other passengers of an estimated £200m a year’, according to figures published today by the Association of Train Operating Companies (ATOC) which represents Britain’s train operators.

Fare dodgers who choose to travel without buying a ticket are estimated to be making more than 110,000 train journeys each and every day on the rail network.

The figures come as train companies publish a list of some of the more memorable excuses used by passengers caught travelling without a ticket.

Examples of excuses given by fare dodgers for not buying a ticket include:

“I’m related to the queen so I don’t need a ticket.”
“I’m in the Zimbabwean SAS, on covert ops.”
“Don’t you know who I am?”
“What’s a ticket?”
“Do I need a ticket? I thought the railway was free.”
“If the ticket man doesn’t see me then I don’t need one.”
“I’m a freeman of the land, I don’t recognise the law and the law does not apply to me.”
An adult travelling with a child ticket said: “I thought I was a child until I was 21.”
A passenger claimed he did not buy a ticket because “I didn’t think you would accept my fare.”
“I thought by hiding in the luggage rack you wouldn’t see me.”

The hundreds of millions of pounds lost every year due to fare dodging is money train operators could otherwise invest in improving services for passengers.

It is estimated that the £200m currently lost every year due to fare dodging would be enough to:

Lease over 1,300 extra commuter carriages, or;
Lease around 800 extra inter-city carriages for longer distance journeys, or;
Pay for the upkeep of around 380 stations for the next five years.

Train companies have a number of safeguards in place aimed at ensuring that customers unable to buy a ticket are not given a penalty fare.

Staff are regularly updated about ticket machines which may not be working and other circumstances which may prevent people from buying tickets. Passengers should check with their train operator what its policies are on ticketing and fare evasion.

David Mapp, Commercial Director for the Association of Train Operating Companies (ATOC), said:

“It’s frustrating for the vast majority of honest passengers who do pay for their ticket when fare dodgers’ selfish actions suck millions of pounds out of the railways each year. That’s money both train companies and passengers alike would rather see going back into further improving services. Train companies deal with fare dodgers in a fair but firm manner. Where there is a genuine reason for someone travelling without a ticket, train companies will always use their discretion. Strong deterrents are in place to ensure that the vast majority of passengers don’t end up paying for the few who think they can get away without buying a ticket. As these excuses show, there are always some people who choose to spend time thinking up an excuse rather than buying a ticket.”

Any other amusing excuses heard by forum members?

 

[AlterEgo]

"I only got on the train to go to sleep 'cause it was warm, and now I have a UFN".

 

[Urban Gateline]

Some fare evaders don't even give excuses, they just say "can you let me out boss?"

I reply "No, If you like you can crawl under (the barriers), I won't stop you"

 

[rmt-driver]

From my gateline days. Once had a granny claiming she had heart or chest problems and needed to go to hospital urgently. It was about 8.30 and her OAP pass wasn't valid yet.

I suggested her taking a seat and I call her an ambulance, she refused saying an ambulance from there would take her to such and such hospital which she didn't like, if she went on the train she could go to her favourite hospital. I didn't believe her but let her through because she amused me .

 

[Mutant Lemming]

It's always going to be difficult to quantify how many people travel without paying their fare but saying it is lost revenue is a misnomer. Railway companies seem to estimate so called 'lost revenue' against 'cost of preventative measures'. If it costs more to collect that revenue (and in many cases it would mean those people wouldn't travel at all or would resort to other alternatives - like thumbing lifts) than what that revenue is actually worth to them then they won't bother. It appears that rather than put people out and about (costing money) they just use scare tactics (threatening prosecution) or try to shame people (calling them freeloaders, scroungers etc).

 

[bAzTNM]

“I’m in the Zimbabwean SAS, on covert ops.”

Classic. I'll use that one to bump a free ride to Glasgow Queen Street.

 

[trc666]

Molesey I get that all the time up at my station - "Boss lemme out promise I'll get a ticket at the machine bruv juss forgot to buy one yeah?" (which in reality translates to "I couldn't be bothered to buy one and I have no intention of getting one if you're gullible enough to let me out") or "Yeah but boss I thought you could get tickets on the train at Wandsworth Town". You name it I've heard it.

Oh and forgot to mention the classic one - "Boss I forgot to touch in at Staines yeah can you let us out so I can top up?"
Since when did Staines have Oyster readers?!?

 

[Flamingo]

- "You gotta let me travel, my auntie has just been killed in the tsunami in Japan" (third time that week I had seen him with no ticket).

- "You have breached my human rights by wakening me up, I'm not going to buy a ticket off you"

- "I got on the wrong train when I was drunk" looking at the timetable, from when and where the ticket had been bought (£2.50 in Birmingham) they had got on five wrong trains.

- "I don't need a ticket, I'm a single mother"

- "My ticket is in my suitcase, I'm not unpacking it all just to find it for you"

- "I'm a friend of Jane who works in the booking office at X, she said if I just mention her name it'll be OK"
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

It's always going to be difficult to quantify how many people travel without paying their fare but saying it is lost revenue is a misnomer. Railway companies seem to estimate so called 'lost revenue' against 'cost of preventative measures'. If it costs more to collect that revenue (and in many cases it would mean those people wouldn't travel at all or would resort to other alternatives - like thumbing lifts) than what that revenue is actually worth to them then they won't bother. It appears that rather than put people out and about (costing money) they just use scare tactics (threatening prosecution) or try to shame people (calling them freeloaders, scroungers etc).

Of course it is lost revenue! The vast majority of these people would still travel by train, they just would pay for the journey.

Also, given the number of complaints about overcrowding, they would be freeing up space for the paying customers if they did bugger off and walk, or stay at home.

They are not contributing anything to the railway, why the hell should they be allowed use it?

There is nothing wrong with calling faredodging scum faredodging scum to their face - a lot of them do think they are untouchable. Too many people know all their rights and none of their responsibilities.

I do it on a regular basis, even walking down the platform behind them / standing in the middle of the carriage and pointing them out in a loud voice "Look everybody, faredodgers here, somebody who thinks you have to pay, they don't!" The faces are priceless
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

“I’m a freeman of the land, I don’t recognise the law and the law does not apply to me.”

http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Freeman_on_the_land
I came across a lovely example of a guy trying this crap on in a court in Ireland a few weeks ago:

Defendant asks judge to show oath of office in court stand-off
By Edel O'Connell

Thursday August 11 2011

A man facing a series of motoring offences demanded that a judge produce his oath of office yesterday during a dramatic stand-off.

The hearing at Wexford District Court was brought to a standstill when a 29-year-old man demanded that the judge produce his oath before he proceeded with the case.

Declaring he had been brought to the court against his will, and was "under duress", Bobby Oliver Sludds, of Ballagh Cove, Enniscorthy, Co Wexford, said Judge David Anderson had no jurisdiction to deal with the case unless he first produced his oath. "Do you have your oath here? Because if you don't, you're not operating a lawful court," he said.

"Where did you read that?" asked the judge.

"The Constitution. It says that a judge must offer up his oath when requested and I am asking you do you have your oath?" said Mr Sludds, before picking up a copy of the Constitution and beginning to quote at length from Article 34, which deals with the appointment of judges.

"This is not a quiz, I ask the questions. I made my oath in front of the Chief Justice and I have no idea if he kept a record or not," replied Judge Anderson.

"Do you speak English or legalese?" replied Mr Sludds, before discarding the Constitution and picking up a copy of 'Black's Law Dictionary'.

Quoting the definition of "summons", Mr Sludds proceeded to dispute the validity of the summons issued by the court, in which he was charged with a number of motoring offences in Enniscorthy in April 2010.

"These offences are fraudulent and I'm not this Bobby Oliver Sludds you speak of. That's not me and this fictitious claim is a fraud on this court. This is not my name. I've been taken here against my will," he repeated.

Asked to clarify the matter, prosecuting Garda Michael O'Grady said that when he had stopped Mr Sludds and asked him his name, he had replied: "Bobby of the family Sludds."

"But who is this Oliver you're talking about?" asked the defendant, who said he was "a peaceful and honourable man" and the charges were spurious.

Sludds then handed up a copy of his birth cert to the court and again repeated that he was not the man named in the summons.

Denials

Having heard repeated denials that he was the man named in the summons, Judge Anderson said he had no other choice but to remand Sludds in custody due to the confusion.

"I can't accept a bail bond from someone whose signature can't be verified," he said, remanding Mr Sludds to Cloverhill prison.

"You can't do this. This isn't over -- you can expect a bill," shouted Mr Sludds, as he was led away by a number of gardai. He was remanded to Cloverhill Prison until September 17

http://www.independent.ie/national-...oath-of-office-in-court-standoff-2845275.html

 

[Mojo]

Some people will try anything. Someone I know works in a booking office and a few years ago had an impostor.

Random person got on a train and when the guard came round for tickets told him that she worked in the ticket office at Anytown station and could not find her staff pass, she gave her name. The guard phoned Anytown station, and on giving the name the person on duty was able to verify that she was indeed an employee (this station only has 1 member of staff on duty at any time). When she turned up for work later the colleague asked if she had found her lost pass, slightly confused as she hadn't lost it the colleague explained what happened. It wasn't her!

 

[Bristol Rover]

£200 million a year in lost revenue from fare dodgers.

I wonder how much extra they get by Ticket Offices selling unnecessarily expensive tickets, or people panicking and buying a more expensive ticket than they need.

 

[island]

Or from maximum Oyster charges.

 

[Solent&Wessex]

"My mate is meeting me at X station and will pay for me when I get there"

"I got mugged last night and they stole my wallet"

"I am not paying you, you are only a conductor, I demand to speak to your superior"

"I don't believe that price, the website said it was X amount, I am not paying that"

"But it's in my bag"

"I left it in the other jacket"

"I got on the wrong train"

"The bloke on the station said...."

"But I need to get home"

"I've lost the other part of the ticket"

"The machine took my money, but never printed the ticket, but I didn't have time to wait or I would have missed the train"

"I think I've lost it somewhere, can you just ring the station, they'll tell you I brought one"

"I'll pay when I get there"

 

[ainsworth74]

"The bloke on the station said...."

I'm guessing that if the guards on here got a pound for every time they heard that one they wouldn't need to work as a guard for much longer

 

[district]

I want to become a RPO/RPI/Guard and I've found these really, really funny. Revenue is in my blood, and you WILL pay your fare.

Customer on my train told the guard he didn't have a ticket. Upon quoting for a ticket he said that he didn't want one either. He said that he had no money to pay for one even if he did want it.

The guard smiled, said "no money, no ticket, no travel". The customer pulled out his credit card and tried to buy a ticket and was (rightly imo) refused by the guard.

He was subsoquently dealt with by the BTP at the next station :P

Railways 1, Fare evading scum 0!

 

[mallard]

An adult travelling with a child ticket said: “I thought I was a child until I was 21.”

That one's almost reasonable. Somebody who doesn't use the railway often could reasonably assume that the railway definition of "child" should be the same as the legal definition of "child", i.e. under 18. Obviously 21 is "trying it on" though!

 

[OuterDistant]

“Don’t you know who I am?”

I would never ever get tired of shouting to the other passengers, "I've got one here who doesn't know who he is!"

 

[4SRKT]

I want to become a RPO/RPI/Guard and I've found these really, really funny. Revenue is in my blood, and you WILL pay your fare.

Customer on my train told the guard he didn't have a ticket. Upon quoting for a ticket he said that he didn't want one either. He said that he had no money to pay for one even if he did want it.

The guard smiled, said "no money, no ticket, no travel". The customer pulled out his credit card and tried to buy a ticket and was (rightly imo) refused by the guard.

He was subsoquently dealt with by the BTP at the next station :P

Railways 1, Fare evading scum 0!

Why 'rightly'? He may have been a cheeky git, but once he produced the means to pay the grip should surely have sold it to him. You can't just say that this was done 'rightly' just because you don't like a person's attitude. Nor can you call someone prepared to pay, even if it wasn't immediate, 'fare evading scum'.

If you ever do become a guard please let me know which TOC it's for so I can avoid it. I wouldn't like you to hand me over to the BTP 'rightly' for not getting my ticket out quickly enough or whatever else may displease you. A guard is not just a revenue collector, so unless customer service is also 'in your blood' may I suggest a different career?

 

[185]

"I am the Chief Operating Officer of FirstGroup"

- Dr. Mike Mitchell, on my train in 2005

- no valid ticket

- talking down to me like a naughty schoolboy

This idiot:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/5153082.stm
... the drunken berk blamed it on deafness.

 

[4SRKT]

"I am the Chief Operating Officer of FirstGroup"

- Dr. Mike Mitchell, on my train in 2005

- no valid ticket

- talking down to me like a naughty schoolboy

This idiot:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/5153082.stm
... the drunken berk blamed it on deafness.

Oops!

 

[AlterEgo]

Why 'rightly'? He may have been a cheeky git, but once he produced the means to pay the grip should surely have sold it to him. You can't just say that this was done 'rightly' just because you don't like a person's attitude. Nor can you call someone prepared to pay, even if it wasn't immediate, 'fare evading scum'.

If you ever do become a guard please let me know which TOC it's for so I can avoid it. I wouldn't like you to hand me over to the BTP 'rightly' for not getting my ticket out quickly enough or whatever else may displease you. A guard is not just a revenue collector, so unless customer service is also 'in your blood' may I suggest a different career?

The customer in this example clearly was attempting to avoid payment, illegally.

 

[185]

He was on his was beck to his hometown of Huddersfield with his wife, and thought he'd get away with showing me his FIP Europe Pass (not UK) then trying to browbeat me.

FAIL

 

[4SRKT]

The customer in this example clearly was attempting to avoid payment, illegally.

By producing a credit card? I think not. Sure, he was trying it on, but once he'd produced the means to pay the grip should have let him do so. I'm not condoning the passenger's behaviour at all, but if we were all to be punished for things we've nearly done but haven't actually done we'd probably all be in prison.

 

[AlterEgo]

By producing a credit card? I think not. Sure, he was trying it on, but once he'd produced the means to pay the grip should have let him do so. I'm not condoning the passenger's behaviour at all, but if we were all to be punished for things we've nearly done but haven't actually done we'd probably all be in prison.

He clearly attempted to evade paying the fare in my view.

Would you think that someone attempting to hurdle the barriers, failing, and then going to the gateline staff to buy a ticket is OK?

 

[ANorthernGuard]

I'm guessing that if the guards on here got a pound for every time they heard that one they wouldn't need to work as a guard for much longer

if we got commission for that I wouldnt have to work Rest Days lol

 

[bangor-toad]

Heard on an early morning train:

"I haven't got a ticket as I went out on a bender last night and I just woke up on this train and have no idea where I am or where this train is going."




















OK, I heard it as I was saying it! In my defence it was in my early student days and in no way reflects my current status as an upstanding member of society.

The rest of the conversation with the guard consisted of working out where I was, where the train was coming from and going to and where I wanted to go. In the end a single from London (the most likely place I'd fallen / got onto the train) to the town I needed to get back to seemed the most reasonable result. Ahhh, happy irresponsible days...
Jason

 

[RPI]

He clearly attempted to evade paying the fare in my view.

Would you think that someone attempting to hurdle the barriers, failing, and then going to the gateline staff to buy a ticket is OK?

Byelaw 18!

 

[EM2]

I would never ever get tired of shouting to the other passengers, "I've got one here who doesn't know who he is!"

An American friend of mine used to work for a small domestic US airline (she did tell me which one, but I forget).
A flight was cancelled and she was dealing with a queue rebooking everyone onto the next flight. There weren't that many people, only forty or so, but this guy marched straight up to her and said 'I need to be on this next flight and you need to sort it NOW!'
'I'm doing that for everyone here, Sir. Please join the line and I'll get to you as soon as I can'.
This went backwards and forwards for a few minutes, until he came out with the classic line.
Michelle, very annoyed with him by now, calmly bing-bonged the PA: 'Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please? We have a gentleman at Gate 55 who does not know who he is. if anyone can assist, please attend to Gate 55. Thank you!'
To a background of sniggers from the rest of the line, the gentleman retorted 'WELL **** YOU!'
To which my friend eplied, (and this is the best bit)
'I'm afraid you'll have to get in line for that as well, Sir...'

 

[Cherry_Picker]

I have always wanted to hear about somebody who declared that their face was their ticket.


"All tickets must be punched..."

 

[Flamingo]

I've had someone produce a letter from police saying their wallet had been stolen. Not only is this "tough", the letter was a month old...

 

[Mutant Lemming]

I have always wanted to hear about somebody who declared that their face was their ticket.


"All tickets must be punched..."

A bit like the barman who keeps an Indian Cobra behind the bar...

We had a former employee who disappeared for two weeks without any word and on his return claimed he had been abducted by aliens.

..as for excuses for not havng a valid train ticket -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozOAasuG164&feature=related