Please help me interpret this - I have Aspergers and struggle to do so myself.

[JDi]

Hi everyone,

I know that I posted a similar thread on here last week, but I just wanted to expand a little, as I tend to worry a lot about things.

I just please wanted to ask for some help in interpreting this particular response to one of my messages.

I have had good advice elsewhere, categorically telling em to get off of Facebook - especially when I feel a little bit stressed/under academic pressure. I am posting this thread to ask for some help interpreting one particular response, as now that I have finished my essays for the academic year and am feeling better, I would just like to try and assess the impact of how my posts/ messages (when I have been feeling stressed/under pressure) have been interpreted. Partially so that I can learn from this, by understanding how receiving such messages can make people feel, and therefore stop doing it. Partially because I am worried that i have already made a lot of people angry at me and lose all of the people I was one friends with/spoke to.

I am going to write about one response to a message I received (I admit that I was stressed when sending, and in hindsight, was having a bit of a pity party).

I think the tone of the message (below) sounds angry at me, and that this person hates me now. Naturally, I tend to worry that not just this person feels like that after receiving my messages, but everyone who I have messaged.

I try my best not to, but I find it hard to help it at times. I just get so stressed and feel so lonely.

Anyway,

I posted to someone who I once knew from school that I was lonely at uni and that I had no friends and that people were calling me names. I felt very down and under pressure at Uni when I did, and think that this person is angry at me now. Do you think this is good advice to what I posted, or do you think this person hates me? He responded:

'First of all you need to chill. You are not a retard. The dictionary definition does not apply to you because you are social and you know how to interact with people. Only you can change your loneliness. Throw caution to the wind. Join a club/society. Ignore those who insult you - you have dealt with worse at school. If you think you have no friends then you are wrong. Look up the definition of friend in a dictionary and apply it to people you know. It's not all about uni work. You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way.'

Do you think that this is good advice, or do you think that the person who wrote it now hates me and is angry at me? Is this person my friend or have I made them angry at me?

Thank you all so much for any advice.

I go back to uni next month, and whilst I am free from academic commitments, I am doing everything I can to learn how to deal with pressure appropriately so that I don't lose all of my friends/make people angry at me/hate me!

 

[Bletchleyite]

I think it's good advice (though may be difficult for you to follow), an I don't think they are angry at all.

 

[J-2739]

Sounds like a good friend over there, they usually give the difficult advice.

Maybe frustrated, but not angry.

 

[northwichcat]

Someone who is angry with you wouldn't be likely to reply offering you advice.

It's worth remembering while it may seem almost everyone studying at university has made loads of friends and has a great social life, that isn't actually the case. The people who have loads of friends and a great social life advertise it, those who don't generally stay quiet about it. I'm not sure what year you'll be in next year but many people enjoy their second year more than their first year.

 

[LowLevel]

I think they are attempting to relate to your condition by offering you direct advice in a literal way which you are perhaps over interpreting. Try what they suggest, you may be happy with the result. I don't think they hate you.

 

[jimbouk1]

The person giving you advice comes across a friend who genuinely cares, and wants you to feel better about yourself. The advice they give is good, although I appreciate that it may not always be easy to follow. My son has been going out with a girl who has Aspergers for almost a year now and, although it can be a challenge in some situations, she has found a personal 'confidence' over time by trying to become involved in other activities or meeting new people. We all have our insecurities sometimes or feel alone, but there is no way your friend is angry at you.

 

[507021]

It sounds like you have a great friend, I really don't think they're angry with you or hate you.

 

[najaB]

I agree with the other opinions - it sounds to me like a friend giving you some 'tough love'.

 

[ASharpe]

Sound like good advice to me and clearly from a good friend.

You really should look at joining a club or society - most have regular and frequent meetings and you might find it helpful to get into a routine of going along to one or two.

Good luck with the next academic year.