Grayling's big Heathrow announcement fails to take off
John Crace
The transport secretary was forced to the dispatch box again for yet another bashing
First trains, now planes. After Monday’s humiliating mauling over the train timetables, Chris Grayling must have been hoping for a bit of recovery time. A chance to lie on his therapist’s couch and free-associate in a doomed search for his self esteem. Instead he was back in the Commons to make yet another statement he would have rather avoided. This time on
the government’s decision to give the go-ahead for Heathrow’s third runway.
“The time for action is now,” said a visibly fragile Grayling. This wasn’t actually true. The time for action had been 10 years ago when the government had first decided to expand London’s airport capacity, but previous transport ministers had had the wit to recognise the issue was a poisoned chalice and had successfully managed to kick it into the long grass. Not so Grayling. They don’t call him Failing Grayling for nothing, so it was somehow inevitable that the buck would stop with him.
Grayling cowered at the dispatch box, as if fearful of another punishment beating, as he outlined his proposals. Everything was going to be fine – don’t hit me, don’t hit me – no one was going to be inconvenienced at all – don’t hit me, don’t hit me – the new planes would make so little noise and cause such little pollution that you wouldn’t even know they were taking off or landing. Largely because they wouldn’t be, as the runway wouldn’t be built. At least not for 10 years. Or longer if he had anything to do with it. Sometimes incompetence has its uses. Don’t hit me, don’t hit me.
Unable to resist a sitting duck, the shadow transport secretary, Andy McDonald, immediately stood up and started hitting him. Repeatedly. He wasn’t going to grace the occasion with a detailed response because Grayling was so clearly out of his depth and no one could trust a word he said. McDonald had a point. Immediately the nervous tic that had afflicted Failing Grayling throughout his train wreck the previous day restarted. It was the most visible sign of intelligent life in the transport minister throughout the session.