Nice surprise on East Coast

[PermitToTravel]

I notice you didn't go and confront her either. Maybe you should have done. Maybe you'd have got the same response someone who confronted me about my screaming baby (having been awake with her for 15 hours) did.

Wind your neck in. Procreating does not excuse you from following rules. Screaming babies do not belong in a quiet coach unless there is literally no space elsewhere in the train, or crowd conditions make it impossible to get to any space available elsewhere.

 

[JamesP]

I was on an EMT Crewe-Derby last Friday, with a guard who clearly fancied himself as a bit of a "character", putting on an exaggerated voice to announce everything, referring to Derby as "Der-Bee" with small pause in the middle, and referring to Peartree station (this was one of the few services each day that calls there) as "Paradise".

Oddly enough when he was coming round inspecting/selling tickets, he seemed perfectly normal.

A couple of years ago travelling from Euston-Liverpool on Virgin we had a Scouse guard who kept everybody entertained. He started by telling us we were now leaving "European Cup-free zone London" (this was before Chelsea won it), describing the route we were taking, pointing landmarks out when we were passing by, and as we were going alongside the M1 telling us to look out and see "that car going past that's obviously breaking the speed limit".

 

[plastictaffy]

I have been known to make the odd smart-arse comment. You can get away with it, depending on the clientele. There is one job we work regularly where I've got away with

"Ladies and gentleman, please do be aware that this is a very busy service. If you are currently sat next to your bag, coat, laptop etc, please be aware that there are many people standing on this service. Move your item and allow them to sit next to you. It's possible you may even get along. Most of the people on this service look fairly normal, and I don't believe you will be bitten or dribbled on by the stranger that may sit next to you. However, if you are bitten or dribbled on, please let me know, and the appropriate action will be taken"

Also got away with
"This service is now arriving at XX. Please do be aware that to travel to XX, you need to be sat in the front part of the train. You do have my deepest sympathy if you're travelling to XX, however you do need to be sat in the front part of this service, as it does now divide on arrival at XX."

Also

"Now approaching Coventry. Change here to travel to such exotic locations as Banbury, Leamington Spa, and services to the Costa del South......."

And
"Now approaching XX where this service will terminate. Please ensure you take all personal belongings with you, including children. Any children left on this train will be given an Espresso and a puppy."

It's not often you get told off - my TOC likes us to show our personality, allegedly. I did get told off for the deepest sympathy bit - but one of the big-wigs was on the service, and it was a peak time service full of commuters - plus I was still with my trainer as I hadn't passed out!!!

 

[PeterY]

There is apparently a driver named Aiden - @metlinerocks on Twitter - who makes rather funny announcements on the Metropolitan Line. He announced that he was told not to do it after a complaint, only to find that his managers relaxed (presumably due to the many positive comments, including on social media) and he can now continue.

Alas, I have not had the benefit of riding one of his trains. However, there are other characters on the Tube - mainly platform staff, I find, though.

I once heard a Met driver, arriving into Watford "Thank you for travel with Metropolitan trains and we hope you had a plesant journey"

Once heard by a Southern guard and Clapham Jct "Please remember all belongings, children, and livestock. Also please be aware of the very large gap, when leaving the train. People falling into the gap, delays our trains"

 

[Roverman]

I was on an EMT Crewe-Derby last Friday, with a guard who clearly fancied himself as a bit of a "character", putting on an exaggerated voice to announce everything, referring to Derby as "Der-Bee" with small pause in the middle, and referring to Peartree station (this was one of the few services each day that calls there) as "Paradise".

Oddly enough when he was coming round inspecting/selling tickets, he seemed perfectly normal.

A couple of years ago travelling from Euston-Liverpool on Virgin we had a Scouse guard who kept everybody entertained. He started by telling us we were now leaving "European Cup-free zone London" (this was before Chelsea won it), describing the route we were taking, pointing landmarks out when we were passing by, and as we were going alongside the M1 telling us to look out and see "that car going past that's obviously breaking the speed limit".

Ha! Love it, I must confess that whenever I see a train pass me on the motorway I sometimes want to race it (I blame Clarkson!).

 

[samuelmorris]

It does annoy me when they say stupid things like 'do not use electronic devices'.

I like the quiet coach. But I also like using electronic devices. I make NO sound when using these devices. I am as silent as everyone else.

The perfect case in point for this was travelling in Coach B on a train down from York on East Coast. A child was playing with some LeapFrog talk aloud learning thing whcih was to be fair pretty loud, and the train manager asked them to silence it. This of course produced wailing from the child far louder than the original device, for a considerable period of time. Oh well, the thought was there I suppose :roll:

 

[scotsman]

Once heard a guard describe a stop on the approach to a station as follows "We're just waiting for the signal to clear to allow us into a platform. [Pause] This happens [another, shorter pause] every time."

 

[transmanche]

Once heard a guard describe a stop on the approach to a station as follows "We're just waiting for the signal to clear to allow us into a platform. [Pause] This happens [another, shorter pause] every time."

That must be Newcastle. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times my train hasn't been checked when going over the King Edward VII bridge. Even when it's the 02:15 arrival and there's nothing else around.

 

[wijit]

There is a guard on the Hadfield-Glossop service who I've heard several times describe Gorton as "Gorton International", used quite good humour when arriving at Ashbury's (close to manchester City FC), told us we were arriving in the "Sprawling metropolis that is Manchester" and also made comments about the consequences of not taking luggage/kids when leaving the train.
Thank god for humans!


As for the complainers about screaming children, personally I quite like it. It reminds me there is more to life than complaining about things that, really and truly, are not important.

 

[Welshman]

A while ago, leaving Sheffield on a XC train, the conductor announced the next stop to be Leeds.
When he was passing through the train, he was stopped and asked if we were not stopping at Wakefield. To his credit, he rushed back and corrected his original announcement.
On approaching Wakefield, another voice announced "We are now approaching Wakefield, which, unlike my colleague, I don't consider an insignificant place!"
That had me chuckling for the rest of the day.

 

[Tetchytyke]

Wind your neck in. Procreating does not excuse you from following rules. Screaming babies do not belong in a quiet coach unless there is literally no space elsewhere in the train, or crowd conditions make it impossible to get to any space available elsewhere.

The rules are "no music and no making telephone calls". The rules do not prohibit the carriage of small children or babies in the quiet coach, just as they do not stop you having a conversation. It is the quiet coach, not the silent coach. I will, of course, try and be "considerate", but actually a lot of the time sitting with the crying child for ten minutes with the intention of getting them to sleep is the most considerate action. Arguing with me about a screaming child, when I am trying to soothe that screaming child, will teach you some new Anglo-Saxon.

Given that 1/3 of the accommodation on a Cross Country train is a quiet coach, and I didn't choose the reservation, I'm not shifting anywhere. Thankfully, for my sanity, my child is now beyond the age of screaming.

As for funny announcements, there's a Northern guard in the north east who always announces "change here for Argos and Debenhams" when arriving at the Metrocentre, as well as apologising for any "convenience" when a train arrives early.

 

[talltim]

I've heard Sheffield referred to as 'the capital of the People's Republic of South Yorkshire' a few times. Also Chesterfield as 'Chezvegas'. That one must have been a local.

 

[transmanche]

The rules are "no music and no making telephone calls". [...] It is the quiet coach, not the silent coach.

Not quite. Different TOCs have different ways of describing their quiet coaches.

On East Coast, they ask passengers in the Quiet Coach to:

• keep noise to a minimum
• put mobile phones on silent or vibrate
• take phone calls in the vestibule
• use headphones to listen to music or watch videos, with the volume on low
• talk quietly

And the window stickers get the message across too:

 

[bramling]

The rules are "no music and no making telephone calls". The rules do not prohibit the carriage of small children or babies in the quiet coach, just as they do not stop you having a conversation. It is the quiet coach, not the silent coach. I will, of course, try and be "considerate", but actually a lot of the time sitting with the crying child for ten minutes with the intention of getting them to sleep is the most considerate action. Arguing with me about a screaming child, when I am trying to soothe that screaming child, will teach you some new Anglo-Saxon.

Given that 1/3 of the accommodation on a Cross Country train is a quiet coach, and I didn't choose the reservation, I'm not shifting anywhere. Thankfully, for my sanity, my child is now beyond the age of screaming.

How unreasonable for people to expect to make a long journey by train and not step off the train with a headache!

 

[bb21]

The rules are "no music and no making telephone calls". The rules do not prohibit the carriage of small children or babies in the quiet coach, just as they do not stop you having a conversation. It is the quiet coach, not the silent coach.

It is all about courtesy and consideration.

I think if it is only a matter of a few minutes, most passengers would be understanding, but if the screaming carries on for more than, say, ten or fifteen minutes, it would be courteous to move somewhere else if possible.

Also it is about how you handle the situation. If it genuinely was not possible to move to another carriage, a simple apology to people nearby would gain far more understanding and sympathy than taking an aggressive approach.

 

[pnepaul]

A few months ago I was on a VT pendolino to London. As we passed Milton Keynes, the automatic announcer came on "Welcome to this Virgin Train service for Liverpool calling at ....). The train manager then intervened "I'm afraid Automated Annie is having a bad day we are really going to London Euston not Liverpool"

 

[Oswyntail]

It is all about courtesy and consideration.

I think if it is only a matter of a few minutes, most passengers would be understanding, but if the screaming carries on for more than, say, ten or fifteen minutes, it would be courteous to move somewhere else if possible.

Also it is about how you handle the situation. If it genuinely was not possible to move to another carriage, a simple apology to people nearby would gain far more understanding and sympathy than taking an aggressive approach.

Yes - consideration for others. But why should those in the other coach have to put up with things? I can remember a trip in 1st (packed on Sunday evening) from Bath to London about 27 years ago where my lovely firstborn was teething and screamed all the way. Absolutely nothing would stop her. By the time we reached London, the well-dressed lady in her mid-20s opposite, who had not said a thing to us all journey, even when we apologised, started banging her head on the table and shouting "Shut that f*****g baby up".
On announcements, I loved the chap on Peckham Rye station who did the announcements for the London Bridge to Victoria "Inter City" who lingered over every station name, giving each an air of exotic romance.

 

[bb21]

Yes - consideration for others. But why should those in the other coach have to put up with things?

They don't, but many of those in the Quiet Coach would have reserved a seat in that coach for a peaceful journey so that wish should be respected.

I appreciate that it is not always possible to move elsewhere, but if it is possible, it would be considerate to respect that wish. Other people with such a wish could always have reserved a seat in the Quiet Coach.

In an ideal world, no one will have to put up with screaming babies and all kids behave like little angels, but we don't live in an ideal world so it's about compromises.

 

[Segedunum]

There is a guard on the Hadfield-Glossop service who I've heard several times describe Gorton as "Gorton International", used quite good humour when arriving at Ashbury's (close to manchester City FC), told us we were arriving in the "Sprawling metropolis that is Manchester" and also made comments about the consequences of not taking luggage/kids when leaving the train.
Thank god for humans!


As for the complainers about screaming children, personally I quite like it. It reminds me there is more to life than complaining about things that, really and truly, are not important.

I might have had the same guard. He announced the service as being to the 'Delightful Derbyshire town of New Mills Central' and one of the calling points was 'Romiley International' having said we were calling at 'Such popular destinations as Bellevue...'' and we were also advised to 'keep an eye on spare baggage such as the wife and the kids'.

 

[dcsprior]

Given that 1/3 of the accommodation on a Cross Country train is a quiet coach, and I didn't choose the reservation, I'm not shifting anywhere.

This is something I'd never thought of before. When I book a seat (I normally use East Coast's website, but when work is paying I have to use a specific site which uses thetrainline's booking engine) most options such as Aisle / Table or direction of travel give me the choice of one/other/no-preference. However you can't state a preference for non-quiet coach - I've personally never been allocated a seat in the quiet coach without having asked for one, but then I don't often travel on trains where 1/3 of the accomodation is quiet

 

[Butts]

The dreaded East Coast announcement often heard in Inverness and Aberdeen......

"Unfortunately due to problems with the refrigeration system there will not be any hot breakfasts available this morning......" :cry:

 

[JamesP]

This is something I'd never thought of before. When I book a seat (I normally use East Coast's website, but when work is paying I have to use a specific site which uses thetrainline's booking engine) most options such as Aisle / Table or direction of travel give me the choice of one/other/no-preference. However you can't state a preference for non-quiet coach - I've personally never been allocated a seat in the quiet coach without having asked for one, but then I don't often travel on trains where 1/3 of the accomodation is quiet

Virgin's website lets you choose whether you want the quiet coach or not.

 

[Muzer]

On most booking engines, the only options given are "Quiet coach" or "No preference". No option for "emphatically not the quiet coach"!

 

[ainsworth74]

Of course it would help if those TOCs that offer seat reservations would pull their finger out and start offering the option of choosing your seat like XC and EC do.

 

[Tetchytyke]

It is all about courtesy and consideration.

Also it is about how you handle the situation. If it genuinely was not possible to move to another carriage, a simple apology to people nearby would gain far more understanding and sympathy than taking an aggressive approach.

FWIW I normally did go and walk around in the vestibule when she really didn't want to settle, regardless of whether I was in the quiet coach or not.

People speaking to me as though the child should have an off switch, and that a cry was all my fault, found me an awful lot less co-operative. Funny that.

What got my back up about the previous poster was the insinuation that a parent of a screaming baby is somehow doing it deliberately. I think we all know that, however annoying you find the screaming, the parent is going to find it 100% worse.

Virgin's website lets you choose whether you want the quiet coach or not.

All the booking engines let you choose whether you want the quiet coach or whether you have "no preference". There's no option for "I'm travelling with a toddler so sit me in the REALLY NOISY COACH".

XC trains typically have three standard class carriages, one of which is the quiet coach. The chances of getting a reservation in the quiet coach, even when you ticked "no preference", are pretty high. And the chances of finding another seat when you get on are pretty low.

 

[Bill EWS]

Remember, there is no volume control on a baby.

 

[ainsworth74]

Remember, there is no volume control on a baby.

Indeed a fairly significant design flaw if we're being honest. Hopefully the 'Baby 2.0' will fix this issue.

 

[al.currie93]

While slightly different, I was on a SWT service from Epsom to Dorking recently, and after I got on the guard got on the PA and gave an announcement about how it was dangerous and a criminal offence to obstruct the doors deliberately, especially with children. He then went on to say that "This message is directed at the man with the buggy who is currently sitting in the front coach!" I don't know what actually happened, but if it involved obstructing the doors with a buggy the man deserved it and I don't blame the guard for having a go!

I also remember a journey on the Jubilee line in a morning commute, which I made from Waterloo to West Ham, and the driver was effectively having a constant chat to me and a train full of mostly Canary Wharf bankers over the tannoy, including at one point saying "The train is now moving, which should be rather obvious really, as, of course, we are moving!' It seemed to annoy most of the train, but I just thought "Good for him!"

 

[cf111]

The dreaded East Coast announcement often heard in Inverness and Aberdeen......

"Unfortunately due to problems with the refrigeration system there will not be any hot breakfasts available this morning......" :cry:

Always a disappointment but I have taken a liking to the porridge. Perhaps some kind of Stockholm Syndrome.

 

[dcsprior]

People speaking to me as though the child should have an off switch, and that a cry was all my fault, found me an awful lot less co-operative. Funny that

They probably didn't think the child should have an off switch, rather they thought you shouldn't have booked the quiet coach - because they wrongly thought (like I did) that you could specify non-quiet.