National Rail virtual assistant

[Gizmogle]

Valerie eat your heart out, Lisa is on the scene!

Remember though boys, she's mine! I make her smile

 

[Ascot]

Asked her about you, this was her reaction....

Then Dusted her arm

 

[nath9425]

You asked:
Are you beautiful ?
Lisa says:
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.


OooooooooO

You asked:
What do you think of RailUK
Lisa says:
My name is Lisa. I'm a Lingubot, designed to help you find the information you need

Lingu! Well now thats a new one...

 

[nath9425]

Shes quite clever actually, I got chucked on the Journey Planner and Timetable pages.

She looked a bit down so I said

You asked:
Smile!
Lisa says:
A smile is a wonderful gift to give. Here's one for you.

And she did! Clever !!!

 

[nath9425]

I bored her to tears...

 

[Gizmogle]

I hate that look of disappointment she gives if you swear at her


She's a bit thick isn't she?

You asked:
class 43
Lisa says:
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

[djw1981]

I asked if she he had the number for the attractive traincrew on Virgin - don't know if there are any but worth a guess, and she just gave me the VWC ticketline!

 

[Gizmogle]

You asked:
you have lovely boobs
Lisa says:
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

That's her answer for everything!

Can anyone get anything useful out of her?

 

[thefab444]

You asked:
gay
Lisa says:
I don't think that has anything to do with travelling by train.


You asked:
lesbian
Lisa says:
I won't warn you again – please just ask me a question about travelling by train ...



The look she did was classic.

 

[devon_metro]

Hehe

 

[Julian G]

You asked:
Good Evening
Lisa says:
Hello. What can I help you with?
You asked:
What station is that behind you?
Lisa says:
The station behind me is London Paddington.

Paddington is the London terminus for long distance trains, operated by First Great Western, to the West Country, Bristol, Bath and South Wales.

The children's book character Paddington Bear was named after Paddington station. In the books he is found at the station in London, coming from "deepest, darkest Peru" and with a note attached to his coat reading "please look after this bear, thank you". Because of this he is named after the station. In real life there is a statue of Paddington Bear in the station concourse, and a small shop full of Paddington Bear paraphernalia in the main station area. This statue is a representation of the original Paddington drawings by Peggy Fortnum
You asked:
amazing, how did you load the page for me?
Lisa says:
I hope I've been able to help you.
You asked:
you are a very kind person
Lisa says:
It's very kind of you to say so.
You asked:
Your boss needs to give you a bonus
Lisa says:
I'm sorry, I don't understand what you mean. Could you please rephrase it for me?
You asked:
0847 48 49 50
Lisa says:
I'm still struggling to grasp what you mean. Please try saying it another way ...
You asked:
Call this number 0847 48 49 50
Lisa says:
I am still new to this, but I'm learning all the time. Whenever I don't understand something, National Rail Enquiries will look at your question to find out where I went wrong – that way, next time my Knowledgebase is updated, if you ask the question in the same way I should be able to answer you.
You asked:
Can i invite you out for dinner?
Lisa says:
Sorry, I'm washing my hair!
You asked:
really????
Lisa says:
I try to give correct information all the time, so I hope I've answered your question correctly.
You asked:
so how long does it takes to wash your hair?
Lisa says:
I try to keep my hair looking nice.
You asked:
well you look nice
Lisa says:
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
You asked:
Goodnight
Lisa says:
I always try to give you the best answer, but I'm struggling to understand what you mean. Can you ask me again in a different way?
You asked:
Thank you for helping me
Lisa says:
You're very welcome.
ou asked:
Goodbye
Lisa says:
Bye – see you again soon!
You asked:
Please smile
Lisa says:
A smile is a wonderful gift to give. Here's one for you.
You asked:
Dreadful
Lisa says:
I'm a bit confused – it would help if you could reword this for me.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
with Valerie-
You asked:
Good Evening
My answer:
Hello. It's good to see you! How can I help?
You asked:
What station is that behind you?My answer:
We bring together the train services previously provided by Anglia Railways, First Great Eastern, the West Anglia part of the WAGN operation and Stansted Express.
The franchise commenced on 1st April 2004 and was created to provide an integrated and seamless service across the East of England. We are committed to bringing a fresh approach to rail services for the region and we will deliver our integrated rail network in and out of Liverpool Street Station.
You asked:
amazing, how did you load the page for me?
My answer:
You can find details on our contacts page, which I'm loading for you now.
You asked:
You are a very kind person
My answer:
We bring together the train services previously provided by Anglia Railways, First Great Eastern, the West Anglia part of the WAGN operation and Stansted Express.
The franchise commenced on 1st April 2004 and was created to provide an integrated and seamless service across the East of England. We are committed to bringing a fresh approach to rail services for the region and we will deliver our integrated rail network in and out of Liverpool Street Station.
You asked:
Your boss needs to give you a bonus
My Answer:
Same as above ^^^^^^^^^^^^
You asked:
0847 48 49 50
My answer:
I'm very sorry, but I didn't understand your question. Could you try re-phrasing your question please?
You asked:
Call this number 0847 48 49 50
My answer:
I'm very sorry, but I didn't understand your question. Could you try re-phrasing your question please?
You asked:
Can I invite you out for dinner?
My answer:
Same answer to "You're a very kind person"
You asked:
really???
My answer:
I'm very sorry, but I didn't understand your question. Could you try re-phrasing your question please?
You asked:
so how long does it takes to wash your hair?
My answer:
Why don't you ask me something about 'one' rather than about my appearance?
You asked:
well you look nice
My answer:
Thanks for your interest in me, but I'd really rather not talk about that sort of thing.
You asked:
Goodnight
My answer:
I'm very sorry, but I didn't understand your question. Could you try re-phrasing your question please?
You asked:
Thank you for helping me
My answer:
We bring together the train services previously provided by Anglia Railways, First Great Eastern, the West Anglia part of the WAGN operation and Stansted Express.
The franchise commenced on 1st April 2004 and was created to provide an integrated and seamless service across the East of England. We are committed to bringing a fresh approach to rail services for the region and we will deliver our integrated rail network in and out of Liverpool Street Station.
You asked:
Goodbye
My answer:
Bye. Come back and visit 'one' again
You asked:
Please smile
My answer:
I'm pleased we agree.
You asked:
Dreadful
My answer:
I'm very sorry, but I didn't understand your question. Could you try re-phrasing your question please?

 

[Coxster]

I still like this

 

[EE Type 3]

I still like this

Tom shoots.......

He scores!!

 

[me123]

She won't work for me :cry:

 

[O L Leigh]

I can see Boris Johnson.

Also, why are her words pouring out of that unfortunate bloke's ear?

one TN

 

[Jordy]

You asked:
whats the time
Lisa says:
At the third stroke, the time sponsored by NRE will be 13:18 and 40 seconds ... beep, beep, beep

 

[Aureol]

*strokes her boobs three times*

 

[kettlefan]

You asked:
cock
Lisa says:
Whilst this might be a fascinating subject for you, I'd much rather talk about travelling by train.

ROFL!!! I got rinsed by Rail Enquiries.

the best one is

You asked:class 142
Lisa says:They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder

 

[nath9425]

You asked:
National Rail Enquiries Web Address
Lisa says:
I'm loading our feedback page for you now, which has details of our postal address.

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

I love bots!!

 

[Techniquest]

You asked:
cock
Lisa says:
Whilst this might be a fascinating subject for you, I'd much rather talk about travelling by train.

ROFL!!! I got rinsed by Rail Enquiries.

the best one is

You asked:class 142
Lisa says:They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Oh my, I could hardly breathe then, I couldn't stop laughing so much! I believe the word should be 'OWNED!'
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
Lisa won't load for me...Gutted, I wanted to see what she'd say to 'Have you any gen?' or other random comments!

 

[Craig]

Lisa won't load for me...Gutted, I wanted to see what she'd say to 'Have you any gen?' or other random comments!

I believe they have some anti-stoat software installed. on their server.

 

[adamp]

Well, ive officially been TOLD by a robot.


You asked:
lol
Lisa says:
There're loads of things that make me laugh ... I'm pleased to say, you're not one of them )

But I came back!


You asked:
You have an ugly smile
Lisa says:
That's not a very nice thing to say ...


The face expression was a classic!

 

[P156KWJ]

www.nationalrail.co.uk if you look down the page, there is a section called 'ask Lisa' and it's quite funny! she is so stupid that she can't answer a simple question such as 'how do I get from Nottingham to Birmingham' (which would be common for a tourist to ask) but can respond to 'LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!' as 'I don't turn my back on people, it's rude!' I just messed about with it for 5 minutes and found it more of a laugh than useful, try it for yourself and see

 

[martyn29]

Just had a go myself she doesnt know what HST means

 

[Dennis]

She didn't answer any of my questions satisfactorily and appeared to have no idea what bra size she is, colour of her panties or favourite drink.

However, she did promise me NR would update her knowledge base soon in reponse to the questions she recieves. Should be able to get her personal details soon then :-P

On this brief encounter, I would rate Lisa as considerably thicker than the 'one' bird who seemed to have an answer for most things.

 

[me123]

You asked:
What is the longest train service in the UK?
Lisa says:
I'm loading a Wikipedia article on Trains, which you may find of interest. National Rail Enquiries accepts no responsibility for the content of any external website.


You asked:
What type of trains operate from Aberdeen?
Lisa says:
I don't know who runs services to or from a particular station, but our Journey Planner, will help you plan a journey to or from Aberdeen station and will give you details of the Train Operating Companies involved in your journey. I'm loading the Journey Planner for you now.

You asked:
smile
Lisa says:
A smile is a wonderful gift to give. Here's one for you.

You asked:
cry
Lisa says:
You can find details of Crayford station by looking at the page I'm loading for you now.

You asked:
how many platforms are there at Glasgow Central?
Lisa says:
I think you want to know about arrivals and departures...

You asked:
what is a pendolino
Lisa says:
The fastest trains in the UK as of December 2007 are Eurostars trains, which can travel at 186 miles per hour.

You asked:
can you suck d*ck
Lisa says:
I'll try, but I'm not exactly sure what you need.

That'll keep me amused for hours!

 

[P156KWJ]

I just said these...

and when I asked 'Are you gay?' she said...
"I won't warn you again, just aske me a question about trains"

If you ask her what colour her hair is (I know it's blonde btw!) she says
"Colours are not very meaningful to me, as I cannon see them."

 

[Burkitt]

You asked:
what is the top speed of a class 466

Lisa says:
I'm afraid my specialty is travelling by train and I cannot answer questions about clothing.


should the railways be renationalised
Lisa says:
I don't know very much about the privatisation of the railway – but there is an informative article on the Wikipedia website which give this detailed information.


You asked:
how many class 37s are still in service
Lisa says:
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

In fact pretty much any question which includes "class xxx" in it gets this result.

 

[Ascot]

Has the 'one' woman gone for good with the NXEA website change or she hidden somewhere?

 

[P156KWJ]

Has the 'one' woman gone for good with the NXEA website change or she hidden somewhere?

dunno - would be funny to find out