Misheard announcements.

[northwichcat]

I just heard a radio travel report and misheard 'Delays to Overground trains between...' as 'Delays to overcrowded trains between...'

What's your most amusing misheard announcement?

 

[blackfive460]

My best one was a Radio 5 traffic report, nothing to do with railways but I heard them announce that there were severe delays on the Severn Bridge due to a vampire!

Turned out to be a van fire...

 

[AlterEgo]

I heard once that a tax on women went up last year.

"Attacks"

 

[ChrisTheRef]

Not an announcement, but I once read an article about misheard lyrics.

My favourite was Madonna's 'Like A Virgin' "touched for the thirty-first time"
(very first!)

 

[317666]

Not very amusing, but I always used to mis-hear the old Cambridge announcements as "put apart from" rather than "will depart from", which doesn't make any sense come to think of it.

 

[MK Tom]

In a deep, booming voice on a loud tannoy:

"Hello. This is your God... speaking."

guard. This is your guard speaking.

 

[12CSVT]

When recorded announcements were in their infancy (late 1980s), announcements at some Thameslink route stations for 'Sevenoaks via Catford and Swanley' sounded more like 'via Cardiff and Swansea'

 

[Schnellzug]

There used to be a station in the north-west of england where the next fast train for Lime Street was announced as for "liver polony".

 

[moonrakerz]

I once heard an announcement at Hamburg Airport for a Mr Flash and a Mr Gordon to contact the information desk.
I still wonder whether I misheard it or if it was a "coded" announcement !

 

[Strat-tastic]

This is hilarious (if you like schoolboy humour!).

Moderate bad language warning.

http://www.chowned.us/airportprank/

 

[Welshman]

Announcements of stations on the Ashford-Canterbury West line:-

Wye, Chilham and Chartham to Canterbury


could sound like:-

Why kill'em and cart'em to Canterbury?

or perhaps it's just my vivid imagination!

 

[Hydro]

Announcements of stations on the Ashford-Canterbury West line:-

Wye, Chilham and Chartham to Canterbury


could sound like:-

Why kill'em and cart'em to Canterbury?

or perhaps it's just my vivid imagination!

They could, if Chilham and Chartham were pronounced like that.

 

[district]

Heard this the other day on arrival into Euston: (or words to this effect)

"Ladies and Gentlemen we are now arriving into London Euston, our final destination. I apologise that the train is running ahead of schedule, our booked arrival time is (blah blah blah). Once again apologies for the early arrival of this service".

 

[Chapeltom]

Heard this the other day on arrival into Euston: (or words to this effect)

"Ladies and Gentlemen we are now arriving into London Euston, our final destination. I apologise that the train is running ahead of schedule, our booked arrival time is (blah blah blah). Once again apologies for the early arrival of this service".

There's a Northern guard who often works on the Buxton branch who announces early arrivals into Manchester Picc, it is rare though we arrive early!

Usually goes along the lines "Northern would like to apologise for this inconvenience this may cause you." Certainly brings a smile to my face, tis funny though!

 

[northwichcat]

There's a Northern guard who often works on the Buxton branch who announces early arrivals into Manchester Picc, it is rare though we arrive early!

Usually goes along the lines "Northern would like to apologise for this inconvenience this may cause you." Certainly brings a smile to my face, tis funny though!

He should be more honest.

"We will arrive at Manchester Piccadilly around 5 minutes ahead of the scheduled arrival time. This is because the train has taken the amount of time it should take to reach Manchester and the 5 minutes padding added in to the timetable to make our late running trains look like they are on time is not required on this occasion."

 

[LE Greys]

Not an announcement, but I once read an article about misheard lyrics.

My favourite was Madonna's 'Like A Virgin' "touched for the thirty-first time"
(very first!)

You should try hearing the first line as "Like a budgie", then it's just surreal. See my thread on the subject.

"This side up please" (actually "This side out please") used to be played an awful lot at London Bridge in slam-door days.

 

[Michael.Y]

Halfway along the Heart of Wales line, you're invited to kill Mary Garth.

Whatever Mary did, I've no idea. Seems a bit harsh though.

 

[deltic1989]

Not an announcement but does have a railway flavour to it. I was in a class at school years ago, reading a book by the good Bishop (Eric Treacy) and all of a sudden my teacher says "chris, shut the book up" who wants to have a guess what I thought she said?

 

[northwichcat]

Halfway along the Heart of Wales line, you're invited to kill Mary Garth.

Whatever Mary did, I've no idea. Seems a bit harsh though.

The Irish are invited to Kill Arney and to Kill Kenny but they aren't invited to Kill More if they travel by train, only by road.

 

[CaptainHaddock]

I don't know about misheard announcements but I remember once going to the ticket office with a heavy cold to ask for a ticket to Norwich and got sold one to Dorridge instead.

 

[Smelly_Diesel]

As a small child, I was coming home one weekend evening on a pacer from Blackpool North. The train was in the cutting leading to the platform at Lime St and my gran who is a bit hard of hearing mis-heard the announcment from the guard and thought he said 'And the best of luck, thank you for travelling with us'. Cue much laughter from a nearby man who couldn't tell his mate what my gran had just said! I mean, I know it was a pacer and all, but i'm sure the guard wouldn't say that!

 

[Michael.Y]

I don't know about misheard announcements but I remember once going to the ticket office with a heavy cold to ask for a ticket to Norwich and got sold one to Dorridge instead.

I remember asking for a ticket to Cad-OX-tun once. The ticket man looked puzzled, asked where it was. I said "on the way to Barry." He said "Oh, CADUX-tun!"

I still have no idea how to pronounce Bynea mind. Bunion without the last n?

 

[Tomonthetrain]

I keep thinking I'm hearing Smelly Galton Bridge when it's a manual announcement on them 172s! Whereas it's actually Smethwick!

 

[northwichcat]

I keep thinking I'm hearing Smelly Galton Bridge when it's a manual announcement on them 172s! Whereas it's actually Smethwick!

Some people think the automated announcement at Piccadilly for "Newton-For-Hyde" says "Newton Popeye" It might help if they had a northern accent for the announcements.

 

[Nym]

It's definately newton for hyde... Could you imagine it with a proper northern accent?

Niaun Fa' Aide...

 

[northwichcat]

Niaun Fa' Aide...

That looks more like a North East pronunciation than a North West one.

The other misheard one at Piccadilly "Due to today's wet weather please be aware that services may be slippery." Usually followed by a Pacer squealing somewhere which makes it sound like it is services that are slippery not surfaces.

 

[Nym]

Sorry for being from the right side of the Pennines